Warnings: Mildly confusing, dark, but mostly…

……

***

It's unnecessary.

My…I don't know, my living ghost, my soul, my spirit, whatever this part of me that holds no physical form.

It's terrible.

Painful.

Wrong.

All it provides me is a horrible pulsating pain in my chest, always aching with every beat of my heart.

There's another useless thing. Hearts.

The spiritual ones, anyway.

They don't matter. Why do people talk about them as if they're important, as if they exist to do anything but break?

That's what I've learned-if you let anyone close to your heart-

Your soul-

Close to you-

Then they'll play with it. They'll make it feel safe and warm, and then abandon it in some dark alley of confusion and lies.

Shattered.

Scarred.

Bleeding.

I've been far too trusting. And now it feels like something crawled inside my chest and died.

But I've learned. The only way to save…whatever you want to call, it is to block it off.

Freeze it over, to numb the pain.

Surround the ice with flames of rage, to chase away any who get too close.

Keep your tears a secret. Or better yet, run out. Then no one can see you cry, because you can't.

It's hard. And lonely.

But it is the only thing that has kept me sane.

.

..

…

…………………………………………

That's what I tell her.

I expect it to chase her off.

Mind you, I didn't lie. It's true.

And it's all she's getting out of me.

I won't make the mistake of trusting again.

…

But somehow, she doesn't seem disturbed.

Shit. Pity. Yet another useless thing. Pity does nothing. Nothing but make one realize just how pathetic they are.

And then…

She answers.

She listened…?

Her answer is something I've never heard before.

She says that fire doesn't scare her, and that if I don't believe it, I'm to go speak to Takuya-san.

She says that ice may numb the pain, but it'll never heal if it doesn't melt.

And, strangely, that that might work in my favor right now.

She goes on, and what she tells me utterly confounds me.

That she's patient. That she won't force me to talk unless I'm ready.

That she'll help me get past whatever it is that's hurting me.

I turn around and say that she's just going to leave me as soon as she gets me to smile. Shattered and scarred, battered and bruised, torn and bleeding. Dying inside. Though I don't say the last of it out loud, it echoes in my head, derisively, poignantly, insistently.

She chooses then to say something that I cannot answer.

She locks her eyes with mine, gently, and blows my mind.

"There's a song, written in English. One I've always believed." She sings a little, in English, so I don't understand it. "Roughly, it first speaks of two people, ripped from each other. Shattered and scarred. But then it says that love can and will rescue them, because in each others' arms, they're saints. They're angels. They're untouchable, Kouji, because they have each other, protecting their hearts, or souls, or whatever you want to call it."

And then she…

She throws her arms around me, slower than she usually would hug someone, but still fast enough that I can't pull away.

Or…maybe part of me just…didn't want to.

I stiffen automatically. Reflex.

But I don't push her away.

And she doesn't let go, for a long time.

Just holds me.

And…The pain fades.

It doesn't go numb, it just lessens, and for a little while, I feel…warm, inside.

The feeling I usually take as a warning sign to pull out before I get hurt.

But somehow…I don't pull away. Normally, my instincts would scream to run, but they don't.

She warms the frozen piece that is me.

She's breaking through my walls and defenses. Making me trust her.

And for the first time in a very long time…I covet the warmth.

…I'm a dumbass. But for now…

It's worth it.

***

… .

Okay. The song I real, but it's country by the way, so don't worry if you have no idea what it is. It's called 'Saints and Angels', by Sara Evans. If you listen to it, though, it does fit, oddly.

This might be real Kouzumi. Or just friendship. Or, there's always the thought that it's 11:20PM and I haven't been able to think of anything for the couple which makes me go squee. (KouKou, of course-OMGSOCUTE)

Ah, I'm so KouKou deprived…

Anyway.

Might turn this into something bigger. Or not. Depends on feedback.

And if you've read this far, I would like to ask that you read my other stories or review SOMETHING I wrote/helped write. (I've helped with some of AppleL0V3R's stuff, apple is my partner in crime.)

Thanks for reading! Now REVIEW please! I love feedback! Flame if you must. I laugh at flames.