Disclaimer: The characters of glee do not belong to me. Neither does the song I Feel Bad, which belongs to Rascal Flatts and their record label. I got the idea for this when I was listening to the album Me and My Gang the other day. Finn feels bad that he doesn't feel bad about breaking up with Quinn. My headcanon is that he was never in love with her, so this felt just perfect.
All I Want to Do Is Turn the Page
By Julia
I should be out in that driveway stoppin' you
Tears should be rollin' down my cheek
and I don't know why I'm not fallin' apart
like I usually do and how the thought of
losin' you's not killin' me
I feel bad that I can stand here strong
cold as stone, seems so wrong,
I can't explain it maybe it's just
that I've cried so much
I'm tired, I'm numb
baby I hate it I feel bad that I
don't feel bad
There was rain outside, when Finn Hudson and Quinn Fabray were breaking up. It had been coming for months. They had been arguing and fighting a lot. Finn didn't know how they hadn't seen it coming. Quinn was throwing things in the back of her car. She was going to need to get a U-Haul for later. They hadn't been married, but they'd been living together for about six months. Finn hadn't even known why they'd done that, but they'd been fighting for 3 months before they'd moved in together.
Quinn was standing there, tears on her face. She looked like she was regretting having picked him instead of Noah "Puck" Puckerman in high school. She and Finn had been together since then, and she was a sophomore in college now. She was brushing back long wet strands of her blonde hair. "Why? How can you just stand there?"
He still didn't know how they had ended up back together. He and Rachel Berry had spent most of their senior year in a state of blissful happiness. Then he'd made the mistake of telling her that he wanted to be sure that she really loved him instead of who she wanted him to be. Finn and Rachel had broken up after that and somehow, he'd ended up with Quinn Fabray.
They had spent a lot of time getting her back on her feet. Finn didn't know how they'd stayed together this long when all he'd been able to think about was Rachel. He and Quinn were both in New Haven, instead of him going to Cali with Puck, he'd gone to New Haven with Quinn. He spent his days working for a construction company, he'd been trying to look into some night classes, and that's what had started the fights. Finn had to do something to take his mind off the fact that he was a construction worker. He didn't know why it was a bad thing that he wanted something more.
"What the fuck do you want me to say, Quinn? We knew this was coming. I am sorry that I don't feel bad about this. I... we shouldn't even have gotten this far. I still don't know why you took me back! Or why I even tried to get back together with you! I was in love with Rachel, and you knew it! I know you didn't want to talk about it, because that would be technically acknowledging that you were not the center of my universe, but this should not be a surprise to you."
It definitely didn't feel like it was a bad thing. Finn felt very guilty that he didn't. Especially since Quinn felt so badly about it. Finn didn't know how he could stand here and not be upset. A relationship was ending. If it was a real relationship then maybe Finn could feel sad. But he didn't. "Quinn really. I'm so sorry." He had already said he was sorry like 50 times.
The rain still poured down, and Quinn was going through her keys, to take the house one out of her ring. He had asked her once if she felt anything anymore. Quinn thought it was very ironic that Finn did not seem to be having any feelings at all right now. "Finn, it's whatever. You can feel however you want to feel." She snapped.
I could let myself be angry over wasted time
and sad about just throwin' love away
yeah I almost wish my heart was breaking
but I can't lie, all I want is to turn the page
As Finn watched Quinn play with her keys, trying to get the key off her ring, Finn remembered what it had been like when they'd decided that they were going to break up. It had been two days previous, and it had been raining that day too.
The rain had been pouring down, and they had stood in the living room, the remnants of their fight lying all around them. She didn't know what to expect of their possessions and what not. Quinn had turned to him. "If you want to break up, then you need to leave."
Finn had shaken his head. "No, you go. I paid for this house. I am still paying for this house. So you need to go." He was not leaving a house he had been paying for. "You've contributed nothing to the purchase of this house, so you should go." He knew it sounded cruel, but he was not leaving a house that he had paid for. Especially when Quinn hadn't.
Her response back had not surprised him. Quinn had folded her arms. She had set her cool gaze on him. "You moved here because of me, Finn. I don't want to leave. I can't get into any of the dorms at Yale right now, it's the middle of the semester. It would be easier for you to go." She didn't want to deal with trying to find somewhere to stay while she was dealing with classes.
Finn had scoffed. "I told you, I am not leaving this house." Finn felt bad she was going to have to worry about finding somewhere to live, but there was no way that he was going to leave. He was not going to let her have her way. "I know it's going to be difficult for you, but I am not going to move out whether you like it or not."
I feel bad that I can stand here cold as stone
seems so wrong, I can't explain it
Maybe it's just that I've cried so much,
I've tried and I'm numb
Baby I can't explain it
I feel bad that I don't feel bad
They had agreed that Quinn would leave. Now, Quinn was standing in the driveway, wet. She said, "I'll send a U-Haul in a couple of days to get the rest of my things. Just don't bother to mess with the boxes." She had packed everything and the boxes were sitting in the dining room, which they only used when company came over. "Now you can go to Rachel, we know that she's all you really think about."
He wanted to scoff, but he knew that it was true. Finn had never loved anyone else. It had always been Rachel. He had only been with Quinn for four months in his sophomore year before he'd joined glee and met Rachel. Finn had never seen anyone more beautiful than Rachel. Finn did not want to disrupt her life in New York. Not to mention when he'd been with Quinn this long. Rachel would not have believed that Finn had feelings for her. "I have a life here, whether I like it or not. Rachel's in New York doing her New York thing. I have supposedly been in love with you all this time. She's not going to believe it. Not that I blame her, we never should have broken up in the first place."
Quinn still wasn't sure what had made her take him back. She had been very determined to get out of Lima. And boys weren't going to keep her from leaving. Finn had given up his crazy plan to go to California with Puck and had decided to go to New Haven, Connecticut with her. Quinn should have told him no. She should have just let him go. Quinn hadn't had any real feelings for him when he had proposed getting back together. She had known that he didn't love her either. Maybe it was just nostalgia, maybe it's that she didn't want to be alone, either way, it was a big mistake.
Now, she stepped closer. She didn't know how she could have done this, but it ranked right up there with texting while driving. Quinn didn't know what Finn would do now, and she almost didn't care. She brushed wet hair back off her face. "You know, I really don't care what you do... but Rachel is... I know things didn't end well with her and I... but I will always think of Rachel as a friend. She loved you. You may have been a stupid jackass, but I think Rachel will always love you. You probably have more of a chance than you think you do."
Snorting, Finn rolled his eyes. "You don't know what you're talking about." Finn wanted to believe she was right, but he thought he might have burned every bridge he had when it came to Rachel. He really wasn't holding out hope that they'd get back together.
Laughing derisively, Quinn handed him the key she'd pulled off the ring. "You say that now, but you were Rachel's first love, and you always forgive your first love. I am sure all it would take is a good apology and I am sure that she would take you back." Quinn tried not to sound bitter, she wasn't sure why it upset her that Finn and Rachel always ended up back together. But it did. "And look, it's no skin off my nose if you don't call her, but you probably should." tried to keep tears from coming to her eyes again, she didn't want to let him know that he had gotten to her. "I'm leaving now, just make sure the movers get my stuff."
Bitter alone, I just feel like it's time
it's time to move on and on and on and on
yeah
Finn watched her go, wishing that he could feel badly about it. But he didn't. He went inside to change out of his wet clothes. He stopped to make sure Quinn had left. He didn't want to fight with her anymore. Her car was pulling out of the driveway and onto the road. Finn went inside and changed out of his wet clothes. He still could not believe he had spent a year and a half with Quinn Fabray. Especially when he had never really loved her. He thought he had, especially when he had thought she was pregnant with his baby. He was actually kind of glad that she had cheated on him, he might not ever have been with Rachel that way.
Finn thought about what Quinn had said about Rachel. He wondered if he should call her. Not that it mattered, he was stuck in New Haven. He'd have to sell the house if he wanted to leave, and he was still paying on it. Finn doubted he'd be able to get enough money when he sold it. He'd had to get a loan, too, his mom and burt had helped him get it. He knew they wouldn't want to help him a second time, especially if it was over another girl. They had not been happy when he had told them he was moving to be with Quinn. Not that they had liked the idea when it was Rachel, they hadn't.
The past year and a half had been such a colossal waste of time. He still didn't know what had made him do it, what had made him be with Quinn when he wasn't even in love with her. It was a waste of her time, too, and he would never stop feeling guilty for that. He had never even thought that she would agree to be with him in the first place. Finn had asked her mostly because he had been lonely. Plus, he had thought it would make Rachel crazy. It had too, Rachel had hated seeing him with Quinn. Especially when she had found out he was going to New Haven with her.
To be fair, Quinn had been surprised, too. They had only been together for a month when they had graduated school. Finn had only been split up with Rachel for a couple of weeks when he'd made a play for Quinn. He didn't know how he had been so stupid. He didn't feel bad about it, except that it was a very stupid mistake. One that had lasted way too long. He was going to regret it for a long time. Now he just had to decide if he was going to try and get Rachel back. It was hard to tell if he was making good decisions. It had been a long time since he'd made a good one. Only time would tell, and Finn was pretty sure that's all he had left.
Maybe it's that I've cried so much
I'm tired and numb oh baby I hate it
I feel bad that I don't feel bad
No, I don't feel bad
Author's note: So! I love this song and the idea just came to me. I don't ship them AT ALL but that's why the song made sense. Hope you enjoyed!