Chapter 1
Draco hated the castle sometimes. It was Christmas again and all the halls were shimmering in fairy lights and silver snowflakes. Even the Slytherin dungeons, which were usually so dark and comforting, were putting up a shiny front for the holiday. Draco felt like he was suffocating. His father wouldn't even let him come home that year. Not that the manor was so much better, he thought bitterly. It was just somewhere else. Draco sighed. Outside of the cloudy windows, the sky was pale blue and empty. When he was alone like this, everything didn't hurt so badly. This life, he thought, could almost be alright. But it only lasted a few seconds. The stairwells were filling up with irritatingly happy faces, and somewhere Pansy Parkinson was calling for him. She had been annoying him for days about staying at Hogwarts and spending Christmas with him. Her parents wouldn't let her, and secretly, he was happy. He wished he could, but Draco Malfoy just couldn't fall in love with the only person who'd ever tried to get close. He wished he could steal a broomstick and just fly away, anywhere, it didn't even matter. Somewhere he could be himself. Draco scowled at the vacant sky. Deep down, he knew he didn't have the guts.
The hours slipped away before Draco knew where he was going. The stars fell and he found himself underground, in the Slytherin common room, again. Everyone was having a good time but him. They were talking about the goddamn holidays again. It made him sick. He must have shown it, too, as Pansy half-smiled down at him and asked, "What's wrong Draco?" His head was in her lap and he was watching the rainbow lights flicker over the dungeon ceiling. She ran her hands through his pale hair like he was a pet cat or something. Her hands were warm, but Draco couldn't feel it. He wondered if everyone always felt this disconnected.
"Nothing," Draco muttered, looking away from her eager eyes. "Potter… being a prat."
Why did he always circle back to Harry Potter? Sure, he was a self-righteous dickhead, but sometimes Draco almost missed him. It was disgusting. Maybe, Draco thought, I only miss Potter because I don't have anything else.
"Oh..." Pansy simpered. "And you have to stay here with him and the ugly mudblood for Christmas."
"Yeah…" Draco drawled, raising his wand to the ceiling. He closed his left eye and aimed at one of the pretty fairies. It fell without a sound. Maybe it was muffled by Pansy's soft giggles. He didn't know why, but all of a sudden that girl was the last person in the universe he wanted to be with. Draco sat up quickly and pushed her hand away. "I'm going to bed now."
"Aw, why?" Pansy murmured, pulling at his robes.
"I'm tired." He said, leaving her speechless beside the glowing fire.
That was a lie. Draco just felt so heavy inside. He pulled off his dark clothes and shoved them into the drawers. He struggled into his striped pajamas and curled up beneath the blankets. The room was completely silent. He closed his eyes and saw the next day burn away beneath his lids. It was all too much. Draco realized that he was shaking. It's been a while since he'd cried himself to sleep. He'd forgotten how bittersweet it felt. He was grateful for the velvet curtain around him. No one could see him this pathetic. It'd be better just to die. He couldn't stop the tears though; they were like matches against his skin. He clutched at his white pillow and waited for sleep to carry him away.
Author's Note: This chapters really short so i guess it's more like an introduction. It'll get to Occlumency in the next few, i promise :) Also, if anyone actually reads this, leave a review, I'd really appreciate it. Ok, See ya later.