Out of hair spay
a/n WARNING this story is CRACK, CRARK i tell. i was on CRACK when i wrote it, soooo it's REALLY RANDOM. TO all the HIEI (bolded and italic cuz he too cool) fans plz done flame me (only constructve flames plz) I know I think I fully killed the cool image of him. TO that I apologise. take bow
WARNING story is Completely and utterly insane crack, do not take any of it seriously (doing so may cause harm to you mentally as well as physically. Contains crossdressing, weird sexual assult, random a/n's , things falling from sky so watch yourself. May also contain traces of nuts.
Disclaimer: I DON'T OWN YU YU HAKUSHO NOR DO I WANT TO (there I said it) because I'll screw it up if I did.
I accept reviews and constructive flames.
--
Hiei was in his bathroom doing his usual routine when he reached in to the cupboard and realises he has run out of hair spray.
(Hiei screams like a girl) (A/n WTF)
Hiei: now what? I can't go out like this? And who can I ask to go for me?...yusuke? Nah his gonna blackmail me for the rest of my life ...Kurama? nahh he'll probably laugh too hard and then he'll blackmail me...kuwab- What the fuck am I thinking? HELL NO
Hiei is now pacing, thinking what to do. he decides to go out himself, but wear a hat so he could tuck his hair in it.
Hiei walking outside.
hiei: I'm so smart I should have thought of this sooner. (walking without a care in the world)
Suddenly WHOOSHHHHHHHHHHH!! A big gust of wind blew and when I say big I mean big, so big it blew hiei's hat off along with him. (in opposite directions).
Hiei: shit now what?
Hiei is strandered in an unknown area... hiei in "LOST IN FOOTSCRAY" (a/n jokes. .)
Hiei strandered in an unknown area.
hiei: shit! now what?
He runs around in circles wondering what to do. He decides to hide and try to steal a kid's hat.
hiei stands in the corner watching the kids play in the park and found his next victim.
hiei: that kid in the sandpit he has a hat and he's not using it. grin
hiei uses his super speed and runs towards the hat but unfortunately the kid decides to dump sand on it. As soon as he felt the sand he went back into hiding.
hiei: FUCK that stupid kid! How dare he dump sand on me. dusting off the sand
hiei: better think of a new plan.
hiei is prepared to do almost anything for the stupid kid's stupid hat.
hiei sneaks up to the sandpit and bury himself in the sand. (a/n yep he buries himself) He then crawled and dug his way to the hat but by the time he got there the kid has build a sand castle right in front of him. (Unintentionally) he decides to go back into hiding. This time he decided to come from above then upon realising that everyone in the whole playground would see him, he went to plan d. And just go up there and take it.
But by the time he decided than all the kids have left.
hiei: OMG...FUCK THIS... New plan
Hiei walks around a bit but suddenly a crappy shop falls out of the sky.
Hiei: WTF?
Hiei decides to steal. He went to a hat shop that he saw a stole a hat with his super speed. Little did he know about the nightmares it would bring later on.(a/n by nightmares I meant problems) The crappy outdoor hat shop had security cameras.
So anyways hiei is on his way to buy hair spray when the wind strikes again and blow his hat off again.
Hiei: What the fuck? Is it me or is it windy today, this is not normal, because the fucken weather guy didn't say anything about it being windy. If I ever get a chance I will kill him.
meanwhile
Jin: Darnit, I missed de target again. me wind is getin a twee bit sloppy.
back to hiei
Hiei: I had hoped it wouldn't have to come to this but it has left me no choice.
He pulls a bag out of no where a changes.
Hiei now wearing girls clothes and he sets off once again. (a/n o.0)
hiei: If I'm cross dressing nobody would notice a guy with abnormally long hair and just think I'm a girl.
So anyways hiei is now pretending to be a girl and has finally made it to the supermarket.
He runs into a punk.
punk: he you just run into me and you're not gonna apologise? I think I'll have to teach you a lesson.
hiei grabs the guy by the shirt and pulls him down to his height.
hiei: I'm in a bit of a hurry so would you just PISS OFF? in his angry guy voice
The other guy just runs off.
Hiei is inside looking for the hair products idle when he spots Yusuke.
hiei thinks: shit if he recognises me I'm done for.
yusuke's looking around when he spots an odd looking girl the size of hiei. He decides to tease her a bit.
Yusuke: hey you over there you're looking weird. You're just as short as a guy I know.
Hiei: Who are you calling short? Hiei thinks: shit .. i hope he didn't notice that
yusuke sweat drops. Yusuke thinks: What a weird girl? Sounds just like... No way it can't be... maybe she is... IN LOVE WITH ME(a/n the underlined part was a joke to lighten the mood)
Yusuke is staring at hiei weirdly.
hiei thinks: What the fuck is he staring at?
Well hiei is now looking around at all the different types of hair spray when sirens go of and flash's of red light everywhere.
hiei thinks: Now what?
Microphone: Attention customers please do not be alarmed but we believe that there is a thief hiding amongst you. He or she is believed to be about 149cm (4'9ft) tall and has black hair.
Yusuke: I think they're talking about you.
Hiei runs away as fast as he could but it was too late he was caught and brought down town for questioning.
Cop: We caught you on camera stealing or are you still denying it?
Hiei: imitates girl voice - I told you I have no idea what you're talking about.
Cop: If it isn't you on the camera then prove it?
Hiei observes video.
Hiei thinks: shit it really is me. To think that the crappy, outdoor (did i forget to mention outdoor) shop have high speed camera's. Wait I know
Hiei: girl voice - You have the wrong person that isn't me that is a boy.
Cop: I know that but he looks like.y-
Hiei: interupts - Are you saying I look like a guy to you?
Cop: now scared - No of course not.
The cop walks out of the room and another comes in.
Cop: Sorry about my partner, he's just weird sometimes. So lets see the person in the camera is not you, is that what you're saying?
Hiei: girl voice now pissed - yes
Cop: Well seeing as this is going nowhere, I think I can help you out. creepy grin - what I mean is I'll help you and you're going to help me.
Hiei: confused look - Help you?
Cop: grin - Yes, you're going to do me a little favour.
The cop walks closer to him. Grabs him or should I say her and push him against the wall.
Hiei was too suprise to do anything just stood there. The cop is feeling him and is then reaching his hand lower when out of reflect Hiei kicks him.
Hiei: What the fuck do you think you're doing to me? pulls out his sword.
Cop: What you're a guy?
Suddenly Kurama walks in with another cop.
Hiei soo shocked he turned white.
Kurama: giggles - Hiei? What are you doing here? And what are you wearing?
Cop2: Is he a friends of yours?
Kurama: yes he is. So about the case you want me to help you with something about a thief?
Cop2: Well that friends of yours is the main suspect? Or should I say he is the culprit.
Kurama: I don't think Hiei would steal a little thing such as a hat wouldn't you Hiei?
Hiei: hn
Kurama: Did you?
Hiei: hn
Kurama: You did, didn't you?
Hiei: hn
Cop2: haha hahaha
Kurama: I am sorry for this Mr Wakashima. Hiei you will return the hat at once and apologise. The Kimera family won't have people stealing from them.
Hiei: But it's just a stupid hat from some outdoor hat store.
Kurama: not buts Hiei. The hat still belongs to the Kimera family.
Hiei: but it just a stupi-
Kurama: not buts. If it was just a stupid hat why did you steal it in the first place?
Hiei frozen.
Cop2: Well I think you might as well get your friend to apologise now seeing as though Mr Kimera is here.
Hiei: depressed tone - I'm sorry for steal your stupid hat.
Kimera: What?
Cop2: oh well
Cop gets up.
Cop: Did you guys forget about me?
Kurama: What's with him?
Hiei using his super speed again stops him.
Cop is now back on the floor
Hiei: Nothing
Hiei and Kurama walks out of the police station.
Kurama: By the way Hiei why are you wearing that?
Hiei suddenly remembers that he was still crossdressing.
Hiei: It's a long story.
Kurama: Okay then let's here it.
Hiei: blabbing : well first I woke up and then I ran out the hair spray and then i went out to get some but I couldn't go out as I was and so I got my hat and went to go get some but then the wind blew really hard and blew me and the hat away and then i saw this kid and he wasn't using his hat so i tried to take it but then I couldn't 'cause he did all this stuff to me like chuck sand at me then I saw the crappy shop fall out of the sky and I was thinking what the hell so I took the hat then the wind blew again and i decided to dress up and then I went to the supermarket but then I ran into Yusuke and then all these lights started flashing and I'm thinking OMG and then the cop dragged me away and then this cop started questioning me about god knows what and then he did believe me when I said I did know and then he said my perfect disguise didn't look perfect enough and then I scared him a bit and he ran off but then this other cop came in and said he could help me but only if I helped him back and I though like hey it might not be so back it helped me out a bit but then I thought help him? No way in hell am I doing that but first I thought help how? but then he walked over and he started feeling me and when a said feel I meant really feel me and then I kicked him and he fell across the room and was like what you're a guy and fainted and then you walked in and yeah
Kurama bursts out in laughter after hearing the adventures of his short friend although he didn't understand half of what Hiei just said.
Hiei realises he just told his friend everything though he was supposed to make up half of it, something like the hat flew on my head, the peverted cop made him dress up and stuff like that.
Kurama: you should've call me or kuwabara?
Hiei: HELL NO I'm not asking a favour from THAT KITTEN RAPER.
Kurama: Kitten raper? Never mind why didn't you call me
Hiei: quiet embarassed voice - you would've laughed at me.
Kurama: no I wouldn't
Hiei: yes you would've
The convosation continued.
The next morning.
Hiei was in his bathroom doing his usual routine when he reached in to the cupboard and realises he didn't buy any hairspray
(Hiei screams like a girl)
Hiei: FUCK THAT!
Hiei stayed home, lying half dead on his bed for the next few days.
--
THE END
--
a/n : okay I know I fully stuffed it. Flame me all you want, just let it all out I don't care anymore. I use your flames to roast marshmellows. YAY XD
At the end Hiei was really OOC and just drabbling. AND about the Kitten Raper it was just I story I wrote years ago, I kinda lost it. I rewrite it if you like but that was just some more insane crack.
If there was any typeos or mistakes tell me I'll fix it up ASAP
DON'T FORGET TO REVIEW.
That's all for now - XXMIKIXX