So this is a Crack-fic that I quickly pulled together that I happened to think up one day. It's Charlie the Unicorn- Harry Potter style. I thought, what if Fred and George decide to take their older brother Charlie out on an adventure? There is a tiny A Very Potter Musical reference in here; can you find it? Any way, I'm going to do all 3 Charlie the Unicorns to this. So there will be 3 different stories. This one is called, obviously, and for utter lack of title creativity, An Adventure to Candy Mountain with Fred and George. So please enjoy my very first Crack/One Shot fic!
Charlie laid in his bed, savoring the fact that he didn't have to deal with dragons this morning. Nor for the next week. He was at home, in the Burrow, and he would savor this-
"Charlie," came a sing song voice from the hall. He groaned and turned over in his bed. He would savor everything about his week off; except for his younger brothers, Fred and George.
"Charlie," came an identical sing song voice. But he knew it had been different than the first. He had grown up around the twins and could tell the subtle differences between the two. What was strange was that the voice was closer to him than the first voice. And it hadn't been muffled by the block of a door. "Hey, wake up Charlie, you silly sleepy head."
"Go away," he mumbled and buried his head under his pillow. One of the twins jumped on him, forcing an 'oof' out of him. "Oh, this had better be freakin' important guys," he finally said while the heavy body sat on him. "Is the Burrow on fire?"
"No Charlie," said the voice that wasn't from the weight on him. "We found a map!"
"A map?" Charlie asked, carefully. More than likely they had found this so called map in the attic of the Burrow where the ghoul resided. He didn't trust them at all. "A map of what?"
"A map to Candy Mountain Charlie!" said the cheerful voice from on top of him. The body was now bouncing up and down.
"Candy Mountain?" Surely they had to be kidding. Another one of their idiotic ideas. Possibly some side effect of what ever experiment they were currently working on. He only hoped it had only affected the twins.
"Yes Charlie! Candy Mountain!"
"Candy Mountain, Charlie!"
"It'll be an adventure!"
"Uh, how about not?" Charlie said, the twin that sat on him began bouncing more vigorously. "I think I'll just go back to sleep-"
"NO!" The other twin joined in on the bouncing.
You have to come with us to Candy Mountain Charlie, it's a land of sweets and joy... and joyness."
"Alright, fine, I'll go with you to Candy Mountain," Charlie grumbled. "Will you just please stop jumping on me?"
"Mum!" Fred called into the kitchen. Charlie walked behind him limping slightly, his sides hurt from where the twins had jumped on him.
"Yes?" came the reply from the stove. Their mother was currently working on the loads of food she normally made for the family. Charlie wondered how they could possibly eat so much and not be the size of mountains.
"We're taking Charlie on an adventure!" said George. "And adventure to Candy Mountain!"
"Alright," she replied without looking up at them. "Just be back in time for dinner!"
Charlie's last hope of not having to follow his ridiculous brothers on this ridiculous adventure was slashed. The twins dragged Charlie out the door and towards the forest that lied on the edge of their property.
"La la la la,"
"La la la la la," the twins were singing. Charlie's ears wanted to bleed. They had been at it for almost ten minutes.
"Will you please stop singing?" he asked pleadingly.
They stopped, but it was filled with, "Our first stop is over there Charlie," said Fred. At least Charlie thought it was Fred. Their voices were starting to blend together.
They walked into a clearing and Charlie couldn't believe what he was seeing.
He felt his eyes widen at the sight. "Oh Merlin, what is that?" There was a overly-large, amphibious looking creature with a long snout and teeth sitting in a too-tiny-for-him pond. It seemed to some how take the shape of a boy who looked like the boy Cedric Diggory, a Hufflepuff.
"It's a leopluradon Charlie," answered George.
"A magical leopluradon. They're particularly good finders."
"He's going to tell us the way to Candy Mountain."
"Alright guys," said Charlie, with as much finality as he could. He was tired and wanted to back to bed, and really just hoped that this was some awful and hellish nightmare. "You do know that there is no actual Candy Mountain, right?"
"Shun the non-believer!" said Fred.
"Shhhhuuuunnnn-"
"Shhhhhhhuuuuuuuuunnnnnn-huh."
Charlie's eyes shuttered in disbelief. His brothers had finally gone off the deep end with this charade. He had no choice but to follow along until the end. Then maybe they would leave him alone. "Yeah."
The Cedric Diggory-leopluradon made some strange dolphin noises with some growling mixed in.
"The leopluradon has spoken!" said George.
"It has told us the waaaaaayyyyy," said Fred and they both started walking past the leopluradon.
Charlie stood in a somewhat stunned silence. "It didn't say anything!"
Charlie found himself standing on what could have been the world's most terrifyingly rickety bridge over a giant chasm in the world. Fred and George stood in front of him.
"It's just over this bridge Charlie,"
"This magical bridge of hope and wonder!"
"Is anyone else, like, getting covered in splinters?" Charlie could feel the sharp pieces of wood sticking him in his feet through his shoes. "Seriously guys, we shouldn't be on this thing. It's really unsafe."
"Charlie. Chhhaarrrllliieee. Chhhaaaaarrrrlllliiiiiieeeee. Chaaarrrrrllliiiieeeeeeeeeeee-" Fred (at least Charlie thought it was Fred, he really was unsure at this point) was really beginning to drive him nuts.
"I'm right here!" He yelled. "What do you want?"
"We're on a bridge Charlie!"
"We're heeerrreee!" said George.
Charlie looked up to see a mountain of candy with a sign on top that read Candy Mountain. "Well whaddya know," he said in disbelief. "There really is a Candy Mountain."
"Candy Mountain! Candy Mountain!" sang Fred. "You fill me with sweets and sugary goodness!"
"Go inside the Candy Mountain cave, Charlie!" George said to his brother.
"Yea, go inside the cave," said Fred. "Magical wonders to behold when you enter."
Now Charlie was feeling a bit uncomfortable. He didn't want to go on this stupid adventure in the first place. "I really don't want to go into the cave. Thanks but no thanks, I'm gonna stay out here." Where it's somewhat safe. He added as an after thought.
"But you have to enter the cave Charlie,"
And then to Charlie's horror, the letters on top of the mountain jumped to life and the letter 'Y', which seemed to turn into the shape of their sister Ginny and began to sing:
"Oh when you're down and looking for some cheering up,
Then just head right on up to the Candy Mountain Cave,
When you get inside you find yourself some cheery land,
Such a happy and joy filled, perky, merry land,
They've got lollipops, gumdrops, and candy things,
Oh so many things, that will brighten up your day,
It's impossible to wear a frown in Candytown,
It's the Mecca of love in the candy cave,
It got even weirder for Charlie as the Ginny-the-letter-Y began to float with the rest of the letters and some bright colors swirled around and even Fred and George were levitated into the air. He really wanted this nightmare to end.
They've got jellybeans and coconuts with little hats,
Candy rats, chocolate bats, its a wonderland of sweets,
Ride the candy train to town and hear the candy band,
Candy bells, its a treat, as they march across the land,
Cherry ribbons stream across the sky and to the ground,
Turn around, it astounds, its a dancing candy tree,
In the candy cave imagination runs so free,
So now Charlie please will you go into the cave?
And even more to Charlie's horror, the Ginny exploded. But he was tired and just wanted this to end. "Alright! Fine, I'll go into the freakin' candy cave!" Charlie walked inside. Fred and George laughed.
"Goodbye Charlie!"
"Yea, goodbye Charlie!"
"Goodbye? What?" The cave door slid shut and Charlie was left in complete darkness. "Hey! What's going on here?" He was not pleased. "Fred? George? All right, jokes over guys." Charlie heard footsteps coming closer to him. "Hello? Who is that?" Then there was even further darkness as someone hit him on the head.
"Ow, oh Merlin, what happened?" Charlie found himself in his bed. He seemed to be perfectly fine. It seemed to have been a really horrible dream.
"Charlie," came a sing song voice from the hall.
Or had it been?