Hello people! My name is Ari and I'm trying to get back into story writing. Warning you now that most of my stuff is dark and talks about the stuff that nobody really acknowledges. This story is graphic in every sense of the word. There will be moments that are depicted in extreme detail, whether it's a romance scene or a fight scene. This story may also contain triggers for people who have dealt with something similar to this.

This story also deals with high levels of anxiety. I have anxiety myself and this is where i found the idea. I won't bore you with too many details, but if you ever need someone to talk to about anything, go ahead and message me. I'm unbiased and here for my readers.

Anyways, usual stuff now: I wish i owned ME but I don't. All rights go to BoiWare. I haven't decided if I'm going to put OC's in yet, but if I do, I'll point them out. Ummmm... Triggers, angst, possible, smut, violence, self harm, and as more ideas come to me, I'll put up more warnings. But please. Enjoy! Review are much appreciated! I want your opinions!

Chapter 1: The First Step

Jaden Shepard sat on the floor trying to calm her body. She leaned against the wall, her head resting against it as she groped at the cool metal floor. Her anxiety was running circles in her head and her heartbeat was pounding in her ears. She closed her eyes, willing the churning in her stomach away. The doubts were running through her head, everything she had done, who she was, everything she stood for. She heard the council's words echoing in her head.

We rebuilt you.

You belong to us.

It's your fault.

You doomed us all after you destroyed the Reapers.

There were so many things said to her. Jaden put her hands to her ears attempting to block out their words. The tears built up behind her eyelids as she curled in on herself, the council's words still bouncing around in her head. She let a strangled moan escape her lips as everything she thought she was crumbled in her mind.

She thought she was a savior. She killed millions.

She thought she was a hero. She doomed several colonies.

She thought she saved organic life. She killed all who relied on synthetic implants and organs to keep them alive.

She thought she could feel safe knowing the Reapers are no longer killing anyone.

Jaden had one realization. I'm the monster I was trying to defeat.

Jaden's body began to shake violently as she let out a cry of emotions. Her biotics whirled around. Everything she felt was poured out in warm tears and screams of pain. Her biotics lashed out against the floor and walls leaving scorch marks and indents. She let everything she felt flow free; all the sorrow and pain slowly being washed away.

Jaden finally opened her eyes. Her eyes no longer held their shine she was recognized for. Her multicolored eyes held no emotion. Her right eye, once a vibrant icy white, now dull and close to grey. Her once bright purple eye, almost too dark to see the color. She didn't care anymore though. Nobody would know the old side of her. Once someone does something horrible, everybody overlooks the good that person has done.

Jaden stood up from her spot. She felt herself become composed once more. She needed to become the person she wants to be, not the person she just was. The council expected her to lie down and let everything that has happened destroy her. Jaden let a scowl rest upon her lips as she looked towards the door to her freedom.

No. I have no freedom. This is merely my escape. She felt as if her freedom had died when she made her decision on the Crucible. She had made a promise, as a Specter, to protect the galaxy from any danger that may never fulfilled her promise, her oath, her meaning. This door is simply a means of escape from the mess she is becoming. Once she crosses that threshold, she will change who she is. Her name, her personality, her demeanor; Everything. This would be the death of Jaden.

She let out a shaky breath as she moved towards the door. Once she reached the door, she momentarily froze. Can I really do this? Can I really change who I am? She then saw the faces of her crew in her mind. She saw how they were covered in bruises and blood. She saw the faces of some as they died, forever frozen in her mind. That was all it took to push her, to give her a reason to do this.

Jaden raised her hand to the door and touched it's surface. There was no holo-lock. Just a cool metal flat surface. She closed her eyes a moment, feeling the door, using her biotics to see the door and what lies beyond it. She saw another hallway that lead to several other doors, each similar to the one she was behind. As soon as she opened her eyes, the door flew off it's hinges and hit the wall across the hall.

This was it, this is the next step to her life. This is where Jaden truly dies, and a new person takes shape. As far as the council had said, nobody knew she was alive yet. This is her opportunity to do what she wants, to save herself but make everything right.

This is now the story of Kira.