Hi everyone! This is my first Fanfiction ever! YAY! So forgive me if you don't like it.

Disclaimer: I don't own naruto, and he'e a hobag anyway! I also don't own any of the things I referenced

LEMON LEMON LEMON! In later chapters anyway. Referenced here

Naruto: Candle Rape

Naruto was a strange child. He had grown up with no parents, hated by everyone in the city. As a child, he had worked in the village candle making shop, where he was viciously raped. Then one night everything changed.

"Naruto you gay bastard! What the hell are you doing with that candle? Your ass will be burned off!" yelled the Candlemaker

"Shut up! I'm just ruining your supply of candles by sitting on them! Ha HA you whore!" Naruto screamed back

"You ass tard! Don't sit on the pointy end!"

Moments later the candlemaker and Naruto backed out of the supply closet, yammering back and forth about whose fault it was.

"I still say that if you hadn't have sat on the pointy end, and knocked over the candle testing lampy thing, my shop wouldn't have burned down." the candlemaker said.

"Yeah? Well Fuck you Betch!" Naruto said.

A loud crash was heard in the room nearest them, and my friend from the future Jessica shows up in a mystic fortunetelling outfit, complete with the big purple teletubby antenna.

"Oh yeah, Nauto, Your best friend is going to come after you romanticly and will make you rape a sheep, Sakura will beat the Fuck out of you in a simple cloning exam, and you will die in Fourty five days. And Candlemaker who isn't important enough to have a name, your character will simply go into cyberspace hell, where all useless data goes. Bye Whores" She said and flew out the window.

"Oh Fu..." the candlemaker disappeared into thin air.

"What the Hell?" Naruto asked the thin air

"What did you expect? Condamns?" answered a weird voice from the other room.

A girl named Jade sat on the ground with about sixteen beer bottles and was happily hiccupping. "Wanna have Hic sex?"

"Uh yeah... No You smell like garbage."

" So, This is probably your only chance to have sex until the next chapter when the magic lady told you you'd rape a sheep. So?"

"OK!"

Naruto hopped on and Jade proceded to tantalise him with several exotic Ninja Sex stuff, and then Jade changed into Jacob and Drove Naruto across Diagon Alley and into the Deathstar, to go to France, and ended up in the town of Hogwarts.

After several hours of nightmarish sexual activity, Naruto awoke and said aloud, " It was all a dream! Thank God, that guy was ugly!"

"What! Think again you fucking bastard! I so shouldn't have let you rape me, but I'm still a virgin, and mommy says that I have to go to cybertrash land tomorrow!"

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! But I love Sakura and Sasuke!"

"Whatever you bastard! You know you love Us"

Jacob/Jade disappeared with a wicked cackle

Disclaimer: I own Nothing! (Thank God)

Sakura: is a whore!

"Sasuke aren't I clever?" Sakura asked anxiously. She wanted Sasuke to approve before she tried anything.

"Oh Yeah! We can start later tonight."

Sakura blushed heavily.

Naruto rushed up.

"Hey, guys, this weird girl from teletubbies and a girl that turns into a guy burned down my candleshop and molested me."

"What else is new?" Sasuke said without interest.

"Well, I hope you can explain why a teletubby would be out in Ninja land? Aren't they all in teletubby land?" Sakura said viciously.

"Well..." Naruto began but as usual, Jessica decided to drop in on them. With a sound of grinding timber, she used her special teletubby death ray to blast through the wall of the Dojo to their left.

"I have come to tell you assholes that soon a man will come from a far away place. To you Sakura, he shall be asking for love. Sasuke, he will ask you why you hated his style. Naruto, he will force you to rape a sheep. Anyway..."

"Wait! Why are you out of teletubby land?"

"well you see, we teletubbies are actually science experiments that failed horribly. We were trying to use Gorilla hair to manufacture cheap vitamin pills, but we were wrong. The experiment exploded, kiling the gay apes, and turning us into the weird things Tinkle Winkle, who doesn't have one, Tipsy, Who is, Ha Ha, The crazy, and Hoe, For the others.

I am one of the sentient teletubbies, but the others aren't. You see that baby is named Lacey, and it is actually a super powerful alarm that goes and rings when a teletubby escapes. It awakens the Teletubby eating vaccum, Hannah Snoo Snoo. Hannah Snoo Snoo kills all of the renegade Teletubbies, and replaces them. IF you want you can help me kill Hannah Snoo Snoo."

"Sure! Anything for a friend in need!" Sakura said.

"Thank you faggots!" Said Jessica, dissappearing instantly.

"Bitch, Why did you do that?" Demanded Naruto.

"It was the right thing to do."Sakura yelled

"We don't care! We'er Ninjas!" Naruto shouted

"Then Fuck You!"

"Maybe Later"

"twelve at my place"

"I'll be there"

Sakura stomped off, leaving naruto and sasuke alone. After a few moments, Sasuke was kissing Naruto and holding him in his arms. The moments passed in flashes. Sasuke on Naruto, a sudden pain, and then the sensation of calmness now that it was over.

"Sasu, for that you are going." Naruto said as he left for sakura's house.

After three hours and a lot of Sakura's bitching about not having enough energy, they finally decided that having sex was fun for the first ten minutes, but it just got nauseating.

"We are going." they decided.

"Off To Teletubby Land!"

Sailor Pluto and Sailor Saturday

Sailor Pluto Had Just gotten Ready to go to the aid of Sailor Yourmom'sanus, when sailor Saturday came around.

"Anything important going on?" asked the young girl.

"Sailor Yourmom'sanus is suffocating inside of a negaverse disruptor field, but no."

"We have to go to teletubby Land. My Friends Matt Ha Ha and Quinn Tipsy need our Help!"

"Let's go save sailor Yourmom'sanus and be off!"

Moments later, the three sailors were off in the magical pink time travel balloon

" So Sailor Yourmom'sanus, Why didn't you free yourself?"

"I didn't know that there was an off switch on the vibrating chair."

"God Your a Hoe!" yelled Sailor Saturday.

Meanwhile in the land of Gayninja,

The three friends get into the purple rainbow sky traveler, and demand that it goes to teletubby land. Just then, a fat man came and talked to each of them separately. When it came to Naruto's turn, He said " If you will rape a sheep, I will supply you with provisions." Naruto accepted this, and within moments felt dirty. The sheep that the supplier picked looked as though it had died several months earlier.

The Sheep made Naruto want to Shower.

All of the sudden, the rainbow balloons collided, and all of the sudden, Naruto was humping a strange girl wearing a purple Tiara. (Sailor Saturday)

And Sasuke was on top of the green-haired girl.

Sakura was attacking the other sailor for stealing sasuke, but she was a pathetic moocher ever since episode 1 and so she died. And as in everything, she comes back.

"Sasuke, Stop screwing her!"

"No!"

"But..."

"Shut the hell up, you freak!"

Sakura then grabbed him, and quickly made him rape her. All for a good cause of course. But soon the balloons left, and they were all set down in Walmart land.

WARNING: LEMON LEMON LEMON LEMON LOTS OF LEMON GRAPHIC LEMON

Disclaimer: I do not own the lemon scene.

Walmart Land

" Where is the GOD DAMN WRITER! I'M GOING TO KICK HIS ASS!" screamed Sasuke.

They walked into the nearest walmart. It had the motto 5,000,000,000th only comes around once, and we're it. Inside it had only two sides, Man and Woman. Each sign was quickly explained as a bunch of whores lined up, each wearing skimpy clothing. The manager, Alana, walked up and asked what they needed.

"We need directions to Teletubby Land." Naruto Said

" Then you must each spend the night with a ho. Pick." Alana said.

Sasuke

Sasuke chose a short but stocky man and a cactus, just for entertainment. They started a movie and the man morphed into a fake Naruto.

Excerpt obtained from Illicit Tryst. Please Thank them

The movie they were watching or rather not watching was still playing in the background concealing some of the passionate noises coming from the couch.

They had been making out for almost a full hour now and hormones were raging. Sasuke tongued Naruto's mouth hungrily, running his pale hands through the blonde's spiky hair. Naruto moaned in approval. His hands roaming the obsidian eyed teen's body.

Panting Sasuke pulled away. "What's wrong?" Naruto asked concerned.

"I… I can't take it any more" Sasuke breathed. "I have to have you!" And with that he pushed Naruto face down on the couch and started franticly removing his pants.

"Hey slow down I'm not sure if I'm ready for this… there's still lots of other things we haven't done yet."

"No I can't wait! Please don't stop me" There was something in Sasuke's voice that made Naruto nervous. He sounded desperate… or crazy. Either way Naruto decided to let Sasuke continue. He let the beautiful dark teen remove his clothes and run his hands all over his body. Sasuke's hands explored Naruto's chest and thighs as his rock hard member pressed onto Naruto's ass. Breathing hard and trembling with anticipation slowly eased into Naruto's ass. A moan of ecstasy escaped from Sasuke's lips as a shriek of pain escaped from Naruto's. Sasuke reached around and stroked Naruto's cock and kissed his back as he slowly began to rock his hips. Naruto tried to relax and concentrate on the delirious sensation of Sasuke's hand on his dick but could not ignore the pain in his ass.

"Ahhh! It hurts!" Sasuke didn't respond. He slipped his free arm under Naruto's chest and gripped his shoulder. The outward intention was to comfort Naruto but it also pushed him deeper into the blonde teen. "No Sasuke stop! I can't! Please!" Sasuke laid his head on Naruto's back and increased his speed and pressure of his hand on Naruto's member, silently begging the blonde teen to consent. Naruto's arms shook from the pain and from the weight of the pale teen on his back.

"Ahh… oh please stop… Ahh oh god!!!" Naruto's screams of pain turned into pleasure as the pale teens cock hit his prostate. "Oh yeah… more… oh Sasuke… more!" Naruto panted. Suddenly the pain was thrilling and he pushed his hips back to meet Sasuke's strokes. With this Sasuke lost control and started fucking Naruto like an animal. Bucking wildly while scratching and biting Naruto's back. Sasuke grabbed a handful of Naruto's hair making the blonde moan with delight. For a couple more minutes the pair moaned and sighed themselves in to a sweaty mess as Sasuke jack hammered Naruto. Their breaths grew shallower and increased speed as they both approached climax

WARNING: THIS IS THE MOST GRAPHIC LEMON I WILL EVER DO! DO NOT READ IF YOU ARE OFFENDED, ARE INNOCENT OF SEEING THIS FILTH, OR YOU ARE SOME SORT OF RELIGIOUS PERSON!

Sakura: Her POV

The whore changed into sasuke and quickly began making out with Sakura.

"My room." he muttered between kisses. I nodded as he sprinted out of the Foyer towards the stairs. We were in his room five seconds flat. I felt my back connected with the soft mattress, his lips, soft yet hard on me once again. I pulled his head closer to me, to get better access to his gifted mouth. His fingers skillfully relieved the buttons from my shirt and flung the material across the room. I was in my satin bra, feeling his heated skin. His lips left mine, trailing down my neck to my shoulder. He bit me lightly as I let out a moan. He unhooked the bra and flung it on top of my shirt. My creamy breasts spilled out and he sucked on it greedily while his other hand massaging its twin. I couldn't hold in the moan that erupted inside of me. My fingers somehow found its way to the front of his shirt and ripped off the material. I didn't feel the loose buttons hitting my skin, too caught up in the world of ecstasy. I heard him chuckled darkly.

"Getting impatient?"

I glared at him before pulling him down for another heat searing kiss. I noticed his hands trailing down to my thighs and to the zipper of my skirts. I lifted my hips to help him ease out of the skirts. At the same time, my fingers vigorously worked the belt from his pants. Our attire hit the floor at the same time. I squeezed his hard length and was instantly rewarded by his moans. I never felt so worked up before. God, he's so addicting. I wanted to hear more of his moans. Pushing him off of me, he landed on the mattress with a confused look. I pushed him down onto the bed and crawled on top of his body. He gave me a smirk before laying with his arms underneath his head. I took off his black silk boxers and pulled it from his legs. His cock stood straight up, moisture glistening at the tip. I bend down and took a swift lick and he moaned loudly. I smiled and swiveled my tongue around the member. I admit that I've never done anything like this before. I've always thought that this was revolting, yet with him, I've never felt more comfortable doing it.

I gently sucked on his shaft, pulling my mouth away for a second before descending it down his hard penis. The bobbing action was erotic as I caught a sight of myself in the mirror. My breasts were aching from the sight alone. The moisture began forming between my legs and I felt it as my G-string was wet as well. I began to pick up the pace as his moans increases. His member hit the back of my throat before shooting his load into my mouth. I greedily swallowed every last drop. I heard him gave a sigh as I wiped my lips. He gave a chuckle before pounding on me. We both fell onto the soft carpeted floor. He looked down at me with dangerous eyes. His fingers work its way down to my panties as he pulled the tiny string loose.

"Perfect." he growled. I gasped as he held my arms at my side, immobilized the limbs. His lips parted my vagina as he gave one quick stroke with his tongue. I shuttered and let out a moan. One of his hand free my arm and I quickly pushed his head down against my dripping pussy, urging him to release me. he gave a growled that shook my body to the core. His fingers parted my labia as he pushed two fingers into me, stretching me. I felt a wonderful sensation as his fingers skillfully pushing in and out, setting the perfect rhythm. I rocked myself against his fingers, wanting to find the bliss that await.

He replaced his fingers with his mouth as his tongue flicked out sucked on my clitoris. It didn't take long for me to come. I screamed out as I came, long and hard. I felt my throat gone dry, my voice horse from screaming. Sasuke gave one last lick before leaving me on the floor. I opened my eyes to see him rolling something onto his thickening member.

"Get up." he commanded roughly. I gave one nod before sitting up on my hands and knees. I felt him take a tight grip of my hips as he went behind me, licking my skin with his textured tongue from the base of my spine to the sensitive skin of me neck. He didn't gave any warning as he planted his cock inside me. I screamed out from the intrusion. I've been with guys before, yet he was big, his penis stretching me. Sasuke didn't moved. He was waiting for me to get used to him.

"Fuck, you're so tight." he muttered between groans. I gently rocked my hips against his to test the friction. It was perfect. Sasuke took a hold of my hips as he pulled himself out and buried himself inside me the next second. The sensation was beyond words as he continue to thrust into me with faster speed. The burning friction between us build up. I heard myself gave out a loud cry as my orgasm hit fast and hard. I would have collapse onto the carpet if Sasuke hadn't been holding me. He gave few last thrust with his hips before roaring out my name. He collapse on top of me as he let out a sated sigh. He rolled off of me and pulled me on top of his body, grinning wickedly.

" So, with all the money you are getting from them, you won't need anything else?" Nauto asked, between the kisses he was planting on the back of the Manager's neck.

"No." the word escaped her as a moan, and moments later, all of the Group came from the walmart with directions.

They had to go left at the village of the Icy Gay, Across the border of a thousand dances, past DDR land, And into space Channel 5 studios, to take a new magial rainbow crystal ride into the land of the teletubbies.