Disclaimer: I don't own Sarah, Jareth, or any -one/-thing/-place that has to do with The Labyrinth. If I did, I wouldn't be writing "fan" fiction.
Summary: Jareth really should never have agreed to meet Sarah's family…
Pairing: JarethxSarah because it's too frightening to think of any other
Timeline: First chapter is four years after Sarah ran the Labyrinth so she's 19
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Nearly Two Decade Surprise – Sarah's 19th Birthday, May 24
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Normal people had normal birthdays, Sarah thought to herself, lounging in the recliner in her living room. Her family, however, was far from normal.
Her birthday was currently being spent watching her uncles perform a conversation they overheard at the supermarket while waiting for her cake. It involved a pink shirt, four trout, a bored cashier, and a very masculine woman who could easily be mistaken for a man.
There had never, ever been a time she'd wanted to have been there for the actual occurrence more than this time. She wiped at her eyes as they finished the story with Joey getting smacked with a pillow-substitute-fish.
"Sarah!" Joey suddenly wailed as he leapt to his feet. "WHERE is Jareth?"
She shrugged. "No idea."
"He didn't come to the April Birthdays party!" Mark cried. "He should be here!"
"He was busy-"
"That's no excuse!" Joey wailed, stuffing the pillow in her face as though he were trying to suffocate her. "He should be here!"
She punched him in the stomach and laughed as he fell backwards, landing in Mark's lap, the other man instantly bear hugging him. "Well he's not here."
"It's your birthday," Mary scolded lightly. "He should be here."
"He's probably busy with his job."
"What's he do again?"
"Some business thing," she remarked carefully, glancing towards her parents. Richard had a pleasant smile on his face but otherwise didn't react and Karen rolled her eyes when she was sure no one else would see it.
"That's remarkably vague," Susan said, lifting an eyebrow.
"I'm a remarkably vague person. Besides, this is my birthday. You should be nicer to me and ask me questions about myself and not my stupid boyfriend."
"Too true," Susan agreed.
Mary sighed happily. "It's lovely you now refer to him as such."
"Why?"
"Because we can get you joint presents!"
Sarah sat straight up quickly. "Nuh uh. Your idea of a joint present is two movie tickets. I'll have my own presents, thank you very much."
Mark pointed at her and turned to face Susan. "See! SEE!"
"See what?" Sarah asked in confusion.
Susan was too busy arguing with him to answer so Karen did for her. "He's been telling Susan for years that getting joint presents sucked and he wanted his own so he didn't have to deal with her 'weird-art-gallery-show-thingys' anymore."
"Anyway," Mark began. "Jareth should be here! If he wants to be part of this family, he should be here!"
"He's busy-"
"He shouldn't be."
"But he is!" she snapped then bit her tongue. They were frowning in concern. She glanced at Karen who shook her head in a 'you-got-yourself-into-this-when-you-decided-to-date-a-Goblin-King-get-yourself-out.'
Sarah wondered when she'd been able to suddenly decipher looks so well.
Probably when she'd met Jareth.
"His job keeps him away from things a lot," Sarah remarked softly. "And I completely understand. When things clear up, he'll be here. Don't worry."
The room was silent for a long moment.
"And then when things get too serious," Joey bellowed and pulled a bag of marshmallows out of nowhere. "I challenge Mark to a marshmallow-nostril contest!"
"A what-a-what?" Mark asked.
Joey stuffed one up his nose. "A MARSHMALLOW-NOSTRIL CONTEST! Whoever wins gets the first slice of Sarah's cake!"
"Hey!" Susan yelped and smacked the back of his head. "That's Sarah's cake! Sarah automatically gets the first slice!"
"Fine. He gets the SECOND slice of Sarah's cake!"
"You're on! Bring on the mallows!"
Laughing at her uncle who was currently trying to stuff as many marshmallows as he could up his nose, Sarah stood and headed into the kitchen to grab herself another soda. She hummed lightly, listening to the laughter coming from her living room and from the backyard where her cousins were playing, the grandparents watching them.
"Sarah."
She turned and smiled brightly upon seeing her blond haired Goblin King. "Jareth!"
He held out a small box. "Happy birthday."
"You remembered!" She took the box and kissed his cheek. "Thank you."
"Remembered?" he asked with a smirk, putting a hand against the counter on either side of her. "My dear, you've only been reminding me for weeks."
She laughed and kissed him. "Because men forget everything."
"I do not." He glanced out into the living room as a laugh was heard. "Your family's here?"
She nodded, turning the gift around in her hands. "Karen said I was 'forced to spend my actual birthday with family then free to do whatever I wanted later on' but I think she meant I was going to be spending my entire birthday with my crazy uncles."
"YOU'VE GOT FIVE! GO! GO! GO!"
He chuckled. "Do you want me to leave?"
"No. One, you didn't come to the April Birthdays Party so they're mad at you for that. Two, if they found out you were here and didn't say hi I do believe they would murder me in my sleep."
"But it's your birthday," he remarked.
"All the better for them to kill me. It would be exactly nineteen years since I was born." He grunted. "What?"
"It's like robbing the cradle."
She laughed. "At least I'm old enough now to know what that means."
"Ugh. Don't make me feel old."
"You, Jareth? Old? The Goblin King is never old!"
"Indeed."
"MY NOSE HURTS!"
"So why weren't you here?" she asked lightly, trying to hide the fact she really was upset about it.
"Busy." He grunted in annoyance, closing the distance between them to hug her. "Damn runner decided to take a 13-hour nap."
She laughed lightly, one hand holding the box up, the other wrapping around his waist. "They didn't even try?"
"No."
"My poor Goblin King." She pulled away and lifted the gift. "So what did you get me?"
"You'll have to open it and see."
"Can I open it now?"
He gave a half shrug. "If you want to be embarrassed in front of your family."
"I'll definitely wait till later then." She held out a hand. "Put it in my room?" He nodded and took it, twitching his fingers, the box vanishing. "Thanks."
"SARAH! HE GOT EIGHT BEFORE THEY FELL OUT!"
"That's great Mark!" she shouted back with a roll of her eyes.
"Well, shall I go to the front door?"
"I guess. They'll be confused if you suddenly appeared from the kitchen." He chuckled then froze, eyes going distant. She frowned in concern and cocked her head. "Jareth?"
He shook himself and sighed irritably. "Labyrinth is calling." He gave her a quick kiss. "I'll be back as soon as I can."
She nodded and he vanished. Grabbing her drink, she headed back into the living room.
"Sarah! Did you get lost?" Joey shouted and waved her over. "Now, your uncle and I were having an argument over this new movie. Maybe you can tell him that I am always right and he needs to learn this?"
Sarah laughed as Mark scowled, a marshmallow still sticking out of his nose. "You are not-"
Jareth suddenly appeared in front of her. "Sarah!"
Mark and Joey let out a shout and vaulted backwards, Susan, Mary and Karen shrieking and jumping back as well. Richard jumped but didn't move otherwise.
"Jareth?" Sarah asked in shock, looking between him and her family. "What are you doing?" she shrieked.
"No time!" He held out his hand. "I need your help! Ludo's going insane and we can't stop him!"
She glanced at her father apologetically and grabbed his hand, both vanishing. All six adults stared at where she'd just been before four pairs of eyes turned to Karen and Richard. Richard merely lifted his coffee cup and took a sip and Karen laughed nervously. "Uhhh… we never told you… Jareth's a magician!"
She threw her hands into the air and did (:D) for lack of a better term.
The four stared at her.
Richard just sipped at his coffee.
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Two hours later, Karen let out a shriek as Sarah and Jareth appeared in front of her, both looking worse for wear, Jareth scowling darkly, Sarah rubbing a forming bruise on her jawbone. "Sarah!" Several voices all chimed, everyone jumping to their feet except her parents.
She smiled. "Hey guys. Sorry about just leaving. We had a… slight problem we needed to… handle." She winced and rubbed her shoulder. Jareth lifted a hand and rest it against her shoulder and relief was apparent on her face. "Thanks."
He nodded then turned to her family. "I should have told you all sooner and I will spare Sarah the stress of needing to tell you." Her eyebrows rose in surprise but she didn't interrupt.
"I am the Goblin King." He shifted uneasily. "The book Sarah read, The Labyrinth? It's true. When she was fifteen she wished away Toby but she won him back. I am the Goblin King and ruler of the labyrinth. I did not want to tell you all about me because…" He shifted uneasily again so she took over.
"Because he can make you free cookies." Sarah grinned and held out a hand. Jareth rolled his eyes and held out his hand tapping the underside of her hand, a plate appearing there piled high with chocolate chip cookies.
There was a long pause during which Richard yawned and scratched his cheek. He turned to Jareth and held out his cup. "Can I have some more?" The blond fae scowled but tapped it, coffee refilling the cup to the perfect shade. He nodded his thanks and sipped at it.
"So… what you're saying," Joey began slowly, "is that you've had a cookie making magician as a friend for four years and you HAVEN'T SHARED?"
"What the hell, Sarah?" Mark shouted.
"Language daddy!" came Mya's voice from the dining room where the kids and grandparents were all eating supper.
"Sorry darling!" he called back. Joey made a 'whipped' sound and Mark gave him the finger. "What I meant was, that was totally selfish of you Sarah! All this time we could have had free cookies and you didn't tell us?"
"Well… yes? But we couldn't tell you because I mean… you wouldn't really believe us, right?"
"Ah! Ah!" Susan bounced up and down and pointed to them. "That's why she turned bright red when we laughed at her for calling him Goblin King at Christmas!"
Mark sighed and leaned over, hugging her head to his chest. "My sweet, my darling, my very slow blonde." She punched him. "My spleen," he said in agony as he fell off the couch.
"Hey," Jareth frowned. "I'm blonde too."
"Yes you are," Sarah patted his arm. "Anyway, we're sorry about… lying to you."
"It's alright," Mark said then held out a hand. "Cookie."
Sarah laughed and put the plate down on the coffee table in between the couches. She took an empty seat, Jareth sitting beside her. "This has been my weirdest birthday yet and that's saying something."
"We're a weird family," Karen chimed, munching on her cookie.
"You're gonna have to get used to it Jareth," Joey spoke up. "Because we're not letting you out of our clutches for a long time."
He grunted. "What if Sarah and I break up?"
"Then we will adopt you," Mary agreed, munching on her cookie.
"Or marry you. Whichever is easiest," Mark chirped happily and was punched again.
Jareth rolled his eyes. "Why did I ever think it was a good idea to become friends with you again?" he asked Sarah.
"Because I'm adorable." He grinned wickedly and she turned bright red. "No commenting Jareth. I really mean it." He just hummed his agreement and took another cookie.
"You two are adorable," Susan said happily.
"Shuddup Susan… and no joint gifts!"
Jareth looked confused, Mark cheered and Susan punched him again.
As Joey challenged Jareth to a marshmallow-nostril contest, Mark and Susan started a pillow fight between themselves, Mary began chatting with Karen about gift ideas, Richard sat back and laughed and Sarah thought, it might be nice to be a normal family.
Jareth refused point blank, Joey started crying, Susan won the battle, Mary and Karen squealed over something, Richard almost dropped his coffee, and Sarah thought …nahhhh. Her family was perfect they way they were.
"... UNCLE JOEY! GET AWAY FROM MY CAKE!"
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Hello all!
So I really enjoy writing the "Sarah's-crazy-family" universe and decided to just house them all in one story instead of one-shots all over the place! So here they will be :D enjoy and thanks for stopping by!
Kadasa Mori