Link took a deep breath, readying himself for the challenge, the battle that was about to commence. It was going to be difficult, there would be no doubt about that. Who knew what horrors were just beyond these door, the challenge, the thrill that would ensue? But he was ready for this. He had prepared. He had battled countless foes, killed countless enemies, all leading up to this moment. He had the courage, the power, the ability to defeat whatever lay behind this door. He was Link. Hero of time, Waker of Winds, bearer of the triforce of courage. He could do this. Slowly, he placed his hand on the door, its smooth, cold surface, and pushed. The door opened smoothly, rather surprising given the circumstances. One would expect the door to be rather difficult to open due to the hinges rusting (Link doubted anyone had been around for a while, judging by the layers of dust forming). He peered cautiously around the door before heading in. He may be brave, but he wasn't stupid.
"Do you challenge me, oh brave wanderer? You who think so highly of yourself, you who think yourself so courageous. Well, dear boy, I accept!" The man who had addressed Link stood there, seemingly in thin air. He knew it was Ganondorf, king of thieves, master of the desert. Link would face his foe with bravery, he refused to be defeated. He drew his sword, preparing for the battle of a life time, but paused with confusion as Ganondorf began tutting.
"No no, dear boy. We are not to fight with swords, horrible things. Too pointy, wouldn't you agree? Hell, you could poke someone's eye out with one, and worse! No, we are going to battle... with dance!" At that moment, hidden lights burst forth from the dreary cave walls, shining their multicoloured beams on Link and Ganondorf. They were green, they were blue, they were red, they were every colour in between. A disco ball lowered itself daintily from the ceiling, spinning delicately and sending the lights scattered all around. Link looked on in confusion as Ganondorf tore off his clothing, revealing a beautiful, frilly, bright pink tutu that almost bordered on something Barbie would wear – or Zelda. But as though things couldn't get worse, Ganondorf took that moment to stand up on the point of his toes, arms above his head. Somewhere in the dark, music struck up. A beautiful tune, sweet, beautiful, delicate. Was that... Swan Lake?! Link looked around in quiet, terrified bewilderment. It was as though his whole world had turned upside down. Everything he had been told about Ganondorf, everything he had seen. Slowly, Ganondorf stuck out his leg, as though trying to be seductive, almost... sexy... and began to dance. Link looked around, trying desperately to find something he could throw up in. In all his nightmares, in all his travels, he had never seen something quite like this. He ran back to the door, hitting at it, bombarding it, even setting a bombchu off at it, but nothing worked.
"What's wrong, Link? Can't feel the music? Here, I'll help you!" Ganondorf magically danced his way to Link and took the boys hands in his. Link tried to pull away, but the so – called "Dark Lord" had a grip that was too strong for his own. Link couldn't escape. Of all the stories, none had prepared him for this. A new tune struck up, more light hearted, music that made it feel more like you could fly at a moment's notice. This guy knew his classical music, for example, the Blue Danube.
"This way, let me lead!" And away they went, Link screaming in surprise and terror. Ganondorf laughed with glee, a massive grin upon his face. It was almost as though he was dancing on a field of flowers, a sky of stars, a sea of glitter. There was no malice in this man's eyes, only... love?
"This is just a bad dream, a bad dream I tell you!" Link thought desperately.
"Is this not so f much fun?!" Ganondorf exclaimed, rather breezily. Link shook his head hurriedly.
"No!" He squeaked. Ganondorf laughed before landing Link back on the ground, then pirouetting off into the abyss, sparkles falling where his feet were. Link ran, screaming, from the room, a look of complete and utter terror on his face. He didn't bother trying to open the door, he simply ran straight on through it. Ganondorf looked at the silhouette that Link had left in the door, rather smugly.
"Another plan, perfectly executed," He said, "Now I can resume my singing practice!"
Author's note: OK, so... I have a thing about making fun of Ganondorf and Link. It's fun. Especially since I have a really great friend whose favourite character is Ganondorf, so of course I'm going to do this. Hope you enjoyed it :D