"I'm so bored!" a sixty five year old woman whined. "I know, I'll shoplift a kitty! I hope it works!"

Granny Mario hobbled off to the nearest pet store. She succeeded in shoplifting the kitten, only to drop it on its head. It let out a pitiful wail then laid motionless.

"Aw man! A perfectly good kitten wasted! Oh well!" Granny Mario shrugged. She hobbled back to her house and found a zombie kitten on her couch. The kitten opened its mouth and roared.

"Get your feet off the furniture! Did your mama teach you nothing?" Granny Mario scolded.

"Maybe I would've learned if I didn't get dropped on my head at a young age! Really, what's with you lady? Why did you drop me?" the kitten asked.

"I had egg whites on my hands."

"Who puts egg whites on their hands?"

"Me, you ugly beast! My grandson, Mario, is just like you! Rude and ugly!"

The kitten snarled. "I will put you out of your misery, you ancient evil demon!"

The next day...

Granny Mario had been put out of her misery by becoming a criminal. She used to be a mean, selfish senior. Now, she's a mean, selfish, senior criminal. She had stolen ten thousand dollars from each bank. She sped away and finally caught the attention of the police.

"Ooooh! Pretty lights!" Granny Mario looked in awe.

The zombie kitten looked back.

"It's the cops, Granny Mario! Step on it!"

"I can't!"

"Why?"

"I have an amputated foot! Didn't you see me pushing the pedal down with my hand?"

"No, but slap on it!" the kitty corrected.

Mario, the savior of Princess Peach, was about to check the mail. He took one step. All the sudden, his granny's car took out the mailbox and crashed right next to him. Instead of helping his relative like Mario should, he ran inside his house and locked the doors.

Granny Mario was out cold. The kitten tried to smack her awake. The police car halted and Officer Farter Tinkleman came out.

"I'm Officer Farter Tinkleman! Oh, it's just an unappealing kitten. Is this your master?" he asked.

"No! We're partners in crime! If anything, I'm her master!" the kitten spoke, still trying to smack his partner awake.

Farter screamed so high pitched and loud Granny Mario woke up.

"Kitty, finish him. Sounded dramatic, didn't it?" Granny Mario smiled evilly.

The kitten ate him. "He tasted sorta like pee! Not that I've tried pee..."

All the sudden, a terrifying... (bom, bom, bom, booooomm!) yoshi comes from no where!

"NOOOOOO! Not Death disguised as a yoshi!" the kitten wailed.

"Yes Larry, it is I. Larry, you will go back to the Underwhere and feast on cops named Farter!" Death disguised as a yoshi informed.

"Will there be milk, too?" the kitten asked.

"Um, yes. We can arrange that. Granny Mario you will become the next death! Exciting, I know," he said glumly.

"Will you visit me so I won't have to kiss that poster on my wall?" Granny Mario inquired seriously.

"Uh, yes! Yes, I will!" Death lied.

They all lived forever! But I didn't say they were happy.