Wandering Thoughts

There were times when Fakir would ponder on whether to use his power to make Ahiru a girl once more. He thought about it so many times, but there was always something stopping him from carrying it out. It could've been the fact that her transformation would've started yet another tragic tale or even the fear of abusing his powers out of complete selfishness. Once he thought it could've been that Ahiru would be furious with him for doing so.

He could imagine what she would say.

"Fakir, you hypocrite!"

He smiled unconsciously. Yes, he would've been a hypocrite. After all, wasn't it he who said to her that they should go back to being their real selves?

He wasn't going to write her story solely for his own benefit. He knew that she longed to be human again and to do what a regular girl would do. But then he also knew that she was happy being a duck, not having to carry responsibility like a human would and being who she really was. Sometimes he wondered which form she would be happiest with. It gave him a headache from constantly thinking about it.

He knew that she loved to dance, as a human and as a duck. Sure, she didn't have the natural skill like Mytho and Rue, but she loved it passionately. Once as he was writing, he took a glance out the window and caught her practicing on the shore of the lake. She would leap into the air only to have her feet slip and fall flat on her face. She would then get up and sigh sadly before wading into the water. It was later on that he confronted her about it only to have her blush, get flustered, and deny it. He said no more on the subject.

She never changed in personality even if she changed in form. She was still the clumsy, air headed, simple minded oaf he knew from the moment he met her. As he began to know more and more about her, he saw more admirable traits as well as bad traits in her. He now knows that she would never consider anyone an enemy, had a loving and caring personality, and brought hope to everyone, practically bathing the room in it whenever she stepped in it. Then again, she was still ditsy as before, spacing out during their walks and somehow tripping over objects that weren't even in her path. That's just what he loved about her.

Yes, he would admit it. He was head over heels in love with her. You don't make a promise to a friend to always stay by their side and not have any hidden meaning behind it. Even friends break the most important promises or forget them within time, but lovers or very close friends would at least try to keep them.

At first, it came as a shock to him. He hadn't realized how much of the feelings he had for her had grown. He always thought that it was the light and warmth she brought to people. He would catch himself staring at her or searching for her during his periodic rests from writing and would even become worried if she didn't come home at sunset. It could've been him, but he felt that the room went cold when she left it.

These feelings for the bird made him confused to the point where he would write nothing for days. He would even avert his gaze whenever Ahiru would nudge him from his work, and he would continue to ignore her for the rest of the day. Of course, this made her very worried, and he kicked himself mentally for making her do so. One day, he finally sat down and pondered more and more about his actions until he sorted out his feelings and concluded of his love for the duck. It bothered him at first, but he slowly grew used to the idea.

Every day since he realized his feelings, he had an urge to write about her. It took all of his power to stop it because…one, he wouldn't know what kind of consequences it would have; two, he didn't want to write about her without her consent; and three, he was embarrassed to write it.

Besides, he was better off not writing her story. He lived a simple life: writing, eating, fishing, and taking walks with Ahiru. You can't get any simpler than living in a cottage outside the village near a lake. Both of them were happy being their real selves. He was happy living a safe and simple life. She was happy to have company.

But if he could just write about her more –

Ahiru quacked softly at him curiously as she stood on his desk. She had been watching him ever since he stopped writing to think. She knew that he never stopped writing long unless something big was on his mind or he had a case of writer's block.

He looked at her, and his gaze softened as he lifted his free hand to pat her head gently, assuring her that it was nothing worrisome. Her crystal blue eyes looked deep into his soul, and she knew that something was bothering him. She nudged his arm, her eyes giving him a silent message.

Tell me what's bothering you, she seemed to say.

He shook his head lightly. In response, she huffed, flew to the floor, and waddled over to rest on the bed as if saying, Fine! Don't tell me. His eyes followed her every move.

Feeling his eyes on her, she looked back.

"Quack?" she said with her eyes narrowing suspiciously as if saying "Why are you staring at me?"

"It's nothing," he turned back to his work. He could hear her frustration in the background. He chuckled silently as he tried to concentrate only to find that he couldn't. His thoughts consumed him once again.

Should I confess to her soon? He suddenly asked himself.

He nearly banged his head on the desk, a red hue coming across his face. Why should that question come up all of a sudden? Okay, sure. It wasn't like he was hiding it from her, and she wouldn't even notice.

It was true that there were numerous chances for him to confess, but he felt like it wasn't necessary. Ahiru made him happy just by being there. However, having her not know how much she meant to him hurt him even more. He wanted to tell her, but he didn't know how to express it. He sighed dejectedly at his new dilemma.

He looked over to Ahiru, curious at what she was doing and wanting to distract himself from his thoughts. She was just getting ready for bed, circling around the center of the bed to get comfortable. When she sat, she looked up at stared back at Fakir. She cocked her head to one side as she gestured to the bed.

Are you going to sleep now? Her gesture seemed to say.

"I'll continue writing this a bit more," he replied. She, in turn, shrugged with eyes half open. She then tucked her head under her wing and was soon sleeping soundly.

He stared at her more, wondering whether or not he should write her story. His hand almost came in contact with his feather pen when he remembered what he was doing and scolded himself.

Remember your reasons, he told himself.

He, once again, sighed in frustration. It seemed like he wasn't going to get any work done that day. Again. He was too distracted by her these days, although he didn't mind the least bit. He could never get mad at Ahiru for distracting him. Admitting defeat, Fakir set his feathered pen down, scraping the chair back while stretching his legs and his arms. He stood up and made his way over to the bed where Ahiru lie.

He paused before her, gazing at her sleeping form with gentle eyes. She lay there with her head tucked under her wing, breathing in and out. He slowly and gently lifted her, making sure that he didn't wake her, so he could pull back the covers and lay her beside him after he made himself comfortable. He took another look at Ahiru before putting his head fully onto the pillow.

He could still feel his hand aching to write more stories, but his mind was exhausted from all the thinking he did the whole day.

Maybe I should leave the way things are, Fakir thought, I shouldn't meddle in things I shouldn't.

He paused in his thoughts.

But I will confess to her when the moment is right, he decided.

With that, he blew out the candle and silently bid Ahiru good night.

A/N: Golly. It's been a while since I posted anything here...well. Hope you guys like it. It's a one-shot, so don't expect there to be another chapter, 'kay? I wrote this like...a year ago after watching the series, and if I wrote a continuing chapter, I don't think it'll get the same feeling as this one.

Tell me what you think. I'm always looking for ways to improve my writing.

Maisuki-chan

Edit- My story was nominated in the dotmoon awards for 2007! If you liked my story, please vote for it! The link is on my profile!