"What's your deal, Lewis?" Raphael's voice was purely exasperated. He was currently looking at Simon as though he had three heads, and all Simon had said was that he wouldn't turn away from the Shadowhunters. Raphael had been helping Simon deal with his transformation into a vampire and had been relentlessly trying to get Simon to join the clan since day one.
"What do you mean, Santiago? You know-" Simon was a bit startled as Raphael cut him off.
"No, absolutely not. Do not call me that. My name is Raphael and that is it." Simon knew his eyebrows were furrowed, he knew the question on his face was obvious, but he stayed silent on that matter, returning to the conversation at hand.
"You know that I'm not going to turn my back on the Shadowhunters, no matter how hard you try to get me to do so. In other words, stop asking me to, Raphael."
Raphael shook his head, clearly not going to stop asking. "Is it about your dear Clary? Or is this deeper than that? Is it about Isabelle, perhaps?"
It was obvious that Raphael hadn't actually meant what he was saying, that he had just been trying to annoy Simon, but he looked over in surprise when Simon remained silent. "Oh for the love of-" Raphael rolled his eyes and crossed his arms, a reaction that Simon was becoming far too familiar with.
Finally, Simon mustered the courage to be slightly truthful with Raphael. "It's just that. I don't know, I think I might- I might lo-," Raphael held up a hand, indicating that Simon needed to stop speaking.
"Do not, under any circumstance tell me that you love her." Raphael's face had grown tight and cold, even colder than usual, and Simon was startled how quickly the change had occurred. Raphael was clearly full of emotion, but Simon couldn't pinpoint exactly what it was that he was seeing.
Simon didn't stop to think before he answered. "What on Earth do you mean? What's wrong with me thinking that I may love her?"
Raphael chuckled, but it was not a laugh full of joy, it was cold and full of an anger Simon had never heard from Raphael before. "What would you now about love, Daylighter?" was all that he responded with.
Considering this only momentarily, Simon quickly responded, "Me? What would you know about love? You walk around as though you hate the world, as though you've never cared for anyone, as though you can't stand the sight of other people."
For a moment, it seemed as though Raphael might hit him, and Simon finally considered how his comment may have actually sounded. Instead, Raphael simply smiled and answered in a voice that was far too calm. "I know more about love than you may ever learn yourself. You may think that I don't care about people, but if you want to know the truth about that, just ask Magnus."
It seemed as though the conversation was going to end at that, as though Raphael was going to walk away and refuse to speak anymore. Then, Raphael began to speak again. "Love is pushing yourself past breaking point for people you care about. Love is teaching someone to love themselves again, even when that's the last thing they wish to do. Love is watching someone you are hopelessly, desperately in love with live their life with someone else because you don't have the heart to interfere. You know nothing about love, Lewis. Don't try to convince me otherwise."
Simon was spared the pain of having to respond when Raphael's phone began to ring. His face changed slightly as he looked down at whatever name had appeared, and he quickly beckoned for Simon to leave. Simon very quickly did just that, knowing that he had pushed Raphael a bit too far.
"You wanted to talk to me?" Magnus was sprawled across the couch, arms wide open, his curiosity clear. Simon nodded, not quite sure where to begin, knowing that getting much information at all would require a lot of effort.
"I wanted to talk to you about Raphael. He said a few things that I don't quite understand, and he mentioned that you might know more about them." Simon quickly explained the conversation that he and Raphael had had the night before. Magnus listened without saying a word, and Simon had a hard time reading his expressions.
When Simon had finished, he almost thought that Magnus was going to change the topic and avoid the conversation altogether. He was surprised when Magnus sighed and reluctantly began speaking. "Raphael is desperately in love, Simon. He just hasn't done anything about it because, like he said, he's cared too much to get in the way."
Simon cocked his head to one side; he couldn't imagine Raphael being in love with anyone other than himself. Before he could say anything, however, Magnus continued speaking. "Raphael has been in love with Ragnor Fell since the day they met."
This time, Simon finally asked the question that immediately popped into his head. "Did he ever tell Ragnor this?"
Magnus smiled lazily and shook his head. "No, Simon, and I doubt he ever will. When they met, Ragnor was engaged to the love of his life. Although she was mortal, Ragnor has been so lost without her that Raphael hasn't had the heart to even begin to tell Ragnor how he feels."
For a moment, Simon was speechless. He had never thought of Raphael as someone who was even capable of caring for someone else. "Why do you ask?" said Magnus, catching Simon a bit off guard with the question.
"I don't know, he just got so defensive and angry over the topic. He just surprised me, that's all."
Magnus's next reply also surprised Simon. "When Raphael feels something, he really, truly feels it. If he tells you something about love, Simon, listen to him. He knows what he's talking about, he truly does."
As Simon moved to leave, Magnus said one last thing. "And Simon, most of all, don't forget that he's right when he says that doing the right thing for love sucks."
Simon turned back to Magnus with a heavy heart. "Trust me, Magnus, that's something I already know."