Heh, heh… I was watching a skit on Youtube and I decided to make a short fanfiction on it. Based on Arche's cooking (which means, yes, Kratos and Lloyd are in it).

Disclaimer: I don't own Radiant Mythology. Only the Descender you get to design when you first start the game.

The trials of cooking

Altheria couldn't wait to get back to Ailily. Having cleared the Giligum node and recruiting more members for the Gavada Ad Libitum branch (Luke, Tear, and Senel) the Descender saw no point in sticking around. She and her flying sidekick Mormo bade good-bye to the guild members and was on her way back to the town where she first joined Ad Libitum.

On her way back, she dropped by Doplund to report on her success in Gavada. The people who lived an illusion had been brought back down to reality and the perpetrator of it all was destroyed. She was certain that Garr knew this already, but she used it as an excuse to visit the Doplund guild. She left several days later having restocked on supplies, armor, equipment, and anything else she deemed useful.

"We're nearly there!" Mormo cheered. He got tired of flying and complained until Altheria allowed him to rest on her shoulder.

Up ahead was the city. Hearing her friend's exclamation, Altheria picked up her pace. She wanted to reach the city before it was nightfall; the sun was already setting and the sky was tinged pink. At night, monsters were usually more aggressive.

By the time they were in Ailily, Mormo was hungry and he made sure that Terresia's Descender knew it.

"I'm hungry," He moaned.

"You want to head to the Inn?" She asked. Once her friend wanted something, it was usually best to comply to his wishes if you didn't want to be annoyed to the high heavens.

Mormo moaned again. "Any where with food is okay with me..." He was too hungry to care.

Altheria wanted to go to Cecelia's, but she knew that the cafe was already closed. The inn was open longer since it's cafe doubled as a bar for late night drinkers.

"Try to survive a little longer, okay Mormo?"

Her only reply from the Yanoon Descender was a groan.

******

After Altheria booked a room at the Inn and dropped off her stuff (she got a 300 gald discount as a member of Ad Libitum and the one who brought down Ganser), she headed down to the dining room. When she got there, there was a crowd surrounding a table. There were murmurs and whispers as they watched the spectacle going on in front of them. Pushing through the crowd, Altheria discovered three members of Ad Libitum being the cause of the commotion. What really had her attention though was that the Leader of the Ailily Ad Libitum branch happened to be one of them.

"What's going on?" Altheria nudged one of the maids.

"You don't know?"

"I got here approximately ten seconds ago." Altheria shook her head.

"They are... ah... having an 'eating competition'."

The maid seemed unsure so the girl decided to take a look herself.

Arche seemed to be enjoying herself. There was a triumphant smirk on her face. Lloyd had a look of horror on his face. And as for Kratos... well... he didn't look so good.

The auburn haired man was bent over the table, giving the impression that he was going to be sick any moment. However, as the leader of the guild that liberated Ailily, he had a reputation to maintain. And up heaving the contents of his stomach was not a way to maintain it.

Turning to the crowd, the pink haired spell caster placed her hands on her hips and smirked. "Alright, who's the next challenger?"

When Altheria looked over her shoulder, she saw that everyone behind her had taken a step back. Whatever the eating challenge involved, no one wanted to participate.

"If I didn't know any better I'd say they were scared." Mormo whispered in her ear. He was still hungry, but apparently curiosity could over come his hunger for a short period of time.

"Well it did take down Kratos," Altheria murmured back to the flying cat. Kratos was the strongest person in Ad Libitum, currently the strongest guild in all of Terresia. If the challenge could take him down easily, what chance did normal citizens stand?

"I-I'll do it." It was Lloyd.

Altheria had to smile; she had never seen the twin swordsman look so nervous and unsure before. But apparently not volunteering for the task was probably a blow to his pride. Not to mention a missed out chance to up one Kratos.

There was a grunt as the purple clad man forced himself to look over towards Lloyd. "N-no... Lloyd... even for you, this is..." He wasn't able to finish his sentence as he groaned and slumped over once more.

The Descender giggled; laughing at Kratos' misfortune was mean but she couldn't it as one of the strongest people she knew was defeated... by horrible cooking.

"KRATOS!!" Lloyd looked at the bowl the girl handed to him and grimaced. "Rrgh... I swear I'll avenge you..."

"He's not dead." Mormo pointed out.

Either Lloyd didn't hear or chose to ignore him, the brunet took a bite of the 'food' and started turning green. "Uh... Ugh... S-so... bad..." Lloyd groaned before also falling victim to Arche's creation.

As Arche laughed, the crowd already behind Altheria backed away even further.

"Wow! Look at me!" Arche clapped her hands together. "Undefeated. Ahh ha ha ha..." All of a sudden, the girl looked depressed as she hung her head and sighed. Altheria supposed that usually happened if you were a horrible cook.

"Is she laughing or crying...? I can't tell." Mormo said, blinking.

"How about both?" His partner suggested.

"You there!" Arche had suddenly whirled in their direction and the two Descenders instinctively stopped their conversation and stared. "Quit your gawking and come test your might!"

"Our might?" Altheria blinked several times.

Mormo's stomach grumbled and the creature suddenly shot off from her shoulder. "Woohoo! Free food!" Apparently Mormo's hunger also over came common sense that if two people collapse from someone's 'cooking', you usually shouldn't eat it unless you were that eager to die. "Down the ha-aachtb?!"

The other Descender winced as she watched her partner turn purple then instantly fall over.

"Well... looks like your gluttony was your downfall," Altheria chuckled nervously.

Arche smirked. "And another one bites the dust." She did a double take. "Wait a minute... aren't you Altheria's pet?"

"Not... a... pet..." Mormo moaned.

"He's my companion..."

"YOU'RE BACK!!" Arche lunged and hugged the Descender. "Things have been so boring here without you! How come you didn't take me with you when you left?! I wanted to visit Doplund and Gavada too!" By now, Arche was shaking Altheria by her shoulders as if the action would answer her questions.

Feeling dizzy, Altheria grabbed the girl by her wrists to get her to stop. "Well... ah... secret mission?" She blurted out the first thing that came into her head.

"SECRET MISSION??!" Arche was ready to give the Descender a piece of her mind when she thought better of it. "Okay! Hey... want to try the cooking challenge?"

Altheria gave her the most incredulous look in her arsenal. After what happened to Mormo, Kratos, and Lloyd? Just how stupid did Arche think she was?

But Arche was good at playing her hand. "...Or you can run away if you're too chicken?" She added slyly.

Altheria froze and stared at the girl.

"I'm not-"

"Well, you are the faint hearted type..."

"No I'm-"

"It's not a surprise that you would back down..."

"What are you-"

"Basically you're a scaredy cat!" Arche concluded with a smile.

Altheria could not believe her ears. It was thanks to her that Ailily was free from Ganser's rule. She was the one who destroyed the Giligum nodes when no one else could. And she took whatever left over jobs no one else in the guild wanted. And she was being called a scaredy cat for having the common sense to not eat Arche's cooking?!

"Fine! I'll do it!" She snapped.

"Altheria... save your self..." Mormo had regained consciousness.

"I am not chicken!"

"Gah... it's not worth it Alther... no one would blame you if you forfeit...." Lloyd lifted his face from the table.

"Shut up Lloyd!" Altheria turned back to Arche. "I am not a scaredy cat!"

"..." Kratos opened his mouth to say something, but closed it and grimaced as he tried to keep his stomach contents down.

"AND I'LL FREAKING EAT TWO BOWLS OF YOUR FOOD TO PROVE IT!!"

Kratos, Lloyd, and Mormo groaned at the Descender's declaration. She was definitely in for it now.

"Two bowls, eh?" There was a devious look on the pink haired girl's eyes.

Altheria's expression slipped from anger to horror as she realized what she just said. But it was too late to back down now and like Kratos, she had her own reputation to maintain. "Y-yeah! Bring it!" She gulped and sent a silent prayer to the heavens that she would live through this.

"Alrighty then~!"

Arche took a bowl, filled it to the brim with soup, and handed it to Altheria. The Descender nearly passed out from just looking at it. It was PURPLE. And not the attractive purple either. It was toxic-sludge-miasma purple.

"Ha ha ha... great..." Altheria laughed nervously and took a bite.

It took all of her self-restraint not to run out of the room screaming.

Somehow, she managed to swallow the concoction while refraining from puking right there and then. She could feel everyone's stares on her and she knew that they could sense her fear as she took another bite.

The room was filled with tension as she took her third bite. Really, it was too much. Did EVERYONE have to watch her eat? Taking a deep breath, Altheria started wolfing down spoonful after spoonful of the vile substance. Within a minute and a half, she inhaled the first bowl and was starting on the second. Everyone watched in awe as she continued eating what brought down two Ad Libitum members.

"H-hey!" Arche was taken aback. "You don't have to wolf it all down at once!"

Altheria placed the bowl on to the table and grimaced. "Too late." She was really beginning to regret taking the challenge as the room suddenly began spinning.

"So... how was it?" Arche looked at her expectantly.

"...Delicious."

Arche huffed and glared at her. "Like I'd believe that coming from someone turning green! Don't patronize me!"

"..." Altheria covered her mouth and closed her eyes, doing her very best not to throw up. "The last time I told the truth you smacked me over the head and yelled at me for not being tactful."

"That's because you were so blunt about it!" Arche smiled. "You got guts though. Like strong, 'choke it down and hold it in' guts."

"Maybe I should have tried eating more..." Lloyd sighed. He was okay, but he wished he could say the same thing for his pride.

"Some things aren't worth it Lloyd." Kratos told him condescendingly.

Lloyd growled but didn't say anything.

"He's right... it isn't worth it..." Mormo moaned, still feeling sick.

"Shut up... you... didn't have... two... bowls..." Altheria looked even worse than her partner did. Her eyes were out of focus and she seemed dangerously close to falling over.

"That's because I wasn't... stupid enough... to eat two bowls..."

"I... I... think I'm going to be sick..."

Arche sighed and took the pot her 'food' had once been in. "Well... guess I'll just pitch the rest out." Everyone within the vicinity gave her a wide berth. It was uncharacteristically light (since once people ate her food they never touched it again). The girl looked inside the pot and gasped. "...There is no rest. Where did it all go?!"

"You got any more?" Someone asked.

Standing behind her was Reid Hershel, the member of Ad Libitum with the stomach that was probably the black hole in disguise.

Everyone in the room tried to see if he was joking. He wasn't. The red head's was being sincere.

"Of course only HE would be able to stomach it like it was nothing." Kratos sighed, placing a hand over the left side of his face. It was the man's characteristic expression for exasperation.

"D-did you eat all that?" Arche blinked several times in disbelief.

"What, was I not supposed to?"

Everyone stared at him. Hard.

"...What?" He said again.

"He practically licked the plate clean! Looks like my cooking isn't so bad after all!" Arche was ecstatic.

Lloyd glared at Reid, mouthing a 'thanks a lot' to the hunter. Reid just blinked back his response.

"All right, time to whip something up for Chester!" Arche raced inside the kitchen carrying her pot.

"Uh, I think it's just Reid's unique digestive system..." Mormo tried to call out, but the girl couldn't even hear him.

"Hey. What can I say?" Reid grinned.

"Sure," Mormo blinked. "We can pretend that was a compliment..."

Lloyd and Kratos smirked. Altheria would have giggled if she wasn't completely out of it. And by completely out of it, she was COMPLETELY out of it.

"Uh... Altheria... you okay?" Reid said, finally noticing her.

The Descender stared at him blankly and then scrutinized her gaze. Then she smiled. "Yes I am Mr. Chocolate bunny!"

"Mr. Chocolate bunny?" Lloyd stared at her in alarm. Kratos seemed wary as well.

Altheria was still smiling. Without warning, she leapt out of her seat and wrapped her arms around Reid.

"What the?" Reid's cheeks flushed even redder than his hair.

He began to flail as the sudden movement caught him off guard. Despite the efforts to try and remain standing, he still fell over with Altheria still attached to him. "Hey! What are you doing?" He demanded, trying to pry her off. Unfortunately for him, she had a pretty strong grip.

"What do you think, silly? I'm going to eat you!"

And then with intent to eat the 'chocolate bunny' Altheria bit into the side of his neck.

"What the-? Hey! Alther, stop it! Get off! Ow! That hurts!"

"Wow... guess Arche's food affected Altheria more than we thought it would." Mormo said as he watched in fascination while his partner went after Reid's shoulder next.

Finally... after several days I'm done! I hope you guys enjoy this! And any requests on what you want me to type up? And no, Altheria doesn't actually eat Reid. She just thinks she's finishing off the gigantic chocolate bunny.