When I Look At You

by citiznkimberly

Song fic on Spemily. Give it a try. I DO NOT OWN PLL NOR THE CHARACTERS PORTRAYED. I ONLY OWN THIS PLOT.

HEY GUYS, THIS IS JUST SOMETHING I WROTE WHEN I WAS A LITTLE KID(LIKE TEN YEARS OLD OR SOMETHING.) SO PLEASE NO CRITICISM. BUT I WOULD LOVE A REVIEW.

Everybody needs inspiration..

Wow. Just look at her. Look at how her hair blows in the wind. So smoothly. God, I wish she was mine. I wish I could just hold her in my arms, tell her how I feel, and everything will be okay. But I can't do that. She has a boyfriend and she's straight. Or so thatshe'llI know. I remember when I first met her. I thought she was a condescending, stuck up rich girl who would never talk to me or even look at me. But then, our chemistry teacher, Mr. Harold, assigned us to be lab partners. I then noticed that she was smart, funny, and not stuck up. Well, to me she wasn't. We started to hang out a lot after school and then we became best friends. Which is another reason why I can't tell her how I feel. It'll ruin our friendship.

"Em?" I snapped out of my thoughts when I heard her soft voice.

"Uh..yeah?" She laughed lightly and softly hit my shoulder.

"Okay, how am I supposed to help you study if all you're going to stare off into space?"

My cheeks turned bright red as I looked down at the moist, green grass. I hated when she made me blush. It was so embarrassing. She thought it was adorable, but I thought just about the opposite.

"Sorry," I started. "What did you say?"

"Who were the French speaking Catholics?"

"The..Acadians?"

"And where did they come from?" I tapped on my right knee as I tried to figure out the answer. I don't even know why we had to learn about the Acadians anyway. We weren't french people.

"Uh.. Nova Scotia?"

She smiled and nodded. "Good job, Em!" Her arms quickly wrapped around my neck. Her perfume's scent quickly washes over my nose. It spelled like roses mixed with fruit. I can't get the name of the fruit, but I know it's a fruit.

"Thanks for helping me Spencer. I'm pretty sure I'll get at least a B on the exam." I laughed lightly, knowing she was about to get on my ass about getting less than an A++.

"Never settle for less than an A, Fields."

"Hey, that may be the motto for the Hastings, but around here, a B is damn good."

"Whatever." She chuckled. "I should get going. It's past my curfew. My dad will be calling any minute now." Just a few seconds later, Spencer's phone buzzed. I laughed instantly. How did she know her father so well. "Em," She grabbed her phone out of her pocket and looked at me. "It's not funny."

I watched as she answered the phone and walked out further to her car. I smiled to myself. How was she so perfect. "What..Dad..Okay..I'm at the park...I know...Forget it then...Bye...I'm not coming home then.."

I frowned as she shoved the phone into her pocket. Her parents always gave her a hard time and I didn't see why. She was a straight A student, she was captain of the Field Hockey team, and she turned the barn into a loft. Is that not good enough for them.

"Hey," She started. "Can I stay at your place? I'm pretty sure your mom wouldn't mind." I only nodded. She stood there like she was about to collapse. I couldn't do it anymore. I stood up and wrapped my arms tightly around her. This is what she needed. Now anyway. I didn't know what was wrong and I didn't want to know. All I wanted to do was show her that I'm here. That I'll always be here.

"Let's go." I whispered quietly, but softly enough that she could hear. I could feel her nod into my chest. I then broke the hug and slipped my arm between her left arm and her hip. She smiled at me and leaned her head into the crook of my neck. "Meet me at my house. You just can't leave your car here."

She chuckled. "Thank you, Emily." Before I could respond with a simple 'you're welcome', her lips were on my cheek. They felt like fluffy pillows when you're in a deep sleep. I tried my best not to jump and scream in excitement.

"Don't thank me. You're my best friend. I am supposed to be there for you." I smiled at her as she nodded and got into her car.

Everybody needs a song..

I smiled at the picture of Emily, Hanna, Aria, and I inside my locker. We had learned to stick together when Alison's body was found and we made a vow that we would never leave each other again. I loved those guys with all my heart and if something ever happened to them, I would lose it.

"Hey Spence!" I quickly turned to see a blonde figure standing in front of me. Hanna Marin.

Hanna was the smartass of the group and she was also the prom queen of Rosewood High. I know that was like..three years ago and I keep telling her that, but she still brags about it all the time. She was the only one who challenged me. She would go against anything of her better judgement. But she hasn't been such a smartass since Caleb left her for that ghost girl, Miranda. She's been pretty quiet lately, which was great, by the way.

"Hey Han. What's up?"

"Oh, nothing. I just wanted to know are you free tonight because Noel invited me to one of his parties and I don't want to go alone."

"No." I closed my locker and started to walk to my class.

"Oh come on," She chased behind me. "Please?"

I finally realized that Hanna being Hanna, wasn't going to stop until I said 'yes'. I sighed loudly and turned towards her. "Fine...IF you invite Emily and Aria also."

She smiled brightly. "Aria's going to be with Ezra. But, I'm pretty sure Em will say yes very quickly."

"Why would you be so sure? I mean, this is Noel Kahn. One of the people who were apart of Maya's, her ex in case you have forgetten, death."

"She'll say 'yes' because you're going."

I laughed lightly. "What?"

"Oh come on Spencer, can't you see that she has a crush on you? She looks at you like you're the only person in the room, she always wants you to help her 'study', and she gets really nervous when we're in PE and we change in front of each other." I shook my head, not believeing a single word. And even if she has done that, she knows I have a boyfriend and that I only like her as a friend. That's it. Nothing more. Nothing less.

"You're unbelievable." I chuckled. "I'm going to be late for class. I'll see you later. Pick me up at eight." I waved goodbye to Hanna as she nodded.

A beautiful melody..

Well, I never pictured myself getting ready for Noel Kahn's party. A place where my ex girlfriend, Maya, was at the night she died. I still can't get that night out of my head. It was really tough. I couldn't sleep for months and I never got out of bed. I didn't eat much either. But one thing...one person made me. And that person was Spencer. Spencer helped me a lot. She never left my side. Well, only for school. But right after school, she would come and make sure I was okay. When I went to Haiti for the summer to build houses, she was the only one out of my three best friends, that would call me in the middle of the night just to make sure I was okay. I know Hanna wouldn't do that for me. Well, I don't know. Maybe.

Aria would be too busy worrying about the next big drama with Ezra, but I still love her. I stared at myself in the mirror. Wow, look at how much I changed. Three years ago, I wouldn't even be able to walk out to my front porch and scream 'I'm gay', but now, it doesn't even hurt me when people make homophobic comments. It just means that they have nothing else better to do with their life. I was snapped out of my thoughts by the sound of my phone buzzing. I took it out of my pocket and saw that I had a text...oh no. I opened the message to see who it was from.

Hey Em. I'm outside. Sorry if I might have scared you. New phone. :) -Hanna

I sighed of relief. Thank jeebus it wasn't who I thought it was. Even though we haven't heard from A in months, it still scared me a little that it was from an unknown number. I grabbed my purse and headed downstairs, to the door. I opened the door and made sure to lock it. As I stepped out onto my porch, I made sure I had everything.

"I'm pretty sure you have everything, Em." Hanna said, opening the door. "Lets go, we're late." I hurried and got into the car. When I got into the car, there she was. Spencer Hastings in the backseat of the car.

"Hey Spence." I smiled. She didn't speak to me. She just stared out of the window, blankly like no one was there. I glanced over at Hanna and I caught her shrug a bit. I frowned. I didn't want to ask her what was wrong and have her in a sad mood so, I'm going to wait until after the party.

When the night's sun lowed..

I decided that if I ignored Emily for the rest of the night, she would probably get the idea and not like me that way. I know it sounds wrong and stupid, but I only feel for her as a really close best friend. At least, I think. I'm so stupid.

"Spencer.." Emily said as she sat next to me. She had been standing there for the last twenty minutes trying to talk to me and I'm sitting here like a dumb idiot. "I know Hanna told you and I'm sorry that I have these feelings, but you can't just ignore me. We've been best friends for six years. You're not going to let a little crush ruin our friendship, are you?"

I stayed silent. I looked into her eyes and saw anger and hurt. I still didn't say a word. I wanted to..but I couldn't. I loved Toby. Not her. Well, not in that way at least.

"Fine," She started. "Be that way. I'm used to people ignoring me. But you ignoring me hurts way worse." I watched as she walked away. God, I'm so stupid. I think I just lost a best friend.

But there is no guarantee..

I grabbed another beer out of the fridge and chugged it down my throat. I figured if Spencer doesn't like me, no one will. All the people I fall for always end up hurting me. One way or another. Paige cheated on me. Alison used me. Maya died. Samara left me.

And now here was Spencer, my good best friend who I thought was so different. I felt a rush of dizziness flow through me. I sat down in the nearest chair. At least I think it was a chair. My vision is reeeally blurry right now. I laughed to myself. I'm such a waste of time. I don't even see why everyone likes me. Where the hell is Hanna? She's my ride.

"Em." I looked up and all I could make out of the person standing there was dark, flowing hair.

"Maya.." I said.

"No..I'm... Em..home."

"What?" I laughed. "Maya, you're making no sense. Where's Hanna? I want to leave." I was going to finish off my beer, when someone snatched it out of my hands..or did I drop it.

"Give that back. It's mine." The person picked me up off my feet and took me somewhere. They layed me down in someone's car. It smelled like Hanna's. I felt the car move.

That this life is easy..

I felt sick to my stomach knowing that this happened because of me.

"Maya, is Hanna driving?" She said, sleepily.

"Yes I am driving and there is no way I'm taking you home." Hanna said.

"She can stay at my house." I said, quickly taking the offer. I wanted to be there for her on this one.

"Hey Hanna, did you know Maya is alive? Say hi to Hanna, Maya." She took my hand and start waving it. Hanna just shook her heard and picked up speed on her car.

"I'm not Maya. I'm Spencer." I said, softly as I ran my fingers through her hair.

"Spencer.." She said, as she pushed my hands away. I frowned. "No." She started. "Don't touch me. I don't want you touching me."

I sighed as she sat up and scooted away from me. "I'm sorry-"

"Don't talk to me either..please." She said.

Wow, to say she was drunk, she really knew how to make me feel bad. I watched her through the whole ride home. Even though she didn't want me around, I still wanted to make sure she was okay. She was my best friend. I wasn't going to let her go that easily. Maybe I could fix things. Well, not right now becaude she's drunk but when she's sober. Maybe she would want to talk to me then. Now, the hardest problem of tonight would be trying to get her into my house and into my room.

And when my world is falling apart..

I woke up with a slight headache and only in a bra and underwear. All I could remember from last night is that I got into a fight with Spencer and that I got drunk. I looked around and recognized the room. Ribbons and trophies everywhere. Spencer's room. I quickly jumped out of bed and scanned the room for my clothes. I didn't want to talk to her and I didn't want to hear any excuses. She wants to play the ignoring game, so can I. I continued to search for my clothes, but they were nowhere to be found. I then dialed Hanna's number, hoping she would come pick me up.

I looked around for something to cover up with. Booyah. Towel. I grabbed the red towel and went downstairs, looking for Spencer. And there she was. Holding my clothes, in her hands. I quickly took them out of her hands and headed back upstairs. "Em." I heard her say, but I didn't stop. I went into the bathroom and freshened up. The clothes smelled cleaned. Like they just got a fresh, clean wash. Spencer must have washed them for me. That was nice of her. But I don't want to thank her. She might think we're talking again.

I heard a honk. That must be Hanna. I opened the bathroom and door and headed downstairs.

"See you later, Emily." Spencer said as I walked passed her, quickly. I didn't say a word. Just left.

"So.." Hanna started. "Do you smell your puke?"

I laughed. She always makes me feel better for any reason. It's one of the reasons I can't stay made at her. "Just take me home, ya knuckle head."

And there's no light to break up the darkness..

It's been a week. One freaking week since I talked to Emily. I'm such an idiot. I lost my best friend over this. Just because she has a tiny crush. I sighed to myself. Maybe I'll go over to her house after school and try to talk to her. I grabbed my bag and keys and headed out for school. Just before I started my car, a used baige kind of truch pulled into my driveway. I smiled to myself, knowing who it was. I quickly got out of my car and ran into my boyfriend's, Toby Cavanaugh, arms. But he pushed me away.

"What's wrong?" I asked him. I frowned and put my hands on his shoulder.

"What did you do to Emily?" He sounded angry. Oh no.

"I don't understand."

"You understand perfectly. Now tell me. What did you do to her?" I felt a rush of anger come over me. Why is he taking her side. I'm his girlfriend, not Emily. I get that she was the first one to accept him, but that doesn't even top the fact that we've dated.

"Why does it matter to you? Did she tell you that I made her sad. Well, I've been trying to talk to her for the past week. I've been calling her and texting her, but no answer. So maybe you should be asking her what did she do to me. Don't attack me when you didn't even get my side of the story."

"I really don't want your side of the story, Spencer. All I know is that Emily told me that you hurt her. How did you hurt her? What did you do? You know all that she has been through."

I tried to calm down, but the anger kept boiling up inside me. "If you're so concerned about her, then maybe she should be your girlfriend." I turned away, not looking back. I got into my car and drove off quickly not wanting to be late for school. He had some nerve.

That's when I..I look at you.

I decided to stay home today. Even though school was over, I just decided to stay home. One week I haven't talked to the love of my life. Or that's what I'm thinking. I couldn't stay mad at her, I'm just waiting for her to chase after me and tell me everything will be okay. That's all I need. That's all I want. I don't want a relationship with her if it's going to make our friendship burn to ashes. I scanned my room. Man, I really let myself go. I thought my mom would have cleaned it up by then, but I guess not. I'll clean it later, but for now I just want to think. Wow. It's been week and I haven't shed not one tear. I smiled to myself, my phone buzzed.

I'm coming over whether you like it or not. I love you Emily. So much. Don't forget that. Please. -xoxox Spence

I quickly jumped out of my bed and began to clean my room. She probably was knocking on the door at this moment. Well, if she was knocking on the door, I probably would have heard it. I laughed quietly to myself. I'm such a goof. After like ten minutes of stuffing clothes under my bed, I decided to take a shower and freshen myself up. I couldn't help but think about how this was going to go. Maybe she was going to yell at me for not talking to her. I don't know, but if she was, I wasn't going to let her do it. I'm tired of people running over me. I let the water run down my face as millions of thoughts swarmed through my head. Too many to name. Thirty minutes later, I heard a knock at the door.

"I got it, Em." I heard my mom yell from downstairs. I peeked out my window.

It was Spencer. A sudden rush of nervousness washed over me. It felt like a swarm of butterflies were eating the inside of my stomach. I sat down and waited patiently for Spencer to walk through my room door.

"Em.." A voice said. A voice I haven't heard in a week. I turned my head towards the door. There she was. Standing in my door frame.

"Shut the door..please and come in." I sighed heavily, trying to act calm. She did as I said and walked towards me, sitting down on the bed beside me.

"Before I start, I just wanted to say I love you no matter what."

I shut up my eyes tightly. Those three words replaying in my head. God, why did they hurt so much? She didn't love me the way I wanted her to. So, why say it? But, I have to make this work if I want to be her friend. "It's okay, Spence." I started. "You don't have to say anything else. I really don't want any memories of that fight to replay in my head. So don't say anything. Just hug me and tell me it'll be okay."

I opened my arms wanting her wrap her arms around me. But, it never happened. I sighed. "Spence.."

"No. Emily, Toby and I broke up today. We got in a fight over you. He blamed me for hurting you and I really can't blame him. It was all my fault. It was my fault that we didn't talk for a week, it was my fault you have been skipping classes, and it's my fault that you got drunk that night. Emily, I love you with all my heart. Like a sister. But, sometimes sisters fight and they don't speak. Sometimes sisters never talk. They never make up. They just forget about each other. And that's why I think I need to leave."

My heart dropped. "What?" My voice cracked. "You.."

"I'm going to live with my nana for a while. Maybe for the rest of the year. I'll have to transfer schools. I know, but it's best for everyone. I already let Hanna and Aria know and they're okay with it. I'm just here to let you know that I'm sorry and that I need to think about this. Everything. I'm sorry."

"Spence, I love you. So much." Those six words were all I managed to get out before I burst into tears. She then wrapped her arms around me. I don't want her comfort anymore. I pushed her away.

"Don't. I'll miss you." I smiled lightly and wiped my face. "Bye."

"Emily.."

"Don't bother. You can leave now. Thanks for letting me know you're leaving for the rest of the year."

And with that, Spencer didn't say another word. She just did as she was told and walked out on the person whom she'd now realized she wanted to spend the rest of her life with.

Okay what do you think?