A/N: This idea came from a picture of a similar situation between Sirius and Remus. I originally drew this as a short comic strip but alas, I have no scanner. And cannot draw. (Cherrle can't draw, Cherrle can't draw, Cherrle cannot dra-aw...)

Set in the 'Advance Guard' part of Order of the Phoenix, I don't own Harry Potter. For the purpose of now, let's pretend that Remus didn't introduce Tonks and she introduces herself.

Harry shuffled his foot at the pieces of broken plate lying on the ground; he'd heard it break when the Guard had first entered his house. The Guard, who were now wandering around the Dursley's kitchen as if it were their own. Typical.

"Yeah, sorry about that" A voice sounded behind him and he turned to see the spiky-haired witch from earlier walking towards him. "I'm a right clumsy one, me. Always breaking things... Let's start again, shall we? Wotcher, Harry, I'm Tonks. Yes, Tonks- nothing else, no matter what anyone- and by anyone I mean Remus and Mad-Eye- tell you."

She smiled and stuck out her hand.

"Uh, Harry" Harry felt slightly overwhelmed by Tonks' friendliness.

"Oh, I know who you are. How can I not? By the way..." She frowned and leaned slightly closer. "Very clean these muggles. It's a little... Unnatural. I mean, no offense. My Dad was a muggle and he's a right slob..."

Harry had just been about to answer when she had caught sight of her reflection in the kettle and reached up to tug at one of her purple locks. Tonks frowned.

"Can I ask you something?"

"Uh... Okay, shoot" Harry prepared himself for the onslaught of questions about the 'Boy who Lived'- it was to be expected, but he couldn't help but find it a little tedious. To his surprise though, her question had nothing to do with his story. In fact, it had nothing to do with him at all.

"Do you think this purple makes me look peaky?" She asked, frowning and turning her head to get a better look at herself on the shiny surface.

"Um..."

"Yeah, it does." she decided with a definite nod before closing her eyes and scrunching up her nose. Before he could even ask what this odd woman was doing, her hair had changed from the purple it had been before to a bright bubble-gum pink.

"There, that's better!"

Harry's eyes widened. How did she do that? He wanted to learn.

"Wow... How- how did you do that?"

"I'm a metamorphmagus!" She replied with a grin. "It means I can change my appearance whenever I want, to whatever I want"'

Animagi, werewolves, goblins, half-giants... They were all kinda cool but this... This was unbelievably cool. She was telling the truth, right?

"Wow- are you fucking serious?"

Tonks looked at him with a face that seemed half-disgusted and half-curious. Harry frowned- had he said something to offend her?

"No... Sirius is my cousin. I'm fucking Remus."

Harry thought his eyes would pop out of their sockets. So, that was something he could really do without knowing...

"But..." he said in a small voice. "He was... My teacher..."

Bad mental image. Shudder.

Tonks' eyes widened as she realised what Harry had really just said... And what she had just said.

"No! Uh... I mean..." the metamorphmagus then proceeded to turn bright red- hair and cheeks. "...Shit"

She turned on the spot in a fluster, eyes searching the room.

"Hey, Mad-Eye! You and your eye look slightly less crabby and bored than usual! How're you doing tonight?" and with that she turned and ran towards where the older man stood, eye in a glass.

"Everything okay, Harry?" Before Harry could even digest this, he felt a hand on his shoulder and turned to see Lupin looking down at him.

Okay, so that was one man he'd never be able to look in the eye again.

So, of course, instead of being able to say something useful and productive, Harry simply stood on the spot stuttering and flicking his eyes towards Tonks.

"Uh... Uh... You... And... And..."

Lupin frowned before his face became unreadable as he realised what Harry meant. He sighed.

"Well, that's one secret plot point ruined" he placed his face in one hand. "Thank you, Dora, for ruining two books worth of material..."

Feeling slightly mortified and knowing that he would now never be able to look either parties in the eye ever again, Harry realised he would most likely have to put up with seeing both at least once a day for the next few weeks. This was going to be a long summer...

Oh and Ron and Hermione were definitely going to hear about this.

Scrap that, Fred and George were definitely going to hear about this...

A/N: Most of the lines that Tonks said came more or less directly from the Order of the Phoenix book. I just put them all together. (apart from the pat about fucking Remus... That was never in the book)