Harry stared at his wand, his eyes wide and his face pale. The world seemed to stop and the sounds of the battle around him were drowned out by the sounds of his ragged breathing and pounding heart.
He stood there for what felt like an eternity, staring at the crumpled form in front of him. Suddenly, he bolted. He ran as fast as he could. He had to get away. He pushed through people, friends and foe alike. He paid no heed for the dangers of what he was doing; he could be hit by a spell at any second if he wasn't careful. The only thing on his mind was to get away.
---
Ron grunted as he was shoved rudely aside and the wind was knocked out of him. He felt the spell soar over his back, narrowly missing him. Without a second thought, he aimed his wand and stunned the death eater. Only then did he look up to see who had shoved him out of harm's way. He watched, surprised, as Harry's back retreated into the darkened forest.
Ron looked around at the ferocious battle. The numbers of Death Eaters were quickly decreasing, and soon the Order would have another horcrux destroyed. Deciding he wasn't needed, Ron took off after Harry.
After five minutes of fruitless searching, Ron finally got far enough away from the battle to hear a shallow breathing from somewhere to his left. Ron blindly followed the breathing until he saw Harry sitting on the ground, his back against a tree, and his face in his hands. Ron watched as Harry tried to take a few deep breaths.
Ron cleared his throat, taking a step closer to his friend.
Harry looked up, a look of terror in his eyes. He scrambled to his feet and started backing up, shaking his head.
"What happened?" Ron asked in as soothing of a voice as he could muster.
"No, no, no," Harry muttered, backing away more quickly.
"Harry, talk to me," Ron demanded. Harry continued to back up. "You can tell me," Ron assured his friend. Harry tripped over a root and fell down. He looked up at Ron helplessly. Ron walked over to his friend and sat on the ground next to Harry. Ron saw Harry warily eye the wand in his hand. Ron cautiously put it down within arm's reach.
"What happened?" Ron repeated.
"I'm sorry!" Harry said, shaking his head.
"Sorry for what?" prompted Ron. This kind of conversation was not something he was good at. Hermione or Ginny should be here trying to console Harry, not him! Ron looked into Harry's green eyes and saw something that shocked him. For the first time since Ron had known Harry, he saw fear in those shockingly green eyes. He really needed Hermione or Ginny here.
"I did it...it was me," Harry said, hanging his head.
"Harry! Tell me what bloody happened!" Ron cried in frustration.
Harry looked up shocked. "You don't know?"
"Harry tell me what on earth happened right now, or I'll hex you into next week," Ron said, frustrated.
"I killed her...I killed Belatrix. Ron, I used an Unforgivable," Harry whispered, his breath getting caught in his throat as he looked at the leaf-strewn ground in shame. Ron recoiled slightly. It took a lot of hate to use that curse. It was not a spell one could perform lightly. Truth be told, he was disgusted that his friend had been able to harbor such hate to truly want to kill someone. But he couldn't abandon his friend. Harry was just as repulsed by the action as he was. So Ron took a large breath and looked at his friend confidently.
"She deserved to die, that cow," Ron said fairly.
"You don't understand!" Harry cried, angrily getting to his feet. Ron stood up and squared his jaw. At least he was used to an angry Harry over a scared Harry.
"Then why don't you tell me?"
"If I killed her...where will it stop? I'm no better than the people we're trying to disband..." Harry said, losing all the fight in him.
"Harry..." Ron sighed.
"What if they put in Azkaban?" Harry asked, shuddering involuntarily.
"But they won't, you're our only hope."
"What if they lock me up after I defeat Voldemort?" Harry asked.
"They won't," Ron said forcefully. Harry looked at Ron, and Ron saw that the fear was back in Harry's eyes.
"I don't want to be just like Voldemort."
"But you're not anything like him," Ron said, failing to see Harry's logic.
"But I just killed someone..."
"But you hated it. He likes killing people," Ron reasoned.
Ron looked around the dark woods. He felt like they were being watched, and he didn't like it. "Let's go," Ron suggested. Harry shook his head.
"I can't," he said quietly. Ron looked at Harry's hand; something was missing.
"We have to. The battle is either over or nearly over by now, and we have to destroy the horcrux," Ron said. He bent down and picked up his wand.
That was it! Harry didn't have his wand.
"Where's your wand?" Ron asked Harry.
Harry pointed over Ron's shoulder. "I threw it over there," he said hollowly. Ron turned around and began looking for it. "I don't want it," Harry said quietly.
"You have to be able to defend yourself," Ron said without stopping his search.
"But I can't kill anyone if I don't have my wand," Harry said, holding back a slight tremor in his voice.
Ron found the wand and picked it up. He walked over to Harry and forced the wand into the shaking hands of Harry Potter. Harry immediately dropped it like it was on fire.
"Harry, you can't be afraid of your wand!" Ron said exasperatedly. He put the wand back into Harry's hand.
Harry's pale face turned toward the wand, and his fearful eyes took in the wood warily. He pointed it away from Ron, and held it gingerly.
"It's not going to kill anyone on it's own," Ron said, refraining from rolling his eyes. Harry swallowed and forced a smile.
"I know," he said with false certainty. He then gripped the wand more securely, this time with white knuckles.
"We have to go," Ron said quietly and began leading the way out of the forest. Harry walked woodenly behind his friend.
They were almost at the edge of the forest when Harry suddenly stopped.
Ron turned around and Harry just shook his head.
"You have to," Ron urged.
"Can I just have some time alone...to think?" Harry implored.
Ron thought back on their seven years of friendship. He thought about every time Harry wanted to be alone, and how every time that was the worst thing Harry could do. Ron shook his head. "You'll never come back if you leave now."
Harry's eyes turned between the forest, his wand, and Ron's face.
"I don't think I can."
"Harry, you've changed. There is no doubt in that. No one will ever say you lost your innocence; you never had any to begin with. And what you did was awful and unforgivable. It's a disgusting thing to take a life."
Ron looked at Harry's reeling face. He knew that what he had to say was harsh, but Harry needed to hear every word.
"But that is who you are. You're a killer, and you have been since you were born. You were born to kill. It's a fact of life just like I grew up being poor. Get over it, move past it. No one that you care about is going to hate you because you had a practice victim before Voldemort. It's the way of war."
Harry looked like he might be sick. Ron felt bad for his best friend and decided to soften the blow, just a bit. "Besides, you did her a favor. She would have been caught, and she would have been given the kiss. Death is much better than that."
The two young men stared at each other for a moment. No, life would not return to normal now that Harry had actually killed someone. They were growing up. And to complicate matters even more, they were growing up in a war. They were no longer teenagers trying to fight an adult's war. They were now war-hardened men holding onto the warmer side of life with their fingernails.
AN: Okay, so what did you think? No, I'm not giving up on my other story, just taking a break since chapter 5 is proving to be quite troublesome.