Relentless Doubt

Taking a step back and looking up, I smiled at the 'Welcome Home, Tidus' sign hanging just over the threshold to Besaid Beach. Wiping my hands on each other, I walked more towards the sandy area and nodded in satisfaction at how the decorations turned out for Tidus' surprise party. Everything was going as planned.

Well…not everything.

After last night, every mention about him, every glance at him, every thought I had was nerve-wrecking. I couldn't take it. My thoughts from last night led me to near hysteria and a horrible nightmare.

Right after Tidus came back, we all had dinner together, and of course we all told him what happened over the past two years. I sat next to him the whole time, and everyone was having a good time. All was well at that point.

But then…came nighttime, when I headed to my new hut to go to sleep. All I could think about was how two years can really change someone, especially me. What am I to Tidus now? Does he still care for me? Did he ever love me? Was that kiss we shared just a distant image to him now?

I've changed so much. I mean, just look at me. What if he's not interested in me anymore? What if I searched all this time for nothing at all?

I couldn't stop thinking about any of it. Even while I helped with the decorations all day for his party, my mind wouldn't get off of Tidus.

I love him, of course, but does he love me? Does he (and did he) feel anything for me?

"Yunie! Look at how many people came!" I turned my head, and nodded at Rikku who was now standing next to me.

"It's sunset, so Lulu, Wakka, and Tidus should be coming back soon." I said, looking around at the crowded beach. It really was a good turnout. Even with my short notice last night, a lot of people from Tidus' journey had attened, and were now standing and mingling amongst others.

"It's going to be so much fun," Rikku said, jumping around a little. "Wait 'til we see Tidus' face!" she laughed.

His face…just like it was before. Just thinking about him made shivers go up and down my spine. And his smile…how I loved it, and still do now. Everything about him is so wonderful.

And then there are his eyes. His blue eyes that I can always look into and get lost instantly. Even this morning when Lulu, Wakka, and I told him that he'd be going to visit the new Kilika, the look he gave me was almost like he was sad I wasn't going with them.

I shook my head. No, that probably wasn't it at all. Besides, I can't be hopeful of things that are not true.

"-And then we have a surprise for you two, too." Rikku was saying.

I looked at her, "What?"

She nodded and grinned. "Nope, I'm not telling you. You'll just have to find out, Yunie!" And with that she walked away, glancing back at me and smirking.

I didn't like the sound of this. Did she mean Tidus and me? A surprise for both of us? No, I can't be near him. In fact, my plan was to stay away from him this evening as much as possible. And in reality, that's my plan for the rest of my life.

I groaned, and walked along the beach slowly, thinking how long the next fifty years of my life are going to be.

Stopping at the beach's edge, I put my feet into the salty water, and felt some of it seep through my boots. Looking out at the sunset, which was now almost completely under the horizon, I noticed the stars begin to appear in the darkening sky. It was beautiful. I can't believe this all turned out perfectly.

Playing with my hands and looking down, my thoughts were still on Tidus. I don't know what to believe right now. If he loved me, he would've told me, right? Or maybe to him, I'm just another of those 'girls' he had at Zanarkand. Who knows how many girlfriends he had at once. Even though it was all only a dream, it still happened to him.

He never really talked about his life there. Only that he was the star of the Zanarkand Abes. But, being a star meant you could have every girl you want, correct?

"Look, they're here!" Someone shouted.

Turning my head, I looked into the sky to see the Gullwings ship landing by Besaid Village.

"Everyone get in your positions!" Rikku yelled, causing everyone to bundle up together under the huge sign for Tidus. I walked over slowly, my heart beating a little faster in anxiety.

Everyone was already in a cluster, and I walked over to see Rikku come out of the mass of people. Taking my hand, she said, "Come on, you need to get in the front," and she dragged me through.

We all stood there, hushed for several minutes, waiting in silence. With each passing second, my heart beat faster and faster, knowing that at any time he was going to walk through. And I'm going to look at him and regret saying to myself over and over again that I need to move on from the man who maybe once loved me.

Suddenly, we all heard Wakka say loudly, "We just wanted to show you the beach, ya?" Everyone instantly quieted all their whispering, and with pounding worry, I stood there fingering my skirt nervously.

And then they appeared, Tidus in front of Lulu (who was holding Vidina) and Wakka. As soon as we saw him, with a loud shout that almost shocked my eardrums, we all screamed, "Surprise!"

Tidus literally jumped back, eyes wide, and yelled, "Holy shit!"

Many laughed, and it took Tidus a moment to realize the full effect of what was happening. I was watching him, how his eyes scanned the crowd, and then looked up at the sign.

Wakka clapped him on the back, and while laughing, he said, "We surprised you, ya?"

Tidus nodded and laughed with him. "I can't believe you did this!"

Lulu walked up and smiled at him. "It was all Yuna's idea," and she nodded at me. My heart instantly sank when my eyes locked with his. Then he started walking towards me.

I didn't do anything. Just stood there, heart getting lower every second until he was directly in front of me. And then, to my surprise, he took me in his arms. Again, I did nothing, just stood there in shock, trying to get all of this into my mind. But all I got was unanswered questions that wouldn't leave. Why is he holding me? Does he actually care for me? What's going on?

And as he said 'thank you,' I realized, he was just grateful, that one of his many girls thought of something to do for him.

He pulled back and smiled as everyone hooted and catcalled. He waved them off, "Ah, get off it guys! That's the second day in a row!" and they all laughed and slowly everyone broke apart. Backing away from Tidus, he watched as I softly smiled at him.

I kept telling myself to get over him, and maybe run away this instant. But I didn't say anything.

He suddenly had a concerned look on his face. "Are you okay?" he asked, and put a hand on my shoulder.

I smiled softly again, nodded, and slowly shrugged his shoulder off, walking away. I felt his eyes on my back as I joined Rikku and Paine at the food table.

I felt horrible for leaving him with no answer, but it's what I needed to do.

"Hey Yuna, you okay?" Paine asked.

Jerking my head out of my thoughts, I nodded. "Yes."

"You sure, Yunie? You don't look too good." Rikku added.

"Oh, I'm fine," I said, forcing a smile at them.

"But-"

"Leave her be, Rikku," Paine said, "Let her think by herself."

And that's when music started to play. I looked over to see a small five-person orchestra on a small stage, playing lively music that people immediately started to dance to.

With one last concerned look at me, Rikku shouted as she set her plate of food down, and danced her way over to a group of people dancing.

She looked back. "Yuna, Paine! Come over here!"

I shook my head and took a step back. But Paine came around, took my arm, and started pulling me towards Rikku. She looked back and said, "Come on, it looks like you need to have some fun."

I smiled gratefully, and walked with Paine over to Rikku. With Rikku shouting and Paine dancing and smiling, I started to move my hips, and smiled. With Tidus out of my mind, I moved with the music and everyone around me.

And for the first time today, Tidus was finally out of my mind.

It was only an hour later that I walked out of the large crowd of people, beaded sweat on my forehead, and my legs tired from moving around so much. I was smiling as I walked over to the drinks, not noticing as I took a glass of punch that someone was soon next to me.

"Hey, Yuna." I almost jumped and turned my head to the side, heart dropping.

Yes, it was Tidus.

"Oh, uh, hey Tidus." I said, and smiled as I turned away from him and took a large gulp of my drink.

But he appeared next to me again, and out of the corner of my eye I saw him start to stare at me. I refused to look back, and instead kept my eyes on the dark sky and the now full moon.

"Are you okay?" he asked quietly.

"Yes," I snapped. I didn't mean to sound harsh, but god, could he just stop pretending he cares?

"Yuna, seriously, what's wrong?"

Again, I refused to look at him, and I felt his hand unexpectedly grab a hold of mine. I jerked mine out of his, and took a step away, still refusing to look at him.

"Yuna-"

"Hey Yuna! Come sing for us!" I ignored Tidus and looked over to see everyone waving at me and smiling as the musicians stopped playing.

I fidgeted nervously from side to side. "Um…"

Suddenly Rikku came running out of the crowd, and ran up to me. She looked back and forth from Tidus to me, and then said, "We all want you to sing the song you did for Lenne and Shuyin."

"Really?" I asked.

She nodded. "Yeah, the band people said they know the tune, so can you? I'm sure Tidus wants to hear you sing, right?"

I glanced back at Tidus to see him grinning and he nodded while looking at me.

Rikku then took my arm and started dragging me to the stage. I grudgingly went along, and smiled nervously as Rikku pushed me up the steps. I took a mike from one of the musicians. "Here you go, High Summoner," he said.

I nodded in thanks, and walked to the front of the stage, looking out at everyone who now stood crowded in front of me. And directly in the front, was of course, Tidus standing with Lulu and Wakka. There was a weird feeling in my stomach as I continued to look at him, not able to tear away from his soft blue eyes that almost looked hurt, but excited at the same time.

The soft music started, and I brought the microphone up to my mouth, and started singing, my eyes never leaving his.

I know that you're hiding things,

Using gentle words to shelter me.

Your words were like a dream,

But dreams could never fool me,

Not that easily.

My eyes were still on him, and it was almost as if I was singing to him. He smiled at me.

My mind started then to flutter back to memories of my pilgrimage. And as I sang, I thought to that one last battle with Sin, and the way Tidus had jumped and left. Left me, left his home, left everything.

I acted so distant then,

Didn't say goodbye before you left.

But I was listening,

You fight your battles far from me.

Far too easily.

I didn't notice as people started to swing back and forth, arms around each other. But I did notice the way he still looked at me. And I would like to think it was with love and with emotions that he never even knew of.

I wish that that were all true.

Save your tears,

'Cause I've come back,

I could hear that you whispered,

As you walked through that door.

Closing my eyes, the memories swamped my mentality. All I could see was the image of our times together. Of everything we did, everything we said, everything we saved. And then there was the image of him walking away from me on the ship, after he said his short goodbye.

But still I swore,

To hide the pain,

When I turn back the pages,

Shouting might've been the answer.

But what if I'd cried my eyes out,

And begged you not to depart.

The music floated through my head, and suddenly I had a rush of emotions. Of anger, worry, confusion, and love. And everything was swirling in my head. I felt tears slowly rise to the tips of my eyes, surrounding my image as I reopened them, looking at the blurred mass of people.

But now I'm not afraid to say what's in my heart.

Why was I not following this song? Why was I scared to even talk to Tidus? We could fix this. Even with the rejection that might come, at least I'd know for sure.

Oh a thousand words,

Have never been spoken.

Will fly to you,

Pressing over the time,

And distance holding you,

Suspended on silver wings.

Through my blurry eyes I could make out Tidus' figure. I wish he 'd told me his feelings. I wish I could talk to him about this. I wish that at this moment, I wasn't as confused as I have ever been in my entire life.

And a thousand words,

One thousand confessions,

Will cradle you,

Making all of the pain,

You feel seem far away,

They'll hold you forever.

I noticed the music start to slow down after my high vocals were released. After a couple of notes, with tears in my eyes, with emotions breaking through my body, with every memory possible of him circling in my head, I then sang softly,

Oh, a thousand words.

That's when the tears started to come down, and that's when everything broke through. I wasn't sure if anyone could see me through the darkness, but all I heard was everyone cheering, and all I could feel were Tidus' eyes on me.

Everything was all wrong. I just need to confess to him now. Right now. At this very moment.

Suddenly, I felt confident and strong.

And as I turned away from everybody, and wiped my eyes, I handed back the microphone and bounded off the stage. I stood there a couple seconds, taking deep breaths and wiping the tears off of my cheeks. And in the background, the fast music started playing again as everyone cheered and started dancing.

"Yuna!"

I turned my head, and all feelings of confidence were completely wiped away. Just like that. Looking at him, I realized, I don't want to face the overwhelming pain of him saying he does not care for me.

And that's when I started crying again, much to my frustration.

He ran up in front of me, and surprisingly I didn't move. I looked at him, and sniffed.

"Yuna, what's wrong?" he asked.

I shook my head and wiped my tears, clearing my vision. When I looked back up, I was taken aback at the look he was giving me.

He put both of his hands firmly on my shoulders. "Yuna, please tell me." He almost sounded desperate, and the sound of his voice like that made me weak to my knees.

What was I doing?

I opened my mouth to say what I needed to say. With what has been bothering me all day, and what was nagging me last night. But nothing came out.

And with one last look at him, I fled. I didn't look back, and I didn't pay attention to his voice or the sound of his footsteps behind me. All I focused on was getting away as fast as possible.

I headed into the forest, and with panic I heard snapping twigs behind me. Passing the hidden cave, I made a mistake and turned right by accident, not thinking about where I was going.

That's when I came to a dead stop.

I was at the dead end.

Looking over the cliff, I considered jumping into the water below.

"Don't think about it, Yuna." I turned around and saw Tidus very close to me, hand son his knees as he tried to even out his breathing.

Looking back over the cliff, I again considered jumping. But as soon as I heard the sound of leaves cracking, I turned my head around and abruptly bumped into Tidus' body that appeared so quickly behind me.

Losing balance, I took a staggering step back, only to find myself losing control right over the cliff's edge. But his arms reached out and grabbed my forearms, and then pulled me in close.

I tried getting running away gain, but his hold was too strong.

And then I started to cry again. I felt pathetic.

"Tidus, please," I begged. I don't want to talk about this. I don't want to go through all the misery. I don't need anymore of it!

"No, you've been avoiding me all day and I want-no need- to know why," his voice was a whisper in my ear, and the feel of his breath caused shivers to pursuit through my heart.

"I-I can't." I said, sniffing.

"Yes you can. Please, Yuna." He took a step back, and held me at arms length. I looked down.

"Look at me," he said. I refused.

"Yuna," he said again, and one of his hands let go and he put a finger under my chin, forcing it up.

"Talk to me," he ordered.

And that's when I did the stupidest thing I've done in a long time. I jumped out of his loosened grip and into the water below, instantly cascaded with freezing cold water.

Swimming back up to the surface, I took a deep breath, gasping at how cold it was, and then I heard a loud splash so close to me that I received some of the flying droplets of water on my red face.

Freaking out, I wrenched my head up towards the cliff, and saw that Tidus was no longer up there.

Suddenly he was next to me, his head flying out of the water, taking in a breath of air as he wiped the wetness from his eyes.

That's when I immediately started swimming to the closest shore. I heard splashes and my name being said behind me, but I ignored it all, and desperately tried to reach the edge of the lake.

I felt him right behind me, and quite honestly, I didn't know what I was doing. All I knew was that I had to get away. I need more time to think about all of this.

I don't want to talk now.

Just when I was about to climb over onto land, I felt a hand on my shoulder, and in one swift movement, I was whipped around and pinned against the lake wall.

"What the hell are you doing, Yuna?!" he yelled in my face.

"I-I don't know!" I yelled back, drizzle from my eyes running down my cheeks.

Squeezing my eyes shut, I tried to shut out all the tears, shut out his searching face, and tried to most importantly, shut out everything going on.

I jumped a little when I felt his thumb rub against my cheek. I slowly opened my eyes, and found his face extremely close. So close that I could feel his warm breath on my lips.

"Yuna, please talk to me," he said.

I tried to move out of his grasp, attempting to break free, to break away from all of this, but his arms were firmly holding my in place, and his body was right up to mine. The whole position resulted in my face getting red.

"Why do you keep running away from me?" he whispered.

"I don't want to talk to you, Tidus," I said softly.

And I didn't miss the hurt look immediately cross over his features. Damn, why was everything he was doing making me feel bad? Or even make me think twice about what I had originally thought earlier?

"I just don't get it, Yuna," he said, and I couldn't look away from his saddened cerulean eyes. "Yesterday, everything was fine. But now…" he paused for a brief moment, "Now, it's like you don't even care for me."

My heart sank to my stomach. He just sounded like me. Like what my thoughts have been. But why was he saying this? Why…

"Why do you care?" I whispered.

His eyebrows rose in surprise. "What do you mean, 'why do I care?' Of course I care about it, Yuna!" he then had an angry look on his face, and I wanted to do anything to get away. "I'm worried because the one person I care about the most is suddenly ignoring me!"

My emotions…I couldn't find them. They were everywhere at once, and then nowhere at the same time. Everything was jumbled inside my head, and all I could do was stay there and stare at this man who I love so much, that seeing him like this was tearing my heart apart.

"You-you can't be right," I stuttered.

"What's going on, Yuna? You can't just change your feelings in one day!"

Now I was getting angry. "You really don't get it, Tidus!"

"Maybe if you told me, I would!"

Growling out in frustration, I started yelling, "I'm sick of feeling like I'm one of many you've had. Or knowing that you're just pretending to care at all! I hate being the one who has to go on and try to forget the one person I ever loved!" There, I got it out.-

But I was surprised. He looked like he'd been slapped in the face. "What the hell are you talking about?"

I sighed, took a deep breath, and softly said, "I'm not sure what to believe anymore. I don't know if…if…you love me or not." Closing my eyes, I stayed there in silence, waiting for his rejection, for him to turn away and say he's leaving again, but this time for good.

However, I got nothing like that. I only felt his arms tighten, and then I felt his lips touch mine. I opened my eyes in shock, and did nothing as he softly kissed me, and then pulled away, smiling.

"What-what was that?" I asked.

Still smiling, he leaned in again, and gave me another small kiss, and with his lips still on mine, he whispered, "I love you, and no one else."

That's when the damn broke loose. Everything I had, everything inside of me, poured out as I wrapped my arms around his neck and pulled him in closer, kissing him. Suddenly all those bad feelings, all those messed up thoughts disappeared, and I was filled with love. It was pounding in my veins as he kissed me harder, entering my mouth.

The taste of Tidus was overwhelming, and I felt like fainting right there. Like finally, this one time, everything was actually going right. Because now everything was done and over, I don't have to worry about the past anymore, and I don't have to search for anything or anyone.

I can just stay here, and live my moments.

We pulled away, and I said breathlessly, "I love you, too." He kissed me again, and pulled away just far enough to put his forehead on mine.

"Is that all that was bothering you?" he asked, also out of breath.

"Yes," I said, looking into his now happy eyes. How could I have misjudged all of this? How could I have thought that this one man who was there for me from the time I met him, who kissed me in Macalania, who did everything in his power to keep me from dying, would ever not care for me?

And we stayed there, in the freezing water, in the cold night, looking at each other and talking. It was like the cold temperatures did nothing to me. They did not freeze anything, because all this love was warm in my heart.

It was late into the night, and Tidus and I (now almost dry) stood hand in hand next to Nooj, Leblanc, and Baralai. We were all talking amongst ourselves, and for the first time that night, I was laughing without it being forced, or without the constant fret in the back of my mind.

All was right.

"Hey, Tidus!" Both of us turned around to see Rikku and Paine on stage, holding the microphone between both of them.

"Get over here," Paine said, "You guys need to start off the last dance of the night."

Tidus and I looked at each other, and he grinned at me, causing those giddy feelings to swirl in my stomach. At the same time, we headed over to the front of the stage, where people were making a circle for us.

The music started, and I looked over to see Rikku and Paine hopping off of the stage. Then Tidus turned me around to face him, and he pulled me close, one arm around my hip, and the other holding my hand in the air.

And slowly, we danced. Everyone's eyes were on us, the couple under the amazing starlight. We said everything through our eyes, and both of us understood the other.

It was times like these where I questioned ever being doubtful of this man's innocence, or his love for me. I should have known all along that he loved me; just by the actions he gave me during my pilgrimage, and the actions he'd shown today and yesterday.

But I don't have to worry about that again, because here we are, in each other's arms, staring in each other's eyes, relishing in our love, and forgetting the world around us.

And that's how it was as everyone else joined the dance floor. First Wakka and Lulu, and then Rikku and Gippal, and then Nooj and Leblanc. Everything was perfect.

All the doubt took was one thousand words in one's eyes.

I realize this has already been posted. Yes, I had another pen name before...and i posted this oneshot on there. But then I changed my mind, and wanted all my fics to be on one pen name only. So I moved this over. So yeah...

Well, here are the reviews I had when I posted this last time...

sara haruko takenouchi kami: well i find this to be romantic... bu then again since when romance ahs never been cheesy eh? lol this is nice i recond, for a one-shot.

Darkness-Chill: Sometimes cheesy's the best way to handle something! That was great, I loved it!

mijin gakure: Aww, I thought it was cute. :o)

marlenedenzel: Nice story . Keep up the good work .

And I will love more reviews!!