Time for more Rosalie character study with Shekiah! I really, really think she's a misunderstood victim of circumstance. So I am Rosalie's self-appointed advocate, as always. This one has some Emmett too, which I love. :) He's just what she needs.
It's the typical recipe for a Shekiah story: angst, angst, and more angst, until lots of fluff falls in from the sky and makes everything happy. It's kind of long, so I divvied it up into two segments. :) I will admit it's a bit more graphic than my ordinary fare, but I'm keeping it real - my mantra, as you all know! Don't own the Twilight. :)
"Rosalie, we need to talk."
As I saw him standing there in the doorway, I could already feel the dread starting to come over me. It was nauseating. Oddly enough, something about it reminded me the gross human feeling of wearing dress with an empire waist and eating too many hors d'oeuvres at a ball. What a weird analogy to think of in this moment.
I had known somewhere in the back of my mind that this day would come. But why did it have to come so soon? I mean, we'd been together for two years. It might have sounded kind of long, as teenage humans were concerned, but we were very different. Carlisle had told me once, and though I couldn't imagine it at the time, it's true that years were absolutely nothing as vampire time was concerned. It might as well have been hours, really.
I wondered if anybody had told Emmett anything. I figured somebody had, though; he wasn't the type to approach me about something like this unless he had a pretty good idea that something serious was going on that he wasn't in on. It had probably been Edward. A few weeks ago, he had even asked me when I planned on telling Emmett. I had responded a little bit too honestly.
"Never, if I can help it."
I believe those had been my exact words.
We both knew that was impossible; there were definite issues with keeping a secret that big for a length of time as long as, well, eternity. Being Edward, though, he naturally had to launch into something about how it wasn't fair of me to do this Emmett; Emmett obviously knew something was wrong; Emmett would help me through it.
Classic Edward-behavior. Self-righteous and prudish as ever.
I had to admit, though, it wasn't classic Edward-behavior to leak something knowing full-well how sensitive I was about it. In all honesty, it was even un-Edward-like to try to goad Emmett into asking me himself. Edward always religiously protected other peoples' privacy; maybe he figured it was the right thing to do since he knew everything about everyone pretty much all the time.
I think I knew why Emmett was finally talking to me.
You see, he was just getting over the newborn-phase. It had taken him longer than most (which only reaffirmed my beliefs that he was surprisingly immature to begin with), but he was finally settling into the vegetarian vampire diet and thinking about things other than hunger.
And what do most twenty-year-old males think about?
Uh-huh.
Emmett and Carlisle had man-to-man talks fairly often. Mostly because of this, I think Emmett was pretty well aware that vampires were capable of sex. And Emmett was also pretty well aware that he and I were partners, in whatever sense of the word that implied for us. While it was true that we hadn't been married with all the fanfare most people associate with the event, there had been a little ceremony with a justice of the peace and the family and all of that. Esme and Carlisle had, of course, offered us a real wedding with the works, but the thought of that had sickened me just a little at the time.
That was kind of pathetic, really. I was Rosalie Hale, for heaven's sake! I was the little girl who had dressed up in her mother's old gown and played wedding with her friends. Once upon a time, I had dreamed of satin and pearls and flowers and everyone sighing at the beautiful bride – me, of course. However, things had changed. Weddings weren't the best way to commence a train of thought for me at that point. Weddings brought me back to the last few years of my human life – the years spent dreaming about a banker from Rochester, New York.
And that was as much of that as I could allow myself to think about.
Getting back to the point, Emmett knew we were married. And he knew what married people did. Naturally, he would wonder why I wasn't showing any interest. Almost as self-absorbed as I was, thinking he was being turned down would confuse him. And he'd have questions.
"Rosalie, I'm waiting," Emmett said softly, in a way uncharacteristic for him. It was strange to see his eyes narrowed in concern or anger. I didn't like it.
"What do you want to talk about?" I finally relented. He stepped into the room, having given up hope that I would offer an invitation. Likewise without asking permission, he sat down on the bed beside me. Being me, I flinched back involuntarily, and he sighed.
"That, for instance," he said.
"What?" I asked, feigning innocence. He shook his head.
"I'm over the games, Rosalie. You won't really kiss me – occasionally a peck on the lips, if I'm lucky. You sit up and read all night, long after Carlisle and Esme have shut their door. It's like you don't even want to touch me. I thought we were married. What is wrong with you?"
I really hadn't had any idea that he would hit so close to home so soon. I racked my brain for a comeback bitchy enough to delay the inevitable for a little longer.
"Oh, so just because I don't want to live out all your frat-boy fantasies means I'm a terrible wife, is that it?"
Haha. That had been a good one. Emmett sighed again.
"You know that's not what I mean. Think about it, Rosalie, you've only recently let me put my arm around you. I'm your husband – or at least, I thought so. How do you expect me to be anything like that for you if you stiffen every time I walk in the room? Something big is wrong and I know it."
I refused to make eye contact, but the unexpected tenderness in his voice struck a chord with me whether I admitted it or not. He was concerned about me. Truly worried, and on my behalf. It seemed kind of bizarre. Out of all the ways I'd imagined this scene played out, that wasn't one of them. I'd imagined anger and arguments and resentment and immaturity – not Emmett pleading with me to open up and get real.
The anger and fighting, I probably could have handled. But this? This was something totally different, and all of my well-rehearsed speeches went down the drain. I was winging it now.
"Emmett, it's not something I can talk about with you."
That was the best response I could come up with on the spot like that. Anything to get around actually opening up the old wounds. Unfortunately, it was admittedly pathetic, and Emmett wasn't moved.
"Rosalie, I've got eternity to wait for you to feel comfortable enough with me to talk to me about this. And I'm not exaggerating, either."
I couldn't help but smile just a little bit. That sounded a little more like Emmett. I tried to boost my confidence a little bit and take a final stab at getting him to back off – as impossible as that was. I thought I was hard-headed, but today he was really giving me a run for my money.
Could it be that I really wanted to tell him?
"Em, it hasn't got anything to do with you," I said, putting my hand over his to try and express confidence I didn't feel. "It's not your fault, and you don't have to worry about it."
"Rosalie, it may not be my fault, but it's my problem now. Can't you understand? It hurts me to see you hurt. And don't try and pretend that you're not hurting, either. I'm not stupid."
I could feel the back of my throat sting a little bit. I wasn't sure if I was that touched by his words or if I just knew how close I was to cracking and confessing everything to him. Maybe both.
"Emmett, I've never talked about this before," I said quietly. "The others only know because I gave Edward permission to tell them. It's hard, you know?"
Emmett nodded. I could tell it was killing him not to reach out and put a comforting arm around my shoulders, but he knew that that wouldn't help. The tension was palpable. I actually hadn't meant to pause for so long, but once I stopped talking, it was hard to imagine starting to talk again. It was so comfortable, so easy, just to stop and sit silently. However, Emmett waited as patiently as promised.
This really might take an eternity.
Stay tuned for pt. 2 !!
