Hi everybody
This is my first fanfiction, so please be honest with me.
I'm not native English so I hope the grammar and language is not too bad;)
Enjoy:)
Bade recovery
TWC : robot
Jade POV
"10" He didn't come. He left me outside the door all alone. I'm alone now. Single. How could he? I reached for the door knob but why should I open it? I walked away. I didn't want to be the person who is too week and returns. I didn't want to give in. This time it wasn't me who made the decision. It was him who decided to break up. Him, who left me, who threw our relationship away. Beck. It had been 3 years full of passion, fight, romantic and love. Wasn't it worth for him? I always thought I mean a lot for him but apparently it was all a lie. Everything he said to me. Every promise, every love confession - a lie. I reach my car. I open the car door and sit down on the driver's seat. I'm like a robot. I don't have any feelings inside of me. I'm empty. But on the other hand there is a mess of feelings. I'm angry, disappointed, hurt….The next few minutes while I was driving I can barely remember. I don't really know how I could drive safely to my house. I'm still like a robot. I enter my house. Nobody's at home. What a surprise I think. My parents are workaholics and alcoholics. Either they are at work or in a bar. It's okay for me because then I don't have to deal with them. My mom is okay when she's not drunk, which is not that often, but my dad. I have to be careful with him. He thinks I'm a little bitch who isn't worth anything. When I was little he hit me. But now I think he changed. I don't really know it because he left me and my mum when I was 12 years old. He lives now with his new 20 years younger girlfriend, but is also often at home because of me and because he was too lazy to take all his stuff with him when he moved away from us. We live in a big house. You could call it a villa but for me a villa is a sunny house with happy people in it. A place where everybody likes to live and I don't really like to live here. When I walk through the dining room to get to the kitchen I see used plates and pots on the table. When I reach the kitchen to get some cereals because I didn't have diner yet, I see a bottle of whiskey on the kitchen table. So my mum had a date tonight. As I know her she probably cooked for a handsome man she met at the bar, they had another drink and they left to go to the man's house because she knew I would be home soon. It's typical for my mum but I can understand her she had a rough time when my dad left us. Normally I would clean up the mess but tonight I just can't. I just pass it take the cereal and disappear in my room. I turn the TV on. I don't know which channel is on but they broadcast some kind of model TV show which I hate but it doesn't bother me tonight because I'm just sitting in front of the TV eating cereal. I just can't believe it. Did this really happen. Did he really just left me? In my head are the same words over and over again. He left me, Beck left me, I'm alone now.
My phone buzzes and brings me slowly back to reality. I look at my phone screen. It's Cat, my best friend which I know since we were little. She knows that my attitude has reasons and she knows them. She knows what my father did. She knows that once I cut myself and had to go to therapy. She also knows that my badness is just a facade to protect myself and my feelings. She's the only person who knows ME, not badass Jade, ME. Cat and Beck are the only persons which I let see under my facade, behind my walls, although Beck probably knows me a bit better. Beck, who left me. I sigh and open the text message.
TO: Jade
FROM: Cat
OMG! Jadey are u okay? Please answer me! want me to come over?
Cat
TO: Cat
From: Jade
NEVER call me Jadey!And I'm fine, why shouldn't I? Yes, Beck left me, not that big of a deal, all right?
Jade
TO: Jade
FROM: Cat
Kaykay:)..but are you sure? I mean you were together for 3 years. I think I'll come over..see ya:)
Cat
TO: Cat
FROM: Jade
STOP the stupid smiley faces!God Cat you're so annoying!I told you I'm F.I.N.E…Whatever
Jade
TO: JADE
FROM: Cat
Too late already at your door :) and I like those smileys:)
Cat
While I was texting I tried as good as I could to sound normal. I kind of do want her to come over, because I want that someone cares. But otherwise I feel how I slowly break down. I know when she's coming over now it will be very hard not to cry. It will be very hard to keep the robot alive. I have to try it. While I'm thinking I hear the bell ringing but I don't get it. I hear it but I can't react to it. My body is still in the robot mode. But now the only thing I can do is sitting there and eat cereal. I hear the door open and Cat enters the room. I turn my had. "Jadey!" She hugs me. I hug her back and I couldn't hold it longer. Tears are streaming down my face. I begin to cry and Cat is there for me. I really love her like a sister, she's very important for me, although I would never admit it.
After a little while we go apart and she looks at me. "Jadey how are you?" I can't speak, I'm just sitting there crying. "Jade please stop crying. You know, I think he's an ass. How could he dump you like this, just letting you stand outside the door without words." She stands up and gets a tissue for me because more tears appear in my eyes while she's talking. I must look horrible because I still have make up on. As she hands me the tissue I whisper a thank you.
We're sitting like this a few minutes only interrupted by my sobbing when her phone rings. She picks it up."Here's Cat's phone, who are Youuu?" she sings."Ohh, Hi mom?" I slightly hear her mom's voice on the other end. "But mom Jade's feeling bad, can't I stay a little longer?" "But mom, please..?" "Please mom, I know I have school tomorrow but.." "Okay" she sighs " I'm on my way..bye"
"Jade?" She turns to me. "My mom says I have to go home, otherwise I can't have candy for a whole month. Are you going to be okay without me?" I nod. "You can go, it's fine. I can handle it." "Okay, but you have to promise to call me when you're not feeling better!" "Okay Cat, I'll call you if I need you" "And thanks for coming over" I add a little lower. "No problem Jadey, I'm always there for you, you know that!" She turns around and reaches the door. "Bye, love you" she waves and leaves. I'm all alone again but I'm feeling a little little bit better. I stand up slowly and make my way to the bathroom. I look in the mirror and... Whoaaaa I look terrible. My eyes are all read and swollen and half of my face is black because of my mascara. I decide to go under the shower. After showering I want to change in my sleeping clothes. I reach my wardrobe where my pajamas are. I freeze because I always slept in becks shirts for at least the last two years. Tears are beginning to roll again and I quickly close the closet and go to bed in my clothes. I don't care anymore. I don't want to think anymore. He left me. Beck stupid Oliver left me, without a word. I love him. I don't want to be apart from him. But what should I do? He doesn't love me anymore.
The whole night I'm neither sleeping nor awake. I'm just lying there without a move…like a robot again.