The Phantom King

by Theater Raven

This contains some bashing, but is all in good fun. A Phantom version of The Lion King. Can Michael Crawford reclaim his role for the 2004 film?

1. Act One

MADAME GIRY (THE NARRATOR): (Sings, to "Circle of Life") So the day has come for the movie.
Let's see, we've waited fourteen years.
It was meant for the '90s, of course,
but Andrew got divorced,
so we had to wait a decade plus four!
And of course, the original cast won't do,
'cause Joel wants everybody young.
Who will make the cut?
We want the originals, but
Hollywood doesn't work that way anymore.
(Spoken) Okay, you know what, this is just annoying. Why does everything have to open with a song?
ALW: (Out of camera shot) Because this is a musical!
MADAME GIRY: Whatever. Okay, Emmy's in it, Patrick's in it, Gerry's in it, blah, blah, blah, moving on!

In the Cellars of the Movie Set
A little mouse is scurrying around. A hand picks it up by the tail and the mouse squirms and squeaks in protest. The hand brings the mouse at eye level. It's Michael Crawford.
MICHAEL: Life's not fair, is it? Well I, you see, I shall never be in the movie, ha! And you shall never see the light of another day...okay, not really! I could never hurt you, little mouse, you're so cute! (Cuddles mouse)
MEG: Didn't your mother ever tell you not to sympathize with the weak when you're playing a villain in a parody?
MICHAEL: What do you want?
MEG: I'm here to announce that Lord Andrew's on his way, so you'd better have a good excuse for missing the congratulating-the-movie-cast ceremony this morning.
The mouse scurries off.
MICHAEL: Oh, now look, little Giry, you've made me lose the only friend I had left in Hollywood! (Pouts)
MEG: Ha! You'll lose more than that when Andrew gets through with you! He's as mad as Carlotta without a lead role!
MICHAEL: (Sarcastically) Ooooh, I quiver with fear! (Takes out Punjab)
MEG: (Backing up nervously) Now, Michael, don't look at me that way... (He tosses the lasso) Help! (Is roped)
ALW: (Appearing) Michael!
MICHAEL: (Casually) Yes?
ALW: Drop her.
MEG: Nice timing, my lord. (Is unleashed and starts applying lotion to her rope burned neck)
MICHAEL: Why, if it isn't the all-powerful Andrew descending from on high to mingle with the lesser!
ALW: Sarah and I didn't see you at the presentation of the movie cast.
MICHAEL: That was today? Oh, I feel simply awful! Must've slipped my mind.
MEG: Yes, well, slippery as your mind is, as the original musical Phantom, you should've been first in line!
Michael raises the Punjab threateningly again.
MICHAEL: Well, I was first in line, until you and Sarah picked the perfect time for a divorce!
ALW: That divorce was all for the better. All's well that ends well.
MICHAEL: Oooh, I love a good Shakespeare performance! (Turns to leave)
ALW: Don't turn your back on me, Michael.
MICHAEL: Oh, no, Lord Andrew; perhaps you shouldn't turn your back on me.
ALW: (Rushing forward) Is that a challenge?
MICHAEL: Temper, temper! I wouldn't dream of challenging you.
MEG: Pity. Why not?
MICHAEL: Well, as far as singing ability goes, not to sound arrogant, I got the lion's share, but when it comes to youthful looks? I'm afraid I got the short end of the stick as far as modern Hollywood is concerned. (Slinks away)
MEG: (Sighs) He was bound to be angry, Andrew. Not that I blame him, actually. You did promise him and Sarah...
ALW: What am I going to do with him?
MEG: He'd make a very handsome auctioneer.
ALW: Meg!
MEG: And just think—he's auctioning off has-beens--as far as modern Hollywood is concerned, he's right at home!

Sarah and Emmy are standing looking at the replica Paris Opera at Universal Studios.
SARAH: Look, Emmy—everything the moonlight touches is our kingdom.
EMMY: (Staring in awe) Wow!
SARAH: A Christine's time of fame rises and falls like the moon. As you are aware of, Emmy, the moon has set on my hour of triumph and will rise with you as the new Christine.
EMMY: And this'll all be mine?
SARAH: Everything.
EMMY: Everything the moonlight touches...what about that shadowy box?
SARAH: That is Box Five—you cannot go there until you fully understand the story you have inherited.
EMMY: But I've been cast—isn't that enough?
SARAH: There's more to understanding the story than just getting the okay for the part.
EMMY: There's more?
SARAH: Emmy! (Laughs)
Later, they walk across the stage.
SARAH: Every aspect of the story exists together in a delicate balance. As Christine, you need to understand that balance and respect all involved: From Joel himself to the lowest coffee boy...
EMMY: But, Sarah, don't we step on the lesser ones to make it to the top?
SARAH: Yes, Emmy, but let me explain: Don't get too comfortable at the top—someone will always be below you wanting to take your place, and you could end up at the bottom at any moment. So, respect the lower—after all, you were there once.
MEG: Good Evening, Sarah!
SARAH: Good Evening, Meg!
MEG: Checking in, with the evening report...
SARAH: Fire away!
MEG: Well, Buquet is being lazy as usual. He's just hanging around!
SARAH: You don't say...
MEG: And the ballet girls are just terrified of the Opera ghost...and the elephants in Hannibal! Ugh, they're scared out of their minds, poor fellows! I told them to forget it, but they just can't...
SARAH: What are you doing, Emmy?
EMMY: Putting my hand at the level of my eyes. Just in case.
SARAH: Let an old pro show you how it's done. (Hands Meg a Punjab) Here, throw this.
MEG: But—but—but, I'm not good at this, ugh! This is so humiliating! (Throws lasso, which misses by a mile, but Emmy still had her hand up)
SARAH: Very good! Now, you'll...
A ballet girl appears.
BALLET GIRL: Meg!
MEG: What?!
BALLET GIRL: (Salutes) Miss, news from the dressing room.
SARAH: (To Emmy) Now, this time—.
MEG: Sarah! Phantom-bashing Rentheads! Outside the theater!
SARAH: Meg, take Emmy backstage.
EMMY: Aw, Sarah, can't I come?
SARAH: No, Emmy. (Hurries off)
EMMY: I never get to go anywhere!
MEG: Oh, young mistress, one day, you will be Christine. Then, you can chase those metal-banging, mangy, evil rock n'rollers from dawn until dusk!

In the Set's Cellars
GERRY: (Running up to Michael) Hey, Michael, guess what?
MICHAEL: I despise guessing games.
GERRY: I'm gonna be the Phantom of the Opera!
MICHAEL: (Sarcastically) Oh, goody.
GERRY: Joel just showed me the set--and I'm gonna rule it all!
MICHAEL: Yes, well, forgive me for not leaping for joy. Bad back, you know. (Flops to the ground)
GERRY: Hey, Michael, when I'm Phantom, what'll that make you?
MICHAEL: A badger's uncle.
GERRY: You're so weird!
MICHAEL: You have no idea.
So, Joel showed you the set, did he?
GERRY: Everything.
MICHAEL: He didn't show you what's between Box Four and Box Six, did he?
GERRY: Well, no. He and Sarah said Emmy and I can't go there.
MICHAEL: And they're absolutely right; it's far too sacred--only the Phantoms and Christines who know the story go there.
GERRY: Well, we know the story! What's in there?
MICHAEL: I'm so sorry, Gerry, I just can't tell you.
GERRY: Why not?
MICHAEL: Gerry, Gerry, I'm only looking out for the well-being of my favorite Andrew Lloyd Webber musical film adaptation Phantom!
GERRY: Yeah, right, I'm the only Andrew Lloyd Webber musical film adaptation Phantom.
MICHAEL: All the more reason to protect you. The territory of Lon Chaney's ghost is no place for a recent inductee to the Phantom legend—oops!
GERRY: The territory of whom? Whoa!
MICHAEL: Oh, dear, I've said too much. Well, I suppose you'd have found out sooner or later, you being so clever and all, now, just do me one favor: Promise me you'll never visit that sacred place.
GERRY: No problem.
MICHAEL: There's a good lad. You run along now and have fun, and remember...it's our little secret.
Gerry leaves. When he's gone, Michael grins wickedly.
Later, Gerry runs up to where a group of cast members sit, eating ice cream.
GERRY: Hey, Emmy!
EMMY: Hi, Gerry!
GERRY: Come on, I just heard about this great place.
EMMY: Gerry, I'm trying to eat my lunch.
JOEL: And it's time for yours. (Hands Gerry a bowl of ice cream)
GERRY: Joel! You know I hate strawberry! (Eats two bites) Okay, okay, I'm fed, can we go now?
EMMY: So, where are we going? It better not be anyplace dumb.
GERRY: No, it's really cool.
JOEL: So, where is this really cool place?
GERRY: Oh...by the Rent set they're building.
EMMY: The Rent set? Who in their right mind would go there?
GERRY: I'll show you when we get there. (Winks)
EMMY: (Catching his hint they're not really going there) Oh. Joel, can I go with Gerry?
JOEL: Hmmm, what do you think, Miranda?
MIRANDA: Well...
GERRY AND EMMY: Please?
MIRANDA: It's all right with me...as long as Minnie goes with you.
GERRY: Not Minnie!
MINNIE: Step lively! The sooner we get to the Rent set, the sooner we can attempt to escape getting the crap beaten out of us by Phantom-despising Rentheads!
EMMY: (To Gerry) So, where are we going?
GERRY: To meet Lon Chaney.
EMMY: Wow! Wait, I thought he was dead...
GERRY: It's his ghost.
EMMY: Oh. So, how are we gonna ditch the diva? (Gestures to Minnie)
GERRY: I've got an idea. We'll just...
They execute their elaborate plan and Minnie ends up hanging from the chandelier.
MINNIE: I'm terrified of heights! Emmy? Gerry?

Later
GERRY: All right, it worked! We lost her!
Smoke billows up. The two stare, realizing they are just outside of Box Five.
EMMY: This is it. We made it.
They part the curtains leading into the box and stare.
EMMY AND GERRY: Whoa...
EMMY: It's really creepy!
GERRY: Yeah, but isn't it great?
EMMY: We could get in big trouble.
GERRY: I know!
They step inside.
EMMY: (Touching the chair) I wonder if this is the same stuff Chaney used...
GERRY: There's only one way to know. Come on, let's go check it out!
Minnie appears.
MINNIE: The only checking out you will do will be to check out of here!
GERRY: Aw, man!
MINNIE: We're way beyond the territory of newbies!
GERRY: Oooh, scared of the ghost of a silent screen actor, huh? That stuff's old school!
MINNIE: He's a legendary silent screen actor to you, Gerry. He was so good at it because his parents were deaf mutes.
GERRY: Ha, like that had anything to do with it! Anybody can pantomime! I laugh in the face of such actors! Hahahaha!
Lightening and thunder. The ghosts of Lon Chaney, Claude Rains, and the mute sidekick of Herbert Lom's Phantom appear.

LON CHANEY: Well, well, well, Claude, what have we got here?
CLAUE RAINS: Hmmm, I don't know, Lon, uh, what do you think, Ian?
IAN (THE DWARF): (Laughs an insane laugh)
CLAUDE RAINS: That's just what I was thinking—a trio of trespassers!
MINNIE: And quite by accident, let me assure you, a simple navigational error, so we'll just—.
LON CHANEY: (Grabbing her by the wrist) Whoa, whoa, whoa, wait, wait, wait, I know you—you're that arrogant Italian bitch who can't sing for crap!
MINNIE: (With Carlotta's accent) I, senor, am the Opera's Prima Donna!
The three ghosts begin circling the three mortals.
CLAUDE RAINS: (To Gerry) And that would make you...?
GERRY: The future Phantom!
LON CHANEY: Do you know what we do to Phantoms who are disgraces to the legend we created?
GERRY: Pfft, you can't do anything to me.
MINNIE: (Normal voice) Uh, technically, they can. They're ghosts, and we're on their land.
EMMY: But, Minnie, Gerry told me they're nothing but ancient, dead has-beens no one cares about anymore because his Phantom will outshine them!
CLAUDE RAINS: What was that?
MINNIE: Oh, my gosh, look at the time! Adios!
LON CHANEY: (Blocking the escape route) What's the hurry? We'd love for you to stay for the party we're having tonight.
CLAUDE RAINS: Yeah, and once the DJ gets here...we can all do the Monster Mash! (Laughs hysterically) Get it? Monster Mash, and we're all ghosts, huh?
LON CHANEY: No, no, wait, wait, wait, I got one, I got one! All you guys have to do is 'leave your body at the door', whatcha think?
IAN: Meep!
LON CHANEY: What, Ian, what is it?
CLAUDE RAINS: Hey, did we ask those guys to be party poopers?
LON CHANEY: No, why?
CLAUDE RAINS: (Pointing at Gerry, Emmy, and Minnie escaping) Because that's what they're being!
The three humans dash down the hallway. Gerry and Emmy continue running, but a lasso thrown after them catches Minnie around the ankle and drags her back.
EMMY: Did we lose 'em?
GERRY: I...I think so. Wait, where's Minnie?
Back with the three ghosts, dangling Minnie over the torture chamber, which is full of live toads.
CLAUDE RAINS: Let's see how much of a Prima Donna you are now!
MINNIE: Oh, no, not the torture chamber... (They drop her in) Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!
GERRY: (Appearing) Hey! Why don't you pick on somebody in your own life?
LON CHANEY: Actually, it's afterlife, and no, because it's not as fun!
They are chased until they come to a dead end. They're trapped, with the three ghosts slinking toward them.
CLAUDE RAINS: (Mockingly, to Emmy) Sing something for us, Christine...
Emmy glares, but tries anyway, only weak attempts and coughing escaping.
CLAUDE RAINS: Oooh, that was it? Do it again, come on.
Emmy opens her mouth and an ear-splittingly high but on-key note bursts from her lips.
CLAUDE RAINS AND LON CHANEY: What the—?
Sarah leaps down onto them, tackling them to the ground. The freed Minnie, with a toad or two still on her shoulder, checks on her companions.
LON CHANEY AND CLAUDE RAINS: Please, please, mercy, mercy...
SARAH: Silence!
CLAUDE RAINS: Hey, we're gonna shut up right now, just, just...
LON CHANEY: Calm down, we're really sorry.
SARAH: If you ever come near my coworkers again...
CLAUDE RAINS: Oh, these—these are yours? (To Lon) Aw, gee, I didn't—I didn't know that, did you?
LON CHANEY: No, of course not!
BOTH: Ian?
IAN: (Nods yes)
Sarah bares her teeth and hisses.
CLAUDE RAINS: Toodles!
They leave. Gerry and Emmy approach.
EMMY: Sarah, I—.
SARAH: You deliberately disobeyed me.
EMMY: Sarah, I—I'm sorry...
SARAH: Let's go home.
GERRY: (As they are leaving) I thought you were very brave.
Above them, hidden on a shadowy ledge, Michael watches them with a grim frown.

Now, our heroes (and heroines) are walking back to the theater. It is sunset.
SARAH: Minnie!
MINNIE: (Terrified) Yes, ma'am?
SARAH: Take Emmy home. I've got to teach Gerry...a lesson.
Gerry gulps and tries to hide in the tall grass. Minnie approaches.
MINNE: Come, Emmy. Gerry, (Sigh) good luck.
Minnie and Emmy leave.
SARAH: (Without looking at him) Gerry.
Gerry slinks toward her and he suddenly steps on a piece of paper and glances down. It is an article praising and announcing the debut of PotO in London. Bowing his head in shame, he steps over the article and sits down next to Sarah.
SARAH: Gerry, I am very disappointed in you.
GERRY: I know...
SARAH: You could've been killed. You deliberately disobeyed me, and what's worse, you put Emmy in danger!
GERRY: I—I was just trying to make a name for myself like you.
SARAH: Getting a name in show business happens by chance and if you have the talent; you can't force it. Gerry, being successful doesn't mean you go looking for the triumph...
GERRY: But you seemed to make it just like that.
SARAH: Well, I didn't.
GERRY: You didn't?
SARAH: No. It took a lot of hard work.
GERRY: Oh...I guess even famous people still have work to do, don't they?
SARAH: Mmm-hmmm.
GERRY: But you know what?
SARAH: What?
GERRY: I think those other Phantoms had to work really hard!
SARAH: (Laughs) 'Cause nobody messes with the pioneers!
They wrestle and chase each other in the grass.
GERRY: Sarah?
SARAH: Hmmm?
GERRY: We're pals, right?
SARAH: Right.
GERRY: And you'll always be there to help us out, right?
SARAH: Gerry, let me tell you something that the very first Christine told me...
GERRY: You met Mary Philbin?
SARAH: She came to the LA debut. Anyway, look at the chandelier: Its crystals may seem small, but if one was removed, its beauty would not be the same.
GERRY: Really?
SARAH: Yes. So whenever you feel unimportant on the set or in life, just remember that there is no other crystal on the chandelier like you...the loss of even one is a tragedy...
They gaze up at the chandelier.

Back in Box Five
CLAUDE RAINS' PHANTOM: Man, that lousy Sarah! Won't be able to sit for a week! (Rubs his sore backside)
IAN: (Laughs)
CLAUDE RAINS' PHANTOM: It's not funny, Ian!
IAN: (Laughs harder)
CLAUDE RAINS' PHANTOM: Hey, shut up!
They wrestle.
LON CHANEY'S PHANTOM: Will you knock it off?
CLAUDE RAINS' PHANTOM: (Pointing at Ian, who is accidentally gnawing his own hand) Well, he started it!
LON CHANEY'S PHANTOM: Look at you guys! No wonder we're pushed in the background of Phans' minds!
CLAUDE RAINS' PHANTOM: Man, I hate the background!
LON CHANEY'S PHANTOM: Yeah? You know, if it weren't for Gerard Butler, we'd be runnin' the joint!
CLAUDE RAINS' PHANTOM: And man, I hate Gerard!
LON CHANEY'S PHANTOM: So untrained vocally!
CLAUDE RAINS' PHANTOM: And unappreciative!
LON CHANEY'S PHANTOM: And arrogant!
BOTH: And man is he... too handsome for the lead!

A blast of green smoke rises. Michael appears on the ledge behind it.
MICHAEL: (Sarcastically) Oh, surely Mr. Butler isn't all that bad?
CLAUDE RAINS' PHANTOM: Oh, Michael, it's just you!
LON CHANEY'S PHANTOM: Yeah, we were afraid it was somebody important!
CLAUDE RAINS' PHANTOM: Yeah, you know, like Lord Webber or something.
MICHAEL: (Bitterly) I see.
CLAUDE RAINS' PHANTOM: Now that's power!
LON CHANEY'S PHANTOM: Tell me about it--I just hear that name and I shudder.
CLAUDE RAINS' PHANTOM: Lord Webber!
LON CHANEY'S PHANTOM: (Shudders, pause) Do it again!
CLAUDE RAINS' PHANTOM: Lord Webber!
LON CHANEY'S PHANTOM: (Shudders)
CLAUDE RAINS' PHANTOM: Lord Webber, Lord Webber, Lord Webber!
LON CHANEY'S PHANTOM: (Shudders) That tingles me!
MICHAEL: (Rolls his eyes) I'm surrounded by idiots.
CLAUDE RAINS' PHANTOM: Naw, not you, Michael, I mean, you're one of us, I mean, you're our pal.
MICHAEL: Charmed.
LON CHANEY'S PHANTOM: Ooooh, I like that! He hasn't done the role for years, but he's still so Phantomy!
CLAUDE RAINS' PHANTOM: Yeah. Hey, did you bring us our next fixings, Michael, old buddy, old pal, huh? Didya didya didya?!
MICHAEL: I don't think you really deserve this.
He holds up manila envelopes marked "Christine Pornography" just over their heads. The Phantoms on the floor jump to their knees, slobbering and begging like hungry dogs.
MICHAEL: I practically gift wrapped those two for you, and you couldn't even dispose of them.
He tosses down the folders and they dive into them, staring lustfully, but the camera does not reveal the contents to the audience!
LON CHANEY'S PHANTOM: Well, you know, it wasn't exactly like—Holy crap, how'd they get that picture?!—I mean, it wasn't exactly like they was alone Michael.
CLAUDE RAINS' PHANTOM: Yeah, what were we supposed to do—hey, Ian, stop looking over my shoulder! Susanna's Christine is mine!—kill Sarah Brightman?
MICHAEL: Heavens, no! She's my Chrissey!
CLAUDE RAINS' PHANTOM: Oh. Well, what, then? Lord Webber?
MICHAEL: (Grins evilly) Precisely.
He jumps down from the ledge. Unseen voices hum. Green smoke rises rhythmically from the ground as he walks.
MICHAEL: (Sings) I know that your powers of retention
are as wet as a stage hand's backside,
but thick as you are, (Knocks a picture from Ian's hand) pay attention!
My words are a matter of pride.
It's clear from your vacant expressions,
the lights are not all on usptairs,
but we're talking Phantoms and successions—
even you can't be caught unawares!
So, prepare for the chance of a lifetime,
be prepared for sensational news!
A shining new era is tiptoeing nearer...
CLAUDE RAINS' PHANTOM: And where do we feature?
MICHAEL: Just listen to teacher!
I know it sounds sordid, but you'll be rewarded
when at last, I am given my dues
and injustice deliciously squared.
Be prepared!
CLAUDE RAINS' PHANTOM: Yeah, be prepared, we'll be prepared! For what?
MICHAEL: For the career death of Andrew!
CLAUDE RAINS' PHANTOM: Why, does he have composer's block?
MICHAEL: No, fool, we're gonna professionally kill him, and Gerry, too.
CLAUDE RAINS' PHANTOM: Great idea! Who needs a movie?
CLAUDE RAINS AND LON CHANEY'S PHANTOMS: No film, no film, la, la, la, la, la, la!
MICHAEL: Idiots! There will be a film!
CLAUDE RAINS' PHANTOM: But there's no Phant—.
MICHAEL: I will be Erik! Stick with me and you'll get to see your Christines again!
CLAUDE RAINS AND LON CHANEY'S PHANTOMS: Yea! All right!
They discuss their plan.

The Next Day
Gerry walks with Michael in a large gorge.
MICHAEL: Now, you wait here. Your Christine has a marvelous surprise for you.
GERRY: Ooooh, what is it?
MICHAEL: If I told you, it wouldn't be a surprise, now would it?
GERRY: If you tell me, I'll still act surprised.
MICHAEL: (Laughs) You are such a naughty boy!
GERRY: C'mon, Grandpa Michael!
MICHAEL: No, no, no, no, no, no, no, this is just for you and Emmy—you know, a sort of Phantom Christine bonding...thing. Well, I'd better go get her.
GERRY: I'll go with you!
MICHAEL: No! No, just stay here on this rock. You wouldn't want to end up in another mess like you did with the First Two.
GERRY: You know about that?
MICHAEL: Gerry, everybody knows about that.
GERRY: Really?
MICHAEL: Oh, yes. Lucky somebody was there to save you, eh? Oh, and just Phantom to Phantom, you might want to work on your last "night" in "Music of the Night". It's quite tricky!
GERRY: Oh. Okay.
Michael turns to leave.
GERRY: Hey, Grandpa Michael, will I like this surprise?
MICHAEL: Gerry, it's to die for. (Leaves)
Above the gorge, on a grassy plain, thousands of Rentheads congregate. Lon Chaney's Phantom, Claude Rains' Phantom, and Ian hide in the taller reeds.
LON CHANEY'S PHANTOM: Shut up!
CLAUDE RAINS' PHANTOM: (Whining, shaking like a deprived addict) I can't help it! They call that a musical? I gotta get my revenge!
LON CHANEY'S PHANTOM: Stay put.
CLAUDE RAINS' PHANTOM: Look, can't I just...sing a little to a new convert?
LON CHANEY'S PHANTOM: No! We wait for the signal from Michael...
IAN: (Points up to a rock ledge where Michael appears)
LON CHANEY'S PHANTOM: There he is. Let's go...
Back with Gerry.
GERRY: It's not so hard, and they'll use a computer, but ah, well, I'll humor him. (Clears throat, sings) Help me make the music of the (Inhales) niiiiight. (Coughs) niight. (Tries again) night—Damn!
Back on the plain.
RENTHEAD: (Spotting something moving in the grass) PHANTOMS!
RENTHEADS: (Turn and gasp)
RENTHEAD LEADER: Hey, guys, there's another one down there! (Points at Gerry) And Phantom merchandise everywhere! (Points at posters, mugs, hats, etc, lying in the gorge) Let's get 'em!
Down below.
GERRY: Niiiiiight. (Passes out for two seconds, awakens to the ground trembling)
All the Rentheads, carrying torches and gunny sacks, pour over the gorge and begin burning and taking the merchandise prisoner. Gerry gasps, then runs. Thousands of Rentheads pour over the gorge, filling it from wall to wall. The terrified Phantom runs as fast as he can, but they creep closer and closer. The First Two and Ian run behind them, snapping at their ankles and making them run faster. Far away at the Opera, Meg and ALW stroll the grounds.
MEG: Oh, look, sire, strange dust clouds over yonder...
ALW: Odd...
MICHAEL: (Rushing up to them) Andrew, quick! Stampede--in the gorge! Gerry's down there!
ALW: Gerry?
In the gorge, Gerry runs for his life. He scrambles up a dead tree and clings to it, just inches above the stampede. Andrew and Michael gallop down the mountainside while Meg charges on horseback, searching for Gerry.
GERRY: Meg, help me!
MEG: Andrew is on the way, hold on!
GERRY: Hurry!
Michael and Andrew dash to the edge of the cliff.
MEG: There, there—on that tree!
Andrew attempts to get Gerry to safety, but is he himself taken prisoner by the vengeful Rentheads. After the stampede, Gerry is alone in the gorge. Michael slinks toward him out of the dust.
MICHAEL: Gerry...what have you done?
GERRY: There were Rentheads and he...he tried to save me! It was an accident, I didn't mean for it to happen.
MICHAEL: Of course, of course you didn't. No one ever means for these things to happen. But Lord Webber is gone...and if you had been better trained, the Rentheads might have been frightened away...wait, what will Emmy think?
GERRY: (Gulps) What am I gonna do?
MICHAEL: Run away, Gerry. Run. Run away and never return.
His eyes wide with fear, Gerry dashes away. The three ghosts sneak up behind Michael. He hands them Gerry's film contract over his shoulder, without looking at them.
MICHAEL: Kill him.
The three ghosts run to the nearest copy shop and ask to use the paper shredder. They put the contract through it. Lon, however, gets too close and the shredder takes his mask, too. Horrified at his Phantom face being exposed, he frantically scoops up the shredded mask. A guy from behind the counter hands him some duct tape. The two other ghosts burst out laughing. They see Gerry run by.
CLAUDE: Hey, there he goes, there he goes!
LON: (Trying to tape his mask back together, to no avail) So, go get him!
CLAUDE: (Looking at all the shredders, copiers, etc, he'd have to walk by) There ain't no way I'm going through there! What, you want me to come back lookin' like you, Halloween Head?
LON: (Throws his mask at Claude) But we've gotta finish the job!
CLAUDE: (Gazing into the Rent set filled distance) Aw, he's as good as history out there, anyway—and if he comes back, we'll use the shredding for a piñata!

Later that Night, at the Set
The mourning cast and crew gathers around Michael.
MICHAEL: Andrew's kidnapping is a terrible tragedy. But to lose Gerry, who was barely becoming enlightened with the tale...to me, it is a deep, personal loss. So it is with a heavy heart that I reprise the role. Yet out of the ashes of this tragedy, we shall rise, to greet the dawning of a new era in which ghost and mortal come together in a great and glorious future.
As he signs the film contract presented him, dozens of spirits enter the set. Meanwhile, Madame Giry weeps. She glances at movie poster, then, places a piece of tape over Gerry's image.