Logan sat on the
glider, enjoying the sensation of Marie curled up next to him as she slept.
He wrapped an arm around her and pressed his lips against her hair, inhaling
her scent. They didn't get many moments like this.
Somewhere over
by the grill, Hank was droning on about something. Physics. Logan listened with
half an ear as the big blue doctor said, "The Second Law of Thermodynamics
is simply this: all things tend toward chaos. Entropy is the natural end state
of all things. For example, in a closed system, as potential energy is transformed
into heat..."
Logan tuned him
out, preferring instead to turn his attention to the woman in his arms and revel
in the moment. He was amazed at how beautiful Marie was. He supposed he must
have noticed at some point over the course of the last five years, but recently,
it had been impressed on him again. He'd watched proudly as she graduated from
college and caught his breath at the sight of her cradling Jean and Scott's
baby in her arms.
He spent so much
time away because he couldn't face her -- or her feelings for him. He knew how
she felt -- he wasn't stupid, despite what Scooter claimed. And at first, it
had just been weird. He wasn't used to being the object of adoration by a teenage
girl, and he found it kind of embarrassing. Okay, it was kind of a turn-on,
too, though he would admit that to no one but himself. But he knew he wasn't
worthy of the looks she gave him; he wanted to run and hide from the warmth
and promise that sparkled in her eyes.
He gave a very
good impression of being oblivious. He decided it was the best, if not the most
honorable, way to go. So, they had settled into a routine -- he was her best
friend, her sparring partner, and her drinking buddy. In some ways, he was grateful
when she turned twenty-one, because it meant she could go out drinking with
her friends, instead of sitting up in his room, getting polluted on beer and
bourbon. He'd never taken advantage of her, but he knew he could have. She would
have let him -- she practically begged him one night, crying that with her untouchable
skin, no man would want her, so would he please make love to her so she didn't
die a virgin -- but he had put her in his bed and rode off on his motorcycle.
He couldn't have lived with himself if he gave in to that temptation, no matter
how much he wanted to.
He'd been with
a lot of women, but he couldn't bear facing the disappointment he knew he'd
see in her eyes after they slept together. It would be good -- first off, it
would be sex. How could it not be good? And secondly, it would be Marie. Sex
with Marie would be mind-blowing, at the least.
But it wouldn't
be right. He'd somehow manage to screw it up, and then he'd run at the first
sign of trouble. He always had. He always would. It was nice to dream about
his one true love, the woman who would keep his heart safe and happy for the
rest of his unnaturally long life; it was another thing entirely to expect that
from a twenty-two-year-old who'd never completely gotten over her adolescent
crush on him.
So, there would
be no magic moment for them, no revelatory kiss as the music swelled and the
credits rolled.
He continued to
flirt with and leer at Jean, who knew it meant nothing. He pretended to ignore
the way Marie looked at him, as though he were the only thing that gave her
life meaning. He found comfort in the arms of other women when he traveled,
women who always had dark auburn hair and large, brown eyes. He avoided thinking
about how he always made them wear gloves. And he tried to deny the pain in
Marie's eyes on the rare occasions he came home smelling like one of those women.
He told himself it was better to hurt her this way and keep their friendship,
than to ruin the friendship by letting sex enter into the equation.
Ororo wandered
over and dropped to the grass in front of him, smiling. "The children wore
her out," the weather goddess observed, nodding toward Marie. "She
will make a wonderful mother someday." She pitched her voice low, in order
not to wake the younger woman, but Logan had no problem hearing her.
Children. He'd
never even thought of the possibility. He was sure she had. His chest tightened.
He was willing to bet she'd given up hope that it would ever happen, just as
she had given up hope that she'd find a man who loved her and wasn't afraid
of her skin. If she only knew his real feelings -- but he'd given up hope as
well, hope that he could be what she needed.
He couldn't bear
the thought of her having another man's children, but he knew that it would
happen for her someday. It had to. Women like Marie were too wonderful, too
precious to be alone forever. He wondered what he'd do when the time came. He
might have to leave the mansion for good.
"Logan?"
"Yeah,"
he said, when he realized he'd let the silence stretch too long.
"She loves
you, you know," Ororo said.
He grunted. "I
know."
"And you
love her as well. I do not see the problem."
He sighed. My
track record with relationships is lousy. My friendship with Marie is the longest
relationship I can ever remember having and it's worth too much to screw it
up with sex. "'All things tend toward chaos,'" he quoted. At her
puzzled look, he explained, "I'll just fuck it up."
"And that
is a reason not to try?" she prodded.
Logan snorted.
Marie stirred and he controlled himself. "She trusts me." He looked
down at the girl cradled against his chest. "I don't want to lose this
when she realizes I'm not -- I can't be -- what she thinks. I don't want her
to end up hating me." Not even mind-blowing sex is worth that.
Storm rose fluidly
and pressed a kiss to his forehead. "I will tell you a little secret, Logan.
Things are born, they mature, they hit a peak, and then the inevitable downhill
slide begins. Yes, it is the nature of everything. You just have to learn to
ride the wave while it lasts."
"What?"
"Disorder
may win out in the end, but that does not mean you cannot have happiness along
the way." With that parting shot, she walked away.
As much as he
wanted to believe it, believe her, he knew himself. He would only cause Marie
more pain and he was resolved not to do that. He sighed again, and returned
to contemplating the beautiful woman sleeping at his side. She would get over
him and move on -- that was the nature of things. And he -- well, he would survive.
Alone. That was the nature of the Wolverine.
End
