Disclaimer: If this poor writer owned Naruto, Sasuke wouldn't have those shitty ugly wings in his CS2 mode. Too bad, I do not. Naruto belong to Kishimoto Masashi.

Uzumaki Naruto, the loud and obnoxious blond bundle, no.1 clumsy ninja of the Leaf, woke up with a start. He had just had the worst nightmare of his life. He lay frozen in place for fully ten minutes before jumping out of his bed toward the bathroom. And when he saw his reflection in the mirror, he was almost breaking into tears of joy. He was still Uzumaki Naruto: the short, (okay, he admitted he was short) strong blond with well-developed muscles and three whiskers on the either side of his boyish face and moreover, his hands were still from training. Naruto shuddered when he thought about the horrid dream he had just woken up from. Every single life form that was granted by the Lord to have a head between their legs were all after him for no good reason and here he thought he was hated by almost everyone in the village for crying out loud!

Those males that suddenly turned gay over night were running – chasing him with lust shining in their eyes. They said they wanted his virginity. What the fuck! He shuddered even more as he recalled himself being pinned to a wall which seemed to appear out of nowhere by one familiar face of a stoic bastard that he used to think was asexual despite the bastard more-than-once claiming he wanted to reproduce, namely Uchiha Sasuke except for that this Uchiha Sasuke was giving him a very horny look and what was worse was that he, Uzumaki Naruto couldn't fight that bastard off because for some unknown miracles in the entire world, his strong and well-trained tanned arms suddenly turned slender and weak as hell against that bastard's grab. And Naruto all of a sudden found his legs turning into sloppy jelly as he met the bastard's love-filled onyx orbs - the love that one pink-haired Haruno Sakura would die trying just to have it directing towards her.

Naruto didn't get it why Sasuke suddenly grow taller. Okay, he admitted he was short – even shorter than Sakura-chan but the height difference shouldn't be this much. "I've never seen anyone this beautiful before in my entire life, Naruto." At first Naruto was wondering if the infamous village's pretty boy was sick or drugged or hit by something very hard over the head because he didn't know the pale bastard was capable of saying those words. Heck, he didn't even call him those insulting nicknames. But Naruto was too shock himself to help send Sasuke to the hospital. That and the fact that he couldn't run thanks to his wobbly jelly legs. "I have been in love with you long enough, Naruto. I don't care if I will be the last of Uchiha clan. Let's shag and get married and have dozens of little Naruto's and Sasuke's running around." And then Sasuke went on and on with his love rant. Just when he was about to be brutally raped by one horny Uchiha, Hyuuga Neji appeared and save the day.

"I'm sorry to tell you this, Uchiha, but fate has destined that Naruto's mine." Hyuuga Neji said and wrapped an arm around his suddenly-gone slender waist and Naruto was on the verge of screaming senseless at the illogical deformation of his poor body organs. But he didn't have time to because Gaara of the desert suddenly appear and claimed that he was his but not before Itachi that came to break Sasuke's wrist and say that the Kyuubi Jinchuuriki was to be his personal bitch but not before Kakashi-sensei poofed out of nowhere and challenged him but not before Orochimaru who Naruto was kind of certain had said he was just a nuisance for him obtaining Sasuke's beautiful body showed himself on the head on his giant snake and threatened to destroy the hidden village of the Leaf if they didn't hand over Uzumaki Naruto. Yet Ero-sennin gallantly entered and summoned Gamabunta, claiming that he would protect his beloved from the sex-crazed MJ clone. Luckily, before the gruesome and illogical event could continue and scar him for life and afterlife, Naruto woke up, drenching in his own sweats.

Naruto checked himself over and over thoroughly. This was him. This face, this eyes, this nose, these lips, these hands, these legs, this body - everything was him again. What he had seen all was just a nightmare. He sighed in great relief and quickly went into the shower to let the cold spray wash the pictures away and return him the usual morning.

Hatake Kakashi was late again. "What kind of a teacher is he?" Naruto and Sakura complained while Sasuke just stood there, acting all silent and cool. Naruto could see how Sakura's eyes seemed to twinkle as she looked at the silent bastard and wondered if his dream had become real, what she would think of it – not to mention what she would do. She might harm him and he was sure he would hurt like bad since in the dream he was all slender and delicate like a small helpless girl waiting to be molested and although Sakura was also a girl, she was also a shinobi. And then there was Ino who was also crazy in love with Sasuke. Naruto had never understood those girls. They said they like boys but when he decided to have a good look at Sasuke, he was starting to get the idea that those girls were all lesbians. Why? Just look at the bastard.

While all those girls flocked after him, worshipping him like some kind of angel walking on earth, they seemed to fail to notice that their ice prince of an idol looked an awful lot like a girl. Just give him long straight hair instead of his spiky one and boobs and they will all see that they should be after a real boy like him instead of some babe in a guy's clothes. Wait! Did he just call that bastard a babe?

"What are you staring at?" The said babe – bastard looked at him with cold onyx orbs that were very different from the lusty ones he had dreamt of last night. A wide grin then spread across the village prankster's lips when an interesting idea occurred in his brain. "You, my beautiful babe." As a habit of proving himself, he, Uzumaki Naruto would show everyone, who really was the man.

Naruto: You're making me into a pimp, aren't you?

Me: No, I am not. You're too pessimistic, Naru-kun.

Naruto: Oh yeah… like hell I believe you.

Me: Aww. Don't be like that you're making my heart ache.

Naruto: Then don't make a pimp out of me.

Me: …Sorry. Cannot do. That or an ultimate uke.

Naruto: You're kidding me, right?

Me: No. I'm giving you a choice.

Naruto: Then why does it have to be Sasuke?

Me: You know you love him, my dear Naru-kun as much as I love you! XD

Naruto: You're unbelievable. grumble

Me: Now will you shut up and go on with the rest of the script already?

Naruto: sigh The idiotic authoress wants her readers to review because if they don't she will do something horrible to me such as – Yike!