Title: The Measure of a Hero
Author: LadyHeather33
Rating: Not sure. Maybe T for a curse word or two.
Pairing: Daniel/Janet
The Measure of a Hero
It never should have ended this way. Of all the thoughts circling in his head, that was the one he came back to, the one that was torturing him the most. It hurt to breathe. It felt as though the very air was squeezing the life out of him. How could this have happened? What had gone so wrong? Nothing could have prepared him for this loss. He never imagined in his wildest dreams that this would happen to her. To him or Sam or Jack, but not her. He needed to make peace with himself. He needed to banish the images that had been haunting him ever since that one moment where it seemed the world ceased to spin. Even if only for a short time, he needed to put them out of his mind or he would be following her into the afterlife, whatever that may be. Slowly, he made his way to the place they had both tried so hard to avoid for the past two years. He slid into the shadows in the far corner of the room, and with his eyes fixed on the bed, his own deathbed, he began to think about Janet - all that she was and all that she could never be.
Like Daniel, Sam found herself retreating into the darkness. However, she could not bring herself to go to the infirmary right now. Couldn't bring herself to visit that particular area without the presence of her best friend to greet her. It felt as though a part of her had died on that planet along with Janet. She supposed it was unfair to think so much about herself. She knew the colonel, Daniel, and Teal'c had felt the loss just as acutely but dammit, her best friend was dead, and this time, nothing could change that. She didn't know why. She had seen people come back from the dead before, experienced it even; but by some cruel twist of fate, it seemed death would remain permanent this time. Why couldn't it have been someone else? She knew she wasn't being fair; every person on this base had somebody at home who cared about them. She also knew that Janet wouldn't have wanted that. Her life was about helping people not hurting them, and it had been that way right up to the end. Sam could draw some comfort from that fact.
They told him he owed his life to the new vests. Well, a lot of good it did for Fraiser. He hadn't cried like Carter or retreated like Daniel, but he was grieving in his own way. It was more like brooding really. Fraiser was as much a part of the team as any of them. They wouldn't have made it this long without her. All the times that she had brought them back from the brink of death; and in the end, she had been the one to die. He always gave Janet a hard time, but they had an understanding, and over the years he had came to see her as a friend and a vital member of his team. It affected him the same as if he had lost Carter, Daniel, or Teal'c. Of everyone on that Godforsaken planet, Janet probably deserved death the least. Maybe that's why things happened the way they did. Even as much as this loss was hitting all of them, Jack knew that Janet would be proud to have given her life saving another.
Outwardly, Teal'c may have seemed neutral, but anyone who looked into his eyes could not be deceived. The pain and sadness were clearly visible, and they shattered the careful composure of the big Jaffa. He could not help but blame himself in part for the loss of the doctor, just as he knew O'Neill and DanielJackson were. They all felt guilty because they had been powerless to protect one of their own. Dr. Fraiser had been an incredible asset to SG-1 as well as the SGC. She touched the hearts of everyone she met and was a formidable healer. Janet had won the Jaffa's respect and admiration over the years, and he would always remember her. She would be greatly missed. Putting an end to his current thoughts, Teal'c stood and headed off to find Major Carter. In his clutched hand was a paper covered with his own distinctive scrawl.
Bregman's triumph over winning the right to view the tape was quickly replaced with horror and guilt. Once he saw the tape, he wished he wouldn't have pushed so hard for the chance to watch it. Dr. Frasier had been a show stealer. She was funny, smart, generous, and incredibly genuine. He couldn't believe that the same person he had interviewed such a short time before was gone. Reality suddenly caught up with him, and he saw the Stargate program for what it was rather than just a good story. These were real people who risked their lives everyday for people they didn't even know. He knew almost instantly that he would return the video to Dr. Jackson. He wouldn't include those fateful scenes in his documentary because these people deserved better than that. He wasn't sure he had the right room until he heard the voice from the far corner, "Over here."
The first emotion Daniel's mind rested on was relief when Bregman tossed the tape on the bed. The second was guilt. He was afraid of showing her pain to a national audience; it was something he wanted to remain private. However, the more he thought about it, the more he realized that he would just be hiding her away like too many others before her. Janet deserved more than that. She deserved to have her story told. She wasn't just another person to him; she had become everything. Now that was gone, he could never get that back, but he could allow others to see what he saw—a strong, courageous, amazing doctor who gave everything to save the life of her patient. His decision finalized, he picked up the tape: "Wait."
As he watched Bregman leave with the tape in his hand, Daniel knew he had done the right thing. Bregman would do Janet justice; she would get her story told. With that realization, it felt as though a heavy weight had been lifted off his shoulders. For the first time since Janet's death, Daniel felt like he could breathe; and for a moment, he could even swear he felt the earth start rotating on its axis.