A/N: Do not question my sense of humour. There is none. Nor is there a plot. One-shot.

English is not my first language.

Disclaimer: Harry Potter or the Marauders are not mine.

Beta: No.

"You look nice as usual. I like that ponytail on you."

Sitting at the common room study table, Remus took a deep breath and glimpsed at the speaking boy. "Right."

Sirius slumped in the seat next to him and eyed him from head to toe. He flashed a winning smile at Remus. "Don't be like that. What cha doing?"

"I am trying to finish my Arithmancy essay for Monday," Remus said tiredly while he turned his eyes back to the parchment. He wrote something down. "Go away. You're distracting me."

Black grinned viciously at him. "You do realise by saying that you only make me want to stay here more, don't you? Haven't you learnt your lesson yet, dear Remus?"

"I have to do this," Lupin said to him with a serious face. "I cannot deal with you right now."

"What's gotten your knickers on a twist?" the Animagus huffed and lifted his feet on the table. "I'm only sitting here, having a conversation."

"I wish that'll be the only thing you do. And my pants are just fine, thank you for asking."

The boy stared at him leisurely. "I'm going to make you say yes eventually, you know. It might not be today, but one of these days..."

Lupin took a quick glimpse around the oddly empty common room, and turned to stare at him. "Not going to happen."

"Just you wait."

"You are so certain of yourself that you actually think you can do that?"

"Hell yeah I can do that. I'm Sirius Black. This is my job."

Lupin shook his head and turned back to his essay.

"Don't believe me?" Black raised a brow at him. "I am going to succeed, and once I do that, my dear aforementioned name is the only one you'll ever moan again. You might be set against this now, but it will happen sooner or later."

"Later, hopefully," Lupin said as he again wrote something. "But now, bugger off. You're distracting my studying."

"Sooner sounds far better, Remus. Accept sooner. Say yes."

"Never." Remus dipped the quill in the ink bottle and said nothing more.

Black sat there quietly, thinking, and watched as Remus kept writing his paper. After a moment of silence, he puckered up his lips and tittered, "Okay. So... did you just say that you can't concentrate while I'm here?"

A sigh. "That is correct."

Sirius smirked. "Oh. Yes. Right. I get it."

Remus shifted his eyes for a second on him. "You finally get that you're harassing me? Should I applaud?"

"I'm sorry, Remmie, that I've never noticed this before. It must have been very hard for you."

Lupin frowned at him. "I told you, I said it just a second ago. You're harassing me, and you should go away."

"But it kind of makes sense, you know? You always burying your head in books and such, and never dating anyone..."

"I have no idea what you're saying, so could you please stop talking."

Sirius ruffled his hair while a grin danced on his lips. He adjusted himself so he could rock his chair without falling. "It certainly makes a bloke wonder, though. Why you say no, if this is true."

Remus only glared at him and said nothing. Sirius took this as a cue to continue. "But whatever... it's clear to me now, and I'm the one who has the power to do something. Right?"

Sirius being ambiguous as hell, Remus had to ask. He put down his quill and sighed, "I don't know what you're blabbering about."

"Remus, please. The way you're always staring at me..."

Lupin cocked a brow. "That is solely because your idiotic face is continuously hovering before my eyes."

"No, it's because you're absolutely, undoubtedly, utterly in love with me."

Remus blinked. "Pardon?"

"It's understandable, love," Sirius bantered and caressed his own cheek. "I mean, look at me. And besides, if I'm being entirely honest, I'm relieved that it's you and not James, or Pete... for Merlin's sake. Potter's way too obsessive for my debonair taste, and Pete... Well, hopefully I don't even have to explain why I don't want Pete to bone me."

"To bone you?" Lupin asked plainly. "What on Earth are you on about? I am not in love with you, and I certainly don't want to bone you. I have said this before."

Black sniggered. "Oh, but you do, don't you!" He leaned closer as he whispered, "I really hope you do."

"This morning, Sirius," Remus recalled and patiently crossed his fingers. "This morning, I said that I don't want to shag you."

The Animagus shook his head. "I don't remember you saying anything of that sort."

"That is because you live in denial. You know that word, don't you? Denial."

"Just like you, Remus." Sirius smiled. "That'd make us the perfect couple. I want you, and I know you want me."

"The only thing I want right now is you to go away." Remus smiled back. "So, if you really want to please me –"

"Yes, all night."

The geek squinted and took the quill from the table. "Then go away."

But Black did not move. He merely watched as Remus sighed once more and turned back to his interesting paper. After a while of staring at the boy as he tried to concentrate on the parchment and books in front of him, Sirius asked, "Do you have a girlfriend?"

Lupin drew a wisp of hair behind his ear and muttered, "No."

"How about a boyfriend?"

"Stop pestering me. Get lost."

Sirius grinned annoyingly as he kept rocking his chair. "Is that a yes?"

"No," the geek spoke jadedly to his paper. "That fact hasn't changed from this morning either, how about that."

"So there's no one to help you to relieve your frustrations, ne? Because if you need to, I'm right here, Remus. You should try relaxing, it's fun."

Remus turned his eyes to him. "What?"

Black stared intently back. "Look, if there is one thing I can do, besides the gorgeous act of shagging, I can read body language. You seem royally tense right now. I assume you haven't been charming the snake."

Lupin stared at him, deadpanned.

"You know, Remus, done the five knuckle shuffle?" Sirius asked and made a lewd hand gesture. Remus' eye twitched as he tried to keep himself from jumping on the other guy's throat. The Animagus still moved his hand as he continued his perverted inquiries. "Tell me, have you shaken hands with the milkman lately?"

After a moment of trying, the lycanthrope got his voice back. "You're seriously asking me if I have wanked off?"

Sirius grinned and wiggled his brows at the boy.

The guy stared at him as he asked, "What have I done to deserve this? I was only trying to write my essay!"

"I'm just asking a simple question," Sirius cleared while leaning in. He brushed his fingers on Lupin's chin. "You see, I'm very interested."

Remus glared at him and pushed his hand away. "Just because I happen to live with the Wankrauders, it does not mean I am a perverted duffer like the three of you."

Sirius kept grinning like a madman as he lowered his legs from the table, sat properly on his seat and leaned even closer to Remus. "Don't play coy with me, Lupin. I know for a fact that you've been jacking the beanstalk. Besides, there's nothing wrong with relieving oneself from time to time, and telling about it to your... uh, eager future lover." He winked.

"Oh my god," Remus grunted and gave Sirius the most threatening expressions he could muster. "Why won't you leave? Go shag some poor oblivious idiot!"

"Come on, love! Don't be a spoilsport! Tell me!"

Lupin squeezed his quill. "Why don't you go pester, I don't know, Peter about this, huh? Or someone else! Anyone else!"

"Well, for starters, Pete has already told me all his juicy bits. Did you know that he once woke up with a boner after having a dream about a smorgasbord?"

"No." Remus sighed and tiredly ran a hand on his face. "And I was doing a fair good job living without that knowledge. But I sincerely thank you for ruining the rest of my life."

"Don't mention it." Black chuckled. "But anyway, I'm not at all interested in what happens in his gooey pants, fuck no. Now, yours are a completely different thing, Remus. I'm dying to know. So please tell me."

"You really think this will make me want to shag you?"

Sirius smiled. "Okay then, forget the whole wanking off business, and just admit that you're in love with me, so we can proceed to the snogging already. I usually prefer doing it in a horizontal position, but I'll be a kitten this time and let you decide."

Lupin shook his head. "No, absolutely not. We're not going to do any of that, not now, not ever. No snogging, no shagging."

Potter's enormous head popped up from behind Sirius' back. "Ladies, who's shagging?"

"Not a proper greeting, James."

Sirius grinned stupidly at his best friend and pointed a finger at Remus. "He is! Think about that, Prongs!"

"Who's Moony shagging?" Potter smirked as his hands snaked up to massage Sirius' neck. "I mean, that must be a joke, right? Yes, I'm sure Pince hasn't gotten any in ages but –"

Remus shot a glare at him. "You are absolutely hilarious."

"Not Pince. He's going to shag me later tonight," Sirius informed proudly. "Talk about getting it on."

Potter stopped massaging him and grinned. "Oi, lucky fellow! Up high!"

They high-fived while giggling like a pair of proper idiots.

"What is this utter rubbish?" Remus asked sternly once they stopped laughing. "I'm not shagging anyone. Stop putting words in my mouth!"

"All right, if you'll let me replace them with my sweet tongue." Sirius grinned lewdly and leaned closer once again. Remus only stared at him grimly.

"Moony, you never told me you actually fancy this ridiculous ponce here," Potter muttered as he left Sirius' neck alone and leaned against Remus' chair. "I thought you had already made up your mind about him, but... Actually, never mind that if it's really happening. Now, to the more important question. Why on bleeding Earth not me?"

"You know, that's a great question, James," Sirius noted while ignoring Remus' mumbling objections. He spoke to his best friend, "Although it's not that big of a surprise that he chose me. But if I explain his reasoning to you, it might come out as something rather biased." He turned to the werewolf. "Remmie, love, explain this to him."

Remus stared at his friends who were ogling at him like the two plonkers they were. "Are you two high?"

At once James turned to look at Sirius. "I don't remember smoking anything, do you?"

"Well, I used Incendio on Pete's arse hair yesterday," Black pondered. "Does that count?"

"No, it does not count," Remus snapped and turned his attention back to the essay. He chuffed, "Leave me alone, both of you. Go bother Snape."

"Now, love, don't be mad," Sirius muttered as he lifted his thumb once again to trace it over Lupin's jawline. Remus glared at him because of the continuous way his fingers fondled him. Whilst staring and caressing his face, Sirius smiled at the werewolf and said, "Tell you what. I'll leave you alone now, if you promise to give me a proper kiss."

"Oh, demanding!" Potter snorted. "This one I got to see. What are you going to say, Moony? Are you finally going to give in? Please, do give in."

Sirius let go off Remus. "Huh? Give me a kiss."

"Moony? Say something!"

Lupin had closed his eyes and was trying to calm himself down.

"Moony?" Potter asked again, and turned to Sirius. "Is he all right?"

"I don't know. Remus? See, these lips right here? They need you."

"Moonymoonymoonymoonymoony?"

Sirius started to sing Mary Had a Little Lamb, off-key. "Remmie had a pretty face, and lips like cherry plum, and everywhere that Remmie went, people checked out his bum!"

Remus opened his eyes but still kept quiet.

So, the singing idiot grabbed his face and kissed him on the lips without a warning.

It wasn't their first kiss, hell no. Sirius had previously stolen a couple of dozen of those from him, but Remus didn't know that; he was usually fast asleep and unknowing of the world around him when the Animagus decided that it was time for him to get some sugar. It definitely wasn't one of those kisses that wouldn't have left any doubt in the hearts of the passers-by whether the kissing boys had feelings towards each other or not. Nope. Black attacked the bewildered mouth in front of him with such a vigour that it seemed if he was a parched man who had spent five weeks in a desert and that Lupin was an oasis that would quench his never-ending thirst.

The oasis tried to push the now-drowning idiot away from him, but Sirius' grasp of his jaw was stronger. His tongue slid against Remus' lower lip, but didn't even try to get in for it knew that Remus was a hell of a biter – however, the small whimper that escaped from Remus' throat made Sirius wonder whether he should try and turn the kiss into a real snogging marathon.

Naturally Lupin disagreed on this. He smacked Sirius' head with a thick book he blindly found on the table, and once Sirius let go, the lycanthrope draw a raspy breath and groaned, "Blinding idiot, what are you doing? Get off me!"

And with an undeniably red face he grabbed his stuff and stumbled away from the two morons.

Potter, who had witnessed the episode from proximity, sat in Remus' still warm chair. He rubbed his nose. "Well, that was new."

Sirius' eyes followed Lupin's back as the geek stormed the stairs up to the dormitory room. "Rats, he's pipped."

"Sorry, mate."

"Well," Black said and run his thumb swiftly across his lips. "I can't give up even though he's mad."

"You know," James began and smiled. "If I read the colour of his complexion correctly, and for the record I did, I'd say he's mad about some canine, right about now," Potter lifted his hand for a fist bump, but got nothing.

"How can I get him?" Sirius whined as he watched James lower his hand. "I've tried for weeks now and he's still hates me! Am I doing something wrong?"

Potter lifted his legs on the table and crossed his hands behind his head. "Nah, Lily said he's just a difficult person to figure out."

"So the sex talk?"

"You should just try harder."

Black agreed. "You're right."

Cleaning his ever-dirty glasses on his sleeve, James said, "You know, yesterday she actually said that we suck at this stuff."

Sirius stared at him with widened eyes. "Not true. We're brilliant. We just fall for the wrong people. I mean, who the hell wants a sodding geek?"

"We do," James moaned. "And I hate these fucking hoops we have to jump through. Lily still won't grant me access under her skirt."

"Well Remus's doing exactly the same," Sirius muttered. "Except for the fact that he doesn't wear a skirt."

"Or that you two are not dating."

"One day that'll happen. And... maybe the skirt, too."

Potter gave him an understanding, brotherly nod as he placed his glasses back on his nose. "Might take some time."

Black slammed his forehead on the table. He talked to the soles of Potter's shoes, "I can't take this anymore, I have to go shag someone before I explode."

"We talked about this. Unfortunate for you, he's old-fashioned as hell, and I don't think bonking birds while trying to convince him that you're somewhat serious gives you extra pointers."

"Yeah, but I'm talking like blue balls, here. Blueberries, Potter. A bit bigger, though. And wanking..." Sirius made an extremely painful face. "Doesn't help!"

"We all suffer from the case of the blueberries. You should get Moony to touch you, mate. You think that'd help?"

"Are you kidding me? Of course it'd help. But when I suggest it to him, he smacks me," Black said. "What's with that? Once he hit me with a vase."

James smirked. "Well, I don't know if you want to hear this out loud, but I'd say you've got a problem, my dear man."

"If he would just let me show how good I'd make him feel, you know. I mean... I'm fucking ace. The King of Happy Endings! I've never left anyone unsatisfied."

"He's just too uptight. You need to get rid of his inhibitions," Potter said and suddenly something dawned on him. He sat down properly and grabbed Sirius by his shoulders. "Oh! You... you should get him drunk! You know what he's like when he drinks!"

"What, drunk?" Sirius asked but then a grin spread on his face. "Oh... OH! Yes! Why didn't I think of that? Potter, you're a genius! DRUNK!"

Sirius kissed his forehead.

Potter slammed a hand on his shoulder. "My man, do tell me if we still have those Firewhiskey bottles we got four weeks ago?"

Black shook his head, overly excited. "I don't remember getting anything, so I should think so!"

"Brilliant!"

Remus was lying on his bed with his back propped against a couple of pillows by the wooden headboard. He suppressed an exhausted groan as Sirius pranced towards him bearing an obnoxious beam with James on tow. Lupin tried to fixate his eyes on the boring text in front of him, but his cheeks decided to reveal his discomfort when Sirius lowered himself on the mattress and kept staring at him with blazing eyes.

With scarlet cheeks Lupin shot him a quick look. "Do you want me to smack you again? I have a book right here."

"Once was enough, love," Sirius grinned widely. "No, I was just wondering if I could kiss you again. I enjoyed it quite a bit just now and –"

"No."

"Oh come on, I'm asking nicely here!"

"And I'm saying no nicely. Bugger off. I'm reading."

Black let out a devastated moan and fell on his stomach on the bed.

James was leaning against one pole of Remus' bed and smiled jovially. "Ah, what cha reading there, Moony?"

"What's it to you? You're merely here to help Sirius to bother the hell out of me," Remus snorted and then muttered under his breath, "Bloody idiot twins."

"I just thought the book you've got there looks royally boring," Potter said. He ruffled his hair and smiled at Sirius who gave him the curious brow. Potter's goggles turned quickly back to Remus, who tried to keep his peepers on the book. James continued, "I'm sure there could be other things to do at this hour, except reading some medieval tome. It is Friday, after all."

"For example what?" Lupin asked as he lifted his gaze at the standing boy. He tried to ignore the way Sirius was crawling constantly, and definitely not subtly, closer to him. "I know it's Friday and 10pm, but I cannot sleep, for once I even try to do that you two start singing Christmas carols, or... building a dock under Peter's bed. I tried to finish my essay earlier, but that was a miserable failure because certain someone here has the worst possible grasp of boundaries and privacy."

Sirius smiled at him sheepishly while still moving closer. Lupin kept his eyes on James. "I don't feel like watching you two try to conquest some stupid girls in the common room, and I don't feel like socializing altogether, for I'm tense because the full moon is next week, so I want to be alone, in my bed, with this book."

Whilst he spoke, he slowly lifted his foot against Sirius' chest to push him farther away, for the guy was now trying crawl on top of him. Black didn't halt because of the weakling leg; he merely fell on his knees, took a tight grip on Lupin's shin and started to massage it.

Remus eyed him. "What are you doing."

"I told you before, Remus, you should try to relax." Sirius smiled as Lupin's cheeks reddened even more as a reaction to his soft kneading. "Oh, feel that? Even your shins are taut."

Black leaned down to place a kiss on the pyjama covered leg, but before he could do so, Lupin quietly growled behind his book, "If you so much as breathe on my leg, I'll make sure you'll never see your jaw again."

That certainly halted the Animagus. He backed his lips away from the leg and flashed Remus another affectionate smile.

Potter smirked at the flushed werewolf. "All right, we get it, you're tense."

"Understatement," Remus replied as he tried to kick Sirius away.

"Let me make you feel better!"

James shoved his hands into his pockets. He mulled over the next thing he was to say. "What if Sirius would stop trying to molest you –"

Sirius yelled at him, "Hey! Am not molesting –"

"Shut it. Moony, if he does that, would you be willing to try something else to relax?"

Lupin lowered the book on the mattress next to him and squinted at Potter. "Am I going to bonk someone?"

"No, no," Potter said and battled a grin. "I mean, that's only if you want to, but I'm talking about... uh, this new game I invented."

"Your inventions usually are notoriously hideous, James. We all know that," Lupin muttered and softly kicked Sirius when his long fingers accidentally slid to touch his knee. "Quit groping."

Black complained, "I'm barely touching you!"

"My knees are sensitive!" Remus snapped as he jerked his leg away from the boy. Not until when another lewd smirk spread across Sirius' face he realised what he just had revealed.

Sirius blew a kiss at him. "Now that information I'll use later."

"...Don't you dare."

Potter rolled his eyes at them. "Fine, it's your choice, Moony. But let me tell you something; Sirius here hasn't even started to molest you. You either choose my game, or I won't do a thing to stop him when he really starts."

Again Lupin took a quick look at Sirius who sat in front of him like a randy puppy. He then asked James without leaving Sirius' eyes, "Will my tensions... disappear?"

"Yes." Potter smiled even though no one saw. "I swear."

"And you promise... he won't harass me anymore?"

James nodded, feigning a dour look in his face. "Sure, I promise."

Black yelled, "HEY!"

"Fine, I'll do it," Remus said quickly and tried to scoot farther away from Sirius. Finally his eyes turned to James. "What sort of game is it?"

"No. Absolutely not," Remus grumbled. "This is the most idiotic thing I've ever heard. I won't do it."

"Padfoot," James cheered, "go get him, boy!"

Black licked his teeth and moved towards Remus who sat next to him on the floor, in a circle. Lupin backed timidly down as the boy crawled closer. Sirius stared at him. "Yours or mine, Remus? The floor's okay too, but if we do that you'll get... bruised."

Lupin whined, "Fine! Okay! I'll do it, just... No."

Sirius returned to his place with a pout on his face. Lupin sighed, relieved for some reason.

"All right, gentlemen," Potter slammed his hands together. "Let's start!"

"Wait," Peter cried beside him. "Uh, could you go through the instructions again? I didn't understand them."

"Oh, for crying out loud, Pete!" Sirius bitched. "They're not that difficult! I'm getting impatient here!"

Remus shot him a look. "Are you ovulating? Because, if you are, maybe you should go and take a hot shower."

"Only if you'll accompany me, love." Sirius' mood swinged and he smiled lecherously back at the boy. "Can't go alone, for it's awfully scary in the bathroom. I'll need you with me to hold me close."

Remus shook his head. "Never."

"Okay, we spin the Firewhiskey bottle, and the one whom the bottle neck points at, has two options – either to take a three second swig of the whiskey, or lose one of his garments."

Lupin crossed his legs. "And if you could please explain it to me again how will any of this make me more relaxed?"

"Moony, come on, don't be a killjoy. Just... don't," James said to him and turned back to Peter. "Got it?"

As Peter nodded, the geek shook his head. "This must be the stupidest game anyone has ever invented. I'm not even joking. I can tell you right now, it will not make me relaxed."

Sirius leaned closer to him. "I'll take care of that later, if you'll let me."

"The whole point of me doing this, Sirius, is that I don't have to let you... Ah!" Lupin jerked up with surprise and slapped Sirius' fingers away from him. "Hands off!"

Black pouted again as he drew his hand away. "But it wanted to be touched!"

This time, Remus moved closer and growled to his face, "I know exactly what my arse wants and it is not touching."

"Love," Sirius purred back. "Your arse wants things which existence you're not even aware of."

"Could we maybe concentrate on something besides Moony's arse for a second?" Potter groaned and placed his hand on the bottle. "I'll start."

He spun the bottle and once it ceased spinning, the neck pointed at Peter. The boy sweated tremendously.

James began, "So are you going to –"

"I'LL TAKE A SWIG OF THE WHISKEY!"

The three Marauders stared at him as he took the bottle with shaky hands and took a three second swig. With a cough he then closed the bottle and placed it on the rug. He blinked. "Uh yeah, not the biggest fan of the getting naked department."

"Thank god," Sirius muttered to himself.

"Right..." Potter said, stood swiftly up and fetched another bottle from his stash. He shook the extra bottle in his hand. "Thankfully we have booze enough to last for the rest of us, too."

Blushing, Peter spun the bottle and once it stopped, it pointed at Sirius. The boy smiled at Remus and bravely took a chug.

"Oh, that's nasty," he breathed once the bottle left his lips. Mimicking a fish on dry land he placed it back on the carpet and spun it. After a half of spin it stopped. "Aha! Potter!"

"Well, I guess I have to be the first real man, and to reveal some skin," James said solemnly and removed his right sock. He wiggled his toes at them. "Aren't they beautiful?"

Sirius rolled his eyes. "Bollocks," he snorted. "Spin the sodding bottle, you colossal Adonis."

The hunk did, and after the spin the neck pointed again at himself. Remus frowned as James removed his other sock. "So the spin counts even if you're the one who's spinning the bottle?"

"Of course it does!" Potter laughed and made the bottle move. "Why wouldn't it?"

The bottle stopped.

"Yes!" Sirius cheered as the cap greeted Remus. Lupin squinted at him and took a swig of the bottle. Black stared at him with gleaming eyes. "Oh, disappointment. I was hoping you'd remove your shirt."

"No," Remus said after wiping his mouth on his sleeve. "I'm only wearing my pyjamas, and it wouldn't take that many rounds of removing my clothes until I'd be completely naked."

Sirius turned to growl at James and Peter. "If you object I'll eat your heads."

The two Marauders shook the said threatened heads. Black turned back to Remus and flashed an euphoric smile at him.

Lupin merely placed his hand on the whiskey bottle while saying plainly, "No."

He spun the bottle and once stopped, the neck pointed at Sirius. He took the bottle and drank again, after he grimaced, "The taste really doesn't get any better, does it."

"Nope," Potter said and watched as Black spun the bottle. It pointed back at him.

"Another!" Sirius yipped at Remus who shook his head beside him. "Bottoms up!"

With a grunt he swallowed another swig of the burning liquor and closed the lid. After a pathetic spin the bottle neck pointed at Peter.

Pettigrew breathed happily. "Phew! I feared Padfoot was going to drink it all!"

"Stuff it, Pete."

Peter took a three second gulp. Like Sirius he groaned, closed the bottle and spun it on the rug.

The neck pointed at Remus.

Sirius turned immediately to him. "Shirt off? Let me see some skin."

"Still no," Remus sighed and while staring Sirius in the eyes he took the long, three second swig of the bottle. After swallowing the liquid, Remus had to take a deep breath. He even closed his eyes as he breathed. "Oh hell, this goes straight to my head."

Black smirked at the slight blush that crept on Remus' cheeks. Lupin opened his eyes while exhaling, lowered the bottle on the carpet and spun it.

It pointed back at him and he let out a whimper. "Oh god..."

Sirius leaned closer to him. "Look, if you don't want to drink, you can always –"

"I am not taking off my clothes," Lupin interrupted hastily and took the bottle. After drinking, he lowered the bottle back on the floor. He held his head between his hands and groaned, "This is going to be a long arse night."

19 MINUTES LATER

"I can't... uh, drink any... more," Remus uttered and tried to focus his eyes on the bottle. "Is it... is it pointing at me?"

Sirius was leaning on him and mumbled against his shoulder. "Yeah! Another swig!"

"Drink up, Moony!" Potter giggled from the floor on which he was sprawled.

"No, I'll... pass out... like Pete," Lupin said and shoved Sirius off him. "Move. I have to take off my... shirt."

He tried to, but Sirius noted, "You don't... have your shirt on, Remus."

"Wha–?" Lupin turned to look at himself and Black was right. He was only wearing his pyjama bottoms. "Where di...did my shirt go?"

Sirius stared at him adoringly. "Love... I think... Pete drank it."

"What shall I... take off then?"

"Bottoms," Sirius said and pointed the garment at hand. Remus stared at him in return.

"Then I'd be naked," he retorted drunkenly.

Potter sniggered, "Naked!"

Sirius carefully stood up. "If it... makes you feel better, then... I'll take mine off, too."

Lupin ignored him and muttered, "James."

"Yeah!"

"Can I take... off my hair ribbon? Does that count?"

"Sure, whatever!" Potter snorted. "I don't care."

"All right," Remus smiled lopsidedly and opened his hair. Sirius, high up above, left his opened trouser buttons alone and collapsed in a manly fashion on the floor next to Remus.

His drunken mouth hanged almost entirely open as he stared at the geek very closely. "Merlin Almighty."

Lupin tried to fix his eyes on the boy. "What."

Black scooted even closer. "Wolfie, you're... very... quite irresistible right now."

His hand reached to touch Remus' light brown hair, and oddly enough when his fingers slid to caress the boy's cheek, Remus didn't even flinch. His eyes only drooped half closed. "I've... told you not to call me Wolfie."

Sirius kneeled properly in front of him and warily cupped his pouting face. "Sorry."

"What... are you doing."

"You know what," Black leaned closer.

But before his lips even dared to think of touching Remus', the werewolf sputtered, "Loo."

Sirius' thumb needily brushed the boy's jawline, but he let go all the same. He crawled back to his original place, mumbling, "Loo..."

Remus kept his eyes on him, but as soon as Sirius returned the marvelling gaze, he turned to look away.

Somewhat blushing again, Remus tried to stand up, but his legs shook tremendously under him. With his drunken, yet strangely fast reflexes, Black jumped up and saved the werewolf from falling on the floor. Lupin's bony fingers grabbed his shoulders and he giggled against Sirius' bare neck, "It seems that... my legs have rotten."

"Yeah", Sirius breathed in his hair as his hands wrapped tightly around Remus' waist.

"You seem... uh, capable of holding me up," Remus muttered and tried to turn around in his grasp. "Let's go."

Sirius stared at his neck. "You... want me to come to the... bathroom with you?"

"How else am I going to stay up," Remus smiled drunkenly at him as he pulled away from his hold. "Are you stupid."

Sirius sniggered at his wobbly stance. "Can you even walk?"

Lupin waved his hand. "Of course I can, my... mother taught me."

"No, I mean... are you able to walk... at the moment?"

"Yes," Remus announced firmly and took one step forward, only to almost fall on his nose. Sirius quickly took a hold of him and pulled him back against his own chest. Remus giggled, "No, I can't!"

"Moony can't walk," Potter sang from the floor. "Moonwalk is tough business!"

Childishly Remus stuck his tongue out at James while Black tried to drag him towards the bathroom. The werewolf turned to look at Sirius, "James is... pissed."

"So are we," Sirius muttered back at him once they reached the inside of the small room. He walked the boy to the urinal, but as they stood there, Black keeping his warm arms around Remus' waist and waiting, Lupin did nothing. Sirius murmured to his neck, "Do you... need help?"

"I..." Remus breathed as he pressed his back against Sirius' torso. He placed his hand on Sirius', but it didn't rest there for long, for he took a firm grip of Black's right palm and snaked it downwards on his stomach.

Sirius tried to keep them both still as his hand glided on Remus' skin. "Wha–"

"Sirius," Lupin hummed quietly, and tentatively steered the hand under his waistband.

The Animagus fought a smirk as his fingertips travelled through the hair on their way down towards the boy's member, but when his hand was finally guided to its destination and Remus gasped lightly at the touch, Black decided to stop fighting and let a happy grin spread on his face. He pecked Remus' cheek as the boy kept his own hand on top of Sirius' as a demand of a tighter grip. He inquired softly, "Remus?"

Lupin already breathed heavily as he rested his head on Sirius' shoulder. "Mo... move."

"Move?"

"Your... hand."

Black smiled against his throat and did as he was told.

Remus gripped Sirius' wrist as his hand slowly started to move on the soft skin. The werewolf's other hand flew to pull Sirius' head closer to his own throat.

As he felt Remus' already half erect shaft harden under his touch, Sirius pressed a kiss on the boy's jaw and whispered, "You like this, don't you."

"Ngh," Lupin replied intelligently and bucket his hips forward.

Sirius' forefinger settled a nest on the tip of Remus' dick, rubbing it softly and making the boy moan against him. His other hand roamed on his stomach, pulling him closer. Sirius kept pressing heated kisses on Remus' neck, and he could feel the groans building inside his throat.

With his hand moving slowly yet assertively from the heated base to the already dripping tip, fingers spreading the pre-cum and making the throbbing flesh slicker, Sirius dearly enjoyed the way the every single gentle movement made Remus' whimpering even needier. The endearing way which the werewolf mumbled incoherencies and something that remotely reminded Sirius of his own name made his own situation down in south grow steadily larger. He noticed it was rather difficult for him to stay on his wobbly feet.

Wanting to hear more of Remus' slight gasping, his hand worked on the boy's lust more ardently, as if making Remus come would ease his own blue-ballsy pain.

However, Lupin's shaky fingers moved to halt the hungry movement of his hand, and his heart pounding against the geek's back as both of their hands slipped out of Remus' pyjamas bottoms, Sirius breathed, "What?"

The werewolf feebly turned around and once he had gotten a steady grip of Sirius' shoulders, he panted against his lips, "B... bed."

Sirius' eyes widened in surprise but a second later he was already yanking Lupin out the bathroom.

Once they returned to the other room, Black called hastily, "Potter! Pete!"

The boys on the floor did not react.

"Perfect," he muttered quietly and hauled Remus towards the canopy bed. He pushed the panting boy on the mattress and was already climbing on top of him, when Remus stopped him and breathed, "No."

Sirius groaned, "Are you fucking kidding me."

"I me... mean." Lupin swallowed and fixed his eyes on those before him, "You lie on the bed."

"But I –"

Not ready to hear an objection of any kind, Remus again grabbed his shoulders and pushed the surprised boy on the bed, straddling his hips. He ground his throbbing erection against the growing bulge in Sirius' trousers and as a reply Black let out a rather prurient grunt and took a tight grip of the duvet under him. The geek dreamily ran his hands on Sirius' sides, his fingertips playing on his slightly visible ribs, and occasionally he even let a nervous thumb cross his nipple, making the boy heave just a little bit from the mattress as he bucked his hips up against Remus crotch.

Lupin moved towards his face and his eyes met with Sirius' dilated ones. He stared soulfully into his eyes and whispered, "Why."

"What? Why –" Black's weak answer was cut short for Remus' hand entered his trousers and took a steady hold of Sirius' already hard cock. Black snapped his eyes close and tried his best to stifle a moan as Remus ran his fingers across his aching length. The boy rested his forehead on Sirius' and spoke while his hand stroked the hot, swelled shaft under him, "Why do you... try to do this. All the time."

Sirius immediately opened his eyes, left the mattress alone and cupped the lycanthrope's face with his sweaty hands. He lifted the flushed face to be just a mere inch from his, then swallowed hard and murmured, "Because."

He pulled Remus into a kiss, but when his hand snaked from the boy's face to grope his crotch, the kiss soon turned into a moaning competition.

While keeping their lips locked and stroking each other's flesh, Lupin lifted a free hand to gently touch Sirius' face. He broke off the kiss, stopped moving his hips and panted while staring at the Animagus, "Could we... try something."

Not even knowing what the other boy wanted, Sirius nodded. He grunted desperately when Remus let go off his cock and moved so that Sirius had no other choice than to do the same. However, when the werewolf proceeded on pulling his trousers off him, freeing his aching member, Sirius couldn't help but smile.

Remus' eyes were briefly nailed on the exposed flesh in front of him, but soon enough he let his own erection out of his trousers, and pressed it firmly against Sirius'.

The wave of pleasure that travelled through his entire body made Sirius want to close his eyes, but he couldn't. He kept them on Remus' adorable face as he wrapped his fingers around them both, making the werewolf hunch back on him, face on Sirius' face, lips on his lips.

Effortlessly Lupin wrapped his hands around Sirius' neck, pulling him closer and kissing him while the other boy's hand was doing miracles between their sweating, grinding bodies. Sirius' other hand had slid to rest on Remus' lower back to keep their rhythm steady.

And as if the lone palm wasn't enough, Remus remove his fingers from Sirius' hair and placed them on his sweating, slippery ones atween them.

The light feeling of Remus' trusting hand on his made Sirius whimper pathetically into Lupin's mouth. All the while the movement of their hands and hips became more frantic as the tension grew inside them.

Remus broke the kiss to bury his face into Sirius' neck. While breathing in the sweaty skin, he hummed, "Sirius..."

"Mhh?" Black kissed his shoulder and tried to swallow away the hot, burning feeling that was curling inside him.

"Sirius," the werewolf cried. "Ah... I'm..."

As Remus abruptly stiffened above him, Sirius left the boy's hand alone in between them, and steered his flushing face into a soothing kiss. Remus kept his eyes closed as Sirius kissed him, his own hand still stroking the Animagus' dripping member. While trying to keep his orgasm in control, Remus almost bit Sirius' tongue off as he came on both of their stomachs.

Watching how the absolutely dishevelled lycanthrope lost himself on top of him, Sirius couldn't keep it in anymore.

Two weeks, 4 days, 22 hours and approximately 45 minutes of hellish abstinence erupted from inside of him as Remus gave the last of his lovely, bone-fingered strokes.

"Remus?"

The werewolf laid next to him on the bed, eyes clearly open and staring at him, but he said nothing.

Sirius watched his frowning face, and tried again. "Remus."

Lupin drew the duvet to cover his head. From under it Black could hear, "Oh god, I cannot believe I just did that."

After tugging the duvet off of Remus, Sirius smiled at his beetroot face. "Not blaming me, then, are you?"

"I did that," Lupin muttered as he hurriedly sat up in front of him. He dragged the duvet again with him and whined drunkely, "Me! If I wasn't so bloody horny all the time –"

He shut up.

"What." Staying still and very quiet Remus watched as Sirius quickly sat up. And as he was not getting an answer, he asked again. "What?"

"Don't judge me," Lupin said quietly and covered his torso with the duvet. "It's the full moon! It's... I can't... help it."

"You're horny?" Remus meekly nodded. Sirius gently grabbed his shoulders. "Since when... have you been horny during full moon?"

"Ever since I turned fifteen?" the lycanthrope muttered and tried to turn away, but Sirius kept him still.

"Explain?"

"I..." Remus couldn't find words.

"Don't pull the drunken slur act on me now, Lupin," Sirius said and moved closer while gripping the boy tight. "Explain this uh, horny... thing, business. Are you in heat?"

Smacking him in the shoulder, Remus groused, "No, you idiot! I'm not in heat!"

Sirius stared at him with furrowed brows. "Then what?"

"Well, I've had this... strange... energy in me before full moon."

"I've noticed nothing."

The geek shrugged. "That's because I've been able to hide it rather well... but..." Sirius raised his brows again at him but said nothing. Lupin lowered his gaze on their laps. "But after last full moon... which was when you started talking nonsense to me... I've... been having self-control problems."

"What?"

Remus lifted his eyes on his face. "You, talking like that... 'Remus, love, fancy a quick shag in the broom closet?' – it has been driving me insane, and... I've barely been able to keep my hands off you."

Black gaped. "I don't understand."

"Oh fucking hell," Potter's drunken, creaky voice groaned from the floor. "He's horny for you, Sirius, you bloody dimwit! Has been for three weeks already! How hard it is to understand! He speaks English!"

Sirius turned his eyes back to Remus, who was positively red. "Really?"

"I tried to be a nasty arsehole towards you, but you still kept coming at me," Lupin muttered as his fingers danced on the duvet. "I was afraid that if I gave in to this... urge, it'd only get stronger over time and I'd only get hornier. No one wants that."

"Aha. So, you're saying..." Sirius closed his eyes as he tried to calm himself down. "That... these last three weeks, during which I had no sex at all, I could have been having it off with you?"

He opened his eyes and saw Remus grinning at him in an apologising manner. Instinctively the werewolf backed off the bed. "I'm sorry?"

"Sorry, my arse, Wolfie!" Black grunted and tried to attack him, but only fell on his stomach on the bed. "Come back! I'm going to take what should have been mine these past three weeks!"

"Ah, no! James, help!" Remus yelped as he rushed to the bathroom with Sirius running behind him.

Potter mumbled as he turned over on the rug, "No."