It wasn't the first time he'd noticed it. It wasn't even the fifth time he'd noticed it. Remus saw all of the stolen glances, and secret smiles between Maddie and Sirius that shouldn't have been there. They were sitting in the Three Broomsticks on one of their last Hogsmeade visits. They would be graduating soon, getting sent out into the real world and the awaiting war with Voldemort that was ahead of them. Things had been uneasy between all of them lately. This war was tearing everyone apart. Especially with James's parents being killed. Sirius winked at Maddie quickly before looking away to the bar with that smug smile on his face. Remus slammed his drink on the table, stirring a few looks from the patrons nearby.
"Enough. I've had enough of this. Can we go somewhere and talk?" Remus grabbed Maddie's elbow and pulled her out of the booth. Sirius sat dumbfounded and pulled out his wallet.
"I'll grab the tab. I'll see you guys later, I guess." Remus shook his head.
"No, you're coming too."
"What?" Sirius threw a wad of cash on the table and followed on Remus's heels with Maddie in tow to the Shrieking Shack. Remus threw Maddie into the master bedroom ahead of him, and Sirius leaned against the doorway.
"How long were you planning on lying to me? It's him isn't it?"
"Remus, what are you talking about?" Maddie asked, trying to sound innocent.
"You said there wasn't anyone else. I asked you, and I trusted you to be honest with me! You could have told me." Remus looked over at Sirius shifting his weight nervously in his combat boots. "You bastard."
"There isn't! I…" Maddie began to plead. Remus shook his head in disgust.
"NO! What's going on between you two?" Remus motioned between the two of them. "I'm not that stupid. I've seen you look at each other. The same way you used to look at me. What about your girlfriend Sirius, huh?" Sirius locked his gaze on the floorboard in front of him. He shook his head as he replied.
"I stopped sleeping with her. She broke up with me. She's not my girlfriend anymore."
"So, you thought you'd sleep with mine?"
"Someone had to do it." Remus couldn't believe what he had just heard.
"Excuse me?" Sirius straightened up and cleared his throat.
"I said someone had to do it."
"You're supposed to be my friend! How could you do this?"
"ME? How could I?!" Sirius shouted and took a step towards Remus. "What about you? You want her Remus?" Sirius pointed at Maddie and took a few steps closer and shoved Remus hard in the chest. "You want her? Take her! Put up a fight. Do something." Remus laughed shrugging him off.
"Fight? I'm not going to fight you. I shouldn't have to fight, she's my girlfriend!"
"You're girlfriend huh? Then why is she fucking me?!" Sirius circled around him and stood next to Maddie. "She's yours? Then you fuck her." Maddie glared at Sirius and spoke a little quieter.
"I'm right here you know?" Maddie protested. Sirius ignored her words but brushed his hand across her lower back.
"You both know why I haven't…why we haven't. I can't, it's not…" Sirius threw his hands up in the air in disgust.
"BULLSHIT! Fuck you and your tired ass excuses. Nobody wants to hear them. Fuck her Remus! What are you going to do? She's not yours anymore. You smell that? That's me, all over her."
"Woah!" Maddie exclaimed from where she stood.
"Fuck you Sirius!"
"You want to fuck me now? You can't even fuck your own girlfriend, but fine. You won't be the first guy." Maddie arched an eyebrow at him. "James…we were high. Off subject." Maddie couldn't help but smirk a little and pulled at Sirius's sleeve.
"You don't have to do this." Maddie spoke uncertainly. Sirius took a step to Remus now.
"You don't want to get this over with? You don't want him?" Sirius erupted with laughter and dug his hands in his hair as he milled around the room. "Don't pretend like you don't want to. I know you better than that. You still want him. I know he wants you." Sirius stopped behind Remus and murmured into his ear. "Want to know what she tastes like Moony? Give her a good lick from front to back?" Remus whipped Sirius around and punched him square in the mouth.
"Remus, NO!" Maddie screamed. Sirius wheeled around rubbing his aching jaw and touched his tender lip that Remus had split open.
"Some emotion! I like that! Come on Moony! Who are you more pissed at? Me, or yourself for not having her first? Oh, it was incredible! I fucked her on James's bed Remus. I fucked her all over that house all summer right under your fucking nose! How could you let someone like her slip away like that, you asshole. You don't even know what you have." Sirius wiped his lip on his white long sleeved shirt and cursed under his breath as he walked away towards the piano bench in front of the dilapidated grand piano.
"I don't know Sirius, that's the point. You took her away." Sirius sat down on the bench.
"No mate, I didn't take anything." Sirius pointed at him. "You lost her. You let her go. You piece of shit."
"I'm the piece of shit?"
"Yeah." Sirius buried his head in his hands and rested his elbows on his knees. Maddie tried her hardest to keep it in but a muffled sob escaped her lips and she couldn't hold it in any longer. Remus looked at her unsure and Sirius' head shot up immediately as he heard her sharp intake of breath and he was at her side in a second. Sirius took her face in his hands and kissed her cheeks, wiping her tears away with his thumbs. "Shhh, shhhhh. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry." Sirius kissed her wet lips and smoothed his palm over her hair. Maddie touched Sirius' busted lip gingerly.
"Did you really mean it? Those things you said?"
"Every word." Maddie was in love with Sirius. Desperately, can't live without it, completely consumed, love.
"You're sick. I'm still standing here Sirius."
"What are you going to do about it?" Sirius spat the words at him. Remus honestly wasn't sure what to do. So, he lurched forward and grabbed Maddie's hand and pulled her to his side.
"Remus, what are you…" Remus stopped thinking and pulled her into a kiss, and to his surprise she kissed him back.
"That's a boy." Sirius chided. Remus broke the kiss to glare at Sirius. "Go on." Remus peered back at Maddie.
"I'm not going to stop you Remus." Maddie assured him. He looked back from Maddie to Sirius.
"This is crazy."
"What's crazy? Wanting to be with me?"
"Come on Remus." Sirius urged. Maddie started to push Remus towards the bed behind them and Sirius was ten steps ahead of her. Sirius cast a quick tergeo on the musty old bed sheets that were crumpled up on the aged four-poster bed. Maddie shoved Remus down and started to crawl up his body. "Remus, take control. Are you going to let her push you around like that?" Sirius paused. "Don't answer that." Sirius interjected from where he stood nearby. Maddie looked into Remus' eyes reassuringly before she rolled over onto her back next to him. Remus tugged at the hem of her shirt and Maddie sat up long enough for him to pull it over her head and toss it aside. Remus ducked his head down and lovingly cupped her white lace enclosed breast in one hand and kissed her nipple through her bra. His right hand groped more roughly and his thumb slipped between the material to tease her other nipple. She relaxed under his touch, lacing her fingers through his amber and brown hair, such a contrast to Sirius's jet black locks. Maddie made involuntary thrusts with her hips as Remus enjoyed himself. Sirius took the opportunity to circle around the bed to the left side and slowly reached his hand out to graze Maddie's ribcage. Her eyes fluttered open and Sirius smiled at her as he reached under her back to unfasten her bra. Remus disconnected long enough to pull her bra off and was back with his mouth on her breast, tugging on her nipple.
"Is she wet Remus?" Sirius eased up on the bed next to them on Maddie's right side. Remus was too busy kissing and licking his way along Maddie's upper body to answer.
"Yes." Maddie replied lustily, her eyes on Sirius.
"I didn't ask you. I asked Remus." With uncertain hands Remus undid her jeans and daringly slid a warm hand between her thighs.
"Yes, she is."
"How does she taste Moony?" Remus brought his hand to his lips and licked his fingers clean.
"Perfect."
"And don't you ever fucking forget it." Remus yanked her pants off and practically tore off her panties. He ran his soft hands along her outer thighs before nudging them open as he proceeded to go down on her. Remus' hands were so soft compared to Sirius's rough hands with his chewed up fingernails and the worried edges of his thumbs that he would often gnaw on. Sirius watched with amusement and threw off his own shirt before returning to Maddie. He kissed her passionately and fondled her breasts while Remus kept his attention below. Maddie nearly came with the rush of sensations from the two of them but she gently squeezed her thighs together to get Remus to stop.
"Now, Remus please? It won't take much." With inexperienced hands Remus fumbled with his jeans and very awkwardly sat up and clumsily kicked off his shoes. He kicked so fervently that one of his shoes managed to soar through the air and land on the piano keys striking out a dissonant chord. Whereas it seemed that Sirius had somehow quickly and quietly slipped out of his clothes and was back at Maddie's side in one fell swoop. Remus looked down at them longingly. They were both on their sides facing each other kissing intently. Sirius' had one arm under his head and the other roamed over the dip between Maddie's ribs and her hip smoothly. Maddie on the other hand had one hand in Sirius' hair and the other was working between them stroking Sirius. Remus curled up on the other side of Maddie. He kissed her warm neck gently and Maddie swiveled her hips back and opened her legs for Remus as he tentatively positioned himself. Remus gripped her hips and finally after a few awkward tries thrust into her.
"Ngguahhaa…" A guttural moan escaped Remus's lips and his breathing became erratic. His fingers dug into her hips and he started to shake a bit.
"Remus, slow down. Take a deep breath. Just feel. If you move again I'll come." Maddie paused and took a few deep breaths of her own and concentrated. "Sirius?"
"It's ok." Maddie bit her bottom lip and rocked her hips back against Remus. Remus thrust back and with a few more thrusts was coming. Maddie came at the end of Remus' arch and her elation sent Sirius over the edge. The three of them snuggled there together in a lazy haze. At some point Remus finally came to the sudden awareness that he was very naked. Very naked with his best friend who was also very naked and nuzzling his ex-girlfriend? Girlfriend? Soon to be ex-girlfriend?
"So, now what?" Remus cleared his throat, his speech destroying the soft lull in the room that was created by the soft falling rain outside.
"Ha. Like I know? I didn't know before and I certainly don't know now." Maddie snapped. Sirius mumbled something inadubily from where his head was buried near her chest. "No…I mean it. I have to go." Maddie jerked away from the two of them. She fumbled off the bed and grabbed her clothes from the floor and pulled them on all while heading out of the door.
"Maddie wait!" Remus yelled and grabbed his pants and shoes and was still bare foot as he chased her into the tunnel leading towards the willow. Maddie had stopped and was leaning against the cool earthy walls. The combination of the cool air and her crying so violently was causing her to shiver and shake. As soon as she heard Remus coming she started to take off again and Remus relentlessly chased after her. Maddie tripped over her own feet and took a tumble and landed in a heap on the ground right near the end of the tunnel. Water from outside had dampened the ground and Maddie fell right in the mud. The knees of her jeans and her hands got the most of it and she stood up, wiping her hands on her thighs and swiping at her face with the back of her hand leaving little smears of dirt on her flushed cheeks. "Maddie what are you doing?"
"I'm so sorry. I shouldn't have let you do that." She was crying so hard that Remus could barely understand her. "I don't know how I could do this to you. I don't love you anymore." Remus shivered standing there in just his jeans. He threw his shoes down and enveloped her in his arms. Maddie clutched onto his chest and cried.
"I know you don't."
"I told you it wasn't just about…it's everything. It's not just that, it's never been just that. Remus we're different people. We want different things than we did before. I don't want to admit it, but I can't keep lying to you. Remus, I don't love you anymore. I don't want to lie to you. I should never have lied to you. I don't want to be that person. I don't want to feel this way anymore. I feel so guilty. I feel disgusting. I hate this. I'm sorry." Remus pulled back holding her a little shorter than arms length away so he could look into her pretty hurt face.
"I know. I know. I understand. I don't want to, I wish things were different. I wish that with all my heart. For right now, I'll settle with knowing that making you unhappy is the last thing I want in the world. If pretending to make me feel better makes you feel this awful then I demand you stop it right now. Okay?" Remus smiled feebly at her. Maddie sniffled and rubbed at her stinging eyes.
"Are you serious?" Remus laughed a little, he was sure she didn't mean to make a joke but he thought it would make her feel better. An old joke. A joke that everyone was familiar with, but this time meant a little more than it normally would.
"No. I'm not, and I don't think I ever will be." Maddie's face crumpled in defeat and she tried her hardest to smile. She reached out a shaky hand to stroke Remus' face. She ran her fingers over the soft scars and let out the deep, dying breath of their relationship. "If he's not still in the Shack I suggest you check the broom shed behind the Quidditch pitch first. He always goes there to smoke. Now, get out of here and find him." Maddie nodded a little and stood up on her tip-toes to give Remus a kiss on the cheek. Maddie started off, then looked back at Remus once more before she headed out into the rain to search for Sirius. Remus was left to contemplate. What was going to happen to all of them now? Pretend nothing ever happened? Feel it like a great uneasy pressure anytime they were together? Remus couldn't pretend that he didn't know it was over for good between himself and Maddie. He'd known for a long time. Even before the summer. They'd grown up. It's a terrible cliché thing to say, but it was the hurtful truth. They didn't need each other anymore. Sharing their adolescent insecurities was a thing of the past. Maddie was strong and needed so much more than he could ever give her. His careful life. Quiet and calculated, unsteady and unsecured. He was grateful for what she'd shown him but he knew it was over. Whether Sirius was what she really needed or if it would really last, he didn't know. He did know that he was determined not to let this ruin their friendships. Now more than ever they had to stick together. A bunch of scared kids clinging onto each other as they were thrown head first into the unknown, fighting for their very lives and everything they held dear.
"Bugger this!" Sirius cursed from the bed as Maddie and Remus dashed off. He went out the front door of the Shack, opting to take the long way back to school to give him time to clear his head. He transformed into his shaggy dog visage and took off in a slow trot down the high road of Hogsmeade. The chilly rain soaked even his thick coat of fur and he momentarily stopped to shake some of the water off. To hell if he was going to let Maddie slip through his fingers. He'd be damned to make the same mistake as Remus. He didn't want to do this to Remus. Sirius was more than willing to admit that he found it the height of dishonor to betray his friends. He also couldn't betray his own heart. Sirius snuck in the back door of Honeydukes as the owners were putting out the trash. Sirius changed back once in the cellar and headed straight for the Slytherin common room. He was drenched from head to toe and was dripping all over the stone floor as he paced back and forth in front of the wall in the dungeon. A few people came and went paying him no mind when he asked to be let inside. He finally slumped down against the wall in defeat, wishing that he'd had a cigarette before coming back.
"Black? What in Merlin's name are you doing out here?" Sirius didn't have to look up to know who addressed him.
"Snivellus."
"Black, unless you've lost your marbles once and for all, I'd like to remind you that this is not the entrance to the Gryffindor common room."
"Piss off grease monkey. I'm waiting for Madeleine."
"What, are her and Lupin having a lover's spat and you're the messenger?"
"No, as a matter of fact you've come to the wrong conclusion as usual. Maddie and I had a spat of sorts and now I'm waiting for her. If I remember correctly you were in this exact position not too long ago. Not that it got you anywhere. We all know how that story ends. Bouncing baby Evans-Potter's running around Hogwarts in years to come. So, you can either go in there and get Hourglass for me or I'll curse you so far into the next century that your Dark Lord will feel it."
"You think you know everything don't you?"
"Oh no, I certainly don't know everything. For instance, I don't think I'll ever understand where you get off thinking you ever had a chance of being with Lily."
"I'm not discussing this with you."
"I didn't think so." Sirius stood up at eye level with Snape. Sirius searched his shifty black eyes and was always surprised at that something that he couldn't quite grasp that he saw within them. It made him uneasy so he tried not to linger in the accusatory glare. "Either let me in, go and get Maddie, or toss off. I'm tired of looking at you."
"I'm not in there." Maddie's quiet voice sounded behind Sirius. Sirius whipped around to face a tiny soaking wet, muddy, shivering Maddie. Sirius's heart melted.
"Where have you been?" Sirius took an unsteady step towards her.
"Well, I went back to the Shack and you weren't there. Then I went to the Quidditch pitch and then I went back to the Shack and back to the Quidditch pitch and you still weren't there…" Sirius surged forward and took Maddie in his strong secure arms.
"Oh, please…" Severus sulked off in the opposite direction.
"I'm so sorry and I, I'd give you my shirt but I'm not any dryer than you are." Sirius laughed a little as he tried to dry off her little face with his shirt sleeve.
"Sirius…" Maddie started to speak but Sirius cut her off with a shaky finger at her lips.
"No, I have to say this. This thing between us isn't over. It isn't over until I say it's over. You got that? I'm not done with this yet. There's so much more that I want to do for you. I may not know lots of stuff and I don't wear sweaters. But, I know what I want and I love the way my pillow looks with you sleeping on it. You make me say the craziest things and I don't care. I don't know what's going to happen and I'm not making any promises but I want you to be around when I do." Maddie rested her hands on his warm chest and felt his heart pounding furiously against her cold hands.
"Okay." Maddie nodded.
"Okay?" Sirius questioned and blinked a few times.
"Okay." Maddie simply replied. Sirius let out a combination of a sigh and a laugh before his voice cracked and he scooped up Maddie in his arms. He held onto her so tightly and kissed, what turned out to be her ear as she held onto him, her arms around his neck.
"You want to come up to the Prefect's bathroom with me?"
"Sirius, I'm not a prefect."
"Neither am I." Things were never going to be the same. For a few moments here and there they could pretend that everything was normal before reality came crashing down around them. But those few moments, were worth it.