Classical Sorrow: I do not own Yu-Gi-Oh

"I would rather be a coward than brave because people hurt you when you are brave."

-E.M. Forster

I should be honest with myself, that would be for the best...

Or I can continue to lie and be happy!

That will only hurt me in the end. I have to accept this... I have to tell my friends.

And have them look at me funny? And have them see me as a different person?

I'm still the same person!

They won't think that. Face it; they're better off not knowing.

What am I suppose to do? Wait for it to go away?

Yes, that's exactly what I should do.

But I can't

I sat on the slide in the playground. Not going up or down, just sitting. Just thinking. Trying not to cry. Why did I have to be like this? Why? Did I get bad genes or something? Or is it me? Is it my fault I'm attracted to guys instead of girls? It's not fair. Why did life have to be like this? How can I get through this? This argument. I've had it so many times I already know all the answers. Yes, no, yes, no. All in a circle.

I haven't been really happy in the last few months. I know the others think I'm depressed. I guess I am. I start crying for the stupidest reasons now too. I've withdrawn completely. Yugi's been trying to get me to do something, anything, duel, eat, play video games. That won't help me. I just have one thing on my mind.

I'm gay. I don't know why I just am! I always wondered why I never had the same reaction to Tristan's magazines as he did. I was more interested in his crotch than those magazines. He never seemed to notice.

Yugi and his hugs. Those are so nice. It feels like I'm safe, it feels like I can tell him. It makes me feel like maybe he'll understand. Then I remember Tea. How can he understand? He has a girlfriend. She'll never understand either.

Then that experience with Bakura when he was sleeping over at my place. That was horrible. Bakura's changing in my room into his PJ's but I didn't know so I walked right in and I see him, all of him, totally naked. He just blushes and I quickly close the door and run to the bathroom. Bakura really turned me on. He was hot. He has a nice body. Not that I want a relationship or anything with him... he just turns me on.

He would think I'm sick if I told him that. Well maybe not. Bakura's pretty tolerant, he would just be creeped out, but Tea and Tristan... them I'm not so sure. Yugi I know will at least try to understand, but it's still really hard.

I mean... I can't even tell my own sister. My mom's a homophobic. It'll give her reason to keep Serenity and me apart even more.

I just want to curl up into a ball and die. I don't understand these feelings I get. When I finally realized I was gay I was in denial. I couldn't accept it. I still can't I guess... I've been really snappy with everyone lately. Either that or I keep crying. I just think about telling my friends and I want to cry. I don't know if they'll understand or not. What if they don't? Then I'll lose them forever. What if they hate me? How can I tell them?

"Hey Joey! That you pal?" It was Tristan. What was he doing here?

"Joey, mind coming down?" He asked. Slowly I slid down and he stepped in front of me. I rubbed tears out of my eyes before he saw.

"Wheeler, you may not have noticed this, but we've been worried about you." Tristan said.

"What for? I'm fine." Another lie.

"No you're not Joey." He said quietly, "You've been so depressed lately and I want to know why. The others are looking for you all around the city. We want to help." So it wasn't just him... my friends were worried. Would they care if they knew the truth?

"Joey, you're my best bud, and I really hate to see you like this." Tristan said putting his hand on my shoulder staring into my eyes. I wanted to cry again, but I didn't.

"There's nothing wrong!" I shouted, "Just leave me alone! It's none of your business!" I tried to get up, but Tristan pushed me back down.

"What's wrong?" He roared.

"NOTHING!!!" I yelled.

"Is it drugs? Is it sex? Is it blackmail? What is it Joey!? What is it?!?!" He asked mockingly.

"DAMN IT LEAVE ME ALONE!!!!!!" I yelled jumping up and punching him in the nose. He staggered back and clutched his bloody nose.

"Okay, okay." Tristan said getting ready for another attack, "What is it Joey? What's on your mind?" He asked, "Is it grades? Is it Serenity?"

"NO!" I roared launching myself at him. He got me in a headlock.

"Then what is it?" He asked as I escaped from his headlock.

"I'M GAY!!!!!!!" I yelled. It seemed to echo in my own ears. I collapsed on the ground sobbing, "I'm gay..." I said again this time a bit quieter. Tristan seemed stunned. Slowly he came down to my level and hugged me. He let me hold on to him. I muttered, "I'm gay... and you'll hate me now."

"Hey, I don't hate you." Tristan said softly, "It's okay Joey, I don't care if you like girls or guys, you're still my bud right?"

"Yeah..." I sniffed.

"This is why you've been so depressed?" He asked. I pulled away and nodded. We went to sit on the bench in the middle of the park.

"Yes." I said sitting down, "I... I wanted to tell you and Yugi and Tea and Bakura and the rest but I couldn't..."

"I can't believe it, I'm surprised to tell you the truth Joey, I thought you liked Mai." I smiled bitterly.

"No, I just tried to make myself attracted to Mai... I wanted to believe I'm straight so that everyone else would believe I'm straight but... I just... I felt so hopeless..." He suddenly punched me in the shoulder.

"Ow... hey! What was that for!" I shouted angrily.

"Never do that again!" He said fiercely, "We were all worried Joey. You know you can tell me these things. I won't judge you any differently!"

"I didn't know that." I said, "I wasn't sure if you would see me in the same way." I said.

"Nothing's changed other than Tea can't set you up with her weird friends anymore." Tristan laughed. I chuckled.

"Thanks..." I said... I felt so light. My mood suddenly darkened, "But... the others... how do I know they feel the same way as you?" I asked.

"I guess I don't," He admitted, "But I don't think they'll see you any differently either."

"You don't know that for sure." I muttered.

"You have to tell them Joey. You're hurting yourself and us if you don't." He said. I know he was telling the truth. I was really hurting them with my withdrawing. With my depression.

"I'm so afraid." I said softly.

"I'll be with you. You're my best friend Joey." he said.

"I know... Thank you..." I said.

"We're all meeting up at Burger World in fifteen minutes to see if any of us found you. Let's go." He said.

"I'm not ready." I said.

"Joey, this is hard I know it's hard. You have to though or you never will. Do it for your own sake if nothing else."

I nodded. Damn Tristan. He knows me too well.

I wonder if the others will understand. I wonder if they'll hate me. There's only one way to find out. We walked into Burger World.

"Joey!" Yugi said happy to see me.

"Hey Joey where have you been? We were worried!" Tea said. Ryou stayed silent as usual.

"Yeah Wheeler, we were about to call the dog pound." Duke said.

"Guys... there's something I need to tell you."

It's now or never.

Classical: The message in this fic is pretty clear. People are the same people after you find out a secret about them like that. It's you that changes. Don't change for the worst.