Hello! I am back with a quick one-shot as an apology for the long wait of To Help Heal.
This has no connection to any of my stories, it's a stand-alone.
Please review! (I'm so sorry)
Warning: Major Character Death
. . .
Bokuto was 27 when he met him.
He was out for a walk in the park at night, his apartment was too quiet, too lonely. So despite the danger, he risked it and took a walk.
The stars were something that always amazed him. There were so many of them, surrounded by each other but yet so far away from each other. He loved looking at them. He was grateful towards them.
They led Bokuto to him.
He stood there in the middle of the park. Bokuto could never forget the moment he saw him.
Bathed softly in the moonlight, he stood there in a black coat that went down to his knees with dark jeans and a gray scarf. Bokuto couldn't really see his face but he just knew.
This man was beautiful. The way he stood there was like he was light years away from Bokuto yet he stood no more than 50 feet from him. He was glowing in the moonlight, black curly hair waving in the slight wind.
They were next to each other yet so far away. He was like a star, Bokuto realized. So beautiful yet cold and distant.
(It wasn't until much later that Bokuto realized that he wasn't like a star. He was a meteor. Just as beautiful and amazing but burning and crumbling along the way. Because just like a meteor, he was there and then he was gone. But he didn't come back like the stars did every night.)
. . .
Bokuto returned there the next night, to see if the man was there again. He was, the same position. Still standing there, still as far away.
. . .
5 nights of seeing him there in the same position, Bokuto finally got the courage to hand the stranger a cup of hot chocolate.
He accepted it and walked them over to a bench underneath a street light. He sat down, motioning for Bokuto to join him
He was beautiful up close too.
Same jeans, coat and scarf. His hair was a mess of curls but in some way fit him. His face was angular and sharp. His expression disinterested, eyes half lidded. So distant.
His eyes were piercing though. Dark green? Greyish blue? Bokuto couldn't tell. (He later found out that they change color depending on if he's comfortable or not.) They focused so intently on Bokuto that he was stunned. But they weren't cold.
Just analytic. But also kind of distant. Like nothing caught his interest. They turned out to be greyish blue, Bokuto found out when he really looked at him.
"Thank you for the hot chocolate. I'm Akaashi Keiji. And you?"
"You're welcome! I'm Bokuto Koutarou! Nice to officially meet you Akaashi!"
. . .
He never found it in himself to hate the stars. Even after everything. He couldn't never hate them for the same reason he loved them.
They led him to Akaashi Keiji.
. . .
They began to meet in the daylight, after Akaashi commented on how he felt bad about Bokuto staying up all night just to meet him.
When he finally said that, Bokuto realized that his eyes looked more dark green instead of greyish blue.
He never smiled so genuine when he agreed. But for some reason, Akaashi seemed sad when he smiled like that. Bokuto mentioned it to him. He thought it was weird, he only smiled like that for Akaashi yet he seemed to get sad when he saw it.
. . .
"Please don't worry about it, Bokuto-san. I love your smile. May I ask you a favor even? No matter what happens, please don't stop smiling like that ok? Please."
Bokuto agreed because Akaashi never sounded so desperate. His voice was raw and sad, yet pleading. Bokuto didn't know how to help, so he agreed.
When he said that he promised, Akaashi smiled sadly again.
. . .
Bokuto doesn't know when they first started dating. He wasn't sure what counted as date and when they were still friends.
He guessed when he first kissed Akaashi, it made it official. But when they went out earlier, to meet up for dinner or maybe coffee before the kiss, were those dates?
Bokuto decided to count them because he wanted his time with Akaashi to be the longest it could have possibly been.
. . .
When Bokuto proposed, he wasn't expecting Akaashi to burst into tears. He didn't think Akaashi would start sobbing. Bokuto quickly put the ring away and tried to comfort Akaashi.
"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry. I love you, I love you so much. But I'm sorry, Koutarou. I love you so much. I'm sorry. I love you, Koutarou." Over and over Akaashi had said that when sobbing. (Bokuto wished he realized at the time)
He didn't bring it up and neither did Akaashi. He didn't know Akaashi took the box from him later on.
. . .
He was rushing to the hospital when he heard the news. Kenma had called, saying Akaashi was admitted to the hospital after his neighbor found him in his apartment, face down.
When he got there, Akaashi was already in a coma.
Bokuto collapsed in tears.
. . .
Kenma explained it when he got there.
"They don't know what it is. But Akaashi was diagnosed at the young age of 12. They didn't know what it is, but it's genetic they believe. His father died of the same cause. There is no cure. The doctor told him he wouldn't live past 28 at best. The doctor gave him his final notice 6 months ago."
6 months ago… right before Bokuto proposed. He understood now, he painfully understood.
. . .
Akaashi Keiji died the morning of December 1st, at 2:25 am.
Bokuto thought it a sick coincidence.
Akaashi died 4 days before his 28th birthday. He had met Bokuto in October when he was 25 years old.
Bokuto Koutarou met Akaashi Keiji on October 12th at 2:25 am.
. . .
Bokuto knew that Akaashi had no family. He was friends with Kenma and through Kenma, he knew of Kuroo (also Bokuto's best friend).
He had given his will and everything to Kenma for him to handle. Kenma had known Akaashi when they were roommates in college.
He didn't want a proper funeral. He wanted to be buried in the forest near where he met Bokuto. He picked out the spot himself. It was perfect. It was right in-front of a giant oak tree.
They buried him in a pair of jeans and a sweater. (He hated suits, he had to wear them in high school too much. He preferred sweaters and vests.)
It was just Bokuto, Kenma and Kuroo. No one else, Bokuto thought he would have liked that. Akaashi really wasn't fond of too many people.
He even helped decide what went on the tombstone. Bokuto cried when he read it
They each gave a small speech. No one walked away with dry eyes.
. . .
Akaashi Keiji
A son and a friend.
Someone worthy of being loved by Bokuto Koutarou.
"I hope there is an afterlife, because for once the years I have left don't seem like enough."
. . .
It was going to be one complete year. One whole year without Akaashi. Bokuto didn't know how he survived.
After a month of sulking, he finally got back to his life. He returned to his job and resumed his life. Everything was kind of bleak. His apartment was lonely and quiet again.
One year tomorrow.
He decided to visit Akaashi.
. . .
He wasn't expecting a metal box when he got there. It was rusted and looked old. It wasn't there when they buried Akaashi. Curious, he put Akaashi's favorite food down and looked at the box.
He didn't know how to feel when he saw his name engraved on it.
He sat down in front of the grave and opened the box. At the very top there was a clean, crisp envelope with his name on it.
He sucked in a breath. It was Akaashi's handwriting.
. . .
Dear Bokuto-san,
I don't know when you'll be reading this. I don't even know if ever will, but I sincerely hope you will. I had Kenma put this by my grave so when you visited you'd find it.
I wanted you to read this when you were ready. And I knew you would visit me when you were. And by the time you have read this, I assume I must have been dead for some time.
Koutarou, I am so, so, sorry. I am sorry it ended like this. I never meant to burden you like this, never wanted to add to your sadness.
When I first met you, I didn't say anything. I knew I was dying. I assumed that if I ignored you, you would go away. But how naive was I? You returned for 5 nights at ridiculous hours until you handed me a hot chocolate.
And that's when I started to fall. And I'm sorry, I was selfish. I knew what loving you would do to you eventually. I knew the pain that would follow. But yet I still couldn't push you away.
And I'm sorry for that.
But I can't say I regret loving you one bit. You brought warmth, color and life into my final years. And for that I could never thank you enough.
Thank you, for loving me. And maybe you don't see this as important, I know you would say "Of course I love you! How could I not?"
But truly. Thank you for loving me.
There are so many things that I never got the time to say.
You scared me when you first met me. With that beautiful smile that light up the world. I knew what would happen to that smile. Koutarou you looked at me like I was your world.
But what would happen when your world ended?
I didn't except your proposal because I didn't have the right to claim you away from the world when I was leaving. I couldn't do that to you, and I hope you understand.
You're as bright and amazing as they come. You could light up the whole world with just that smile. You belong out there. I can't take you away from that.
But I wanted to be yours. Please know that.
I know I wasn't the best at expressing my emotions. But I hope you got how much I love you. I really hope if there was anything you got from my life it was how much I love you.
Present tense. I died loving you and will always love you.
I love how you annoyed me even, how you could bring me out of the grey funk I was in. I love how you could rile me up and make me feel. I love your smile, your personality. Your mood swings, everything. Even the things you hated.
You were everything. You were home to me.
I died as yours, I hope it doesn't bother you. I took that ring that night. And I kept it. When I knew my last moments were there, I slipped the ring on. If you were to dig me up right now, I would still have that ring on. But you are not mine.
As much as it hurts, I want you to find someone that loves you as much as I do. Who you can go old with and smile like the sun at. I want you to live a life I couldn't.
You are not alone. You are not the stars, Koutarou. Go be happy, for me ok? Love the life you live, with the person you love. I wish it could have been me, but my days were numbered.
I was so lucky to have been loved by you.
I know you mourned me or are mourning me. I know you'll cry and miss me. I know it'll be painful to a point where I couldn't even comprehend. But promise me, that you'll smile that smile again. The one that was like the suns, the one meant for me.
Promise me that you'll be the man I love. And I know that's selfish. But I want you to be that amazing man I feel in love with.
My mother was never herself after my father's death. And it scares me, thinking about how I could change you. How I could or maybe did destroy you.
And I am so sorry if I killed the man I love.
But I know that it'll get painful to continue loving me. So when it does, you can stop loving me Koutarou. It's ok, you can forget me.
I left some stuff for you. Because right now, I want you to remember me one more time. I know I have been incredibly selfish but I want to have one last moment with you.
Just one more, and you can forget? Ok? Just I am so sorry. I never wanted to leave you. I wanted to be with you and laugh with you.
I wanted to see that smile until you died. I wanted to grow old with you, spend the whole span of life together. I wanted to give everything you gave to me, to you. So you'd know just how amazing you were.
After this day, I have no claim on you anymore. You're free ok? And if you see some ink dripping that dried, it wasn't tears ok? Just…just.
Remember me for today.
I love you, forever and always. I'm forever yours.
Love with everything I have,
Keiji.
. . .
Bokuto couldn't stop crying. The tears were like rivers down his face. How could he ever forget the man who was like the stars? The one like a meteor. The one that was so beautiful yet filled with sadness.
He cried and cried because this was it. After this, Akaashi truly was gone. Nothing would be left, no letters, no nothing. And Bokuto didn't know if he could be the man Akaashi wanted him to be.
Because Akaashi made him that man, and he wasn't here anymore. And for the first time in the year he was gone, Bokuto imagined a forever with the man he loves.
After the tears finally stopped, Bokuto looked inside the box. And the tears started again.
The coat and scarf. Akaashi's coat and scarf. The black coat that went down to his knees and the grey scarf. The ones he wore when Bokuto met him. They still smelled like Akaashi.
The smell of old books, cherry blossoms and something Bokuto never could peg. It came to him though, it was his smell.
The box for the ring he bought Akaashi, now empty. He died Bokuto's.
A photo of them. Bokuto was smiling so wide, but he wasn't looking at the camera. He was looking at Akaashi. Kenma must have taken the picture. Akaashi was smiling at Bokuto. They were in their own little weird, huh?
He was as beautiful as Bokuto remembered him to be.
And lastly…no. It couldn't be…it was a small velvet box with a note attached.
"A present for you, just in case you want to be mine."
Bokuto cried.
. . .
The day had arrived, Akaashi supposed. Bokuto finally came and Akaashi saw him cry so much. It was their last moment together. He had waited for this.
As Bokuto finally left the forest, Akaashi glanced at this ring finger. A matching one rested on Bokuto's finger.
A single tear full of regrets slid down Akaashi's face as he finally faded away.
Regrets of not being able to comfort the one he loves. Not being there for the rest of his life. Of causing him so much pain.
"Please don't actually forget me."
. . .
I'm sorry. Please review!
I don't know when I'll be able to write a new chapter for To Help Heal but I will try to get that out soon!
Until then I hope you enjoyed this one-shot!
~The Black Queen 13