Friend Like You

"Bruce, oh, thank goodness you came."

"It's good to see you, too, Ms. Potts."

"Pepper," the redhead corrects smoothly.

"Right, sorry, Pepper," Bruce amends. "How's Tony?"

"Good, actually. He's sleeping right now, but the doctors say all the shrapnel is gone and the arc reactor… Well, you can see for yourself."

Tony's tucked into the hospital bed, tubes and wires curling around him. The steady blue glow of his chest has vanished; in its place is thick white bandage.

Pepper checks her watch. "I've got to go do some business things, but see if you can talk to him."

"Because Tony is known for opening up to people," Bruce comments wryly.

"Can't hurt to try." She fluffs up the pillow one last time and turns to Bruce. "Don't let him sit up. Don't let him strain himself. Don't let him hit on the nurses. Oh, and definitely don't let him eat any of that." She gestures at the candy beside the get-well-soon cards on the side table. Feeling a bit too much like a mother addressing the babysitter, she finally kisses Tony's forehead once more and exits the room, her gaze lingering over her shoulder.

"Is she gone?" Tony says to the ceiling.

Bruce goes to the door and glances up and down the hall. "I think so."

Tony sits up immediately. "I hate hospitals."

"Yeah, well, what's to like?"

"No, really. I hate them. With a passion. Have you ever heard of anything good happening in a hospital?"

"Well..."

"Exactly. I'm breaking out."

"I'm not sure that's the best…"

But Tony's already pulling tubes from his arm, the machines beeping. "Where's the suit? …Oh. Right."

His face falls, and the other Avenger barely has time to ask why before the frown disappears.

"I'd prefer to escape in style, but the hospital gown will do," he sighs dramatically. "Now are you going to help me or am I going to have to knock you out and tie you to that chair?"

"Pepper's going to kill us when she finds out," Bruce moans.

"Shhh," hisses a voice beneath the sheet. "Keep walking!"

"Hang on a sec." A passing doctor stops the gurney with his hand. "Isn't the morgue the other way?"

"Oh, right," Bruce stammers. He straightens his stolen coat and tries to look sheepish. "Must have gotten lost. I'm new."

"What department?"

"Uh… radiology."

"Radiology, huh?" The doctor jerks his head at the sheet. "How did it happen?"

"Major concussion," Bruce lies quickly. "Brain swelled. Big head. You know."

"I see. Try not to get lost again."

"Of course. Thanks." Bruce swings the gurney around with such force there's a muffled "oof" from its occupant.

"Big head?" Tony scoffs when they're out of earshot.

Bruce imagines the indignant look on his face and can't help but grin. "Sorry. It was the first thing that came to mind."

Tony jumps off the cart as soon as the exit door clicks shut behind, moving quickly for someone who had heart surgery just two days ago. "Did you come in a car?"

"Motorcycle."

"Fine. Give me the keys."

Bruce raises his eyebrows. "In your condition?"

"What?" Tony strikes a pose in his paper thin hospital gown. "Is this a problem?"

Bruce can only roll his eyes as he drives to Stark tower, Tony clinging behind him too tightly.

"ANTHONY STARK."

"I told you she'd be furious." Bruce accuses. He starts to crawl on hands and knees toward the living room door.

"Don't go," Tony pleads. "I need someone to witness my murder."

Pepper's heels click into the room. "Tony, I'm giving you to the count of three. One..."

Bruce starts to stand up, but Tony grabs his arm. "Stay down. She's bluffing."

"Two..."

"Oh crap. I think she actually means it this time."

"Thr..."

Tony pops up from behind the sofa.

"Hi, honey," he chirps. "Before we discuss this, I think this is a good time for me to remind you how much I love you. That's a lot, by the way."

Bruce resumes his crawl to safety, but not before Pepper spots him. "Did you help him?"

"Absolutely not," Bruce stands up, shaking his head vehemently. "I was coerced into it. I'm the victim here."

Tony glares at him from behind Pepper's back and Bruce mouths back, "Sorry."

"I love you, Peps," Tony tries again.

She sighs. "What am I going to do with you two?"

"Let us live," Tony suggests. "Go ask Fury. We're very valuable."

"Fine."

"Fine what?"

"Fine, I'll let you go. This one time."

The two men exchange looks, hardly daring to believe their luck.

Pepper pauses at the door. "And by the way, I ordered your dinner. It should be waiting in the research lab."

Pepper knows them too well, haha. Reviews?