Summary: Steve knows his friends are planning a surprise for his birthday,and he wants to know what it is. Good thing Danny and Catherine are both really bad at keeping secrets...
Happy birthday to Alex O'Loughlin!
A/N: Happy Fortieth Birthday to Alex O'Loughlin! Best wishes to a talented actor and a wonderful man. Does anyone else find it ridulously hilarious that Alex and Scott were born in the same year and same month, only a day apart? I just can't get over it :D
This little one-shot's more of a laughing attack/utter and complete silliness than a whump-fest, but I hope it's just as entertaining!
Still having technical problems with All For One. It makes me sad :(
Anyway, let the antics begin!
CAN YOU KEEP A SECRET?
Steve McGarrett woke up alone.
He sighed, guessing that Catherine had gone out on a run. He appreciated that she took good care of her figure, but he sort of wished that, for once, she'd stay in bed and laze around with him.
But then, of course, he wished for lots of things.
"A wish," he remembered an old professor of his saying, "is something that you want, but know will never happen."
Steve wished he could talk to his father one last time.
He wished he didn't get shot at every time he left the house.
He wished his life was peaceful, and he wished he didn't have so many enemies.
Birthdays were all about wishes, and Steve found that unappealing.
So far, his best birthday ever had been when Danny, Chin, and Kono had managed to surprise him with a salty cake in the shape of a grenade.
That had been about three years ago, and it still made the SEAL smile.
I wish I could go back to that, he thought.
Finished with his rather depressing thoughts, Steve decided that today would be a day like any other. He would head to the ocean for a dip, and then head into work. He would have lunch at Kamekona's with Catherine, and then maybe have a beer on the lanai with Danny. Then he would fall asleep with his favorite navy lieutenant at his side.
It sounded great.
Musings pushed aside, Steve slid out of bed and shuffled down the hallway, rubbing his eyes and yawning.
He froze when he heard a voice from downstairs. A voice that sounded exactly like Catherine.
"Yeah, good. I'll meet you at the rendezvous. I need to make sure. Fine, okay. Rollins out."
Steve waited until she was obviously done with the call, and then headed down the stairs.
"Good morning, Cath," he smiled sunnily.
She smiled back. "Good morning! Sleep well?"
"Yeah, yeah I did. So...who was that?"
Catherine's smile stiffened. "Who was what?"
"Who were you talking to on the phone?"
"Danny," said Catherine.
Steve narrowed his eyes. "Why?"
"No reason."
"Are you meeting him somewhere?"
"Uhm, maybe."
Steve gaped. "Are you going out with Danny?"
"What? No!" Catherine looked incredulous. "I never date men that much shorter than me!"
Steve couldn't help but smirk at that.
"Okay, then what are you meeting Danny for?"
"Just something," said Catherine, holding up a pineapple. "Want some?"
"What something?"
"Fine, I guess I'll just eat the whole thing by myself."
Steve bristled. Sometimes, Catherine could be so irritating!
But as she began to slice the fruit and hum a song, he realized that it was pointless to try and get anything out of her. He knew that Danny would never go out with Catherine; they were more like brother and sister than anything else. And Catherine was faithful; she wouldn't cheat on him, especially with his best friend.
"Whatever," Steve sighed, grabbing a bowl and allowing his girlfriend to dish him up. "I know you're gonna tell me eventually."
"Mmmm," said Catherine, smirking as she took her first bite of the breakfast.
"Today's my birthday," commented Steve.
"What?" exclaimed Catherine in an over-exaggerated act. "I'm so sorry! I forgot! Oh, no!"
Steve smiled and played along. "It's okay, Cath," he comforted. "I'm not upset or anything."
"But I didn't get you anything!" Catherine moaned pitifully. "Oh Steve, please don't be mad!"
"I'm not mad. I'm sure Danny got me something. Or Chin, or Kono."
"No, they didn't get you anything," Catherine replied too quickly. "They forgot, too."
"All of them?"
"All of them."
"I see. Well..." he sighed and stood up. "I guess I'll have to go and remind them."
"No!" Catherine yelped, leaping up to grab his arm. "Not yet! It's not ready!"
"What's not? What's not ready?"
"Your birthday p-" Catherine stopped short. "Pineapple," she finished lamely.
"My birthday pineapple? What do you mean it isn't ready?"
"It's just-just not," she stammered haltingly. "It's-um-"
"It's what?" Steve prompted.
"It's-ahh I suck at this!" shouted Catherine. "I can't tell you. I'm sorry."
"Please, Catherine?" pleaded Steve, putting on what Danny called Adorable Baby SEAL Face. "I promise I'll still pretend to be surprised!"
For a few seconds, it looked like Steve was going to win. Catherine's face softened as she took in Steve's huge blue eyes and tousled hair. But then, her phone rang.
"Lieutenant Rollins," she said briskly, not bothering to check Caller ID. After all, she was still distracted by Steve, who was continuing to make his cute Face.
"Danny?" Catherine said, surprised. "Thank God! I was just about to tell Steve about the-"
"NOO!" Steve heard from out of Catherine's phone. "NOT ANOTHER WORD!"
"Sorry! I'm sorry!" Catherine said quickly. "Sorry!"
"DON'T TELL STEVE!" Danny hollered.
"I won't tell Steve, I promise!" cried Catherine.
"Gimme that!" demanded Steve, speedily snatching the phone out of Catherine's hands. Victorious, he dashed out onto the lanai.
"Danny, tell me what's going on right now!" he bellowed. "This isn't about a pineapple, is it?"
"What? A pineapple?" said Danny. "No, where'd you get that?"
Suddenly, a loud beeping sound emitted from Danny's side of the line. "Get it out of the oven!" a female voice screeched. "Chin, how long did you set the timer for anyway? Have you ever cooked anything in your life?"
"Chin and Kono are at your house?" Steve asked. "Why wasn't I invited to the party? It's my birthday!"
"I'm not at my house!" Danny retorted. "I'm at-nevermind."
"Danny!" Steve protested.
"I'm not telling you!"
"You have to!"
"Why?"
"Obligation!"
"NO!"
"But Dann-"
All of a sudden, a hand shot out and grabbed the phone out of Steve's grasp. He whirled around to find Catherine yakking into it. "Make sure it's not too burnt! Have you started on the other ones yet? You know, the...other ones! The-"
Steve rushed forward, tickling Catherine hard in the stomach. She instantly burst into laughter. "Ahhh! No stop it!" she screamed as she fell to the floor, giggling uncontrollably.
"Ha!" exclaimed Steve, picking the phone from Catherine's hand. "Danny, are you baking a cake?"
"Not just one-ow! Dammit Kono, no punching your friends!"
"That was a love-tap, brah! And no telling birthday boy what his surprise is!"
"DANNY!" Steve cried again in frustration, then yelped as Catherine tackled him with a fierce battle-cry. Alarmed, Steve stumbled backwards and landed back down on the carpet. Catherine fell on top of him. Both fighting for the phone, Steve won, gripping it tightly. He was about to demand of his partner exactly what he was up to when he realized that the call had ended.
Danny (or Chin, or Kono) must have hit the 'End Call' button.
"Dammit!" complained Steve. "So not fair!"
"Why are you so insistent on ruining your birthday surprise?" demanded Catherine. "It's rude!"
"How's it rude?"
"Because your friends have worked so hard to make you your multiple-" she stopped short, flopping limply over Steve's chest and letting out a frustrated huff. "I can't even talk without wanting to tell you your present," she mumbled. "I'm soo bad at keeping secrets."
"Good thing for me," Steve smirked. "I know that Danny's at either Chin or Kono's house, and that they're baking more than one cake for me. And that's probably where you were this morning," surmised the SEAL.
"Guilty as charged," Catherine confirmed. "But you still don't know the whole story."
"I will find the truth," vowed Steve grimly. "You will not hide it from me forever!"
"You're right," said Catherine. "We're going to show it to you eventually..."
"When?" Steve begged.
"Later."
"Ug fine!"
After that, Steve tried to to into work, but Catherine wouldn't let him. Instead, she treated him to multiple shrimp dishes at Kamekona's truck and then they bought shave ice, eating the dessert during a lazy stroll along the beach.
5-0-5-0-5-0
Meanwhile, chaos was erupting at Kono's small oceanside home.
"Take it out of the oven now!" the rookie shouted. "Hurry up, Chin!"
"I am!" cried her cousin, his normally calm face streaked with flour. "How do I make the beeping stop?"
"Press the button," said Danny helpfully, his hands full of blue frosting.
"What button?"
"That one."
"Which one's that one?"
"That..." Danny attempted to point with one hand, but a glob of frosting fell off and splatted on the floor. "Shit!"
"Danny! If you drop any more of that frosting, you're gonna have to make more!" Kono said.
"But I don't know how!" the distraught detective protested.
"Why don't you or Chin know how to do anything?" cried Kono in annoyance.
"Hey hey hey, I know how to make a pizza! You know how to make a pizza? Like a real one, without pineapple?"
"A pineapple pizza is still a real pizza!"
"No it's not!"
"Is too!"
"Is not!"
"Which button?" screamed Chin. "Help me!"
Quickly, Kono's hand shot out and slapped a small button on the oven, silencing the timer. "Okay, now take the cake out and put the cupcakes in."
"What about the malasadas?" asked Danny.
"What about them?" replied Kono, busy pouring a second cake batter into a pan.
"Are they gonna be land mines or death-frisbees? We didn't decide."
"Land mines," chimed the cousins simultaneously.
"How the hell to we decorate them as land mines?"
"Leave it to me," said Chin. "You can manage to make the cake look like a giant machine gun, right guys?"
"Absolutely, and I can make the cupcakes into bullets," offered Kono.
"Does anyone have any idea how messed up this is?" sighed Danny.
And yet, in Kono's smokey, stress-packed kitchen, the three friends continued to create Steve's birthday surprise.
5-0-5-0-5-0
"Can you tell me now?"
"No."
"Can you tell me now?"
"No."
"How 'bout now?"
"No!"
In Steve's living room, Catherine massaged her temples with her fingers and took a deep breath. As much as she loved her boyfriend, he was really fraying her nerves. If anything, Steve McGarrett was stubborn, and he was stopping at nothing to discover his surprise. Thrice, he had attempted to escape the house, and all three times, Catherine had stopped him. Now, she was barely holding herself back from throttling him.
"Calm down, Steve! Why can't you just wait in calm anticipation like a normal human being?"
"Did you just tell me to be normal?"
"Yeah, okay, that was stupid. Sorry."
Painfully, the hours passed. Five rolled around, then six. At last, the clock showed six-thirty, and Catherine leapt to her feet from the couch.
"Alright Steve! It's time for your surprise!"
Steve sat up and massaged his shoulder. "Was sitting on me really necessary?" he questioned.
"You would've took off if I hadn't."
She knows me so well, thought the SEAL.
"Alright, let's go!" cried Steve, pumping his fist in the air.
In seconds, the two were riding in Catherine's sleek blue car, the navy lieutenant at the wheel. Beside her, Steve bounced his knees in excitement. "I can't wait to see what you came up with," he chuckled. "It should be good."
"Oh, it is," snickered Catherine with a grin. "It's very good."
Just as the seven o'clock news began on the radio, Catherine pulled up in front of Kono's house.
"So this is where Danny and Chin were!" Steve gasped.
Catherine smiled and took her boyfriend's hand. "Come around to the back," she said, and let out a giggle as Steve dragged her forward.
When they approached closer to Kono's backyard, voices could be heard.
"That's the last time I'm cooking with you two!" exclaimed Kono.
"I still have frosting on my hands, what the hell!" complained Danny.
"I'm never using your oven again," swore Chin.
Steve couldn't help but let out a chuckle.
"We're here!" called Catherine from around the corner. The surprise was still hidden from sight. "Can we come back?"
"Come right over!" greeted Kono, and Steve took a deep breath.
He rounded the corner.
He froze.
He stared.
Three picnic tables decorated in white table cloths filled Kono's small backyard. One held two cakes, the larger in the shape of a machine gun and the smaller in the form of a semi-automatic handgun. On the other two tables were plates of bullet mini-cupcakes and land mine malasadas. Each treat was frosted with excruciating detail.
To the side stood his three friends. Steve took in Danny's frosting covered clothes, forehead, and hair; Chin's flour streaked face; and Kono's apron reading 'Kiss the Cook' smudged with batter.
He looked back and forth from the dessert tables to his ohana, back and forth until Danny asked, uncomfortably, "Well? Do you like it or what?"
"I love you guys," Steve responded, and was shocked to hear tears in his own voice. "You made me an arsenal out of goodies."
"You bet your ass we did!" Chin laughed. "And you better like it!"
"I love it," Steve wept.
"Aw boss, don't cry," Kono begged.
"It's okay, buddy," said Catherine, rubbing her boyfriend's back.
Steve took another look at the tables and sobbed again. Instantly, his arms were full of ohana, and he was getting frosting, flour, and cake batter all over him but it didn't matter.
"I love you," Steve repeated. "Thank you so, so much. You have no idea how much this means to me."
"You're welcome," Danny said, smiling a bright, genuine smile. "It may have been terrifying and confusing, but it was worth it to see the look on your face."
"We all survived. Hope you like it!" exclaimed Chin, slapping Steve on the shoulder.
"Happy birthday, boss!" Kono cheered.
Then, Catherine drew Steve in for a kiss, and everyone applauded.
And as they all enjoyed the several home-baked treats, Steve McGarrett was sure that this was the happiest birthday he had ever had.
THE END
P.S. I hope you enjoyed this silly little one-shot! It was a lot of fun for me to write, and hopefully a lot of fun for y'all to read.
Special thanks to Texas50Fan for prompting me to write for Alex's birthday!
Have a good day... :)