I thought that it was about time I should do some more writing, so here's a
short 'funny' story for you NOT including Cori's thoughtless remarks.
Please R/R… oh yeah… disclaimer.. haven't done one for so long I think I've
forgotten how to!
Disclaimer: This all belongz to an evil garden knome who goes by the name of Laura. If you try to steal it or say that it is your she will get you!
MWA HA HA HA HA!!!
Etcetera hated her name. It was used to mean 'and other things' but it didn't mean 'her'. She walked into the junkyard one morning and was surprised that no one noticed her entrance. She 'plopped' down inside the old tyre to think. Thinking always cleared her mind, and made her feel calm. No one had noticed her when she had come in to the junkyard. That was strange, most people always noticed the hyperactive kitten as she was very hard to miss. Had they missed her because she was just 'other things'? It must have been that! It was then and there that she decided to get a complete makeover and change her name by deed poll to something more interesting. And yes, cats do have deed poll. Didn't you know that?!?!?! Geez! Where have you been? She hopped out of the tyre and slunk out of the junkyard.
"Was that Etccy??" asked Bombi suddenly.
"Yeah, just as well she didn't see this!" said Demeter.
"D'jyou reccon she'wll loike I'?" asked Rumple
"Course she will! I's 'er birfdai afta all!" said Jerrie enthusiastically as he 'accidentally' stuck a red streamer to his mates head.
""EY!!!"
"Sorry.." his grin stopped any annoyedment (yeah, that aint a real word…) that she felt.
Meanwhile Etcetera was halfway to the park. She knew that Griddlebone's Salon was in there somewhere. She had been told so by Mungojerrie who had known Griddle as a kit. Her searching drew up nothing. And she was on the verge of giving up when she noticed something that seemed to be glowing near a deserted side of the park. She looked closely and noted the presence of fireflies in a jar on top of a sign that was sticking jovially out of a tree stump. A very large (about 5-metre diameter) tree stump. She noted a little doorway in the bottom of it and carefully walked up to the door. There was a note hanging precariously by a thumbtack saying:
Back in five minutes.
If you are here for a makeover, please wait.
If you are here for a name change please wait.
If you are here to buy milk, go next door.
If you are here to sell milk, go away.
If you need a new wig, please wait.
If you have obsessive compulsive disorder please read this many times for your own enjoyment.
Etcetera didn't understand what the last line meant so she just waited outside the tree stump. It was large, very large and it was covered in green shrubbery so that it was almost impossible to see the stump (even though it was huge) away from the grass. Etcetera sat down in the grass and watched a butterfly float past. She wished that she could be completely free like the butterfly but knew that that would be almost impossible with her stereotyped attitude that she had to uphold. She was so busy staring at the butterfly that she didn't notice the fluffy white cat walk over to her.
"That's Herold." She said.
"Huh?!" said Etcetera trying to recover from the shock of the white cat's appearance.
"Herold, he's our little company mascot. And very proud of being it to I must say."
"Oh,"
"Are you here for a makeover?"
"Yeah, and I also want to change my name."
"Rightio, follow me!"
Etcetera followed the white cat, at a distance as her tail continually hit her in the face causing coughing fits to overtake her. Her eyes opened immediately to the bright light inside the tree. Griddlebone had many fireflies inside keeping the place alight.
"I assume you're Griddlebone?" she asked.
"Yes! That's me."
"When I was a kit I was always told that you disappeared?"
"Well, I suppose I did. You see, I was indeed part of Growlie's little gang but I told him that I was going to stay on land for a couple of years. Anyway's it was really all just bad luck because we were singing our last duet when the Siamese attacked our boat. It really was quite lucky that it was only out on the pond outside otherwise we would have been in severe trouble!" she laughed a little at that then continued. "Growltiger was forced to walk the plank but landed in the pond. He was a bit wet and bedraggled with a terrible cold but we decided that it was best if we stayed on land after that. And so here we are."
"Excuse me? Did you say WE?"
"Oh yes dear! Growlie's been an excellent help in the salon. He can do wonders with peroxide and dyes. He can make you look like the sleekest of cats in no time!"
By this point Etcetera had been seated in a hairdresser's type of chair and was considering her current position. No one noticed her normally. What would it be like if she went back to the tribe a completely new cat?
"All I have that I can pay you is this." She said holding out her spare collar.
"Oh, that's absolutely gorgeous darling! It'll pay for the works!"
Griddlebone took the collar in her paw to admire the delicate jewels that formed Etcetera's first name.
"Sookie?"
"My humans have weird taste in names." Was the simple reply.
Griddlebone nodded and put the collar into a drawer and locking it away.
"Now, how do you want to look?"
"Just completely different!" she said enthusiastically.
"Different…." Said Griddlebone walking around the seat and muttering a few words. "Yes…. I can see it now…."
Etcetera sat still. She was startled by a terrible shriek that came from the white cat behind her.
"GROWLIE!!!!" she yelled off.
"COMING DARL!!!!"
A door opened to show a cat approximately Etcetera's father's age. He had a brown coat on and a patch over one eye. But he didn't look scary at all. He looked kind of like Cetty's uncle Skimble really. He moved over to where Griddle was standing over tiny Etcetera.
"What do you want me to do with her?"
"She want's to be COMPLETELY different."
"Alright then… let me think."
Meanwhile back in the junkyard (I'm not trying to imply that it takes ages for Growltiger to think or that he's dumb it's just that I'm sick a typin bout him.).
The queens were sitting around, the toms were bored and Tugger was putting up a big fuss.
"Where is she? Normally I can't get rid of her!"
"STOP THA'!" said Rumpleteazer who seemingly was at that time of the month….. (Yeah… I noe… cats don't have times of the month but well…. Teazer's never grumpy so that's the only way I can describe it!)
"Stop tha', stop tha'." Mimicked Tugger.
This of course made the female and the male of the notorious duo very upset. They started to unsheath their claws and advance towards a startled looking Tugger. Of course, Munku, being the leader of the tribe he had to stop them. So Rumpleteazer and Mungojerrie left the tribe for the afternoon.
"Now look what you've done you inconsiderate brute!" said Demeter pointedly.
"What?"
"It was their idea in the first place to throw her a birthday party and now you've gone and spoiled it for them! How inconsiderate can you get!"
Tugger just looked at her, then sat down embarrassed.
Back at Griddlebone's Salon
"Are you sure this is a good colour?" asked Etcetera hesitantly.
Oh well, it was to late. Growltiger had dumped her into the large tub of dye. She was going to end up looking like Bombalurina! The red dye seeped through her fur changing her into a sleek looking queen. She looked much older than she already was. Wasn't Tugger gonna be surprised when he saw her! She suddenly felt blow driers on her fur and within minutes she was dry. Growltiger then started to snip at her somewhat mangled fur. She hadn't had a haircut for a whole year! She saw her body shape reappear from the ball of fluff that she was generally described as being and was mightily surprised when she saw how sexy she looked. She was so busy admiring her new look that she forgot about her name changing.
"Darling?" asked Griddlebone "It's time for your name change!"
"Oh," she said.
"What is your preferred name?"
"I dunno,"
"How about Grissie?"
"Heck no! Everyone will think I'm the offspring of Grizzabella!"
"Sandralei?"
"Uh uh."
"Jaecool?"
"Nope, to Tuggerish."
"Fiana"
"Nope."
"Spongalong?"
"No way… to much like one of the AUTHOR'S close friends!"
"Perriwinkle?"
"Hey! That's cute."
"So is it Perriwinkle?"
"Ah.. can we change it a bit so that I don't sound like a sea urchin?"
"Yeah. Got any ideas?"
"Winkleperrie!"
"Alright then, please sign here Winkleperrie." Said Griddlebone holding out a little certificate.
Winkleperrie signed her name and giggled a bit.
"Thankyou sooooooooo much Griddle!"
She called as she steamed off to the Jellicle junkyard to show off.
"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Yelled Rumpleteazer.
"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Yelled Mungojerrie.
"WHO ARE YOU?!?!?!?!?!??!?!" They asked at the same time.
"My name's Winkleperrie. I'm a Jellicle."
"Pigs Ar$e you are!" said Rumpleteazer.
"Oi'm takin' ya ta Munku." Said Jerrie.
They walked with Winkleperrie constantly smirking beside them the rest of the way to the junkyard.
"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO YOURSELF!!! I'LL KILL THAT GRIDDLEBONE!!!!!!!!!" yelled Jellylorum.
"Heya babe." Said Tugger not realising that he was talking to Etcetera "What's your name?" he asked.
"Winkleperrie!" she said with glee.
"IT DAMN WELL ISN'T ETCETERA!!! GET YOU LITTLE BUTT OVER HERE AT ONCE AND WASH THAT DYE OUT OF YOUR FUR IMMEDIATELY!!!!!!!!" Yelled Jellylorum at her kit.
"Why do you always have to ruin everything for me?!" wailed Winkleperrie. "You weren't talking to me, any of you, and you think I didn't notice! This was the only way any of you would notice me! And you hate it!"
"Woah… Etcetera?" said Tugger, his brain only just registering.
"I'm sorry." Said Rumpleteazer.
"Why are you sorry Teaze?" asked Winkleperrie through little gasps for air.
"I started it all off." She said "Ya see, we decorated the place for you."
It was then that little Winkleperrie noticed that the junkyard had indeed been decorated with balloons and streamers of every colour. Then she noticed a big banner saying: HAPPY BIRTHDAY ETCETERA!!!
"Of course though, you aren't Etcetera, so it's not really your party." Said her sneaky mother.
"But I am!!!" she wailed. "I AM!!!!"
She ran over to the 'bathing' area of the junkyard and fell into the pool of water, all the dye leaving her fur insantly.
"SEE!!!!" she said trying to be herself again.
"Bless my soul! It's a miracle!" said her mother.
"Etccy's back!!" she said triumphantly.
"Indeed she is!" said her mother proudly.
That day was spent stuffing tuna and other such delicacies and watching Tugger moon over the 'sexy' Etcetera and watching Bomb's angry face as he did so. And in case you were wondering Rumpleteazer never did get rid of that streamer from her head.
~FINIS~
Disclaimer: This all belongz to an evil garden knome who goes by the name of Laura. If you try to steal it or say that it is your she will get you!
MWA HA HA HA HA!!!
Etcetera hated her name. It was used to mean 'and other things' but it didn't mean 'her'. She walked into the junkyard one morning and was surprised that no one noticed her entrance. She 'plopped' down inside the old tyre to think. Thinking always cleared her mind, and made her feel calm. No one had noticed her when she had come in to the junkyard. That was strange, most people always noticed the hyperactive kitten as she was very hard to miss. Had they missed her because she was just 'other things'? It must have been that! It was then and there that she decided to get a complete makeover and change her name by deed poll to something more interesting. And yes, cats do have deed poll. Didn't you know that?!?!?! Geez! Where have you been? She hopped out of the tyre and slunk out of the junkyard.
"Was that Etccy??" asked Bombi suddenly.
"Yeah, just as well she didn't see this!" said Demeter.
"D'jyou reccon she'wll loike I'?" asked Rumple
"Course she will! I's 'er birfdai afta all!" said Jerrie enthusiastically as he 'accidentally' stuck a red streamer to his mates head.
""EY!!!"
"Sorry.." his grin stopped any annoyedment (yeah, that aint a real word…) that she felt.
Meanwhile Etcetera was halfway to the park. She knew that Griddlebone's Salon was in there somewhere. She had been told so by Mungojerrie who had known Griddle as a kit. Her searching drew up nothing. And she was on the verge of giving up when she noticed something that seemed to be glowing near a deserted side of the park. She looked closely and noted the presence of fireflies in a jar on top of a sign that was sticking jovially out of a tree stump. A very large (about 5-metre diameter) tree stump. She noted a little doorway in the bottom of it and carefully walked up to the door. There was a note hanging precariously by a thumbtack saying:
Back in five minutes.
If you are here for a makeover, please wait.
If you are here for a name change please wait.
If you are here to buy milk, go next door.
If you are here to sell milk, go away.
If you need a new wig, please wait.
If you have obsessive compulsive disorder please read this many times for your own enjoyment.
Etcetera didn't understand what the last line meant so she just waited outside the tree stump. It was large, very large and it was covered in green shrubbery so that it was almost impossible to see the stump (even though it was huge) away from the grass. Etcetera sat down in the grass and watched a butterfly float past. She wished that she could be completely free like the butterfly but knew that that would be almost impossible with her stereotyped attitude that she had to uphold. She was so busy staring at the butterfly that she didn't notice the fluffy white cat walk over to her.
"That's Herold." She said.
"Huh?!" said Etcetera trying to recover from the shock of the white cat's appearance.
"Herold, he's our little company mascot. And very proud of being it to I must say."
"Oh,"
"Are you here for a makeover?"
"Yeah, and I also want to change my name."
"Rightio, follow me!"
Etcetera followed the white cat, at a distance as her tail continually hit her in the face causing coughing fits to overtake her. Her eyes opened immediately to the bright light inside the tree. Griddlebone had many fireflies inside keeping the place alight.
"I assume you're Griddlebone?" she asked.
"Yes! That's me."
"When I was a kit I was always told that you disappeared?"
"Well, I suppose I did. You see, I was indeed part of Growlie's little gang but I told him that I was going to stay on land for a couple of years. Anyway's it was really all just bad luck because we were singing our last duet when the Siamese attacked our boat. It really was quite lucky that it was only out on the pond outside otherwise we would have been in severe trouble!" she laughed a little at that then continued. "Growltiger was forced to walk the plank but landed in the pond. He was a bit wet and bedraggled with a terrible cold but we decided that it was best if we stayed on land after that. And so here we are."
"Excuse me? Did you say WE?"
"Oh yes dear! Growlie's been an excellent help in the salon. He can do wonders with peroxide and dyes. He can make you look like the sleekest of cats in no time!"
By this point Etcetera had been seated in a hairdresser's type of chair and was considering her current position. No one noticed her normally. What would it be like if she went back to the tribe a completely new cat?
"All I have that I can pay you is this." She said holding out her spare collar.
"Oh, that's absolutely gorgeous darling! It'll pay for the works!"
Griddlebone took the collar in her paw to admire the delicate jewels that formed Etcetera's first name.
"Sookie?"
"My humans have weird taste in names." Was the simple reply.
Griddlebone nodded and put the collar into a drawer and locking it away.
"Now, how do you want to look?"
"Just completely different!" she said enthusiastically.
"Different…." Said Griddlebone walking around the seat and muttering a few words. "Yes…. I can see it now…."
Etcetera sat still. She was startled by a terrible shriek that came from the white cat behind her.
"GROWLIE!!!!" she yelled off.
"COMING DARL!!!!"
A door opened to show a cat approximately Etcetera's father's age. He had a brown coat on and a patch over one eye. But he didn't look scary at all. He looked kind of like Cetty's uncle Skimble really. He moved over to where Griddle was standing over tiny Etcetera.
"What do you want me to do with her?"
"She want's to be COMPLETELY different."
"Alright then… let me think."
Meanwhile back in the junkyard (I'm not trying to imply that it takes ages for Growltiger to think or that he's dumb it's just that I'm sick a typin bout him.).
The queens were sitting around, the toms were bored and Tugger was putting up a big fuss.
"Where is she? Normally I can't get rid of her!"
"STOP THA'!" said Rumpleteazer who seemingly was at that time of the month….. (Yeah… I noe… cats don't have times of the month but well…. Teazer's never grumpy so that's the only way I can describe it!)
"Stop tha', stop tha'." Mimicked Tugger.
This of course made the female and the male of the notorious duo very upset. They started to unsheath their claws and advance towards a startled looking Tugger. Of course, Munku, being the leader of the tribe he had to stop them. So Rumpleteazer and Mungojerrie left the tribe for the afternoon.
"Now look what you've done you inconsiderate brute!" said Demeter pointedly.
"What?"
"It was their idea in the first place to throw her a birthday party and now you've gone and spoiled it for them! How inconsiderate can you get!"
Tugger just looked at her, then sat down embarrassed.
Back at Griddlebone's Salon
"Are you sure this is a good colour?" asked Etcetera hesitantly.
Oh well, it was to late. Growltiger had dumped her into the large tub of dye. She was going to end up looking like Bombalurina! The red dye seeped through her fur changing her into a sleek looking queen. She looked much older than she already was. Wasn't Tugger gonna be surprised when he saw her! She suddenly felt blow driers on her fur and within minutes she was dry. Growltiger then started to snip at her somewhat mangled fur. She hadn't had a haircut for a whole year! She saw her body shape reappear from the ball of fluff that she was generally described as being and was mightily surprised when she saw how sexy she looked. She was so busy admiring her new look that she forgot about her name changing.
"Darling?" asked Griddlebone "It's time for your name change!"
"Oh," she said.
"What is your preferred name?"
"I dunno,"
"How about Grissie?"
"Heck no! Everyone will think I'm the offspring of Grizzabella!"
"Sandralei?"
"Uh uh."
"Jaecool?"
"Nope, to Tuggerish."
"Fiana"
"Nope."
"Spongalong?"
"No way… to much like one of the AUTHOR'S close friends!"
"Perriwinkle?"
"Hey! That's cute."
"So is it Perriwinkle?"
"Ah.. can we change it a bit so that I don't sound like a sea urchin?"
"Yeah. Got any ideas?"
"Winkleperrie!"
"Alright then, please sign here Winkleperrie." Said Griddlebone holding out a little certificate.
Winkleperrie signed her name and giggled a bit.
"Thankyou sooooooooo much Griddle!"
She called as she steamed off to the Jellicle junkyard to show off.
"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Yelled Rumpleteazer.
"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Yelled Mungojerrie.
"WHO ARE YOU?!?!?!?!?!??!?!" They asked at the same time.
"My name's Winkleperrie. I'm a Jellicle."
"Pigs Ar$e you are!" said Rumpleteazer.
"Oi'm takin' ya ta Munku." Said Jerrie.
They walked with Winkleperrie constantly smirking beside them the rest of the way to the junkyard.
"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO YOURSELF!!! I'LL KILL THAT GRIDDLEBONE!!!!!!!!!" yelled Jellylorum.
"Heya babe." Said Tugger not realising that he was talking to Etcetera "What's your name?" he asked.
"Winkleperrie!" she said with glee.
"IT DAMN WELL ISN'T ETCETERA!!! GET YOU LITTLE BUTT OVER HERE AT ONCE AND WASH THAT DYE OUT OF YOUR FUR IMMEDIATELY!!!!!!!!" Yelled Jellylorum at her kit.
"Why do you always have to ruin everything for me?!" wailed Winkleperrie. "You weren't talking to me, any of you, and you think I didn't notice! This was the only way any of you would notice me! And you hate it!"
"Woah… Etcetera?" said Tugger, his brain only just registering.
"I'm sorry." Said Rumpleteazer.
"Why are you sorry Teaze?" asked Winkleperrie through little gasps for air.
"I started it all off." She said "Ya see, we decorated the place for you."
It was then that little Winkleperrie noticed that the junkyard had indeed been decorated with balloons and streamers of every colour. Then she noticed a big banner saying: HAPPY BIRTHDAY ETCETERA!!!
"Of course though, you aren't Etcetera, so it's not really your party." Said her sneaky mother.
"But I am!!!" she wailed. "I AM!!!!"
She ran over to the 'bathing' area of the junkyard and fell into the pool of water, all the dye leaving her fur insantly.
"SEE!!!!" she said trying to be herself again.
"Bless my soul! It's a miracle!" said her mother.
"Etccy's back!!" she said triumphantly.
"Indeed she is!" said her mother proudly.
That day was spent stuffing tuna and other such delicacies and watching Tugger moon over the 'sexy' Etcetera and watching Bomb's angry face as he did so. And in case you were wondering Rumpleteazer never did get rid of that streamer from her head.
~FINIS~