Disclaimer: I do not own the Fairy Tail series or any of the characters.
Summary: Lucy needs some cheering up, and Natsu is just the man for the job. But the advice he's getting seems a bit strange. Will breakfast really help? More importantly, is Gray's face going to freeze that way? Why did Bixlow just spit his beer? What's wrong with Romeo? And will Gajeel ever find the answer to the question everyone's wondering about?
Sausages - A Breakfast Story
Natsu Dragneel, quite possibly the most cheerful mage in Fairy Tail, was moping.
Freshly returned from a mission, the pink-haired pyromaniac dragged himself into the guild hall without an ounce of his normal energy, causing all of his guildmates to stare at the unusual sight. Oblivious to their gazes, Natsu parked himself at the bar, raised a hand half-heartedly to request a drink from Mirajane, and then let himself slump forward until his face hit the counter with a dull thud.
"Natsuuuu..." Happy called plaintively, following his partner into the guild. The blue cat hovered over the motionless figure for a moment, before releasing his Aera spell and landing atop the mess of pink hair. He poked and prodded the dragon slayer, trying to elicit a response. "Natsu, you're no fun today."
There was no reaction, and after a few more attempts, Happy gave up. "I'm going to go find Carla," he announced, and swooped away to go looking for the object of his affections.
Natsu didn't move until Mirajane brought him some cinnamon spiced ale that she knew he was partial to. She was unsure if it was the scent or the sound that roused him as she set the tankard on the bar next to his head; she was just glad to see him react at all. But even then, he only lifted his head far enough to get his lips on the rim of the mug, tipping it towards his mouth without the use of his hands. He noisily gulped the liquor down, tipping the mug further and further until finally his chin collided with the bar and the tankard rolled to the side, spilling the remainder of its contents.
Mira, who had watched all of this with a certain amount of concern (and fascination; how often did you see someone drink without using their hands?), whisked the mug away before grabbing a towel. Natsu stared at the spreading puddle forlornly, and then put his face in it.
Mirajane tsk-ed under her breath as she wiped up the mess, grabbing a handful of Natsu's hair to lift his head so she could clean beneath him. He didn't struggle at all, and only stared at her when she started wiping off his face with a clean corner of the towel. She was starting to feel quite worried about him.
"Natsu, is something wrong?" she asked as she mothered him. "You're acting very... odd."
Natsu let out a heartfelt sigh. "Lucy's sad. The job was awful, and the client was an asshole and made her feel bad about herself, and we didn't even get paid 'cause I got mad and broke something."
"You didn't even get part of the reward?" Mira asked, setting aside her towel. "What was it that you broke?"
Natsu scowled mildly. "The client's nose."
"Oh," Mira said, reevaluating Natsu's description of the client as an "asshole". Natsu usually managed to restrict himself to property damage, and it would take quite a lot of provocation for him to resort to assaulting someone who was supposed to be paying him money.
She exchanged troubled glances with Cana and Erza, both of whom were nearby. In the last few weeks, the guild had exerienced a run of bad luck with problematic clients. Mira made a mental note to have a serious chat with Master Makarov about the issue. Fairy Tail wasn't desperate for work any longer; they could afford to be more choosy about the jobs they allowed on the request board.
Never mind; Erza was heading towards the Master's office, frowning pensively. Mirajane could cross that task off her list. Erza would see to it that the problem was solved.
Meanwhile, Natsu visibly drooped. "When we got back, Lucy went straight home and said she was going to go to bed early. But she's probably gonna cry in the shower first, because she thinks I won't know if she cries when the water's running. But I can always tell. Salt washes off, but not sadness."
Poor Natsu! He was just too cute when he was upset on Lucy's behalf. Those two really needed to hurry up and get together. It was clearly a love-match made in heaven!
"Maybe you can think of something to cheer her up," Mira suggested.
"Maybe," Natsu answered. He didn't look hopeful.
"You should take her on a date tomorrow!" Mira exclaimed, seizing the opportunity to tinker with her friends' love lives. It was for their own good, after all!
Natsu squinted at her without the slightest sign of comprehension. "Why?"
Mirajane opened her mouth to elaborate, but she was interrupted.
"I bet I know what'd cheer her up!" Gajeel announced, flashing a naughty grin.
"Gajeel..." Mira warned, but he ignored her.
"C'mere, Salamander," Gajeel continued, as some of the others — particularly the men — began to echo his smirk. "I'll tell you what'cha gotta do. Gi hee!"
::oo::oo::oo::
Lucy awoke sometime in the night to the familiar feeling of her bed being invaded by a living furnace. Sighing in resignation, she rolled towards Natsu's warmth, willing to take whatever comfort she could get, and went back to sleep.
It was morning the next time she woke. The sun was shining in her window, the birds were chirping, and there was noise coming from her kitchen. Noise, and smells.
Delicious smells. Her stomach growled hungrily, reminding her that she had missed supper the night before.
Confused, she lifted her head and looked around, trying to figure out what was going on. The blankets beside her were rumpled, as expected, but there was no sign of Natsu. She could only assume that he was the source of the ruckus in her kitchen, probably eating her out of house and home.
She was just sitting up, debating on whether or not to get out of bed and attempt to defend her food supply, when Natsu appeared in the doorway, holding a tray.
"Oh! You're already awake," he said, pausing. "I guess I'll have to skip Cana's advice. It didn't make sense anyway."
Before she could try to decipher that statement, Natsu came to her bedside and set the tray on her lap.
"What's all this?" she asked, staring in surprise.
"Breakfast!" Natsu announced happily. "To cheer you up!"
Dumbfounded, Lucy eyed Natsu's idea of "breakfast". Buttered toast, a glass of orange juice, two fried eggs (with the yolks unbroken and still slightly runny, just how she liked them), and for some strange reason, no less than eight nicely browned breakfast sausages.
It smelled greasy and heavy and salty, nothing like her usual breakfasts. Her mouth watered.
"I usually just have yogurt or a muffin in the morning," she said, trying to wrap her head around the idea of Natsu presenting her with breakfast in bed.
"Oh, it had to be sausages," Natsu said. "That's what Gajeel told me, anyway. I thought it seemed strange, but he swore it'd cheer you right up. And look, you're smiling now!"
She was smiling. She couldn't help it. This was just one more item in a long list of sweet things Natsu had done for her. It probably ranked higher than anything except the rainbow sakura tree incident. One of these days, she was really going to have to work up the nerve to let him know how she felt about him.
"Eat up!" Natsu urged her. "It might not be as good if it gets cold."
"Okay, I'm eating!" She giggled at his enthusiasm, picking up her fork and breaking the yolks of the eggs so she could dip her toast in them. "Wow, this is really good! I didn't know you could cook without setting everything on fire."
"I like when everything tastes a little charcoal-y," Natsu answered. "But I know you don't, so I was really careful, even though that takes the fun out of it." He pouted, and she laughed at his cute face.
"Thanks, Natsu," she told him. "This was just what I needed."
Natsu grinned and ducked back into the kitchen to get his own tray. For a while, the only noises in Lucy's apartment were the sounds of chewing, cutlery on plates, and Lucy's occasional compliments.
"I'm curious," Lucy said, when her eating had slowed to a halt. She'd probably eaten way too much, but it was so good that she couldn't help it. "You said Gajeel told you to make me breakfast? It seems a little unexpected, coming from him."
"I know," Natsu replied, furrowing his brow. "The others were all giving me advice, too, but I only understood about half of it. And I'm not sure why they kept laughing."
"Oh?"
"Yeah, and then Macao gave me baking advice, but I don't know how to make buns, so leaving one in your oven wasn't a problem."
Lucy nearly choked on her own spit. She stared at Natsu's honest, unassuming face as her mind raced.
"Natsu, tell me everything," she insisted. "Word for word."
"Well..." Natsu thought hard. "First Gajeel said he knew what would cheer you up, but then Bixlow interrupted and said I should hop into bed with you. I already do that all the time, so that part was easy. And Cana said I had to wake you up with a kiss —"
Natsu blushed slightly, scratching his head as he averted his eyes. "— but you were already awake by the time I finished making breakfast, so I didn't get to find out if that would have helped anything. Then Gajeel said, 'And that's when you slip her the sausage,' and everyone laughed. So I thought maybe he was joking, and I asked if that would really work, and he promised that it would. And that's when Macao sorta pulled me aside and said, 'Hey, be careful you don't leave her with a bun in the oven, you know?' And then I came here."
Lucy's cheeks felt like they were burning. She didn't know which was worse; the fact that their guildmates had made such suggestions, or the fact that she was going to have to explain to Natsu what they really meant. Because she couldn't leave him ignorant, no matter how much she wished that she could just feign ignorance herself. Who knew what he might unknowingly admit to if he didn't understand their innuendos? And that could be embarrassing for both of them.
"Um, Natsu, I don't think they were talking about you cooking breakfast for me."
"Huh? Really? Then what did they mean?"
She sighed, cursing their friends in her head. "I think 'sausage' was a metaphor for something else. If you think about the context of Cana's suggestion, you can probably figure out what Gajeel actually meant. It certainly makes more sense, considering who said it."
She watched Natsu's face as he frowned with effort, clearly exerting his brain beyond its usual workload.
As embarrassing as the whole thing was, it was sort of funny, too. Natsu's misinterpretation of the advice he'd received had still allowed him to accomplish his goal. He'd cheered her up wonderfully. Lucy felt a smile tugging at the corners of her mouth, and worked hard to keep a straight face. This would not be a good moment to make Natsu think she was laughing at him. He was a surprisingly sensitive creature at times.
She could pinpoint the moment when Natsu figured it all out. He'd been staring at the leftovers on Lucy's plate (mostly sausages, as there was no way she could eat eight of them), when his gaze suddenly darted to his lap, just before his eyes went wide.
"Oh," he said, sounding startled.
"Yeah," Lucy confirmed, trying not to blush any more than she already was.
There was an awkward pause, during which Natsu tried very hard not to look at her.
"How's that supposed to help?" he muttered, his face turning red. He sounded very flustered by the notion. "I've never... What if I was bad at it? That would probably make you even more upset."
"They were teasing you," Lucy attempted to soothe him. "Ignore them when they say things like that."
But Natsu didn't seem to be listening anymore. He seemed to be thinking very hard. Finally, he gave a big sigh.
"Well, I guess, since it's you," he announced, sounding determined, "If that's what it takes, then I'll give it a shot."
"What..." Lucy's brain stalled as Natsu grabbed both of their trays and set them on the floor.
"Natsu, wait, what are you... Mmmpff..."
::oo::oo::oo::
It was late in the morning, and Gajeel was just beginning to wonder if he should have an early lunch first, or check to see if there were any jobs that weren't utter crap. As he sat, lazily weighing the urgency of the two options, he spotted Natsu and Lucy entering the guild, both looking happy. Very happy.
Gajeel watched them as they stopped by the bar to talk to Mirajane, taking note of little things like proximity, and glances, and other subtle body language. None of it was out of the ordinary, but he thought he could detect some undercurrent between the two, and it was making him suspicious. But admittedly, Gajeel was suspicious pretty much all of the time.
He sniffed the air for clues, but those two always smelled vaguely like each other just from being in close contact so frequently. Judging from the soapy scents, they'd both showered very recently, so Gajeel's nose wasn't going to tell him anything useful.
They split off in separate directions, Lucy joining several of the other women, while Natsu headed... towards Gajeel.
"Hey Gajeel!" the pyromaniac said. "Thanks for the advice yesterday. It worked great! You were right, it really cheered her up!"
Gajeel decided that it was probably a good thing that he hadn't ordered an early lunch, because he probably would have accidentally swallowed his fork (admittedly, this wouldn't be nearly as much of a problem for him as it would be for most people).
Natsu beamed happily, rocking on his heels with his hands in his pockets, oblivious to the dumbfounded looks he was receiving from everyone within earshot. It was mostly the men, because the women were all over by the bar with Lucy, and not paying attention. In fact, whatever the Bunny Girl had just said to them over there, it was provoking more than a few giggles and squeals.
No way... they couldn't have... could they?
"You... are you saying you actually did it?" Gajeel asked.
"Oh yeah, just like you told me. 'Slip her the sausage', you said, right?" Natsu grinned, looking proud. "Well, I gave her all the sausage she could handle. She just couldn't get enough, but I always like a challenge, and in the end, she had as much as she could take. She said she didn't think she'd be able to walk afterwards."
It was clear that Gajeel wasn't the only one having a hard time processing the idea of Fairy Tail's resident man-child finally giving his busty teammate a good seeing to. Those old farts, Macao and Wakaba, were nearly hanging off their chairs as they listened in, Wakaba's cancer stick dangling unheeded from his lower lip, dropping ash all over the table. Macao's brat, who hadn't been present at yesterday's discussion, was red-faced and wide-eyed, looking torn between embarrassed shock and adolescent intrigue. Near the window, Elfman stammered something about manliness, but no one paid much attention. Two tables over, Laxus was looking mildly perplexed, as if he had just landed in an alternate dimension where there existed a version of Natsu who had actually discovered girls. Seated across from him, Bixlow was laughing (joined in chorus by his "babies"), while Freed just looked vaguely uncomfortable. Meanwhile, Gray stood frozen in place (possibly literally), resembling an underwear-clad statue, while his mouth hung open in an unflattering way. He appeared to be stunned, and maybe even slightly traumatized.
"Oh! Hey, Macao," Natsu said, with an air of having just remembered something as he turned towards the other man. "Thanks for the warning, but don't worry. Leaving buns in her oven wasn't a problem, 'cause I don't know how to bake. But I can sure cook an awesome breakfast!"
There was a moment's silence.
"For fuck's sake..." Laxus muttered, losing interest and turning back to his friends.
"What a moron," Gray commented, rolling his eyes.
Macao dropped his face into his hands and shook his head in exasperation.
Romeo appeared to still be lost in his own exciting world of dirty thoughts, but he was fourteen, so his condition surprised no one. Kindly, they all pretended not to notice.
Natsu didn't seem to be aware of anything out of the ordinary taking place around him, or that the things he'd said were at all unusual. How could someone be so incredibly dense? It had to be an act!
Gajeel decided to get some clarification, just in case. "You... cooked her breakfast?"
Natsu nodded. "Yeah, you said she needed lots of sausages, right?"
But — there! — as Natsu turned away to wave at Lucy — and why did she seem so flirty when she waved back? — Gajeel was sure that he spotted a strange glint in the other dragon slayer's eyes. What was that? Humour? Smugness? Deception? What?
But if Natsu was spinning bullshit, that would suggest that he actually possessed the intelligence to pull off such a scheme. It involved carefully choosing his words, schooling his expression, toying with their thoughts. And even if Natsu was capable of that sort of manipulation, it still didn't tell Gajeel which part was bullshit! Was the guy actually oblivious, or just pretending? And if he was pretending, had the pair actually done the deed or not?
Now Lucy left the bar and made her way over to where her teammate stood.
"Mirajane saved a great job for us," she said, handing Natsu a flyer. The smile she gave him seemed different than usual. Secretive. Exclusive. Was there something going on after all? Or was she just playing along with some sort of joke?
"Awesome! Let's go!" Natsu exclaimed, grinning, and she giggled — giggled? what for? — in return.
Then Lucy suddenly turned to Gajeel. "I understand that you're the one I should thank for giving Natsu such great advice." She smiled happily. "I had no idea Natsu was so talented. I've never been so stuffed in all my life!"
Gajeel stared speechlessly as his train of thought took a rapid detour straight into the gutter. Gray tripped over nothing, and Bixlow spat out a mouthful of beer, catching Freed in the face. Wakaba started choking on ash and coughed helplessly until Macao absently slid his drink towards him.
But all of that was mere background noise compared to Romeo, who sprang from his seat with a panicked expression, snatching up a copy of Sorcerer Weekly magazine to clutch in front of his lap as a shield. "I forgot something at home!" he blurted, voice cracking, and raced out of the guild hall.
Lucy stared in surprise as the door slammed shut. "Is he alright?" she asked.
"Oh, he'll be fine," Macao muttered, still gawking distractedly at Lucy. He did not appear to be very concerned about his only son. "Unless he gives himself a friction burn."
"Or carpal tunnel," Wakaba laughed, still trying to clear his throat.
There were amused snorts and chuckles from several of the men, and even a few of the women, but it was clear from Lucy's bewildered expression that the comments had gone right over her pretty blond head. Gajeel decided that she was way too naive to have gotten up to anything interesting with her pink-haired companion, and was prepared to write the whole thing off. It seemed that Natsu and Lucy were honestly just that innocent.
Then Natsu, who had ignored everything taking place around him as he studied the request flyer, suddenly spoke up.
"Hey Lucy, this job says we'd be working alongside security guards and some watch dogs. Do you think Happy might want to stay home this time? He doesn't like dogs much."
"That's a good point, Natsu!" Lucy exclaimed. "Let's go find him and ask! I bet he'd love to stay with Wendy and Carla for the week!"
Looking oddly excited about this turn of events, they headed towards the door, waving casual farewells to the other guild members.
"Hotels in Onibus are kind of expensive," Lucy mused, as they walked away. "Do you think we should just get one room and split the cost?"
"Good thinking!" Natsu agreed.
And as they exited the guild hall, Natsu turned and gave everyone an enormous grin that somehow lacked all traces of the mage's usual innocence. He looked... naughty.
Sharing a hotel room... for a week... without anyone to interfere...
The guild was quiet as this thought was mulled over by everyone present.
Suddenly, the door opened again and Lucy leaned in, looking thoughtful.
"By the way, about that advice you guys gave him?" she began. "When I said he was talented... as it turns out, he's also pretty good at making breakfast!"
Lucy smiled slyly and gave them all a coy little wave. Then she sauntered out the door with a swing in her hips, looking exceptionally pleased with herself, as the girls over by the bar shrieked with laughter.
It was clear now that Natsu and Lucy had been messing with them from the start. The extent of the prank, however, was anyone's guess. The women clearly knew something, but it'd be no use asking them, because they'd never tell.
Gajeel felt like he was about to lose his mind. Slamming his fists on the table top with frustration, he gave voice to the thing that all the other men were wondering.
"Did they!? Or didn't they!?"
:Owari:
A/N: I'll let you decide for yourselves if Natsu and Lucy are only trolling everyone, or if there is some truth in their prank. I know which option I favour! *wink*
I delayed this story for several days while I went through an endless cycle of tweaking the text and proofreading, but finally I decided to just post the darn thing! So let me know if you spot any errors.