A Penny for Your Thoughts
The Big Bang Theory
A slightly darker take on Penny's origins, profession, and level of intellect. With Penny earning an Associate's degree in English in order to escape from her family's criminality and drama. Beginning with the pilot episode and introductions to the original characters.
After a complicated past, she leaves her oppressive Nebraskan family to move to the sunny beaches of Pasadena, California.
I do not own the rights to the Big Bang Theory. Written purely for entertainment value.
*Note to reader- some content will be directly from the script
OoOoOoO
TBBT- 1
Packing was easy, Penny thought as she looked at her childhood bedroom that had originally served as a screened porch of her grandfather's farmhouse. Until she came along and dashed her father's hopes of having the eldest born child be a son, her parents had been relatively happy with their mundane lives. Farmer, part-time fisherman, part-time con, Wyatt Brown was surprised to see his little slugger leave the nest to attempt becoming an actress.
Penny had only used that occupation as an excuse to leave. She boxed the child sized trophies and ribbons awarding her with best hair and most charming razzle-dazzle (whatever the hell that was), threw them into a box, and labeled it CRAP. If it hadn't been for her mother's deliberate tears, Penny would have thrown this stuff in the garbage. But, to the forgotten attic it went.
With limited contact or means to travel to California, Penny knew that her family would never learn the truth.
Throughout her youth, she had helped her daddy with fishing tournaments, chores, and the random house-casing con. She was an adorable child interested in Talent Shows, Pageants, Girls Scouts, and making friends. Paired with small hands, sharp eyes, and the ability to fool the smartest security system, her daddy took notice. When she was older, the con jobs passed to her brother and he took them very seriously. Seriously enough to start his own meth lab business.
That was when she knew that her future must be taken into her own hands.
Penny stayed the course through high school, finishing with honors, and keeping her waitress position all while taking online courses for her Associates Degree.
It was a small, satisfying victory when that piece of paper was in her hands.
Her ticket to freedom.
She was smarter than she pretended to be to others, as they had always taken her at face value. She was tired of the act. Pretty eyes, tanned skin, athletic, and popular. Nobody thought of her as deep or intelligent. The cheerleader who snuck into the library. The track runner who was paid to write term papers on the sly for irresponsible classmates. A keen trap shooter with a 32 A.C.T. score.
Penny may not be amongst the Ivy League graduates, but the knowledge she had, was hard earned. Plus, there was something to having book smarts and street smarts.
Her parents were never proud of her intellectual accomplishments, only her pageant ribbons, trophy Bass catches, and popularity amongst the boys. Susan Brown always bragged about being a boy magnet in her youth and seemed eager to pass that trait to her eldest daughter.
Penny Morgan Brown traded her shotgun, poufy parade dresses, softball glove, shimmer lotion, and professional curlers for a new future as Penny Morgan, screen play writer, English tutor, and part-time waitress at The Cheesecake Factory.
She dropped her last name to keep certain family members from tracking her down. The waitressing job was money that she put into a savings account. The screen play writing and tutoring jobs were changing her life for the better. She was happy that she no longer had to hide her books or dumb down conversations with people who may or may not know Wyatt Brown's family.
Penny Morgan was free of oppression.
OoOoOoO
4 years after leaving Omaha, Nebraska. Enter Penny Morgan carrying a cardboard box up 3 flights of stairs into her new apartment. A begrudging look stares at the caution tape indicating the elevator is broken. Her brow slick with perspiration and frustration.
Her boyfriend Kurt's cheating had become too much to bear or ignore. Well, ex-boyfriend. After a heated argument, an open handed slap across her face, and some shameful realization… Penny left. If a relationship became offensive with a man like Kurt, it was time to get out.
She could still feel the shocking sting across her cheek, but was grateful that it hadn't left a mark.
"Whew, the last box." She set down the box and glanced around the apartment. The light blue-gray walls were bare. Open shelves. Large bay windows. This was her new home. "Thanks for bringing up the couch; can't believe that lady sold it to me for $10.00. Pretty neat, huh?" Penny smiled her pageant smile and was ashamed to see how quickly old habits could creep up on a person.
"Just sign here." The mover requested ignoring her comment.
She signed and noticed a couple of men standing out in the connecting hallway staring in her direction. A shorter man with glasses and curly hair. A taller slender man with a bird-like expression.
"Oh! Hi!" She said brightly.
"Hi." The shorter waved awkwardly.
"Hello." The taller nodded.
"Hi!" The shorter said again.
"Hi." She replied a bit clumsily.
"Hi, didn't mean to gawk, but we, uh, live across the hall." The shorter man said with a gesture to the door across the way.
Sudden realization. "Oh! Well, that's nice!"
"Oh no! We're not "together-together". Not as a couple, but together in our own, uh, heterosexual bedrooms."
Penny chuckled again. "Right, I understand. I'm Penny. The new neighbor."
She wondered if they were always this awkward around strangers or if it was just her. Sometimes, people were just too intimidated to carry on conversations with her. So to make them more comfortable, Penny would say something dim-witted or silly to bring out the person or make them feel relaxed.
"Welcome to the building."
"Thanks neighbor, maybe we can do coffee one morning." She suggested.
"Great!" The shorter man said excitedly.
"Great." She said.
"Great?" The taller seemed less eager and stared at his roommate.
Penny stepped back into her apartment and listened to the 2 men bicker like a married couple until the door shut. Staring around for a few moments, she wondered if these boxes had multiplied since arriving here.
A knock sounded.
She opened to see the shorter neighbor before her. "Hi again." He said. His bespectacled eyes nervously watching her and quickly shifting away, as though he would be scolded for staring too long during the conversation. Her brother had a similar expression if he was holding narcotics and an L.E.O. came too close.
"Hi." She smiled.
"Hi." The taller replied in annoyance.
"Hi. We, uh, brought home Indian food. Moving can be stressful, what with the packing, unpacking, sorting, cleaning, and grocery shopping. When I'm stressed, I like to uh, umm, unwind with good food and company. It's comforting. Plus, curry is a natural laxative and a clean colon is just one less thing to worry about." As if on cue, the shorter man bowed his head in embarrassment.
Penny didn't know how to respond to that statement.
The taller scoffed. "I am no expert in the social proprieties of interaction, but I do believe that addressing one's colon should not be in context of a luncheon invitation. Skip any more references of bowel movements."
She had followed the conversation and was thrown by the invitation. "You're inviting me over for lunch?" A default move to defer conversation by stating the obvious. An old habit.
"Oh yes!" The shorter said and the taller nodded silently.
"How nice. I'd love that." Penny agreed, surprising herself at her need for friendly conversation. She followed them over, noting the larger apartment was filled with scientific texts, marker boards covered in equations, and the occasional superhero doll posed as if it were readily used.
"Make yourself at home." She thought his name was Leonard.
"Thanks." She walked to the marker board. "This is really impressive. Is this yours, Leonard?"
He blushed crimson when she spoke his name and as he opened his mouth, his roommate Sheldon, interrupted. "That is actually mine. Quantum mechanics and some String Theory doodles." He snorted a laugh. "Except that part." He erased a bit. "Just a joke of the Bourne-Oppenheimer approximation."
It was difficult to rank her intelligence in the same category as theirs. "Wow, so you're a genius beautiful mind?"
Sheldon's skinny chest inflated a bit. "Yeah."
She smiled at him.
Leonard fluttered. "I have boards. This is mine." He gestured for Penny to inspect his work. She wondered if her need for approval was just as obvious as his.
"Wow. This is a differential equation, right?" She leaned forward a bit.
"Are you a Scientist?" They asked in unison. Their eyes popping wide.
"Oh no," Penny waved her hands, "I've never been very good at math." She said stupidly and tried to backtrack. "But I plan to major in English once I have some money saved."
"How interesting! Pasadena has several good schools. Caltech being one of many, for instance." Leonard suggested.
"Is that where you attend?"
He blushed and Sheldon snorted in annoyance causing Leonard to turn a brighter shade of pink.
"We work there."
She nodded just as her stomach loudly growled.
"You're hungry, go ahead and start." Leonard offered her some plastic ware and a container that smelled spicy. She sat and noticed that Sheldon's nostrils flared.
"That's where I sit." His right eye twitched.
"You can sit next to me." She patted the leather cushion to her right in a silent challenge.
"But I sit there." He pointed again to her position on the couch.
She blinked at his stubbornness. He was infinitely intelligent and yet, childish too. Penny wondered if he didn't get his way, would he throw a tantrum? Challenging him again, she asked "What's the difference?"
Leonard sighed. "Here we go."
Sheldon spouted intelligently reasoned nonsense for a full 2 minutes in a single breath. His face was contorted in willful resistance. Moments ago, he wasn't like any man she'd ever known and yet now, he reminded her of her family. Stubborn just for the sake of being stubborn. Impolite and demanding. She wondered if it ever crossed his mind to ask politely instead of demand and he could get what he wanted. No, probably not. So she decided to be condescending. "Would you like me to move?" She used her sweet pageant voice and fluttered her lashes.
His face was still contorted as he considered her question.
Was it really so difficult, she thought?
"Just sit somewhere else." Leonard growled at the taller man while he smiled at her while. Sheldon turned in confused circles. "Sheldon, sit!" Leonard shouted.
The roommate obeyed with a pained expression as the lunch was divided between their triangle of awkwardness.
"We don't have company very often." Leonard's smile waned as he realized that she must think of him as being lame.
Sheldon countered. "That isn't true Howard and Raj were over here Tuesday until 1 AM playing Klingon boggle. They come over all the time."
Leonard blushed and poked at his lunch. "I remember."
"We're not antisocial and I resent the platitude where you represented me as such."
"I'm sorry."
Penny gathered that this was as uncomfortable for them as it was for her. "Sooo, Klingon boggle?" She asked Leonard to gain some grounds of conversation back from Sheldon.
"Yeah, like regular boggle only in Klingon." His eyes shifted around until they focused on a spot right above her forehead. "Enough about us, tell us about yourself. What do you do for a living?"
"I write screenplays, tutor in English, and waitress part-time at The Cheesecake Factory."
"Wow, quite the resume." Leonard stated. His sincerity was heartening. "Anything that we would have seen?"
She felt her face redden a bit. "Probably not. It's not A-Class movies or plays or anything… mostly just Science Fiction." She mumbled.
Sheldon's eyes perked and Leonard leaned forward in silent fascination. "That is really interesting!"
Sheldon asked, "Do you prefer genre fiction to literary?"
"Well, that isn't easy to answer. A fundamental rule as a writer, is that a set measure can be approached 2 ways. But Literary fiction can also be a genre."
"How is it fundamental rule?" Sheldon asked. His thin brows furrowed.
"Take your boards, for instance." She rose and used the plastic fork to point. "You can use equations to map out a story. That is usually genre fiction. Literary fiction may break the rules of this equation, but usually, genre fiction does not. Especially once you find a popular focus-flow."
"That seems like a stretch." Sheldon countered in condescension.
She smirked. "Look at all of the hero movies…"
"Which ones…" Sheldon went to the shelf. "Marvel, DC, Star Wars."
"I dunno, pick one." She shrugged and watched the tall man struggle until Leonard rolled his eyes with impatience, stood, and chose Batman. "Okay, so you have your hero (H), villain (V), damsel (D), backstory (BS), settings (S), and supporting characters (SC)." She wrote on the white food container.
H + BS + V + D + SC + S = Story
Both men observed her rudimentary equation and conferred with each other. Leonard rose. "What if you did this?!" He erased a section of his board and wrote:
H(BS+S)*(S+D)/V(BS+S)(SC) = Story
For math never making sense to her, Penny followed this equation very well. "Wow, this really is impressive. What exactly do you 2 do for a living again?"
"I'm an Experimental Physicist and Sheldon is a Theoretical Physicist."
Penny blinked several times in wonderment. "Well, that is a hell of a job, I bet. Much better than my story." A touch of sadness entered her voice.
"You have a very creative vocation, right Sheldon?" He elbowed the taller man in the ribs none too gently.
"That depends on if you're the hero or the damsel." Sheldon was still inspecting the equation. "If you take the equation seriously, the damsel is never actually a part of the end of the story. Never the answer." He observed the equation and replied a bit robotically.
Suddenly, all of the air vacuumed out of the apartment. Penny couldn't breathe. Sheldon was right! She couldn't be the damsel in her own life! Kurt was never the hero; he was the villain! She turned to Leonard and said in all seriousness, "I've just wasted 4 years of my life with a villain; that's as long as high school. Heroes don't do that."
"It took you 4 years to get through high school?"
"Sheldon, don't." Leonard sighed. "Heroes can be fooled too. Look at Thor? His brother is constantly tricking him." He nudged his roommate.
"Oh, yeah, he is correct." Sheldon shrugged his shoulders; clearing missing the point.
"I can't believe I have to start all over… again." Penny felt pathetic.
"Don't be discouraged. Starting over is a paradox. If you didn't find out about your ex and his cheating, then you'd still be living in ignorance. Well, er, uh, not that you're ignorant, just that you, uh, didn't know that he was cheating. And now you do. And as a Scientist, it is always better to know than, not to know. I'm not making sense. Sorry."
"No, actually it makes sense to me. Thank you, Leonard." She pasted on a lopsided smile. "You must think I'm a mess. Wait, I am a mess!" She looked at her grimy arms and knew without a doubt that she must look like a hobo. "I'm a both a hygienic mess and an emotional mess. If my shower worked, I could actually wash it all away."
"Our shower works." Leonard blurted.
She stared at him to see if he was being serious. "Would it be weird if I used it?"
"No." He blurted again. Just as his roommate said, "Yes."
"No. No it wouldn't, Sheldon." He gave a significant look.
"Right. No, it wouldn't be weird." Sheldon sounded more automated than a robot.
"It's right down the hall." The shorter man offered.
Relief spilled over Penny as she quickly embraced her new neighbors. "You 2 are the real heroes of this equation." She thumbed to the dry erase board. "Thank you so much." She could have skipped into the shower and would have if it were not for the already unusual situation.
OoOoOoO
Leonard Hofstadter watched the most beautiful woman he had ever met prance merrily into his bathroom. He was certain that there was no other man as fortunate as he was. Until Sheldon Cooper ruined the moment by speaking.
"What an interesting development." Sheldon's voice was an octave above a seagull's screech.
"Why is that?" He kept watching the bathroom door to make sure that Penny didn't need anything else. Like a towel or someone to help scrub those bronzy shoulders.
"A beautiful woman is naked in our apartment. I think that is the embodiment of 'interesting development'. Wouldn't you say?"
Howard Wolowitz and Rajesh Koothrappali had entered their apartment just as Sheldon was explaining himself.
"Naked? Who? Why? When? Here?" Howard's eyes bugged out comically. "Is your grandma back in town Leonard?" He scoffed an annoying laugh.
Leonard realized that he was not in the mood for anymore company. Maybe he could tell the boys to go away. Trick them into leaving the apartment before Penny emerged. "I think its best that you all leave. Sheldon, why don't you all go to the comic book store?" He passed over his wallet. "Buy something, anything! My treat."
Sheldon's lips pursed into a thin line as he shook his head. "What are you trying to accomplish, Leonard? That woman isn't going to have sex with you." Sheldon may not have the ability to detect human emotion, but when it was this obvious, even a cactus could read hormones.
Leonard gasped. "I'm not trying to have sex with her!"
"Oh good, then you won't be disappointed." Sheldon snagged a $5.00 bill. "And I can get a comic book too. Oh goodie!"
"Wait, why wouldn't she have sex with me? I'm male, she's female. We engaged in sociable interlude. There is no reason that a carnal relationship couldn't develop!"
Sheldon scoffed. "Isn't it obvious?! The parameters of gender are not in question. You are not even in the same species. I'll admit, she is smarter than she looks. But if you think that a carnal relation is going to come of this neighborly act, you're wrong."
"What about the bro code?" Howard interjected.
"Bro code?" Sheldon's eyebrow rose.
"You're supposed to be Leonard's wingman. Talk him up. Make him look good."
"I think it's going to be difficult when she discovers the Darth Vader shampoo and Skywalker conditioner." Sheldon replied.
"No tears and tangle free brand?" Raj asked with a mouthful of noodles.
"Yeah." Leonard said lamely. This day was getting worse by the second. He needed to get them out of here before they embarrassed him into hibernation. FOREVER. Howard and Raj gave Sheldon a link to watch Stephen Hawking make a public speech at MIT in 1974.
"Hey Leonard?" Penny asked from the hall. Her surprise at discovering a roomful of men was evident. She pasted on a smile that was brighter than a Pasadena sunrise. Oh! And she was using his towel to cover her golden skin! The euphoria that passed through Leonard was ridiculous. "The shower knob won't budge." The way she nibbled her lip was adorable. "Hi, sorry, didn't mean to interrupt everyone."
Howard popped up off of the couch like the clown in a Jack-in-the-Box. His French greeting was flawless and he knew it. He took her small, delicate hand and gently pecked it. "Howard Wolowitz, Caltech, Applied Physics. You're probably familiar with my work since it's currently orbiting one of the moons of Jupiter."
Sheldon and Leonard shared an eye roll.
"Oh yeah? Which moon? Europa? Io? Callisto?" She paused. "Uh… I can't remember the other one." Penny chuckled nervously.
"Ganymede." The men all simultaneously answered her.
"Gorgeous and intelligent!" Howard still had a hold of her hand.
"It was the planet I chose to write about my freshman year." She glanced warily at Leonard.
Always the hero, he took the silent cue and saved her. "Right, the shower. The knob sometimes sticks. I'll help." He gave Howard a shrewd look when he babbled some more French. Keeping his eyes carefully averted away from those shapely legs, Leonard adjusted the temperature.
"Thank you!" She opened the curtain and hopped in without waiting for him to leave. Her arm stuck out and she dropped the towel. The room and his blood pressure steamed. He tried to hurry out, but she asked, "Leonard?"
"The shampoo is Sheldon's." He said a bit too guiltily.
Her chuckle sounded throaty and inviting in the echoes of the tub. "Thanks for being so kind to me."
"You're very welcome." Leonard took that as his cue to leave. When he emerged from the bathroom, the men were waiting to barrel him with questions.
"She isn't using my toothbrush, is she?" Sheldon asked.
"Don't be absurd."
"When I heard naked woman, I just assumed that your grandma was in town again. I didn't realize that you had an actual goddess washing her silken skin…"
"Howard! Rein it in a bit, will you?" Leonard said grumpily.
"Why, are you anticipating coitus?" He asked.
"Of course not, she is the new neighbor and needed a hero to save the day." He grinned over at the equation.
"So, she's available for pursuit of coitus?" Howard rounded again.
"Please stop saying coitus." Leonard begged.
Sheldon giggled. "Ha, coitus interruptus."
"I could drop some proverbial poetry." He added. "In 6 languages. No other hero can do that."
"Wrong!" Sheldon interrupted. "The Silver Banshee, Deadpool, Professor X, and Gandalf are all heroes that can speak any language known. Including Elvish."
"I thought it was pronounced 'Elven'?" Raj asked.
"No, Elven refers to the elves of Middle Earth who speak Elvish." Sheldon explained.
The quartet exchanged many questions during lunch until Penny emerged. The friends quietly leaned forward when she sat in the overstuffed chair. Her skin smelled sweeter and her body chemistry changed the clean, soapy scent of Darth Vader into something floral. The friends all had dreamy, intoxicated expressions on their faces. Sheldon included.
"So, you guys work with Sheldon and Leonard?" She asked Raj in a perkier tone than before.
Raj turned his head to drink deeply from his water bottle.
"Oh! Do you not speak English?"
"He speaks English, but he can't speak to women." Howard replied for his closest friend.
Penny squinted her eyes to determine whether or not she was being tricked. "Seriously? Why not?"
Howard scoffed. "He's kind of a nerd." He walked over to her chair and leaned over in all seriousness. "Would you like a cherry or grape juice box?"
From the expression on her face, Leonard decided that Howard was out of the competition of courtship for his new neighbor. Then, he chided himself for thinking so little of this intelligent beauty before him. "Would you like some help unpacking?"
"What? Really?" She asked.
"Sure. I was just going to hang out here and watch Battlestar Galactica." He realized too late that he shouldn't've added the last bit. "But mostly for background noise while doing some research." He received several perturbed looks from his friends.
"I mostly just need help organizing. That is the part that overwhelms me the most."
"Organizing? Can I help too? That is the best part. Unwrapping, putting everything in its proper place." Sheldon looked absolutely drunk with eagerness to help.
"We can hook up your TV and DVD player while you paint those shapely toes." Howard stated.
"Oh, thanks. But my TV is kinda old. Kurt kept mine, so I had to buy an old junker second hand." Penny said in embarrassment. "Dinner will be on me!"
Penny, Raj, and Howard strode over to check out the vintage technology. They were both fascinated by outdated gadgets.
"To what end will this be, Leonard?"
He smiled dreamily. "Our babies will be smart and beautiful."
"Not to mention… they'll be imaginary."