I heard someone say you only dream in black and white. I can tell you they are wrong. Red dreams have haunted me these past days, weeks, how long I don't know. I barely noticed the transition from the walls of the hospital to the walls of the room back home. Days are marked by the rising sun in the window, all other sense of time fades as you cease to hear the second hand on the clock and instead mark the drops in the IV tube.
It didn't bother me when he stopped choosing to sleep in the chair in the corner, I couldn't bring myself to care. Never had being alive felt so dead, never had the world seemed so empty. He still set flowers on the table next to the window, always bringing in a new type each day to change the scent. Breathing still hurt, but some days it seemed like smell was the only pleasure left her.
Raising her hand to her throat, she felt the bandages wrapped around her neck. It hurt to the touch, the sensation made her cough; a weak reaction which increased the pain. Her left hand itched, but in the cast she knew it was beyond her control.
From the fading light outside the window she knew Ibiki would soon come into the room with her evening meal, not that she cared to eat. He'd pull out the tray and convince her to eat at least a few bites. Yesterday she gave him the middle finger from her good hand and turned away from him. Perhaps he wouldn't come today. Another time she felt, that thought would have hurt, but she couldn't find the feeling anymore. She had grown numb to it all.
Dreams that night were particularly troubling. A red sun in the sky bathed the world in a dark light, the trees of Konoha were black as night. She walked through the trees and found they possessed no substance, just shadows of their waking selves. The grass beneath her feet had all the shape of grass, but it crumbled to dust with each step she took.
"Ha ha." The sound of laughter felt unnatural to this place. A child's giggling seemed to spring up around her. The child went along, dashing between the trees, appearing for a moment before vanishing back into the shadows. Tayuya walked the dark path, following the child, finding that she was smiling with each discovery and moment of happiness. The child was light, and life seemed to fill the world around him.
"Ow." The kid took a bad spill and sat holding a skinned knee. With tearful eyes he looked up at her. Sitting down beside the boy she pulled out her flute and stretched her fingers before playing a whimsical tune, an old marching song she had loved to play as a child. As the boy's smile returned, so to did the light around him. Standing up, she offered him her hand up. His light filled her eyes and dream immediately became reality as she recognized dawn across her eyelids.
Opening her eyes, she once again put her hand to her throat. No longer caring, she undid the bandages with her one good hand and felt the soft tissue. Pulling back her hand she finally remembered that night which had led her to this state, the hand then was covered with blood. There was no mistaking the distinct feeling of chakra-healed scars along her neck. The accidental slice along her jugular had been neat, probably easy to heal; other things did not heal so easy. Waiting in bed for Ibiki to arrive, Tayuya looked over at the flower in the sunlight. The paradise flower had three sets of petals each with a different color scheme and the petals would change formation and scent depending on the time of the day. Despite the idiocy of the boy they called Hokage, she remembered it was said that he was the only one in town who was able to grow them.
After what must have been hours she finally realized that Ibiki was not coming, and that there was a tray set right next to the flower. Sitting up was a challenge, her muscles felt atrophied.
"How long have I been in bed?" Her voice was hoarse, too dry to even cough. Her first step sent pain shooting up her legs. She placed her hand on her abdomen to steady herself as she swung her second leg over the side of the bed and onto the floor. What normally was a single stride over to the dresser was ten small steps in her condition. Her left arm rested on the wooden top and she placed the glass against it for support as she poured water from the pitcher. Before she could take another step over to the food tray she felt a tug on her arm from the IV. Unplugging the needle, she took a step towards the tray and pulled it the rest of the way to herself.
"I'm going to kill Ibiki for making me do this." As though on cue, the door to the room opened, with Ibiki dressed in his work clothes.
"Perfect, you are awake. Tonight I'll bring in a table with chairs so we can have meals together again."
"You ass. You didn't set up the tray on the bed. I'm bloody well not going to sit at the table."
"Now that you've gotten up, I can't allow you to go backwards. It's meals at the table or nothing. I have to go to work now." He left without another word of argument. To be honest, Tayuya admitted to herself that it would have taken her another five minutes to respond. Her voice had failed her again.
True to his word, Ibiki brought in a table and chair for dinner that day. And the next morning the smells of breakfast were centered in the dining room. For the first time, Tayuya finally realized that she was in the downstairs guest room in their home. It was at that moment the memories came back in a rush. The broken leg, the rush to the hospital, the doctor's talk about complications, the induced labor, the stillbirth… there was an odd sort of peace in remembering.
Looking at her right wrist she noticed the hospital band that had not been removed yet. The words "suicide watch" were present, and knowing what kinds of medics were to be found in a shinobi village she called out. "Hey Anbu. I know you can hear me, can one of you come here?" Her body may have slowed, but her instincts were as sharp as ever and one appeared in a puff of smoke.
"May I help you?" The medics did not wear masks in city limits, but they continued to wear the signature robes.
"Yeah. Help me upstairs. I need to see it." He gave her his arm for support as she climbed the staircase. She felt herself nearly stumble a few times, but she knew he did his best to keep her balance by adjusting his own posture relative to hers. Finally reaching the top, he handed her the cane and sat down to wait for her to return. There was only one thing on Tayuya's mind.
The room was painted light blue. The broken furniture had all been moved out, but she remembered where it all had been. The hours spent decorating and arranging it. A small library of books was still in the closet next to piles of diaper packages. Days spent reading up on motherhood and child care, leaning back against Ibiki guiding his hand to feel the kicks.
The Anbu at the stairs departed when Ibiki returned home from work. He found her easy enough; the rocking chair had avoided her wrath in the aftermath of the hospital. She wanted away from that vile place, but she found no comfort at home. The nursery was all so fragile, the wood splintered in her hands as she broke it all. Her tear filled eyes too hazy to see the fragment sly into her neck, too weary from grief to care that she fell and broke her left arm as she lay dying. Truth is at the time, she had already felt dead.
"I'm sorry Ibiki. I must be a real pain to be with."
"Come downstairs, there's something I want to show you." He scooped her up in his arms, she always felt so small when he held her like that. Downstairs he carried her to his family's Butsudan. Placing her on a cushion, he sat down and opened a small box lying there. Inside was a pouch with the kanji for "Minyo" written on it. Placing it respectfully next to a picture of his father, he lit incense and bowed his head.
"I know these are hard times for you, harder then they have been for me. You are still a long way from recovery; I will not spare you that truth. I want you to know that I will not coddle you; you are not the type of person who needs it. I know how hard you fought for life after surviving the Suna girl's attack those years ago; and in all the years since you have never stopped fighting for your place in the world.
"I will not coddle you, but if you want to be comforted-" Before he could finish she nearly fell on him and threw her arms around his back. Tayuya did not know whether it was because she could no longer sit upright or because she could not hold herself back anymore. It did not really matter. He turned to face her and held her in his arms again. "-we can wait. We'll pull through this together."