Title: Worn Me Down
Author: Cici
Summary: When enough is enough
Disclaimer: I own nothing
A/N: Ok, so this is my first ever fic, I had the idea in my head for a while after hearing the song and had to write it. Also, I want to thank trixie for her help. Lastly I hope you like it...
Gone, she's gone
How do you feel about it
That's what I thought
You're real torn up about it
Sat in the small living room she looked down at the photo album in her hand, it was unopened and by looking at it you could tell that the owner had been snap happy. It was bulging from the amount of photos that had been placed into each of the clear plastic envelopes. Memories. That's what it contained, a timeline of emotions that got her to where she was now.
She opened it to the first page, a photo taken in the Talon. She remembered it clearly, the first one of many that she took. The smiling faces of Clark and Chloe looking up at her as they sat at the bar of the coffee shop, with Lois standing behind, caught mid eye roll. She knew the look was in honor of one person only, as it always was. She found herself now wondering how many times that look had been forced, were they all fake, a cover up? Flipping along a couple of pages showed a photo taken at Crater Lake, the four of them standing in a line, arms looped around each other. She next to Clark, Lois in the middle, standing shoulder to shoulder with Chloe. It was only in the photo that she saw how Clark's hand was possessively splayed across her hip or how her head was tilted subtly towards his shoulder.
The one next to it, one would assume was of lovers caught gazing into each other's eyes. But in fact she was looking at a photo of one of the many challenges Lois and Clark found themselves in. It was a staring contest, both fixed on each other. The photo showed them leaning over the coffee table, faces inches from each other, a small smile curving each of their mouths. They mirrored each other perfectly.
Turning to another photo taken a few months later at Lois' apartment above the Talon, the memories of the night reeled across her mind. Lois had thrown a small dinner party to celebrate her and Clark's anniversary and to introduce everyone to her own new boyfriend, Richard. The atmosphere had been tense and Clark had been sullen and distant all night. Lois made the vain attempt at being a good hostess, leaving Chloe and herself to make Richard welcome. In keeping with what had become tradition came the inevitable photo. Clark and Lois had made every attempt to be as far from each other as possible when it was taken and plastered on smiles that Pinocchio would have been proud of. She could see it now, after all hindsight was twenty twenty.
The last photograph was of Lois leaving party at the Kent's. Unexpectedly Lois had announced she was moving to Metropolis, so the small party had been hastily organised to reluctantly send her off. The photo only showed the three girls; Clark had refused to be in it. He spent most of the party in the loft and when Lois left with the usual 'I'll visit and keep in touch', he never came down to say goodbye.
She understood now, the whys and what fors she staved in answering back then. She looked up into the mirror above the fireplace across from where she sat, realising the answers had been staring back at her for the last two years. Sweeping the bangs she despises from her eyes, his suggestion, she realised she hadn't just been blinded by the stupid hair but also by what she fooled herself into believing was love.
And I wish you the best
But I could do without it
And I will, because you've worn me down
Oh, I will, because you've worn me down
Worn me down like a road
I did everything you told
Worn me down to my knees
I did everything to please
She had tried to please him, to get him to smile as much as he used to. She listened to when he idly wondered if she considered getting highlights, she hadn't but she got them anyway. She picked up on his preference for tight jeans and tank tops; her wardrobe was now full of them, along with heels that made her taller.
But you can't stop thinking about her
No, you can't stop thinking about her
She had tried her hardest to please him by becoming someone else, the one person who continuously consumed his thoughts. So when he looked at her it made it easier for him to imagine she was someone else. Lois never did come to visit, her promises were just lip service, and she found herself becoming her replacement.
She stood up when she heard him come in, her back to the door. "Hi Lana." Upon hearing him greet her she turned and faced him. She saw his eyes fall upon the photo album, once again open at the photo from the lake.
And you're wrong, you're wrong
I'm not overreacting
Something is off
Why don't we ever believe ourselves
And I, oh, I feel that word for you
And I will, because you've worn me down
Oh, I will because you have worn me down
"It's funny, how I never saw it before." She looked at his face for any sign of a conformation, he stared down at the floor and that was all she needed. She loved him, but she knew she had to let him go.
"Lana, I don't und…."
"Don't Clark," she cut him off, her eyes pricked slightly from the beginning of tears. "I tried, you know. To please you, but I'm just worn out, it's too hard. I'll never become what you're looking for, no matter how much I change on the outside."
Worn me down like a road
I did everything you told
Worn me down to my knees
I did everything to please
But you can't stop thinking about her
No, you can't stop thinking about her
She's so pretty; she's so damn right
But I'm so tired of thinking
About her tonight
"Over the years I've had these doubts but I kept pushing them to the back of my mind because I wanted this to work, I wanted us to work." She looked down at the photo again and sighed, he remained silent. "I may have been selfish in thinking I could keep you. But you don't belong here, Clark, with me, not if your heart isn't here. And I deserve to be with someone who will give me theirs, and you should be with the person who makes you happy."
She walked over to him and took his hand, he looked up. "You can't help who you love, Clark, and I know that girl isn't me. I don't hate you for it, I can't."
"Lana, I'm so sorry. I never meant for it to be like this," she looked up to face him, the tears now steadily falling. "I never meant to hurt you…"
"You did hurt me Clark, but I'm a big girl I'll eventually move on. I just can't do this anymore." She let go of his hand and walked around him to the bags that she had placed by the door. She took one more look over her shoulder, "You should go too. If you really love her, you should go find her and tell her."
With that she picked up her bag and walked out the door, leaving Clark looking at the photos of memories.