Falling out of Love

Two years ago, I began a relationship with her. I fell in love with her ebony hair, violet eyes, her Ice Queen personality and her warm heart.

But…. Stuff happens

LIFE happens.

And, I fell out of love with her.

It wasn't her fault; it was DEFINITELY not her fault. She did everything she had to; she was the best girlfriend I could ask for. In fact, she even stopped blackmailing me and her cold façade melted.

I attempted to fall back in love with her, to rekindle my feelings. I did everything possible I could, to romantic dates and even willing myself into.

Because this relationship was the best thing that happened to me,

And more importantly it's what kept her head above the water throughout her mother's death, the war, Mikan's solitary confinement, everything.

We have now been going out for four years, two of those glorious years we did Academy free.

So, where exactly is this going you ask?

Well, it's just as I'm standing here next to Natsume in our black suits adorned with white rose button holes, looking towards the end of the aisle. I give Natsume a nudge and a nervous smile, and he gives me a brief nod. The organ music starts and the bridesmaids come forth, first Sumire, then Anna, Nonoko and finally Hotaru appears in all her beauty. All four bridesmaids looked gorgeous in their soft orange dresses.

It's not what you are thinking; I wasn't going to MARRY a girl I no longer had feelings for.

That is just wrong on all levels.

But… I think she is beginning to want marriage, I have to break up with her.

Soon.

So, who's wedding was it you ask?

Mikan and Natsume finally tied the knot.

It was magical, Hotaru as her maid of honour and I as his best man.

- x -

The reception

I lead Hotaru to the dance floor, pretending it's all okay. She laughs and leans in for a kiss, and I obey giving her a peck on the lips to which she blushes furiously at. And all the while I think to myself, Why?

Why did I stop loving her?

Why can I not break up with her?

Why do I make her happy?

Why am I going to hurt her?

Why does she want me?

Why have I found someone else?

The last questions lingers the longest in my head.

I didn't mean to cheat on her.

It just happened?

It's not like Hotaru will ever meet this girl. Her name is Miharu and she is also studying to be a vet like me. She isn't an Alice, but she's perfect.

I don't think I love her.

I just love being with her. She gives me something Hotaru just can't.

I should love Hotaru.

I MUST love Hotaru.

I wonder how many times I must say this til it actually its true.

-x-

The next week

I need to talk to Natsume.

But… he's on his honeymoon.

We have a date today. Not with Hotaru, but with Miharu.

It is incredibly wrong. What I'm doing. But I've found myself in this rut and I cannot get out of it.

I have been through so much with Hotaru, how can I end it?

Miharu and I drive to the beach, far away from Hotaru. We sit on the edge of the pier and eat fish and chips.

We kiss and it's like fireworks. We hold hands and I'm happy. When I am with her I'm at peace.

But… all throughout it, I think of Hotaru. I cannot love Miharu when I still am with Hotaru.

I have to talk to Natsume when he comes back next week.

-x-

Natsume's back. We meet up at a café on the outskirts of town.

He's surprising chatty today, happiness radiates from him.

"So.. when are you going to follow in my footsteps and ask Hotaru, Ruka?" he asks.

I freeze, suddenly my coffee is the most interesting thing in the world.

"Ruka? I was joking. If you're not ready…." He murmurs taking a sip of coffee.

"I'm going to break up with her."

His hand slips and the normally agile Natsume drops half his coffee on the table, earning him a death stare from the waiter. "Sorry man. Can I have some serviettes please?'

His attention is on me again, "Why?"

His eyes are cold, face expressionless and I know he is thinking about what Mikan is going to say.

"I just don't feel it anymore."

He is obviously not amused.

"Since when?"

"A while. I just can't help it Nat. I've started seeing someone else." The last sentence is said quietly, and I look at Natsume hoping that he missed it.

He slaps me.

My eyes water, it's a cold hard slap. Everyone in the café is looking at us.

"You son of a bitch! Do you have no morals?" His voice is icy, I've never heard him this mad.

"You break up with her NOW. Or I will tell Mikan and there is no telling what she or I will do?"

I put down a $5 dollar note and I walk out of the coffee.

Head hanging in shame and my face tattooed with a perfect handprint.

-x-

Hotaru's apartment

I walk up to her door, and knock furiously.

"Hotaru! Hotaru! Open up! It's me!"

She opens the door, not impressed. "Ruka Nogi. If there is not a good reason for this I will blast your head off with my Baka…. What on earth happened to your face?"

I walk into her lounge room and sit on the cream coloured leather couch, staring at her back while she frantically searches for ice.

"Hotaru. Forget it. You sit down and honestly I don't blame you if you want to knock my head off with your baka gun."

"What have you done Ruka?" She asks still attempting to figure out who's hand has been imprinted on my face.

"I… I just think we should call it quits."

She's silent, still processing the information.

"What? Like break up?"

I nod.

"Why?" she asks meekly and I squirm in my seat trying to think of a way to word this.

"I just… I just don't feel it anymore."

She abruptly rises, "Get out! GET OUT!" she shouts, her eyes watering and the ice walls are once again being raised around her. She shoves me out of the apartment and closes the door on me.

I hear the click on the lock of the door and I realise I will never be allowed in that apartment or her heart again.

"Hotaru…? Hotaru? I'm sorry. It's not you it's me." I mumble feebly, feeling idiotic as I talk to the door.

"Very nice line Nogi. Not cliché at all, but I didn't expect better from you."

"But you don't understand Hotaru. I loved you, I really truly did."

"That Nogi is the problem. You LoveD me, past tense. I love you." I knew she was crying from her last sentence, she voice wavered and it was sad so softly I don't think I was meant to hear it.

I walk away from the apartment towards my car and phone Natsume, I simply say the sentence "I did it" and hang up.

-x-

Airport

Today. I am leaving Tokyo, Japan for Paris where I shall complete my degree.

Maybe I'll return to Japan.

But I know after what I've done

I cannot return into the life of Hotaru Imai.

I don't think I can look into the eyes of Natsume Hyuuga or Mikan Hyuuga for a long long time.

I don't know if I can face Miharu either.

So guys. What do you think?

I do not own GA, or its characters. I love Ruka X Hotaru as a couple. I do, but... I thought it would be interesting if it was Hotaru that was more in love with Ruka because that's is not very common in a lot of stories.

I apologise if you do not like this writing style, it is a bit different to my other stories. Not as much description and LOTS of dialogue. Sorry for any errors, I just typed it up very quickly during holiday procrastination.

PLEASE REVIEW.

Possible sequel?

Isabelle