A/N: Welcome to the new and improved version of this short story. I wrote the original over three years ago and I feel that this is an immense improvement over the old version. This is technically a prequel to All Things End, but it can also, (for the most part), be taken as a standalone story. It was originally just an extra chapter in All Things End: Volume I, but I feel that it is good enough to be published as its own story now. So with that out of the way, enjoy!
Chapter 37: The New Computer
Courage had only been a puppy when Muriel and Eustace got a new computer. It was a little while after he'd been adopted, three months later in fact. He'd only just stopped wearing diapers a few weeks before and he remembered that day as a strange one, even though strangeness often found its way into his family's simple life. They'd been out grocery shopping when the unusual event occurred.
He'd been trundling alongside Muriel when a disheveled man came rushing up to them. The man had been carrying a box in his arms and he had glanced back and forth between Muriel and Eustace with a strange sort of desperation in his eyes. He'd then shoved the box into Muriel's arms without saying a single word.
Courage had watched the entire scene unfold, confused by this unusual encounter. Why was the man so panicky, and why was he giving them a box?
"Oh, my. What's this?" Muriel had asked.
"J-just, just take it!" The man yelped. "I don't want it anymore! P-please, get it away from me! I just want it gone!"
Eustace almost dropped the groceries he had been carrying from the shock of what he was hearing. "Free stuff?" He asked. "Thank you kindly, stranger!" He all but giggled out in delight.
Courage had learned very quickly during his short time on the farm just how cheap Eustace really was, unless it came down to his beloved truck, chair, or TV, of course. Now the old farmer was practically jumping for joy at the prospect of being given something for free. His wide, toothless grin spoke all the words that needed to be said.
"Why are you giving this to us?" Muriel asked the man. "Are you sure we can just have it?"
"Don't question the good man, Muriel!" Eustace scolded her. "We shouldn't question his generosity." The sheer insincerity in his voice made Courage cringe.
"Please, it's all yours!" The man stammered. "It won't let me use it for anything useful and it keeps me up all night too! M-maybe you'll have better luck with it, but I want it out my hair and out of my life! I can't believe how much I paid for it! If I had known that it was going to be this much of a hassle-" He broke his sentence off to give a small shudder, as if recollecting something awful.
Courage blinked at the exchange taking place. Whatever was in that box was keeping the man up at night? What could it possibly be? A thought struck him and he smiled. Maybe it was another dog! Then he'd have somebody to play with! Even if it turned out to be an older dog who wouldn't be as keen on spending time with a younger pup, the thought of having a new dog around still made Courage's heart soar with joy. Muriel and Eustace were nice enough, but ever since his mom and dad had, well, he'd been feeling awfully lonely without them.
Muriel finally accepted the man's gift, and with a nod, he raced off with a relieved smile on his face. He was acting as though a huge weight had been lifted off his shoulders. Eustace, on the other hand, was practically cheering with joy as they took the box and their groceries over to the truck. The box was then loaded up into the back and Eustace climbed in beside it to open it up and see what was inside. Upon doing so, he let out a gasp of surprise and his grin grew even wider.
"What's in there, Eustace?" Muriel asked from below. Courage attempted to climb up into the back of the truck to get a better look for her, but he just wasn't tall enough.
"It's one of those fancy computer thingys!" The old farmer exclaimed. He looked incredibly pleased with his new gift. "All them young people love these things, and I bet it can print money too!"
Courage's ears drooped. So it wasn't a new dog after all! He had no idea what a 'computer' was, but it clearly wasn't a new pet. Besides, if Eustace liked it, he'd never be allowed to go anywhere near it. The farmer never liked Courage touching his things. Just letting him ride along in the truck often turned into a battle between him and Muriel. He was always claiming that he'd get dog fur all over everything, or worse, that he might do, well, something unsanitary on one of the seats.
"A computer?" Muriel asked. "What are those? I don't think I've ever seen one before."
"Don't worry about it, Muriel!" Eustace sang. "Let me deal with this and soon we'll be rich, rich, rich!" He rubbed his hands together gleefully.
The ride home was far from a silent one. Eustace kept humming happily to himself as he drummed his fingers on the steering wheel and every once in awhile he'd let out a whoop of joy before exclaiming, 'rich, rich, rich!', over and over again. As soon as they rolled up to the farm, he jumped out of the truck and left Muriel to deal with the groceries as he went to take the computer inside.
Courage followed after him, curious to find out what this computer thing was and why it had the ability to make Eustace so happy. The old farmer put the box down in the middle of the living room and began pulling out various parts of machinery from within the box. Every part was white, if not a little gray with age, and a bit banged up looking too. Courage had no idea what those different pieces did, but they looked complicated and important.
"Courage, could you come help me with these bags?" Muriel called to him from outside.
Despite wanting to see what would happen with that computer thing, he obeyed and left Eustace to assemble the machine by himself. When he finally returned, with two bags in hand, he found that the computer was now spread out across the floor with Eustace was standing there, scratching his head at all the different pieces of machinery. Apparently he wasn't as knowledgeable about computers as he had assumed.
"Over here, Courage." Muriel spoke, making her way through the maze of machinery parts.
Courage followed after her, trying to avoid the machine too, but he wasn't nearly as coordinated as her and ended up banging his foot against one of the pieces. He cried out in pain and almost dropped the bags he was carrying. When he looked down at the part he had hit, he found his own reflection staring up at him. It looked like a mirror build into a box. Eustace, of course, was upon him in an instant.
"Stupid dog!" He yelled. "I bet you broke it!" He reached down and picked the strange, box-like mirror up. "If you've gone and broken my money maker already..." He threatened.
When it became apparent that the machine hadn't suffered any noticeable damage, the old man turned his attention back onto the other parts, leaving Courage unscathed. He let out a sigh of relief and quickly made his way across the rest of the living room before entering the kitchen where Muriel was waiting for him. He then helped her put the food away while Eustace continued to tinker with the machine in the other room. After they were done with that, they both went back into the living room to see how it was coming along.
"Getting anywhere with it yet? Muriel asked.
Eustace cursed loudly to himself as he tried to connect several wires to that strange mirror box. "Stupid young people and their stupid technology!" He spat. "Can't make nothin' simple anymore!" He then turned to Courage. "Alright, dog. I'm gonna go get that old desk from down in the basement. Don't you dare touch anything while I'm gone or else there's gonna be trouble!"
Courage nodded fearfully in reply and took several steps back to show that he wasn't planning on going anywhere near it.
"Oh, Eustace. He isn't going to hurt the thing!" Muriel argued. "C'mon, Courage. Come sit with me in my chair." She offered.
With his threat delivered and the machine mostly assembled, Eustace left for the basement. Courage couldn't help but find himself staring at the half-assembled computer. He ignored Muriel's offer to join her and got a little bit closer, making sure to heed Eustace's warning as he did so. He allowed himself to get just close enough to sniff the strange piece of machinery. It had a weird scent to it and he could pick up the smell of many different humans on it. It appeared that the nervous man hadn't been the machine's only owner.
Eustace came stomping back into the living room, dragging a wooden desk in behind him. Courage had seen it sitting, unused, in the basement several times before. He was surprised that it wasn't moldy or rotting away.
"Stupid dog! I told you not to touch!" Eustace yelled.
Courage jumped back and gave the farmer an apologetic look, which was promptly ignored. Eustace pushed the desk up against the wall, beside the TV, and then placed the computer onto it. He began fiddling around with the wires again and Courage looked on with interest. The old man was once again muttering 'rich, rich, rich!' as he finished setting everything up.
"Now, I just gotta hook up this printer here and then we'll be set for life!" He gleefully announced.
Grabbing the last few wires, he hooked the printing machine up to the computer. There wasn't enough room on the desk for the printer, so he ended up leaving it on the floor instead. He flicked a switch on the side of the computer and then that strange mirror lit up, displaying a bluish-green glow.
"Muriel! I got it working!" The old man cried out.
"It certainly is fancy looking!" She exclaimed, getting up out of her chair to join him.
Eustace leaned down so that he could be at eye level with the glowing screen. "Alright, let's see what this thing can do!" He muttered, rubbing his hands together before looking down at the keyboard.
Courage couldn't read so he had no idea what the letters on the keyboard meant. Eustace obviously knew what he was doing because he began pressing buttons as fast as his as fingers would allow him. Whatever he typed out on the keyboard also appeared on the screen, but Courage, once again, had no idea what was actually being typed.
"Print...money..." The old man muttered under his breath, giving some clue as to what he was typing.
Courage glanced over at the printer. He was expecting it to light up at any moment and start shooting dollars bills all over the place and Eustace seemed to be expecting the same thing too. He was staring down at the printer, rubbing his hands together expectantly, but nothing happened. The words that had been typed out onto the screen vanished and with it Eustace's smile vanished as well.
"Washuh?" He uttered out, obviously confused by this unexpected outcome. He typed the words in again and they vanished once more.
"Do you think it's broken, Eustace?" Muriel asked, leaning in closer to get a better look.
The farmer scowled. "Stupid piece of junk! Print money, darn you!"
He typed the words in for a third time and they all vanished even faster. He began to shake with anger. His dreams of being wildly rich were being crushed with every silent denial the machine gave him.
Courage blinked up at the computer in confusion. Was it really broken? It seemed to be working, at least as far as he could tell, but why wasn't it printing money like Eustace had asked? He really wanted it to work, if only to avoid the foul mood that it was inevitably going to put Eustace in if it did not.
The old farmer straightened up and angrily kicked a leg of the desk. "This thing is a piece of junk!" He cried out before turning on Courage. "I bet you broke it, you stupid dog!"
"Oh, Eustace." Muriel interjected. "I'm sure you'll get it working if you just tinker with it a little bit more. Come now, let's have supper and then you can work on it later."
Eustace hung his head, utterly dejected. "Yeah, yeah, fine." He muttered under his breath.
The two of them headed for the kitchen and Courage was left standing beneath the machine. He looked up at it, unsure of what to think. It really didn't look broken to him. A cursor continued to flash on the screen, inviting him to type something in. He decided that he'd rather not touch it, lest he face Eustace's wrath. He then went over to the kitchen too, ready to join his owners at the table. Unfortunately for him, that would not be the last time the new computer would enter his thoughts.
Several days went by and it became clear that Eustace had all but forgotten about the machine. If it would not print money for him, it was as good as useless in his eyes. It had been left sitting there in the living room with neither of the old couple giving it so much as a glance. Muriel had even less of a reason to give it any attention since she herself knew nothing about technology, and Courage was so afraid of getting scolded by Eustace that he tried to ignore it as well. The keyword being 'tried', of course. It did not take him long to figure out that there was something unusual about that computer. Whenever he entered the living room he'd now get an overwhelming sensation that someone was watching him. It would make his fur stand on edge and he could no longer take naps in there without feeling incredibly paranoid. There was no doubt in his mind that the sensation was caused by that computer.
He now spent most of his time sitting in Muriel's chair, keeping a close eye on the machine. He kept expecting something bad to happen, but it never did. The longer he stared into that bluish-green screen, the more convinced he became that there was a pair of eyes watching him. Perhaps it was a doggy sixth sense thing, but the machine gave off an eerie vibe. Was that why the man had gotten rid of it? Because every time you were around it, it felt like there were eyes following your every move?
Soon an entire week passed since they had gotten the new computer. Nobody had gone near it since, but Courage had made it his constant duty to keep watch over it just in case something bad might happen. The feeling that he was being watched only seemed to grow worse with each passing day. Without warning, shortly after breakfast one morning, Eustace slammed his newspaper down onto the floor. Both Courage and Muriel jumped from his sudden outburst.
"Eustace!" Muriel cried out. "Have you lost your marbles, man?"
"We're moving that darn computer upstairs!" He replied, displaying a surprising amount of anger. Courage even caught a hint of nervousness in his voice as well. This perhaps confirmed that he wasn't the only one who was getting strange vibes from that creepy computer.
"But, why?" Muriel asked. "You haven't used that thing since the day you got it!"
"Bah!" The old farmer huffed. "That stupid piece of junk is taking up too much room down here! We're moving it up into the attic and that's that!"
Muriel did not argue with him further and Courage was just happy to have that thing moved as far away from him as possible. By the end of the day, Eustace had the machine set up in the attic. If Muriel had not gone and scolded him for taking such bad care of a gift that he had been so graciously given, he probably wouldn't have even taken the time to put it all back together again once it was up there.
Even with that creepy computer gone, Courage still couldn't shake the feeling that he should be keeping an eye on it. It felt as though the thing would suddenly get up and do something horrible if it was left alone for too long. Only a day after it had been moved upstairs, Courage decided that he'd better go check on it, just to be safe. He'd always hated going up into the attic. It was dark, musty, and even a bit creepy. The dust always made him sneeze and there was a puzzling, unfamiliar smell coming from all the various boxes. Eustace often tossed him up there at night whenever he woke up, screaming, from a bad dream.
He slowly pushing the attic door open and stepped inside. The computer was set up on the same desk, sitting at the other end of the attic, right beside the only window in the room. It was still on and the light from its screen was illuminating the dim room, tinging it a light blue color. Courage moved forward, slowly, as though any sudden movements would cause the machine to spring to life like one of those creepy robots he'd seen on TV.
He grabbed a bucket that had been left to collect water leaking from roof, though Eustace had fixed that problem quite a while ago. He figured that he'd need the bucket to sit on or else he wouldn't even be eye level with the keyboard.
Taking a deep breath, he climbed up into the chair and placed the bucket upside down onto it. He then sat down himself and looked up at that brightly glowing screen. The cursor blinked on and off, just like before. He glared at it, suddenly feeling even more hostile towards the machine than ever before. He was now utterly certain that there was a pair of eyes looking at him from deep within that bluish-green glow. It was exceedingly unnerving, like he were having a staring contest with someone that he could not actually see. All alone, in that lowly lit room, with nothing but the soft hum coming from that machine, he was surprised that he hadn't run out of the room in fear yet. For whatever reason, he felt as though he needed to overcome his fear and protect Muriel from this unknown threat.
He looked down at the keyboard and stared at all its strange symbols. He still had no idea what computers were used for and all he really knew was that this one had let Eustace down. Figuring that it would do no harm, he pressed one of the keys and watched as a letter appeared on the screen. Was that it? What was so special about computers if all you did was type letters into them? He pressed another key and then another letter appeared. Actually, this was kind of amusing. He pressed several more keys and eagerly watched as they all appeared on command. Giggling, he ran his paw across the keyboard and a stream of letters followed. This was pretty fun! He continued to mash the keyboard, laughing as the screen filled up with letters.
Then, all of a sudden, the letters disappeared. He stopped laughing and stared up at the screen in confusion. He hadn't broken it, had he? Fearful that it really was broken and equally fearful that Eustace would find out, he pressed a few more keys in hopes of fixing whatever he had done, but nothing happened. Desperate, he pounded on the keyboard over and over again, trying to make the letters reappear, but it was no use. Suddenly, new letters began to scroll across the screen and this time it was accompanied by a voice.
"Knock it off, you idiot!"
Poor Courage nearly jumped so high that he almost went flying through the ceiling. Glancing around in terror, he expected to find someone standing behind him, but there was nobody there. Who'd said that then? It couldn't be the computer, could it? His eyes slowly fell back onto the machine and all he could do was stare at it, too frightened to move. Those letters were still displayed on its screen, though he could not read them even if he wanted to.
"What's your problem?" The irate voice asked. New letters trailed across the screen as it did so.
Courage jumped yet again and this time he tried to flee. Unfortunately, he was in such a rush that the bucket he was sitting on slipped out from under him as he was standing up and he then toppled to the floor, head first.
"Well, that was an incredibly stupid thing to do." He heard the voice say from up above. It really 'did' seem to be coming from that computer.
All but panicking at this point, only one conclusion came to Courage's mind. That man must have gotten rid of the computer because it was haunted! That had to be the reason why it always felt like you were being watched when around it!
"GHOOOOSSSTTT!" He shrieked, tearing out of the room as fast as his paws would take him. All he wanted was to put as much distance between him and that ghost as possible. Who knew what it might try to do to him!
Halfway down the hallway, he ran right into Eustace.
"Ubububububub!" He stammered, pointing desperately at the attic door.
The old man scowled down at him. "Stupid dog!"
"ARRRUUUU!" He howled, pulling at Eustace's leg.
The farmer finally glanced over at the open door before placing his hands onto his hips. "Dumb dog! I bet you left that darn piece of junk on, didn't you?"
Courage continued to babble insistently, but no matter how hard he tried, he just couldn't find a way to convey to Eustace that there was a ghost haunting the attic.
"You'd better go shut it off!" The farmer grumpily snapped, ignoring the pup's babbling. "I don't need that useless thing eating up all of our electricity too!"
"ARRRRUUUU!" Courage cried out for a second time, hopelessly frustrated by his inability to communicate.
"Get moving!" Eustace yelled, giving him a quick and sound kick.
He stumbled backwards and stammered, "But, but, but-"
Having had enough of being bothered, Eustace reached behind his back and pulled out that awful mask he'd been using to scare Courage for weeks now.
"OOOGA BOOGA BOOGA!"
Courage, despite knowing what was coming, was still startled by the hideous, green mask and let out a terrified scream. He bolted back into the attic, momentarily more fearful of Eustace than he was of the ghost. He sat there beside the door, panting for several seconds before it fully hit him that he 'was' still in a room with a ghost.
"RAAAGGGGG!" He screamed, crashing back out into the hallway. Apparently he wasstill more afraid of the ghost than he was of Eustace after all.
"Stupid dog!" The old farmer yelled from down the hall. "Go turn that darn piece of junk off like I said!"
Trapped between his fear of the ghost and his fear of Eustace, he crawled back into the attic. He trembled in terror as he gazed once more upon the haunted computer. He still had the entire attic to cross before he could shut it off, and that was more than enough time for the ghost to strike.
W-well, maybe this wouldn't be so hard! All he'd have to do is run over there and shut the thing off before the ghost could come out and eat him! He was a fast runner after all, a-and-
He swallowed as his nerves began to fail him. He wanted to bolt right out of there, but then he'd have to confront Eustace again. No matter how hard he tried, he couldn't stop seeing an evil, sharp-toothed ghost coming out of that computer and chasing him down. At this point he couldn't even get his legs to move. As far as he could tell, the ghost probably already knew that he was there and was just waiting for the perfect chance to come after him.
Steeling what little courage he had, he forced his legs to move forward. If anything, maybe if he shut the computer off, the ghost wouldn't be able to attack anymore. Perhaps he was indirectly saving Muriel from a terrible fate! She would be eaten if he didn't do something to protect her!
He inched closer and closer to the machine, trying to be as quiet as possible. There was always a chance that he hadn't gotten the ghost's attention yet and he might be able to use that to his advantage. He could see the power switch on the side of the machine and if he could just reach it before-
He stopped abruptly and winced as a floor board underneath his foot creaked. He waited on bated breath, expecting the ghost to come out of the machine at any moment, but nothing happened. Ten seconds, twenty, thirty, finally he let the breath escape his lungs.
He quickly closed the rest of the distance between him and the computer, no longer worrying about being stealthy. He finally reached the desk and since he was still so small, he had to climb up onto the printer in order to reach the 'off' switch. It still required a lot of stretching on his part, but soon enough he felt his paw touched the switch. He nearly tripped several times as he did so, and much to his dismay, he was finding it impossible to press the switch down. No matter how hard he tried, he just couldn't apply enough pressure. Then, the voice from the computer suddenly let out a loud,
"BOO!"
"AAAARRAAAAGGGG!" He screamed, tearing out of the attic as fast as he could for a third time.
He stopped just outside, too scared to turn around and see if the ghost was there. That was when he heard a terrifying sound. Laughter was coming from the attic room, scary laughter. He shrieked and this time did not stop running until he was finally safely within Muriel's arms downstairs.
"My goodness, Courage. What ever is the matter?" She asked when he had dove into her arms. He now had his head buried in her chest as he trembled nigh inconsolably.
."Abublublublub." He babbled.
"If you ask nicely, I'm sure Eustace will teach you how to use that fancy new computer later." Muriel replied, completely oblivious to what he was really trying to tell her.
"Aru..." He groaned. There was no way that he would ever be able to convey to her what was really going on, at least not before it was too late. That ghost will have cooked her up and made a meal out of her by then! If only he were capable of speaking the human language ! Sure, he could pronounce a few words pretty well, but aside from that, Muriel and Eustace never seem to be able to understand what he was saying.
After a bit of misplaced comfort from Muriel, Courage spent the next two hours sitting in the living room, waiting for that ghost to come floating down the staircase. Despite his fears, he never caught so much as wisp of silver, and every time he checked on Muriel in the kitchen, she was still as whole and uneaten as ever. Perhaps the ghost wasn't going to attack them after all. But why? Wasn't that what ghosts were supposed to do? That weird voice coming from the computer was awfully scary sounding to not be an evil, Muriel-eating monster.
Finally, after mulling over it for a little while longer, he decided that for Muriel's sake he was going to confront the ghost, or whatever else it might be. As much as it frightened him to do so, he needed to get to the bottom of this before something bad could happen. He wasn't going to let that ghost scare him out of his wits any longer!
He marched his way back up the staircase, having found the bravery that he needed, and returned to the attic with his chest puffed out. That creepy computer was still there, its screen glowing eerily in the dim lighting. There was, yet again, no ghost to be found, which only puzzled Courage even more than ever. Why wasn't it attacking? He climbed up into the chair and then glared at the screen, looking directly at the eyes that were no doubt watching him.
He angrily babbled out, "Barubu arafubu! Abalubu! Baruf!"
What he had actually wanted to say was, "You'd better not hurt Muriel, ghost!"
"Was that supposed to be English?" Drawled the voice coming from the computer.
Courage's heart skipped a beat, shocked that the ghost was actually talking to him, and he had to fight the urge to run away in terror. He quickly dismissed his fears and remained resolute in protecting Muriel. That voice was not going to scare him away this time! He was ready for whatever ghostly things that it might try to do!
"Don't you know how to speak, pup?" The voice asked when he did not give it an answer.
"Arruru! ARRUUU!" He threatened.
"Uh...huh." The voice continued to drawl.
"Aruf!"
"Well, it appears that we have a language barrier that cannot be crossed." It spoke, adding in quietly. "Or perhaps a stupidity barrier..."
"Abububub!" Courage babbled, continuing to fire off whatever threats he could think of.
"Don't you know how to type, at the very least? Please don't tell me that you're illiterate too, or are you really as dumb as you look?"
Courage frowned. The ghost was trying to insult him? He spent a couple seconds longer trying to figure out a better way to phrase what he wanted to say and what proper human words he could use to convey it to the ghost.
"Don't you dare eat Muriel, you ghost! And I'm not dumb either!" He tried to say.
"You really are giving me a run for my money, kid." The ghost drolly replied. "I can translate practically every language that has ever existed and I still can barely understand a word of what you're saying. I'm afraid that I'm not up to date on dog speak, and given what a neanderthal you sound like, I'm glad that I don't know it. "
Courage simply glared at it.
"Alright, alright, the jig is up." The voice sighed. "I'm not a ghost, you twit. I was only messing with you before because it was obvious that you're a massive scaredy dog. I couldn't pass up such a ripe opportunity to frighten you. Besides, ghosts don't eat people, idiot! They're incorporeal! You're thinking of zombies!"
Courage stared. None of this made any sense! The ghost had to be lying to him! This was all a trick to get him to let his guard down! Besides, if it wasn't a ghost, what was it then? Computers...couldn't talk like this, could they? If that were the case, why hadn't it spoken to Eustace back when it was downstairs?
"Barbaru!" He growled, trying to question the origins of this supposed non-ghost.
"I'm a computer, you twit. Isn't it obvious?" It dryly answered. "Of course, I can only assume that's what you're asking me, given my limited ability to translate that barbaric language of yours. So, yes, for the record, I'm a computer, not a ghost."
"Arfubu! Garbulu!" Courage spat, saying something along the lines of, 'I don't believe you!'
"I am not a ghost!" The voice reaffirmed for a second time, sounding even more annoyed than ever before. "I wasn't planning on talking to you anyway." It added. "But you forced my hand when you started doing, well, whatever that was before with my keyboard. I seriously hope you weren't actually trying to type up something coherent back there."
"ARUFU!" Courage yelled, angry that the ghost was trying to change the subject at hand. He was going to get the truth out of it no matter what!
"I've told you already, I'm a computer!" It replied, growing even more annoyed by his stubborn refusal to believe anything else. "Yes, it is a bit unusual that I can talk, but that doesn't make me a ghost, you brainless canine!"
"ARRRUUU!"
"Ugh, fine! Believe what you want to believe! I couldn't care less!"
"Hmph!" Courage exclaimed, crossing his arms. This was as close to a confirmation as he was probably going to get out of the phantom. Now he simply needed to find a way to deal with it before any harm could come to Muriel.
"Look, I could never allow such bastion of stupidity go uneducated. You don't know how to read, write, or talk, do you?" It asked.
Courage nodded. Where was the ghost trying to go with this?
"I can teach you how to speak properly and I can teach you how to type as well, but I'm afraid that I won't be able to help you with writing. As you can see, I obviously lack the hands that would be needed to show you how, but I do believe that there are certain papers I can print out for you that will guide you on how to write letters properly. I'll 'grade' them for you, so to speak. I see that my scanner and printer have been hooked back up again, so that will be easy enough for me to do for you."
Courage blinked up at the bluish-green screen, once again acutely aware of the fact that there were a pair of eyes looking down at him from within that glow. Why on earth was this computer, if it actually was a computer and not a ghost, trying to teach him?
"Abrufu?" He asked.
"For the last time! I am not a ghost, you twit!" There was a very long and very annoyed sigh from the machine before it continued with, "I'm only doing this because you are a travesty to all intelligent beings everywhere. I'd never forgive myself if I let an idiot like you run around talking in whatever butchered English you're apparently trying to use in between all that dog speak."
"Aru?"
"No, no, no! You say, 'what', not whatever the heck that's supposed to be!"
Courage blinked up at the screen, even more confused than ever. "Arrruuuu?" He replied.
"Fine, let's start with this. Say, 'See Spot run'." A picture of a dog appeared on the glowing, blue screen.
"Areee Rot Ruuunnn" He mimicked.
"Ugh," The machine groaned. "Why do I even bother..."
"Abubub?" Courage asked. Hadn't he done well enough?
"Alright, let's try typing instead, or else you're going to give me the mechanical equivalent of an aneurism." The voice went on in a flat, unamused tone. "This is the letter 'A'."
A large picture of an 'A' appeared on the screen. Courage was vaguely familiar with the shape, but he still didn't really know what it was.
"See if you can find it on the keyboard. Surely not even you can mess this up."
Courage stared at the keyboard, running his eyes along all the unfamiliar letters. He found the 'A' and pressed it.
"Not like that, you idiot!" The voice yelled, causing his to flinch. "If you're going to type like a proper person then you can't just pick and chose letters or else you'll be sitting there forever! There is a certain placement for your fingers that will drastically increases your typing speeds." The angry machine brought up a picture of a pair of hands resting the 'proper' way on a keyboard. "Learn to type like that and soon you'll be as fast as, well, anyone who isn't an idiot like you."
Courage cringed and fought back his growing annoyance with the loud and demanding voice. It felt as though he were being taught by a nasty school teacher.
"Straighten your back, you twit! Slouching like that will only make you look like a bigger idiot than you already are! How do you expect to type properly when you look like your spine is about to give out? Honestly! I've seen nerds with better posture than you!"
Nerds? Courage was not a nerd! He gave the screen another vicious glare.
"Alright, this is the letter 'B'." The machine went on. "Find it on the keyboard too, and make sure to use proper hand placement!"
Courage glanced down at the letter 'A' and expected to find 'B' somewhere next to it. Frustration boiled up inside of him when he realized that it wasn't. It took several minutes, but he finally found the letter at the bottom of the keyboard, much to his annoyance. This typing thing was surprisingly hard.
"Took you long enough." The machine grumbled. "Thankfully for you, 'C' is much closer to 'B', unlike 'A'."
Courage nodded and looked down again. He found the 'C' one letter away from 'B' and pressed it. He then nearly jumped out of his chair when an alarm, without any warning, suddenly issued forth from the machine. He flung his arms up into the air, fearful that he might have pressed the wrong button and somehow messed everything up.
Red words flashed on the screen. He, of course, didn't know what they meant at the time, but what they had read was,
WARNING:
SYSTEM INTEGRITY CRITICAL
CATASTROPHIC FAILURE IMMIENT
The deluge of sound went away as quickly as it had come. The alarm fell silent and the words on the screen vanished.
"W-what did I do?" He asked, still trembling from how much the alarm had startled him. He hoped that the computer would be able to translate his words despite his fearful stuttering.
"You didn't do anything." The machine replied. "I apologize, it appears that I forgot to make sure that alarm wouldn't go off." The annoyed voice seemed to lose some of it's scathing, cynical tone for a moment.
Courage stared up at the screen, still a bit frightened by what had gone down. "What was it?" He asked. He then noticed that the light radiating from the screen seemed to have dimmed somewhat.
"I've been neglecting my upkeep." The machine replied rather wistfully. "I'm afraid that our little lesson will have to end here. I require several days worth of maintenance and I won't be able to devote any time to teaching someone as stupid as you."
"Barufu Arbaru? Garubu Ablubub?" He asked.
"Excuse me?" The machine answered, apparently unable to translate what he was trying to say.
Courage repeated himself several times until he was finally understood. "Is there something wrong with you? Can I help?"
The voice of the computer gave a small and somewhat unenthusiastic chuckle. "There is nothing you can do to help me, and even if you could, I wouldn't trust you with my upkeep even if you were the last dog on the planet. A bumbling fool like you would only make things worse. Don't worry about it though, I'm perfectly capable of taking care of myself. Ironically, I wasn't planning on fixing things again, but it appears that you've swayed my decision. I would not have allowed my system to go critical otherwise. I suppose I never thought that I would meet someone so idiotic that they blow everyone else I've been forced to put up with out of the water. Congratulations."
Courage gave the screen a confused look. He wasn't really sure what the computer was talking about. Upkeep, maintenance, system going critical? Why hadn't the machine been planning on fixing itself?
"Look, I'll stick around long enough to teach you how not to be such a twit anymore, but after that, you're on your own. I'll admit, you did pull me out of a rut of sorts, but I suspect that it won't last." The voice then added in rather quietly, "It never does."
Courage's confusion only grew. It wasn't planning on 'sticking around'? What did that mean? Could it really move despite it lacking arms and legs? Was it just going to get up and leave one day? None of this made any sense in the poor pup's mind.
"A-are you going to leave?" He asked in his babbling dog speak. "But, why?"
"Forget what I said." The machine finally answered after a surprisingly long silence. "You're just a pup after all, you wouldn't understand. You have nothing to fear however, I'm not going anywhere. Well, at least not until-." The voice trailed off.
"Arufu?"
"You see, even if I allow myself to remain, that idiot downstairs probably won't be keeping me around for very long away. That's how it always is. He actually thinks that I can print money for crying out loud! How stupid can you get? Oh well, it doesn't really matter either way. He thinks that I'm junk just like that last idiot I had to put up with. At least you aren't asking outrageous requests of me. It's almost a nice change of pace from what I'm used to dealing with."
"Why did that man get rid of you?" Courage asked, repeating himself several times when the computer wasn't able to translate. "I thought it was because you were haunted."
"I'd rather not talk about that." The machine curtly replied. "But he isn't the first and I'm sure he won't be the last." A slight edge of exhaustion had entered that once bossy and snide voice. "You should leave now. I've got a lot of work to do and I need to get started on it before it becomes too late. My system is getting dangerously unstable as we sit here and talk about pointless nonsense."
Courage nodded. He was more than willing to let the computer do whatever it needed to get done. Just as he was about to jump down from the chair, the voice spoke up again,
"Oh, and dog? I expect you to work on your speech skills while you are away. When you come back, I'd better be able to understand every last word you speak. There's no reason why you should keep talking in such a bestial language."
"Aru!" He affirmed.
"That's 'yes', you twit!" The voice exclaimed. "Don't give me an excuse to eat your soul, or whatever other ghostly business I'm supposed to be going about."
Courage did a double take, having not expected to hear the machine say something like that. C-could it actually be a ghost after all? M-maybe it really was tricking him!
Apparently the computer figured out his thought process. "It's just a joke..." It drawled. "Don't be such a gullible idiot."
"Abaruru!"
"You need a better sense of humor, you pansy!"
Courage snapped his head away and then slid off the chair. He didn't want to endure another second of that machine insulting him. It wasn't until he had left the attic when it hit him just how strange his encounter the computer had been. He had gone in there expecting to battle it out with a ghost. He hadn't expected to get tutored by a strange, sarcastic, talking computer. Who knew how long Eustace would let it sit up there. Courage suspected that he'd simply forget about it and it would remain up there forever. There was no real reason for the old farmer to get rid of it anyway.
As he headed downstairs to join his family for dinner, he couldn't help but wonder what else he could do with a computer, aside from having it decide on it's own that it was going to teach him. He had no idea at the time just how useful that computer was going to be. He had no idea that there was an illness inside of his body waiting to strike, nor did he know that he would one day be relying upon that computer to save his life. He especially didn't know that one day, despite how different they were, despite how much they didn't seem to get along, he would one day call the strange computer his friend.
And what he didn't know most of all, above everything else, was that by confronting the so called 'ghost' in the attic, he had unwittingly saved a life.
End