This Moment Is Ours

Jou always wondered if he'd ever get the nerve to confess,
then he sees Kaiba cry and realises it's now or never.

It seemed Jonouchi Katsuya had a talent for underdressing when the weather became unreliable. Like today, he had left early to meet his friends for a cherry blossom gathering in the park, and though he had the foresight to wear a hoodie under his green jacket, he hadn't thought that it would snow this late in March.

Katsuya rubbed his hands together and looked up. The snow was falling softly. Already there was enough of it on the ground that the whole world seemed to fall under a hushed silence. He liked it. Everything seemed still, like he was alone in the world. He wasn't, of course, not even alone in the park. Much like him, there were a small handful of people walking under the cherry blossom trees. It may have been cold but it was beautiful to see the mix of white snow and pink petals as they descended to the ground together. But there was far less people than he thought there would be. It would seem that having a picnic on a blanket of snow was something of a deterrent.

With fresh falling snow it was likely his friends wouldn't be coming; even so Katsuya was already at the park and thought it a waste not to enjoy such rare scenery. Large fluffy flakes danced around him, caught on a sudden slight breeze. Katsuya had never been one to waste an opportunity and immediately stuck his tongue out to try and catch some, although he somehow managed to fail at the attempt. He was so absorbed in the task that he almost missed it. Kaiba. Sitting alone on a park bench.

He just looked so… stoic. Alone in a way that even Katsuya had never been. Kaiba's gaze was directed at the snow across from him, his shoulders slumped under some great weight that perhaps only a CEO would know. And most astonishing of all, Katsuya was sure of it, even from a distance, was that Kaiba had trails of tears down his cheeks.

The sight was stunning.

Katsuya tried not to look suspicious but he couldn't resist the need to be closer. He ended up peeking out from the cherry tree across the trail. Settled in now Katsuya took his time to study Kaiba's expression; sure he would never be able to forget it. Kaiba's nose and brow were scrunched up; furrowed, slightly, painfully. Katsuya had never seen anyone look as downhearted as Kaiba did in this moment; it was so striking that he couldn't look away. It didn't even look like Kaiba knew he had tears on his face, maybe he was so absorbed in his pain that he wouldn't notice if Kasuya sat down beside him.

Of course he wouldn't do it. Katsuya wouldn't dare. Even so, he knew he wouldn't be sneaking away first. He wanted to stay. To watch. To think about how he had seen Kaiba furious, maliciously gleeful; triumphant… but had never thought he'd ever get to see a desolate Kaiba. He wanted to wrap his crush in his arms, run his hands through his hair, and say soothing things like how everything would be alright. But he couldn't. Whatever had disturbed Kaiba was something so serious there wouldn't be anything that a 'mutt' could do to help.

But he wanted to. Desperately. He was falling for Kaiba so hard that it was embarrassing.

"Jou?"

Katsuya jumped. "Nyahhh!" he said, quickly covering his own mouth and then whispering his friend's name in reprimand, "Yami!?" He grabbed his friend and pulled him to the ground so they were both crouched in the snow, just under the bush line that fenced in the cherry trees. "What are you doing here?" He whispered, belatedly realizing the others could be with him and they might blow his hiding cover entirely.

"I came to find you." He said, not whispering back.

"Shhh." Katsuya insisted. "Is the gang with you?" Katsuya whispered, this time trying hard to be pointed about it.

"Uh, no. Everyone is at our house, with grandpa." Katsuya glared daggers at him. "Sorry. What are you doing?" he said, this time also in a whisper.

"Oh. Nothing. Nothing. Just enjoying the cherry blossoms. You know me, a stickler for, um, pretty things." Katsuya snuck a glance at Kaiba; he seemed to have gathered himself enough that the tears were wiped from his face. He still looked entirely sombre.

Yami noticed where Katsuya was looking and started to turn his head but Katsuya didn't want to share Kaiba's private moment with anyone, not even such a close friend. "I uh- ah- hey, why don't I come back with you. Right now. We can still have a party." Katsuya said, attempting to recapture Yami's attention. He wasn't sure if he succeeded in time, but Yami was looking at him once more.

"About that," Yami said, "We weren't sure if I'd be able to find you – "

"Oh, I didn't have anything else to do before we got together so I came early." Which wasn't exactly true. He had just needed to be out of the apartment. "I know I should get a cell. And I will. Eventually. When I've got a bit more dough saved up."

Yami gave Katsuya a troubling look. "So you're here watching Kaiba, eh?"

Katsuya immediately coloured. "No, why would you think that?" Which was a ridiculous question; because he was crouched under a bush and making his friend talk to him in whispers.

But Yami might have heard something, and if something had happened Katsuya wanted to know about it. "Has anything happened to Mokuba?" Katsuya asked, dreading the answer. If Katsuya had to guess what would be devastating enough to get even Kaiba to cry – it would have to do with the billionaire's kid brother.

"Rest assured Mokuba's fine." Yami said quietly, and then looked at Kaiba who seemed to have bottled most of his feelings away, although still appeared to be struggling. "Mokuba's fine." He repeated, which was more worrying than consoling. "Is that a comfort to you?"

"Yeah. For a moment there it looked like Kaiba wasn't going to be okay, but if he has the twerp he'll be able to get through whatever happened."

"Are you worried about him? Kaiba, I mean."

"Me? Naw. I just think he must get lonely sometimes." Because even though Kaiba was desperately sad he had no one to turn to, no shoulder to cry on. And Katsuya was right there, shoulder ready, heart ready, but Kaiba wouldn't be interested in him. Sometimes life just sucked.

"If you have something you want to say to him, maybe I could tell him." Yami offered.

Katsuya balked at the notion. This seemed like the absolute worst time to do a confession, and through a friend? No thank you. Instead Katsuya whispered, "Maybe we should go; I don't want to disturb his moment."

"Jou." Yami held Katsuya's arm and tugged him back to the snow. "Wait. Yugi's coming."

"You don't have to warn me, you guys can just switch out. I've always been able to tell."

"No I mean – " A crunching sound behind them had Katsuya turn around. Yugi was crouching in the snow, greeting them.

Impossible. Yugi and Yami didn't both have bodies.

And Yugi's eyes were red from crying.

"Hi Yami. Jou?" Yugi whispered, looking first at Yami and then just over Katsuya's shoulder.

It didn't seem like Yugi could see him.

Which didn't make any sense.

"Yami," Katsuya said, deeply unnerved, "Why can't Yugi see me?"

"Did he say something?" Yugi asked Yami, still whispering.

"And why can't he hear me!" Katsuya panicked. A terrible thought started to niggle at Katsuya's brain.

"Sorry Jou." Yami said, "I'm not in Yugi's body, and right now the only spirit he can see is me."

"Jou. Are you alright? Yami told me there was something I could do for you?" Yugi whispered, directing his comment to where Yami had spoken, still just a little off, just a bit to the left.

Life really was unfair.

"He really can't see me?" Jou asked Yami. "And he's whispering. Why is he whispering!?" Shit, Jou wasn't whispering. No, that didn't matter. Apparently he was a spirit and spirits didn't need to whisper. That's why Yami hadn't been whispering. People – Kaiba – can't hear spirits.

"I told him you were watching Kaiba at the park. Um, quietly."

"Oh god." Despite feeling so cold he thought his face was turning rouge with embarrassment. "Ah! That's why I'm so cold!" Katsuya stood up and glanced at Yugi's footsteps in the snow. "…and why I left no prints." So he hadn't been staring at Kaiba long enough for his prints to get covered. He really was a moron; he hadn't even noticed he was dead.

"Jou?" Yugi reached out and touched Katsuya's arm, startling Katsuya enough to jump.

"I thought you couldn't do that!" Katsuya accused.

"Sorry, I asked Yami to take my body so I could talk to you too." Sure enough, Yugi was now beside him where Yami had been and Yami was sitting in the impression in the snow.

"I didn't even know I was dead." Katsuya confessed, flabbergasted.

"It was an accident. Do you remember what happened?" Yugi asked.

Katsuya thought about it. "No, I – I was coming to the park. I didn't make it?"

Yami shook his head. "You were coming to the park… and then what happened?"

"It was morning." Katsuya said, he had skipped breakfast and was looking forward to the cherry blossom gathering with his friends. Anzu had promised to bring everyone a bento, something simple she had said, but it would undoubtedly be filled with a variety of food. Grandpa Motou had gotten a new series of Duel Monsters cards and had promised to give Katsuya a few boosters as thanks for helping out with the store. But that was happening later. In the morning Katsuya had gotten into a row with his old man and had decided to go to the park early. He had… what? He had been waiting at the light and – "Oh. The light. Did I get hit by a car?"

Yugi nodded.

"I do remember…" Katsuya looked over at Kaiba; he was still alone, sitting on the park bench. He had cried. "Kaiba was there. He was on his phone. He didn't see me; he was yelling at the person on the other end." Katsuya paused and despite himself let out a soft laugh. "I could hear his trademark insults even from across the street."

Katsuya was staring at Kaiba now, not even looking at Yugi or Yami; they had disappeared. "It wasn't his fault. He waited until the light switched… there was no cars coming on my side so I started to cross early, but on Kaiba's side – it happened really fast. There was only the one car on his side and it was too far to matter. When I started walking the car sped up. I wasn't supposed to be walking, and that car wasn't supposed to be gunning it. The car hit the intersection a couple of beats after the light turned red. I shouted to get Kaiba's attention – I got it. He had enough time to look at me and then see the car coming. It really happened so fast. I was already running when I had shouted, my body had moved before I knew what I was trying to do."

Katsuya stopped talking. He just stared at Kaiba. "Is Kaiba dead too?"

"You saved him." Yugi assured.

"The driver sped away," Yami said, "but they've caught the guy who ran you down."

"You uh, passed away quickly?" Yugi said, asked. It seemed like he was trying to tell Katsuya that's what happened, but his friend couldn't handle saying it. Yugi's eyes started to water.

"Don't start crying on me now Yug'. Yeah. It was quick. He musta knocked me right outta my body." He assured.

Actually, it had hurt. Unbearably so. But he didn't remember much else, no paramedics, no Kaiba, just an intense and overwhelming pain. He probably died right on impact. "Did Kaiba –"

"He's fine. You pushed him out of the way." Yami assured.

"No, I mean, did he see me die?" Katsuya asked.

Yugi's eyes looked painfully moist. "He must have, Jou. He called and told us what happened. It… wasn't a long conversation. He said he'd make sure they got the guy. We didn't know what to do; your body got taken away before anyone knew what happened, it hasn't felt real, we've just been at my place. We miss you." Yugi burst into tears and hugged Katsuya, and Katsuya hugged him fiercely back.

"You're gonna make me cry, Yug'."

"I just thought I'd never get to see you again."

They hugged for a while but when Yugi didn't let go Yami patted the boy on the back and gently pulled Yugi away. "If you've got anything left to say, we can pass any messages along." Yami said. "Your soul should pass through the gate when the sun sets."

"Oh." Katsuya looked to the sky, it wasn't morning at all, yet another factor he had failed to notice. In fact it was almost time for the sun to set. "Not really. I'd tell you to tell my sister I love her with everything within me, but she knows that. I'd tell you how much I'm grateful that we got to be friends, how much I appreciate that you changed my life for the better – but you already know that too. You can tell Honda that he was my lifelong buddy and that I'm grateful he stood with me through thick and thin, but he knows that. Anzu, Mai, Bakura, even Ryuji, everyone knows all that I could say."

"So that's it?" Yugi asked, "No loose ends?"

Katsuya bit his lip. He glanced at Kaiba. "I've never been upfront with Kaiba; he doesn't know what I really think of him."

"Do you want him to know?" Yami asked.

Katsuya hesitated. "What if he hates me?" he whispered.

But another thought niggled at Katsuya's brain. Kaiba had cried earlier, not just that, had cried for him. To think that the expression on Kaiba's face, the one that had mesmerised Katsuya, had actually been for him… Just a little, Katsuya felt reassured. "I do. And I want him to know that it's okay that I died. Tell him I have no regrets. Tell him I would do it again."

"Sounds like a fine message to say," Yami said, "I think Yugi would cry again if he had to talk to Kaiba so I'll talk to him."

"You better make it fast," Yugi said, "Kaiba's on the move."

"What?" Both Yami and Katsuya exclaimed.

"No good, chase him!" Katsuya demanded. "I've got one more thing to say and I want to be here when you tell him. Go, go, go."

"On it!" Yami took off after Kaiba with Katsuya and Yugi following after him, leaving no footprints in the snow.

"Kaiba, wait!" Yami called out, "wait!"

"Yugi." The first thing Kaiba did after seeing Yami was grimace. "We should talk tomorrow."

"No," Yami said, "I have to talk to you now. It has to be now."

Kaiba sighed but squared his shoulders in preparation for a conversation he clearly didn't want to have. "What is it?"

"Jou he," Yami glanced at Katsuya who urged him to continue, "would want you to know that his death wasn't your fault. He doesn't want you to blame yourself." Katsuya gave Yami the thumbs up, knowing that Kaiba couldn't see him, and then looked to Kaiba who clearly wasn't reassured at all. In fact, he had that stubborn look on his face that meant he was about to be all sorts of unreasonable.

"Oh he would, would he? Well rest assured we're in agreement then."

Oh shit! "Don't egg him on!" Katsuya told Yami at the same time Yami said, "What do you mean?"

Kaiba set his jaw. "Your idiot friend got himself killed. I don't need you to tell me whose fault it was."

Both Yugi and Yami gasped at that. "Wait! Don't –" Katsuya tried to intervene but Yami wasn't listening.

"You couldn't ask for a more heroic and self-sacrificing friend than Jou, you should feel honoured that he thought you friend enough to put your life above his own."

"That's not what I wanted him to think – " Katsuya said, at the same time that Yugi nodded fiercely, "That's right!"

"I didn't ask him to and we weren't friends." Kaiba spat.

"You didn't need to ask, not with Jou." Yami replied.

Kaiba was starting to get truly agitated now. "You can take Jonouchi's 'honour' and stuff it. All his death did was prove that a mutt's best worth was to die on the street."

"Ouch." Katsuya said, truly hurt.

"Oh, Kaiba…" Yugi bit his lip.

Yami took one look at Katsuya before warning fiercely, "Kaiba! That's enough!"

But Kaiba wasn't done. "It's not. You know what I've been doing all day? Cleaning up the mess that your 'heroic' friend left behind. You think the police would be able to catch the driver after he's already gotten away? It was my resources that brought the man in. You think I wanted to recount Jonouchi's bloody death throughout the day, I didn't, but the police needed a statement, reporters tried to swarm me, and still I took the time to call you."

"Yami! Tell Kaiba Jou's death has been hard on all of us." Yugi said, trying to pull Yami's attention away from the irate Kaiba. "Tell him!"

Kaiba let out a mirthless laugh. "And just when I thought I could have a moment to myself the mutt's drunken father showed up at Kaiba Corp demanding compensation money." Another laugh, "What a joke."

Yugi looked at Katsuya, clearly worried for his friend. "The sun's setting. It has to be now," he told Katsuya.

Katsuya didn't say anything.

"Jou. What did you want to tell him?" Yugi persisted.

"That I – " This sucked! This was the worst. Why did Kaiba have to be so difficult! There was no mood. Couldn't he just be sad that Katsuya died like a normal person would be? …Only he had been. Kaiba had cried. A wave of longing washed over Katsuya. He wanted to sit beside the Kaiba he had seen crying on the bench, he wanted to hold his hand even if Kaiba couldn't feel him.

It seemed that Kaiba was the root of all his regrets.

"Jou!" Yugi urged.

"That I like him." Katsuya said, bringing himself to look at Yami. "Tell him that I like him."

"We're all dealing with Jou's unexpected death in our own ways." Yami said, stalling to put the words right, "and I'm sorry I interrupted your moment of mourning." Kaiba narrowed his eyes at that, clearly not pleased with Yami's assertion. "But Jou wanted you to know that he considered you a friend, that he cared for you and that he's glad you are alright. He's just happy knowing you are well."

"Ah!" Jou crossed his arms to make an X. "No, tell him that I like him!"

"OH!" Yami said, eyes widening. "I mean, he didn't just like you as a person, he," Yami coughed, "he… would want you to know that he…" Katsuya urged him on, 'thought of you as special even amongst his friends. He cared for you. He had feelings for you."

Everyone was staring at Kaiba now, Yami and both the spirit forms of Katsuya and Yugi.

"I think you should go." Kaiba said after a pregnant pause. "I've had enough of you telling me what the mutt thinks and feels. It doesn't matter anymore. He's already dead."

Yami glanced at Katsuya. "Jou?" Yugi asked. "Anything else?"

Disappointed Katsuya shook his head. "It's fine. You don't need to push it. I just wanted Kaiba to know, and he does."

"We can tell him you're still here," Yugi suggested.

Katsuya shook his head. "No, really, it's fine. He wouldn't believe you."

"Then we'll part for now," Yami said to Kaiba. He turned to leave and Yugi naturally went with him.

"You not coming, Jou?" Yugi asked when Katsuya hesitated and then stayed put.

"No, I – I'm hoping he'll sit back down. I kinda wanted to sit with him earlier and well, no regrets right?"

"No regrets." Yugi and Yami said. "I'll miss you!" Yugi said.

"Me too, bud." Katsuya waved his friends off.

Kaiba brushed a few errant snowflakes from his jacket then turned and walked away. Of course, Katsuya thought, his last wish wouldn't come true. Kaiba must be as cold as Katsuya felt; he probably had enough of sitting out here. Katsuya could follow him, but to what end? Better to just watch the sun set alone.

But Kaiba hadn't gotten far before he abruptly kicked some snow and came and sat back down in a huff, nearly sitting on Katsuya who had deflated into Kaiba's snowless spot on the bench.

"For the record, I don't believe in any of Yugi's crazy claims that he can see spirits, certainly not that he's sharing his body with some ancient Egyptian. But. But he was acting like you are still here." Kaiba massaged the bridge of his nose. "I must be mad… if there's the smallest chance that I can send you off right, I'll do it." Kaiba said, voice harsh but soft.

"No way!" Katsuya gaped at Kaiba. He couldn't believe his luck!

"Even if I do look foolish." Kaiba muttered.

"No, no. Go on. What is it?" Katsuya asked, even though Kaiba couldn't hear him.

Kaiba took a moment to himself, then, "Katsuya," he said formally, and though he knew he shouldn't be Katsuya was elated that Kaiba knew his first name. It sounded so strange but so welcome to hear his crush address him as if they were close.

"I hate you." The elation deflated into heavy goo that settled in the pit of Katsuya's stomach. "I hate you so much right now. I'm going to be mad at you for a very long time. You died in front of me. Not only that, you died for me. I'm never going to forget that sight. You have no idea how much it hurts, and to know only now that you like me? Give me a break. I was in love with you, you turd. I hope that it hurts you; knowing."

Kaiba stopped talking, his eyes were getting wet again; Katsuya's heart had never felt so heavy. There hadn't been anything else he could have done, he hadn't even decided to save Kaiba, it had just happened. But he didn't regret it, not even if Kaiba did.

Kaiba huffed and a bit of cold air escaped his mouth. "If you are here then stand up." He ordered, brushing his hand across his eyes to stop the possibility of tears. Which was a shame because Katsuya really liked seeing them. They proved that Kaiba cared. That he cared about Katsuya. "I owe you, for Mokuba's sake." Katsuya stood, and then moved closer to Kaiba, just because he could, because Kaiba wouldn't know he was in his personal space.

"This will be our goodbye," Kaiba said softly. Then he looked straight into Katsuya's eyes, startling him because it felt like he had been caught staring even though Katsuya couldn't be seen. "You have no idea how much I'm going to miss you." Kaiba said, sounding very much like he meant it.

Damn.

"I'm going to lean forward a bit. If you want to, you can kiss me." Kaiba said.

Katsuya's heart was pounding. This was more than he had ever hoped for in life; in death it seemed nothing short of a dream. In a weird way it felt like death was rewarding him. Allowing himself to enjoy the moment Katsuya leaned forward into the kiss – and fell straight through Kaiba's body. Dismayed Katsuya quickly righted himself, lined himself up, and paused to bask in the intense proximity to Kaiba's face. Kaiba's eyelashes were short; even so a couple stray snowflakes had caught on the left lash. And his nose was cherried from the cold. Kaiba looked perfect. Sighing, Katsuya leaned forward and stopped when his lips met Kaiba's, then he closed his eyes.

It wasn't a perfect kiss. But it was more real than a dream.

Katsuya wanted to stay in this moment forever, he was afraid to open his eyes. He was afraid the sun would set. He was afraid he'd never get to see Kaiba again.

When he opened his eyes Kaiba was gone. There were footsteps in the snow to prove that Kaiba had been there, once, and that he had departed. With a sad but grateful heart Katsuya turned his eyes to the sun; the last bit of light was disappearing over the trees.

He felt cold.

Chapter One, Page Six, of the yaoi manga 'Yukidoke no Koi' was the inspiration to this story. In tribute I had Jonouchi wear a hoodie. Basically a blond guy stares stunned at a brunette he recognises who is crying. I was mesmerised by that crying face. I couldn't get it out of my head. It was such a wrenching but dignified cry I thought, 'That's how Kaiba would cry.' And then I thought, 'what would make Kaiba cry?' and then I thought, 'It's sad, I probably shouldn't write it.' But that cry haunted me so I hope you enjoyed the story. If you did, please leave a review, I really appreciate hearing from you.