In London

I walked into the Tipton carrying my bags of newly bought clothes and jewelry. I headed straight over to Maddie. She was selling some candy to a family of four. The father was wearing a business suit and talking on his cell phone. He kinda reminded me of my father. The mother was wearing a fancy dress and looked bored and annoyed at having to buy her two children a treat. Thank goodness my father isn't like that.

When they left, I walked up to Maddie. "Hey," I said, "I got something for you." She perked up, looking instantly happier and took the bag I held out for her to take.

"You really didn't have to do this," she said, pulling out the shirt as she spoke. I had learned a while ago that when Maddie said that, she didn't really mean it. She gasped when she saw the shirt. It was a light purple tank top with dark purple flowers on it and the same shade of dark purple fish net sleeves.

"It's gorgeous London," Maddie gasped. I beamed. I loved making people happy.

"I'm gonna go take these upstairs," I said, holding up the bags a little bit. Then I went towards the elevator. My suite was at the top. I set the bags down on the floor of the elevator and pressed the last button. The doors closed.

Leaning up against the back of the elevator, I thought about what had happened at my favorite store, Clothes for Cash. I had seen a father and a daughter shopping together. The father would pick out something completely hideous, like a pink and orange striped shirt and the girl would make a face like someone had just stepped on her foot but she was trying not to cry out. The dad would insist that it was a cute shirt and she would make some joke about it. Then they would both laugh about it and look for something else. Watching them, I had suddenly gotten this feeling inside me. A feeling of longing.

My father never does anything with me. I thought one time that he would take me to a father daughter dance. He didn't show up. Mr. Mosby was more broken up about it than me though.

I've never really known my father. He was always just kind of the person who provided the money that I was able to spend. I don't mean that I've never met him. Of course I know him but I don't really know what he likes and doesn't like. I got him a birthday present once. It was a gold pocket watch with an American eagle on the front. I don't know if he ever uses it or if it's still sitting inside the packaging.

Sometimes I wish that my father would go shopping with me and ask if I wanted to get a really ugly sweater or a pair of shoes that went out of style last year. But he never has time. It's always about work.

I looked down at my bracelet that held all the charms from my father getting married so often. There were five of them now. When Daddy got married to the last wife, I had made it a point not to get close to her. I had tried with all the other wives. I remembered the fourth one, the one we had made a point to not mention when my father got remarried. Number four had been great.

Her name was Casey. She and I had gotten really close. Casey was beautiful and smart. I was failing my science class and she helped me make a volcano for extra credit. We stayed up half the night talking and laughing. That weekend, we went shopping together. That was the first time in my life I felt like I had actually bonded with a parent-like figure.

Then Casey and my father had gotten in a big fight. He cheated on her. She told me they were getting divorced and I tried to act like it was no big deal. I asked why and she said it was because he had been sleeping with some other woman. I refused to believe her. At least I wouldn't say I believed her out loud. But I did. It actually explained a lot of things. Like why he would just go by spouses so quickly.

I said good-bye to Casey like it was no big deal but I was really breaking inside. I wished her luck with the rest of her life and walked over the elevator. As the doors slid closed, I smiled cheerily at her and waved. Once the doors snapped shut, I broke down crying.

As I reminisced about her, I felt my eyes start to sting and I looked down at the bracelet. Her charm was in the shape of a heart.

How ironic.

The elevator slowed to a stop and the doors opened. It wasn't my floor though. Someone else was getting on. I quickly blinked back the tears and moved my bags out of the way so the man getting on could easily stand next to me. He was about twenty years old. Any other time I would have tried to flirt with him, but I wasn't really feeling like it. All I wanted to do was cry.

Thankfully, the man got off just a few floors above the one he got on, leaving me to think about things again.

I always try to look carefree in front of people. That's probably why Maddie is so jealous of me. She doesn't know how lucky she is. I wish I lived with a family like hers. They were all so caring, and eating dinner with them was great. They all talked about their days and stuff. I got closer to Maddie's family than I ever had to mine. I would never say it out loud, but I'm jealous. Jealous of anyone who has a real family that cares about them. I know I look like all I care about is money, but that's because it's all I really have. I know I'm not the smartest person in the world, but I know I annoy Maddie sometimes. I really do long for a family. Everyone at the Tipton is like family, but none of them love me like Carrie loves Zack and Cody. That's all I really want.

The elevator finally stopped and I picked up my bags and walked to my suite. I unlocked it and went inside and over to my closet to put my stuff away. As I looked around, I realized how much I have. I own so much more than most people. But I'm missing so much as well.

I sat down on the chair in my closet and looked around. As I glanced at all my clothes and possessions, I couldn't stop the tears from falling. I knew my make up would get smudged and my face would turn black, but I didn't care.

"London!" I heard Mosby call from outside the room. I looked up quickly and grabbed a towel on the side table. Wiping my face quickly from all the smeared mascara, I ran over to the door, putting on a happy, wonderful face.

Acting like I just loved the money, when really, I really wanted was family.