When There's Nothing Left to Do
Cerulean eyes contemplated the sea in front of them, and yellow hair slowly moved with the breeze. The only sounds loud enough to hear was Jak's soft breathing, and the waves gently crashing on the sand. The birds were asleep and all the metal heads infesting the place were killed a couple of days prior. The sea air and the calmness of the Pumping Station around him were the only place in all of Haven City that reminded him of home.
The pumping station was not the most beautiful place, but the sand and the sea reminded him of Sentinel Beach. It was the only place where he could stare at the horizon and not see some sort of decrepit building or a frightening amount of pollution. He could see mountains far on the other side of the sea, but that was it.
He wondered if Sentinel Beach would have been close to the Pumping Station geographically since Dead Town was what was remaining of Sandover.
Ever since he killed Metal Kor and that Ashelin and Torn started reconstructing the city, physically and politically, Jak came to the Pumping Station every day to try and find the smallest bit of happiness.
He could not stop believing that he had no purpose anymore; he was sent to the past to grow up strong to be able to defeat Metal Kor, and he did. He felt empty, and lonely now that this journey was over.
Daxter, Keira and Samos had surprisingly well adapted to the city and they seemed content with their lives. Daxter had found Tess, Keira had her garage and Samos was back where he was from. What did Jak get? Powers he absolutely despised.
Jak did not feel like he could fit in anymore; he hated the city and most people in it for being afraid of him. He never asked anyone to become a monster; he never wanted the powers he now had. The darkness inside of his body was making him crave inhuman things, like killing and seeing blood being spilled.
He tried to satisfy that desire by killing metal heads, which killed two birds with one stone; it helped the city and kept his dark urges dormant. Although, the bloodlust was never quite satisfied; seeing metalheads die at his hand was not the same feeling as killing a human.
He wished he could be back in Sandover and enjoy futilities such as watching butterflies fly by or scaring the seagulls on Sentinel Beach. He almost missed being mute, because he associated the ability to speak with the dark powers he possessed.
He wanted his innocence back; he wanted to be the kind of hero people loved, not feared. People were so scared of him that no one really cared that he was the one who saved the city.
He spent all his time at the Pumping Station, or sometimes at Samos's hut, and he only came back to the Naughty Ottsel to sleep. He was isolating himself, but he did not care. He thought it was better that way; he wanted to make sure he could not hurt anyone else.
He had those thoughts more and more often; he started to believe the world would be a better place without him. Daxter would never have become small and furry without him, and he would still be happily living in Sandover. Jak had tried to save Daxter, but it did not even work out in the end. He started to wonder if he was not just some sort of poison to the people he cherished the most.
Truth be told, Jak scared himself. That was the first time since he got to Haven City that he was not fuelled with rage and revenge; Erol was dead, Baron Praxis was dead and Kor was dead. Every single person he wanted revenge on was dead. There was nothing left to do.
He had no goal anymore; he was left alone with his thoughts and he finally truly noted how much he had changed since leaving Sandover.
Jak suddenly felt moisture on his face and lifted his hand to touch it. He realized at that moment that he was crying, and that he was too lost in his thoughts to even notice it.
That had happened quite often in the last couple of days; years of bottling everything in and not being able to express himself finally came out.
Suddenly, soft footsteps could be heard in the distance; Jak did not think much of it considering some metalheads wandered around the Pumping Station. It would not really surprise him if he missed a couple.
"Jak?" the voice said.
The teenager turned his head around only to be greeted by the one and only Orange Lightning.
"You okay, bud?" the ottsel asked as he noticed tears stain on Jak's cheeks.
"I'm fine, Dax," the man answered dryly.
"It sure doesn't look like it," Daxter retorted as he got closer to the man.
"I said I'm fine," Jak repeated more sternly.
The man stayed closed up; his mouth was shut and his face emotionless, unless you counted the tears slowly drying on his cheeks.
"You might not want to talk, but I've gotten pretty good at reading your body language. You were a mute, remember?" Daxter said, trying to make his friend smile.
Jak turned to face the ocean again, not wanting his friend to notice the tears slowly rolling down his cheeks. Daxter did not say anything more and he just sat down beside his friend, looking at the sea, too.
In front of him, Daxter could only see two things; the sea, and the mountains far beyond the sea, and it hit him. This view almost looked like the view from Sentinel beach; it was only missing the sight of Geyser Rock and Misty Island.
"Reminds you of Sandover, doesn't it?" Daxter asked the yellow-haired man.
Jak did not say anything, but he nodded. That reminded Daxter of the good old days; he had gotten too used to Jak's voice.
"You know, I miss it, too," Daxter said. "The breeze, the sunlight, the annoying yakows and even that damn muse we had to catch."
Jak stifled his laughter, even if it was bittersweet. He missed how innocent Sandover made him feel. He was just a boy exploring the environment and learning about all types of eco. He did get in trouble once in a while, but he could laugh about it in the end. It was never a situation that would truly put people in danger.
"Life was simpler back then," Daxter said.
The ottsel could see from the corner of his eyes that Jak harboured sadness all over his face. It wasn't loneliness or even anger; his friend was depressed.
"It doesn't mean I don't like it here though," Daxter added, trying to reason Jak and to make him feel better. "I never would have met Tess, and I never would have heard you speak."
The man did not react to Daxter's comments and it worried him. Jak seemed lost in his thoughts, staring at the sea. It was like he hadn't even heard the ottsel.
"I ruined your life, you should be mad at me," Jak said seriously, looking at his furry friend. Tears were now dried on his cheeks, and his eyes were dryer than before.
"What?" Daxter asked, dumbfounded. "Why would I ever be mad at you?"
"If it hadn't been for my stupid idea to explore Misty Island, you never would have transformed into an ottsel. I chose to save the world instead of fixing my mistakes," Jak said.
"Woah, that, my friend, is the stupidest thing I've ever heard you say," Daxter said as he looked straight into Jak's eyes. "You saved the world from Gol and Maia. It would have been incredibly selfish for me to ask you to change me back instead of killing the dark eco sages. Don't get me wrong, it was a shock at first, but I love being an ottsel! Everyone is giving me more attention and the ladies can't take their eyes off me!"
"I feel like I only bring trouble to the ones around me," Jak admitted, turning back to the sea, and trying to hide the tears that were once again forming in his eyes.
"What troubles?" Daxter asked, surprised by his friend's dark thoughts. "You just saved Haven City from Metal Kor, didn't ya?"
"I endangered everyone by doing so," Jak said. "So many people died unnecessarily."
"That was collateral damage to something bigger than just killing people," Daxter assured him. "You literally saved the world, again. You are not bringing trouble, you're bringing hope."
Jak snickered at that comment. That statement was incredibly ironic to Jak.
"How could a monster like me bring hope?" Jak asked. "Dark eco can control me whenever it wants, and it scares everyone. I don't bring hope, I bring fear."
"I'm not scared of you, and neither are Torn, Tess, Sig, Ashelin, Samos nor Keira," Daxter said.
"Keira's ashamed of what I've become," Jak said, emphasizing her name. He might have used to have a crush on her back in Sandover, but he knew his feelings for her had grown stronger ever since they found each other again. He loved how brilliant she was and how invested she was in bringing them back to Sandover. "She said so herself; she said I looked different and that I've changed, and I have."
"She did not look ashamed at my party, not the way you were holding her, and how you almost kissed if I hadn't interrupted, once again," Daxter reminded his friend.
"That was the spur of the moment," Jak said, thinking about what had happened in Daxter's bar. He had waited so long to feel Keira's lips on his, but it didn't happen. Jak thought it was a sign that his friendship with Keira was never meant to be something more.
"No, it wasn't," Daxter retorted. "You both love each other, yet you won't tell each other."
"Because it's not true," Jak told his friend. "She has feelings for Sandover Jak, not monster Jak."
"I think she's accepted what happened to you; we all have," Daxter said, "but you need to accept it, too."
"I despised what I've become, how can I accept it?" Jak asked and Daxter knew he finally found the cause of Jak's seclusion and depression. His friend was so busy with the civil war, and the war against the Metal Heads, that he never actually had time to stop and think about what happened in those two dreadful years. His friend needed to grieve and accept that his life turned upside down.
"I've never asked to be pumped full of dark eco, and to feel bloodlust every second of the day. All I wanted was to find the Precursors through the gate to help Samos, Keira and maybe even you by asking them to change you back. I hate that there are moments when I can't control myself. I just want to be young and naïve again." Jak confided in the ottsel.
"You and I both know that ain't gonna happen," Daxter said, almost too honest.
"Why do you think I've been hiding here?" Jak asked rhetorically. "I won't cause any problems if I stay out of the way."
"It won't help yourself either," Daxter said. "You my friend, need to start making happy memories here. There is nothing left to do, let's enjoy life, and I don't want to hear your pity excuses anymore. We're going to my bar, and you're going to have fun."
Jak stared at Daxter speechless; it was not every day that the ottsel had an outburst, and especially not because of him.
He also knew Daxter would not leave him alone until he went back to the Naughty Ottsel.
The neon sign on top of the bar lit the street in front of them. Jak was putting Keira's jetboard back on his back when the ottsel walked into his bar noisily.
"Orange lightning is back with a surprise!" The ottsel said enthusiastically. Some people bothered to turn their head around, and others did not. The customers of the bar were used to Daxter's loudness, and they ignored it most of the time. They knew Daxter only told stories, so he could impress people.
A redhead, an aqua-haired girl, a dreadlocked man, a sage and a wastelander did turn their head around though.
"What is it, Daxter?" Sig asked, not really caring about what his answer would be.
"I found Jak!" the ottsel said happily, "and I brought him back!"
Right on cue, the man walked inside the bar shyly greeting everyone. He did not feel like explaining to everyone why he had been isolating himself. In all honesty, he just wanted to be left alone. Daxter was right, he needed to learn to accept what he had become, but he wanted to do that alone.
"Long time no see," Torn said as he saw the youngest member of the underground. Jak smiled as an answer, but he did not bother to elaborate. The man then heard a chorus of "glad you're okay", "happy to see you", "we've been worried about you". He smiled as answers or said a few words, but he truly wanted to be left alone.
It was not long until he excused himself and went upstairs to the room that was now his; Daxter had happily given him one. He opened the door and closed it behind him very slowly. He then walked to the bad and sat on it. He heard some of the springs of the mattress creek, but he was thankful for the softness of the bed. He did not have one while in prison, and he did not sleep often in the last year. He only managed to get power naps here and there.
He layed on the bed, his head resting on the pillow when he heard to softest of knocks on the door.
"Come in," he said, not bothering to stand up. He did not exactly want to have a conversation with someone, but he knew people were worried about him,
"Hi," a feminine voice said. The boy opened his eyes and sat up straight on the bed. He still could not believe he did not recognize this voice when he first heard it at the garage.
"Hey," he answered shyly as he quickly sat on the bed and strengthened his back. Even though it was unconsciously, he always felt the need to be his best around Keira.
The woman slowly walked to the bed and sat beside the man she had grown up with. Neither of them said a word for a couple of seconds, but it felt like an eternity.
"What's going on?" Keira finally asked, her voice filled with worry.
"Nothing," Jak quickly dismissed her. He really did not want to talk. He was ashamed of what he was feeling.
"Jak…" Keira started as she took one of his hands in hers. That small gesture made both of their hearts beat faster. "You know I'm here for you, right?"
"I'm not worth it," Jak said after a couple of longing seconds, completely taking Keira aback.
"What?" She asked in shock. "You've always been one of my best friends, and you know you mean a lot to me."
"I've changed, Keira, I'm not the boy from Sandover anymore. I've done horrible things, and I hate it. I'm a monster. You shouldn't waste your time with me." Jak said as he shyly looked at the floor. He had never let Keira see that side of him before, and he was worried she would hate him.
Keira squeezed the boy's hand as to reassure him, which surprised him.
"Jak, you might have dark powers and a voice now, but I still see the same sparkle in your eyes," Keira said. "Back in Sandover, your eyes would become all sparkly when you discovered something new, or when you were proud of what you've accomplished. I often saw it in your eyes when you were racing or completing a mission for someone you wanted to help."
Jak took a deep breath.
"I don't know how to deal with it, Keira," Jak admitted, still staring at the floor in front of him. "I absolutely despised what they turned me into. I want it gone."
Keira squeezed the boy's hand once more; she had never seen him so vulnerable. To Keira, it was only logical that Jak felt that way about his new powers. She truly did not expect him to open up to her, but she was glad he did.
"Isolation will only hurt you," Keira told the boy.
"Maybe, but at least I'm not hurting you," Jak answered.
"Is that why you avoid us all?" Keira asked, suddenly understanding the man's actions. He was scared he would hurt his friends and have them hate him.
"The farther I am from you guys, the farther I am from hurting you," Jak reasoned, but Keira frowned, letting go of his hand.
"Actually, avoiding me is hurting me more than having you around," Keira answered. "I want you around."
Keira, this time, intertwined her fingers with Jak's. The man sighed. There was no win-win situation. He truly did not know what to do.
"I'm scared," the man admitted. "What if I can't control it and it hurts you?"
"It won't," Keira assured him. "You snapped out of it for Daxter, I'm pretty sure you can control it."
"I don't know," he responded.
"Jak…" Keira started, "You have a good heart and I know you would never hurt us on purpose. We are all aware of the Dark Warrior Program and what it put you through. We know dark eco flows in your body, but no one fears you."
Jak did not say a word; he did not know what to tell Keira. She was full of hope, something he had lost a long time ago.
"Back in Sandover, you were always helping the villagers without expecting anything in return. You did the same here; you helped countless people have a better life." Keira told him.
"And I ruined many people's lives, too," Jak said. "So many people died at my hand or because of me."
"I know, Jak, but what's done is done. You saved the city from a tyrant and the world from the metalheads. I think you should be proud of what you've accomplished," Keira said, "I'm proud of what you've done despite everything you've been through. You never gave in to your dark desires, you used them for good. The boy I fell in love with from Sandover is still in there, I know it."
Keira realized too late what she had admitted. Although, it had always been obvious that the pair had feelings for each by the way they looked at each other or acted around each other. They had just never admitted to each other.
Keira was too aware of her heart racing and the blood slowly tinted her cheeks a reddish-pink. Her fingers were still intertwined with Jak's. They had never shared such a moment before. Sure, there was that time they almost kissed at the top of the dark eco silos, or the time they almost kissed at Daxter's party. The only difference was that they were alone, together, in a room with no one to interrupt them.
"You really aren't afraid of what I've become?" Jak asked the woman, completely surprised, as he looked up, and into her eyes.
"No, Jak, I'm not afraid of you," Keira assured him. He needed validation. He needed to feel like he was not just come kind of monster people feared. He needed to feel that there was still humanity left in his body. The woman took a deep breath in. "I feel the same about you now as I did before we left Sandover."
"You do?" Jak asked as his eyes lit up.
"Yes," Keira assured him once more, "and I must add that you are more handsome, and sexier."
He smiled. She had not seen him smile in a long time. It was not one of those fake smiles like when he tried to make everyone believe he was alright. It was a genuine smile, something she had not seen since they arrived in Haven City.
"You know, there is no one to interrupt us now," Keira suggested, batting her eyelashes.
"That is accurate," Jak answered, pensive.
The two teenagers leaned in until they could feel their breaths tickle their faces. They had never made it further than that. It was exciting, enticing, perfect.
Finally, the moment they were hoping would come, the moment their lips would meet for the first time. It was everything they had both expected, and even more.
It was rawer and filled with emotions. Their lips were made for each other, they fit together perfectly. Keira did not hesitate one second to tangle her fingers in Jak's locks, something she had been wanting to do for a while, and he did nit hesitate to hold her close to him, feeling her curves. It was perfect.
Finally, they were connecting again. Every time they saw each other in the last couple of months, it was for a mission or for races. They never really had time to catch up. Now, they had all the time they needed.
Jak pulled away first, overwhelmed by all the emotions he was feeling. He rested his forehead on Keira's forehead and kept his eyes closed. "I love you," he whispered, "so damn much."
"Took you long enough to admit it!" a voice they would recognize everywhere and anywhere shouted.
The pair turned around to look at the door; everyone was standing there: Daxter, Samos, Torn, Ashelin, Sig and even Tess.
"Dax," Jak said calmly. "Don't you know what privacy is?"
"Privacy is boring," Daxter said, "I did wait for you guys to kiss before I barged in though."
"I'd like for you to leave, now," Jak said.
"Don't be too hard on him," Torn said. "We all wanted to know if you guys would finally kiss."
"Come on," Tess said, "I love me some good romantic stories."
Ashelin rolled her eyes at the blonde's comment.
"Don't think I'm not watching your every move," Samos said, "she is my daughter and I will become your worst nightmare if you hurt her."
Keira was red with humiliation. That was not how she expected people to find out about her and Jak.
"Out," Jak said sternly, "now."
Everyone standing in the door frame laughed and smiled. They had never seen Jak so flustered and they knew they would tease him about it for the rest of his life.
The man walked to the door, forcefully closed it, and locked it. He heard the gang walk away from the door and back to the bar.
"Now," he said, "where were we?"
He walked back to the bed and hungrily caught her lips in his. That was going to be the best night of their life and they both knew it. Nothing was in their way, not even their friends trying to ridicule them.
That was definitely going to be his favourite memory of living in Haven City, even though he was annoyed with his friends, he knew they respected him, and genuinely enjoyed his company.
Daxter might not have been wrong after all, Jak decided that he might not have been as dangerous as he once thought.
Thank you all so much for reading!