I really need to stop fucking posting stories when I'm not done with other ones. This is something that I wrote back a while ago and I don't know how it's possible to get worse at writing, but today, I am terrible at it. And this is something I would give a C on. Also, the Rosalie and Bella section of this website needs more so, here's my never-ending contribution.
"I could write poems on your neck with my lips oh I feel so homesick for a place I'm not even sure even exists." - tprpoems (Tumblr)
Bella wonders how long it's been since she's taken a breath.
She looks out the window, towards the area where she stopped living, and gets her answer.
(Ever since He left.)
The trees look different since the incident happened; like they're dead. She doesn't plan on taking another breath. Maybe ever.
;n;
Brown grass crunches under her feet as she makes her way towards La Push.
She needed to see Jake again.
She needs to see him like an alcoholic, a druggie, needs their fix. But not because she loves him, or feels anything for him.
It's because he's a distraction. She uses him for his warmth and his puppy dog grins and how he's near the sea. Which seems to be her only redemption.
Bella sees the way Jake's eyes light up and she cringes inside.
He looks like she did a few months ago; love lit up in her eyes, smile as slow and tender as they could get, full of innocence of a certain kind. (It was a kind that could leave you mutilated.)
Jacob was in love with her.
She didn't - couldn't - won't - love him back.
Her heart didn't jump like that anymore, anyway.
;n;
"Please, Bella, don't go." Jacob is begging, knees bending like he's about to get on them.
The way he says "go" stops her. He says it like that if Bella does leave, then she'll be lost in the fire. Somewhere untouchable, and she won't ever come back unscathed.
The bullet ricocheting in her chest agrees.
"I'm not letting him kill himself." Bella's voice is cold. Has to be. Otherwise, Jacob will burn in the inferno along with her.
"Bella," his voice is edgy, like there's something clogging his usual husk. But he tries again. "Bella, I-"
"Goodbye, Jacob," she stops him before he steps into the ring of flames.
It doesn't help at all because Jake is a masochist.
He grabs her arm (It hurts, but she's stopped feeling pain a while ago,) and spins her around. There's a paw of a hand tangled in her hair and there are warm lips crushing hers.
But that's it.
His mouth is just warm like anything with a pulse would be. His lips are fleshy and his mouth is wet. His teeth are biting and the sensation feels weird. He is too hard. Too male. Too … like Edward. It was all very gross and she decides she doesn't like it.
Jake's trying too hard. Bella sits there, waits.
He pulls back, tears pulling up over the corners of his eyes.
Bella blinks; once, twice, turns and walks away to a waiting Alice by the door.
;n;
"Bella? Want to talk about what happened back in the kitchen?"
"No, Alice. I'm tired and it felt weird. Wrong, too … hard."
;n;
"You've changed."
Bella almost doesn't hear Alice over the roar of the jets.
Her muscles freeze under skin for a second, eyes dart around the endless sky before she answers.
"Yes." Pause. Pause. Pause. Pause… "I had too."
There's not a response back.
;n;
"Do you even love him anymore?"
The question hits Bella in the chest like a freight train. It leaves her breathless, on the floor screaming at memories that murdered.
Bella's heaving, eyes closed and her palms are too sweaty to grab onto reality and keep it tethered to her.
"Bella?"
She doesn't know how to answer Alice honestly.
Bella levels Alice with a look that could freeze all of the oceans, she says in a voice that wavers with unsaid emotions, "I've changed, I had too," and turns back around to look out the window.
;n;
Water rips up against her shins like a punishment. Bella's pretty sure she might've hyper-extended her knee but she's still running blindly into a sea of red. Have to get to him. Have to get to him. Have to stop him. He'll kill his whole family.
There's a break in the crowd when a cheering man in a red robe falls over from alcohol abuse; a slobber of a smile plastered on his lips. People rush over to help him up and Bella slips by undetected.
Faintly, Bella can see a shadowy figure lurking in the sunlight. Wrong, wrong, wrong- Bella thinks. Things that were born in darkness didn't exist in the light.
"Edward!" She tries to scream, breath getting caught in her throat. "Edward, don't!"
He can't hear her. He can't hear her.
Edward's eyes are closed, fingers are reaching up to unclasp the buttons that hold a shirt that didn't fit him well before. He looks bad; worse than she's ever seen him.
She's so close to him, but she can't reach him in time. It won't be enough. There's a small smile on his face.
Out of the corner of her eye, Bella sees a little girl grab the attention of her mother.
She's sprinting and running up the few stairs and crashes into a stone body. Her head flings back and her teeth snap uncomfortably against each other; it leaves her head ringing.
Bella feels Edward stiffen and step back, black eyes squinting at her in hopeless confusion.
She's gaping like a fish. Mouth open and close, open and close. Because what could she possibly say? I'm over you now, I am. I don't love you anymore and that's okay because it works out because you never really loved me anyway, huh? Jacob kissed me and I didn't like it at all, even if I thought I was going to. Don't try to do this again. It would kill everybody.
"Bella?" Edward gasps, hands tangling painfully in her hair. "Is this real life?"
"I'm here, I am. Alive. You don't have to kill yourself anymore," Bella says calmly, grabbing his arms and pushing herself away. "We should go find Alice-"
"Not just yet," a voice that promises death lingers in the dark shadows. "Aro would like to see you all."
;n;
The screams slicing through the air haunts her the whole plane ride back.
Edward is holding her hand like she's the last strand of air on this earth and Alice is talking to Jasper quietly on her phone beside her.
In a few hours, she'll be seeing the rest of the Cullens.
She's never felt more alone in her life.
;n;
All five of them are standing, like a solid statue. Their faces are a mixture of worry and anticipation.
They're still a beautiful as they were. Bella wonders if she's seeing a mirage.
"Bella," Carlisle is the first brave soul to come up and greet her again after all these months. He grabs her into a hug that brings tear to her eyes. "It's incredibly nice to see you again."
"You too," and Bella doesn't know what else to say.
Esme engulfs her into a hug before she can get the next couple of words out. "Oh, Bella." Esme pulls back, arms locked around Bella as if Esme were somehow trying to save her. "You look so tired…"
Bella nods. It's true. Burning behind her eyelids and fuzz around the corner of her brain is what exhaustion feels like. But she's been like this for years, decades, centuries.
"Let's get you home then, love." She's not sure who speaks, black is saturating her vision. "Rosalie, why don't you take her to the car and make sure she gets home. We'll make sure Edward hunts before he is let near Bella again.
"Of course," There's a hand softly touching her lower back. The fingers are longer and the hand is slimmer than Edward's. The careful weight and warmth on her back is a welcome change from Edward's freezing touch.
"Steady, Isabella." The voice was like ocean weather and vintage misery.
"Sorry," Bella sighs miserably, "I can't really see where I'm going."
"Would you like me to carry you?"
Bella squints her eyes and just barely catches a glimpse of a strand of wavy golden hair. "Rosalie?" Bella asks, almost scared. What the hell?
"Yes," Rosalie laughs and something spreads over Bella's shoulders that burns. "I'm taking you to the car, you're asleep on your feet. I was asking if you wanted to be carried."
A blush splashes against Bella's cheek and she can't speak fast enough. "Wha? Ah, no that's okay. I wouldn't want to make you uncomfortable. I can walk just fine- whoa!" Bella trips over a bump built into the floor, showing just how much she isn't actually capable of walking "just fine."
Gentle hands catch her. Bella snaps her head up and meets Rosalie's amused - slightly worried - face. "Sure, Bella," Rosalie bends down and picks up Bella, bringing her up against the blonde's chest. "Are you okay like this? Am I holding too hard or?"
"No, no," Bella squeaks. "I'm fine." She's holding board still, trying not to think about how warm Rosalie is. Doesn't make sense. Rosalie is a vampire.
"Okay," Rosalie sounds doubtful, "tell me if I'm too … rough, I guess."
"Yeah," Bella yawns, eyes too heavy to keep open. "Hey, you're really warm, okay? I don't understand?" Sleep Deprivation has never been her friend.
The only response for a while is the soft breathing of Rosalie's chest against Bella's cheek and the barely there pace of her footsteps.
;n;
Bella's limbs and sides are stiff when she wakes up.
She's stiffens, lungs freezing.
How the hell did she get to her room?
Her mouth feels like cotton. It's dark and she can only see a silhouette sitting, perched really, on the edge of her rocking chair.
"Rosalie?" Bella rubs at her eyes, "what are you doing here?"
"Uh, Charlie wanted me to keep an eye on you." Rosalie murmurs, playing with her hands.
"Charlie?"
"Yes," there was a tangible quietness that sets Bella's teeth on edge. "He was mad at first, yelling about how we could just… leave you like that." A hollow laugh follows the action of Rosalie standing up, sticking her hands into her back pockets.
"And then?" Bella's almost afraid to ask.
"He cooled down after I told him that I would leave when he wanted me to," Rosalie sighs sadly, moving to sit on the corner of Bella's bed. "He explained the nightmares, and then said he thought it would be better to let me stay. But, Edward couldn't come anywhere near the house, so that's why I'm still here."
Bella nods. Good, I don't really want to see him anyway. "Okay," It's all Bella can say.
Rosalie nods like she understands, turns to look at her with dark eyes. "Edward can be here soon, if you want him to be. He just needs to hunt first. It's been months since he's last fed."
"What? Why?"
Rosalie doesn't say anything for a while. She just watches Bella and her ever shifting expressions. Finally, she reaches up and moves a wayward strand of hair out of Bella's face. Whispers, "you can't actually believe that he just… stopped loving you."
Ice water slips down Bella's back. "Then-then why?"
"You guessed it right, Bella," Rosalie has gotten really close now, picking thread on Bella's quilt near her thigh. "We did leave - partly. anyway - because of your birthday night." Rosalie's golden eyes look at her quickly, and then away. "Sorry by the way."
Bella nods, voice breaking when she answers "Yeah, no problem." But it is. It's totally a problem. It's a problem that her alarm was her screams, that she sat in that chair by the window for months, that she stopped talking to her friends, and that she thought about death constantly.
"What are you talking about?" Rosalie laughs dryly,"It's not alright. Of course it isn't." Rosalie continues on, voice somber again. "We left you, took away your future. Probably made you feel like… we didn't ever want you."
Bella can't speak, but that's exactly what she thought.
"And we actually just… took your whole future away." Rosalie's voice cracks, Bella grabs at her arm.
"It's okay, Rosalie. You guys are here now."
"I have to apologize though," Rosalie explained, glancing at where Bella's hand laid. "I'm sorry that I almost got you killed."
"Oh, no," Bella hissed, "Don't. You didn't almost kill me."
"If I hadn't have told Edward…"
"If you hadn't have told Edward none of you would be back in Forks. So really I should be thanking you."
Bella sees Rosalie's clenched jaw, but she doesn't say anything else.
"Alice told me that you don't love Edward anymore. She thinks you like Jacob or something."
"Ew," Bella crinkles her nose, glancing at the solemn beauty once more. Rosalie looked amused, relieved. "Jacob is gross."
Rosalie laughs quietly. "Edward?"
Bella looks down at her hands, "it's been awhile, I don't think I can properly judge whether or not I still love him."
"Understandable," Rosalie nods, "you'll have to clear the air when he comes to visit you. Make sure you aren't vague. My brother is smart, but isn't that smart."
Bella shifts uncomfortably, "will he be angry?"
Rosalie barks out a laugh, it's so loud that it startles Bella. Rosalie takes notice and sends her an embarrassed apology. "Bella, he loves you, he's not going to be mad. Maybe heartbroken but," eyes the color of the sun meet Bella's, they're so bright and compassionate that Bella has to squint against the warmth. "He will ask to be friends, most likely."
"I can do friends."
Rosalie's fingers tighten on Bella's hand. "Are you up for visiting the family tomorrow?"
"Yeah."
"You want to go back to sleep now?" Rosalie asks with a soft voice, eyeing the way Bella was yawning.
Bella nods, but sends a pleading look towards Rosalie. "Stay?"
The look in her eyes steals Bella's breath right out of her lungs. "Of course, where else would I go?"