Well, to put it quite lightly, I was bored this evening and decided, what the hell, "Write yourself a little dilly, R!" and bam, here it is. I give no promises on the continuity of this if it will in fact be continued, but I always appreciate feedback and comments on all of my work. Do keep in mind that if it does continue, the chapters will be considerably longer in size and context. Consider this a teaser of sorts to grab your attention bugs. Please stop by and drop a comment; criticism is welcome with open arms as it is the only way to improve ones writing skills. If you see a typo don't hesitate to point it out, I didn't take the time to proof read this completely. If you haven't seen Star Trek already, I don't know what you're doing here because you should be off watching it. I personally have seen it five times. Excessive, maybe. Worth it? Definitely. Anyway, I do hope you enjoy this and whatnot. –RJL
Note: title is subject to change.
I own nothing except the psychos and Natalie.
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There comes a point in everyone's life when you get up in the morning and stare at yourself in the mirror only to have a stranger stare back at you with cold eyes. It's supposed to be a wake up call to your senses, mostly the common one; to awaken the forgotten person living within the depths of your soul, waiting to see the morning light once again. You're supposed to see yourself in the mirror and hate who stares back at you. You're supposed to care and want to change. You're supposed to want to become a better person; with hopes and dreams and aspirations. You're supposed to want to be happy and smiling and a person worthy of the space you take up in universe. When that day for me came, I just stared back at the girl looking at me and instantly hated myself for letting her control my life. But I never fought back. I let her win. Or rather, I let them win; all of them.
[--- excerpt from the journal of Natalie Reiner]
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"How are you feeling today?"
It was the question that was asked every morning by the attending doctor. They would stand by your bedside and watch you, making you feel uncomfortable and out of place until you told them what they wanted to hear. You would calmly explain you felt no different than the day before and that you would immediately alert them if anything changed. If you added a smile, albeit forced, they would be satisfied and leave your care to the nurses. The next morning, the process would be repeated and the doctors never seemed to notice if you answered in verbatim.
I told them what I told the doctor every morning and sure enough, he left with a tight smile and ordered the nurses to administer my morning medications. Though I so very much wanted to protest against my meds, I knew it would cause only trouble for myself. I hated my meds, I hated losing control over my mind and body. I knew it would take eight minutes and forty-one seconds, give or take, before I would start to see the gray at the edge of my vision and slowly, I would feel lightheaded and out of touch with the world around me. Early on, I was told by one of the others to learn my limits, to understand and memorize what control over myself I did have the pleasure of having. When there was only a few dozen minutes a day that you were given the chance to be yourself, it was vital to treasure every moment of it.
I loathed the medications and how they would take me away from myself. I hated how I allowed myself to be bent and twisted as they saw fit; I hated how I had no spine to hold myself up with. The medications would make us forget and easier to mold to their plans, it allowed for them to have complete control over us while we had none over our own bodies and minds. But, sometimes I was happy to forget. There were times when the medications wore off too soon and I would find myself doing horrible, tragic deeds that I would give anything to forget. While remembering gave you a sense of person, forgetting helped you ignore the part of yourself that wasn't human at all.
When I was a young child living on my home planet, I never thought for a moment about who I was. I was young, carefree, and only wanting to spend out of my days chasing bugs and throwing mud cakes at my younger sister, Alice. I never woke up every morning from dreams of death, destruction, and despair. I never had to lay awake at night trying to purge the images I would see whenever my medications would wear off too soon. When I was young, I didn't have a care in the world for anything at all. I was a child and a content one at that.
But it changed the day my parents became aware of my 'abilities' as they called them. My planet was a small one on the farthest most edge of the Gamma quadrant. There were stories told to children before bed about people who once lived on our planet that had many different faces and skins, and that had the power to change these faces whenever they chose. My parents told me the stories before bed, just as every other parent did for their child. But none of the other children could wake up in the morning and not recognize the face staring back at them. For almost three years, I managed to keep this one secret silent and secure.
I told no one; not Alice, not my parents, not my best of friends. No one knew except for myself, and because of that, I kept myself safe. But all secrets have a way of being let loose and told, and one day, my parents walked into my bedroom to see a girl they couldn't identify with. I had no choice what to tell them the truth, and with that information, they went to our government and handed their oldest daughter to them personally. I had not seen nor heard from them since, and part of me was quite happy I hadn't.
The morning nurse whose name I was never gifted with, came in shortly after the doctor had exited, a hypospray in one hand and a bundle of clothing lodged under her arm. She was a pretty woman near the age of thirty with tame brunette locks that were almost always pulled back into a neat braid. Her plain gray was always firmly pressed and her shoes were never scuffed. No words were exchanged as she placed the clothes neatly at the end of my bed, near my feet. I don't think she has ever said more than a dozen words to me since I first arrived four months ago. I was used to the silence.
I winced at the stab of the hypospray and started counting inside my head. I may not remember everything that I did or did not want to, but I would remember every eight minutes and forty-one seconds before I lost myself. I would remember this feeling for all eternity.
1, 2, 3..
"Please change and meet your team in the lobby," the unnamed nurse said before leave my room with heavy footsteps for someone of her size and stature. I continued to count as I pushed the itchy covers away from my body and climbed out of bed. My bare feet called out in surprise at the frozen coldness of the tiled floor and I hurried to strip out of my scrubs and into the plain clothes the nurse had left for me. The outfit comprised of a pair of jeans, solid blue colored t-shirt, and a pair of white socks. She had not left shoes for me so I walked to my small closet and pulled out my plain running shoes. 84, 85, 86.. I pulled on the shoes and left my room with the door open, as were the rules.
91, 92, 93..
There was a small group already waiting in the lobby, including my friend Larson. I knew that if he had been given his medications one minute and thirteen seconds before me, as he normally did, he would have almost ten more minutes before his black out would come about. I was jealous sometimes that he was able to keep control longer than I, but I knew it was not his fault nor his will for it to be so.
112, 113, 114..
I came to stand beside Larson, who was situated next to the other men in our group, Deccan and Ali. "Do you know our assignment?" I asked quietly as to not draw attention to our conversation. It was against one of the many rules to converse amongst each other while medicated, though I did not understand when we were to speak with one another when not medicated, since I did not remember the last time I had seen anyone while still myself.
Larson shook his head, blond hair jumping as he did so. "I haven't been told anything. Have you?"
"My nurse only instructed me to join the others here," I said. He nodded but said nothing as our leader for today's mission, Jackson, walked past and gave us a warning glance.
254, 255, 256..
After a few more moments of silence, it looked as though our entire unit was present for this particular mission. Jackson looked around the room before starting to speak, his deep voice bouncing off the cold walls around us.
"While I am aware that many of you do not follow the dosages given to you every morning, I should hope that most of you have come to conclusion that today is a very special day for us," he said while pacing before us. His hands were clasped behind his back and each of his steps was precisely the same size as the previous one had been. "Each of you have been given only a fraction of your normal dosages, so you can all stop counting down in your heads. The Board has deemed today's mission too vital to have you all doped up and unable to perform to the best of your abilities. Today, you will not only work for me, but you will also be working with Starfleet, an intergalactic organization that prides itself with the safety of our skies."
Larson and I exchanged glances as Jackson continued. Everyone had heard of Starfleet as children, only someone living under a rock would be unaware of everything they stood for. A 'peace keeping armada' with enough fire power to overrun the galaxies if they so chose. And despite Jackson's warnings, I did not stop my counting.
387, 388, 389..
"You will each be assigned, in pairs, to a ship in the Starfleet armada and from there, you will do as ordered by the captain aboard," Jackson announced. "Once on board, you will cease any medical treatment unless it is deemed necessary by the ship's Chief Medical officer." A flutter went through the crowd; we all felt it. I didn't quite understand was he was insinuating. Was he honestly telling us all that once we left the Institution, there would be no more morning hyposprays, no more midnight awakenings for an extra dose to stop the nightmares, no more medications to take us away?
412, 413, 414..
There was no gray ebbing at my vision.
"This will be your last and final mission. The Board believes that your use has been overextended and once you each fulfill a servitude of three years to your respective ships, you are free to go about your lives as you see fit. I have your partners and ship assignments here," said Jackson, holding up a hand held computer tablet. I wasn't listening to him much anymore, and I can promise you that neither was anyone else. "When I call your name, please step forward and proceed to the doors. Outside an ambassador to your ship will greet you and take you aboard. These are your orders," he said before starting to rattle off names and ship assignments.
I looked to Larson and Deccan, who both had far off looks in their eyes. They had been working for the Institution for years before I had been thrown into the mix, I couldn't even begin to imagine the thoughts rolling through their minds. All I could think about was freedom, control, and my ability to eventually return home. We had three years to serve and then, then we would be granted our minds, body, souls, and a home to reside them in.
"Reiner and Shan, the Enterprise!"
I didn't know my partner or anything about the ship we had just been assigned to, but I could care less about any of it. After three years aboard this 'Enterprise' and I would be free. That was all that mattered.
I pushed my way through the crowd of others and made my way to the door, not knowing at all who to look for as 'Shan'. After a few moments of looking for an unknown person, I walked out the door into the sunlight and followed the others. Before us stood at least two dozen people, all decked in full Starfleet uniform and standing beside a sign that I assumed stated the ship they hailed from. I walked past as Larson was accepted by his ship's ambassador; he had been assigned to the Luxer along with Ali as his partner. Deccan walked beside me until he found his ship, the Intercept, and with a wave, was gone as well. I continued on my way, keeping my eyes open for any sign with the words 'Enterpise' written on them.
I finally found it at the very end and I was never so happy to see someone in my life as I was to see the ambassador of my new home. He was tall, a hint of a beard upon his face, and hair neatly parted on one side. He wore a blue Starfleet uniform and looked terribly bored with waiting. I stopped in front of him, unsure what to do. The last person I had spoke with, outside of someone from the Institute, had been my parents on the day of my arrival.
"You Natalie Reiner?" the man asked me, startling me slightly by his tone. It was a mix between boredom and impatience. He stood with a straight back and looked at me expectantly, waiting for my confirmation. "Hurry girl, I'm no mind reader."
I just nodded my head, not able to find my words and force my mouth to work. The man sighed and extended a hand to me. "The name's Leonard McCoy but you can call me 'Bones' if you choose. I'm the Enterprises CMO – Chief Medical officer," he clarified when he saw my confused face. "I was sent to pick up you and your buddy Shan for the capt'n."
"Oh."
It was the only thing I could think to say, but he didn't seem to care as a younger man came to stand beside me. I glanced at him and wondered if it was his true form or not. Dr. McCoy greeted him and I quickly deduced that the man was to be my partner, Shan. I didn't have time to follow the conversation before Dr. McCoy told us to stand still and shut our traps. I didn't see the point in telling him I hadn't been talking to begin with.
"McCoy to Enterprise, three to beam," he said, seeming to talk to the air around us. I gave him a strange look but before I could ask if he had been given too many medications that morning, I felt a tingling sensation spread across my body and I suddenly found myself standing on a receiving pad.
"Welcome to the Enterprise," Bones announced.
Welcome, indeed.
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