Quintis ~ 9 ~ "You know, it's okay to cry."

Not Okay

The consistent clang of metal on metal was the only sound in competition with Toby's music. He had asked her to stay home today, for the two of them to process this recent development in the comfort of their home, but she simply walked out the door with her laptop strung over her back. He had already begged her to leave four times (with minimal injury he might add) but was risking serious wrench to face consequences for trying again.

Walking up to her workstation and eliciting no response, he maneuvered himself behind her and gently tapped her shoulder. She froze, the abrupt halt of the banging drawing everyone's attention, before steeling her resolve and carrying on. "Happy," Toby whispered, aware of everyone's wandering eyes. "Let's go home."

Scrunching up her nose and shaking his hand off her tense shoulder, Happy let out a grunt of frustration. "Leave it alone, Doc." But he was tired of playing games. The next time her arm swung up he grabbed her wrist. "What the hell!" In lieu of responding, Toby used his other hand to grab her arm and spin her around. He took in her frazzled state, carefully removing the potential weapon from her hands. They were shaking ever so slightly, but he knew no one besides him would likely notice.

"We're going home." It was simple, direct and although Happy wanted nothing more than to fight it, she had to admit she wasn't exactly opposed to the idea. He led her silently, his hands only moving to grab her bag and his hat, before bidding the team their goodbyes.

The seven minutes and thirty-three seconds it took to make it into their driveway felt like an eternity as the radio remained off and the tension continued to thicken. Without a word, Happy exited the truck and made her way inside, shedding her clothing on the way down the hall towards their bedroom. Toby was worried; Happy was neat to a fault when it came to their own home (she claimed she did it because the team often stopped by without announcing themselves but he knew it was because of growing up in foster homes with some of her unfortunate parental figures). She walked into the living room shortly, clothed in his faded red t-shirt and a pair of blue boxers, her hair hanging in waves down her back. Toby wrapped his arms around her slight frame as he joined her on the couch, allowing her to slide her legs over his lap and curl into his neck. "You know, it's okay to cry."

The words were spoken softly as he ran his fingers through her black tresses but they weren't calming. Happy's head shot up quickly, her eyes dark. "No it's not! It doesn't add up." She turned her head slightly, "It shouldn't be this way."

Toby tipped her chin towards his, placing a light peck on her lips. "It does add up. You're worried because of the childhood you had and the parents you missed out on. Now that has you doubting yourself as a mother."

"Maybe mother." Her eyes shone with unshed tears as did Toby's with her proclamation.

"Do you not want this baby?" He asked, rubbing small circles on her shoulders. His only answer was silence. "It's okay to say how you feel."

"It isn't okay! It's not okay cry either," Happy was scrambling to her feet within seconds, pacing the room as she hugged her arms to her chest. The tears had already begun however and now there was no stopping them. Damn that stupid shrink and his ability to see right through her.

Toby stood to wrap his arms around her waist, holding her to him no matter her struggle to push away, until she finally resigned herself to laying her head on his chest. "It's alright. You're scared and I'm scared." He pulled away slightly in order to meet her eyes. "We didn't plan this. We don't have many happy memories to look back on. You can say that you don't want this."

Her hands were now cradling her tiny stomach but Toby knew enough not to mention it. He may have always pictured them with children but he was also aware that it might never happen. He wasn't going to force her into anything. Happy took her time answering, evening out her labored breathing and licking her tear-laden lips. "Do you think we can do this?" She whispered.

The hopeful look in her eyes and the way she hugged her stomach allowed him to answer honestly. "Yeah Hap, I really do." When he wiped the tear tracks from her cheeks and laid a kiss to her forehead, he knew they were going to be alright. And when she hugged him back, a bone crushing embrace despite her tiny stature, he knew that she was going to be happy too.

Thanks for reading my first Quintis fic! Please review :-)