The first chapter! EXCITING! Hope Pupcakes like it :) Anons-y! (The word Anon and Doctor Who reference mash up... See what I did there?)
It was late, Patsy, still feeling the loss of Delia, looked through her unsent letters. All of which brought tears to her eyes. Being alone with Trixie out attending a birth, gave her the space and isolation to cry. If silently.
The first letter left Patsy feeling numb. Enclosing it into the addressed envelope not that Patsy had the strength to send it. What would Delia think? Patsy was afraid to confuse her at such a fragile time. Delia was back in Wales unaware of her sexuality let alone Patsy.
Staring at just one of the many letters, Patsy gave a sad smile in remembrance.
My Dearest Delia
Time passes so painfully without you. I still haven't come to terms with you being gone. You are so far away. It feels so frustrating to see that Wales is so close on the map but yet so far away in real time. I long to jump on the next train to Wales. Victoria or Paddington perhaps. I need to see you, even if you won't recognise me. I would hold you like it's supposed to be. Or failing that you would most likely hold me. You were always the most forward, most brave. Even when we met at the London. Of course I was running round on male surgical and didn't piece it together myself that I was in love with welsh nurse who accompanied the in-patients. The way you spoke to me. The way I replied. It was so natural. I often thought what it would be like if I simply followed you into the linen cupboard and kissed you there and then. It would have made the next few months a lot more easier. If I ever grow the courage to send this to you my love please… I had every intension of kissing you. Intensions are only Intensions, never initial actions. I know that I should have been more bold towards you… I really wanted to kiss you but I was in truth too scared. You were always so magnificent and I wasn't. I remember thinking how I could bring about kissing you. This wasn't going smoothly until you kissed me. Do you remember Deels? It was a rather hot day and you had just finished your shift as I was about to start mine. We met in our usual place corridor for "storage uses" (the porter's were lazy so they often left small orders down there to avoid another flight of stairs). I hadn't realised how stressed you were or how flushed you looked. Now I know that there are only two times to which you look that flushed. 1) After a long shift with agonisingly annoying Sisters and Surgeons. 2) Those private moments you don't want me to know about. I know about them. I'm sorry I never ment to pry that day but I just had to ask why your cheeks were so red. You had that embarrassed smile which should of sounded alarm bells but no, I carried on (not intentionally) 'Oh Delia your uniform is a little unkept (yes, I tried to sound like Matron to make you laugh) what ever is going on today?' I must say your silence did make me confused until you reached up quickly and kissed me urgently. I didn't want to admit it afterwards but yes, I did sigh into you a bit. I felt like I was sinking into you. "Sorry I was a bit abrupt but I couldn't get you off my mind, I had to do something Pats."
That sentence Deels, that sentence left me feeling butterflies for weeks and to think you left me with that private image before I started night shift!
I feel as if this letter is just too improper but I was never clear to you. I never spoke to you about these sort of emotions. I should of done I know but… You were my first time and I didn't know what was normal. You made my heart do summer salts. I'm waiting for the time where you remember me, that's if you ever do remember me, so I can finally come clean to you… I love you with everything I am Deels
Forever yours, Pats