"Fallen"
Part Three in the "Reflections" Series
Short Story Based on the WB TV Series "Tarzan"
by Sapphira
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Disclaimer: Don't own any of it… not the characters, the music, or the series in any form… I am making no profit off of this, or ANY of my other fanfics… I'm writing it purely for my own enjoyment, and hopefully for the enjoyment of some of the fellow fans.
Distribution: If you want it, you can have it… just drop me a line and tell me where it is going… ;)
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Author's Note – This is the third part in an on-going series of mine, and is the sequel to "I'm With You" and "Lies"… Although all of these stories CAN be read as stand-alone pieces, I do hope that you will take the time and read all of them in order, if you have not done so already… Enjoy!
Welcome To My World… And Watch Your Step…
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Summary – "Michael had seen through all of her lies and had witnessed something in her up on that rooftop... Something that she didn't even want to admit to herself existed." ~ Based on Jane and Tarzan's thoughts at the end of the second episode "Secrets and Lies"…Part Three in the "Reflections" series…
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"Fallen"
//…Heaven bent to take my hand, and lead me through the fire…//
Standing there, Jane leaned back against the bland concrete wall as she looked out into the night through one of the windows in the Precinct. Studying the raindrops trailing down the glass, accompanied by the sounds of the storm just now beginning to rage outside in the night air, she wondered silently to herself just how the hell things had gotten this screwed up… How her lies could have led to the death of the man that she had claimed more than once to love. How her deceptions could have spiraled this far out of control, that she would now be at a point where she was beginning to betray everyone in her life... Including herself.
//…Be the long awaited answer, to a long and painful fight…//
Michael was dead. No matter how many times she replayed it over in her head, she couldn't believe it. That someone who had been such a big part of her existence could just… disappear in the span of a single heartbeat, never to come back, seemed almost impossible to comprehend.
She couldn't get the vision of his final expression as he had looked up at her out of her head. Couldn't wipe out the sound of his body hitting the rough concrete ten stories below, or how she had been unable to stop any of it from happening. She had been completely powerless. A condition that she had become all too familiar with over the past few days.
//…Truth be told I've tried my best, but somewhere along the way…//
She had hurt Michael in a way she had never meant to, and she blamed herself for that. This had been the man that she had loved more than she had every thought herself possible of loving… The man that she would have gladly spent the rest of her life with… until the night that John had saved her, and her entire world had been turned upside down by the surprise and then gentle possessiveness she had seen reflected there in his revealing eyes.
Michael had seen through all of her lies – even those pointed at herself – and had witnessed something in her up on that rooftop when John had caressed her cheek… Something that she didn't even want to admit to herself existed.
It was something that always reacted to John when he was around her. It was something she couldn't control, and it only added to her sense of confusion. Why did she have to respond to him the way she did? She had tried to tell herself in the beginning that she only wanted to help him get away from his uncle and somewhere safe, but that only seemed to be only a tiny facet to a much larger picture that was just starting to reveal itself to her.
//…I got caught up in all there was to offer…//
But the truth was, she was beginning to believe that she didn't want to know what that picture was anymore. She didn't want to get any more involved at all, if this was going to be the price. If it was the people that she loved that were going to get hurt… And her that would be the one to cause them that pain.
//…And the cost was so much more than I could bear…//
Closing her burning eyes as a startling pain began to well up from within her, she fought to keep the tears from falling, as Sam's promise to her continued to ring in her ears. He had no idea what the affect his words were having on her. Next to Michael and Nikki, he was the most important person in her life as she had known it. He was the man that she would die for if it ever came down to it, and he for her. And now she was lying to him yet again, for she knew what had happened on that rooftop. She had been there, and she knew who it was that Sam had sworn to her he would find… even though she already knew it hadn't been his fault.
It had been hers.
//…Though I tried, I've fallen…//
//…I have sunk so low…//
//…I have messed up… better I should know…//
//…So don't come round here, and tell me I told you so…//
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//…We all begin with good intent… Love was raw and young…//
His arm hurt. Muscles burning every time that they were forced to move. Protesting the rather violent way they had been shredded. But he barely even acknowledged it. He was used to pain. The multiple scars on his body were testament to that. He'd lived his life in a world apart from this one. A world in which he had either fought for food, or the right not to become the food. A world in which he had survived at all costs.
//…We believed that we could change ourselves… The past could be undone…//
That life had been simple. Easy to understand. Everything had been clear-cut. Black and white. Memories of what he had once been, or what he once could have had, had faded with the passing of the years, as he had grown up to become something else entirely.
//…But we carry on our backs the burden… Time always reveals…//
He had become a part of his new world. Attuned in ways that had ensured his right to continue to live there in relative peace, and he had chosen to be content with that.
But then everything in that world – his world – had changed. And he had found himself here. In a completely different jungle, lost in a place that he couldn't understand, and moreover, never wanted to.
//…The lonely light of morning… The wound that would not heal…//
But he hadn't been given a choice in what he had wanted. His uncle had tried unsuccessfully to strip away everything that he had known about himself to be true, and he was now expected to survive yet again in a place that made absolutely no sense whatsoever to him.
//…It's the bitter taste of losing everything… That I have held so dear…//
And the more he slowly did begin to comprehend, the more it horrified him that some people could choose to live their lives feeding so cruelly off of the pain of others.
But all of these thoughts weren't the ones bothering him at the moment. They weren't the cause for the unusual pain he felt clenching at his heart, nor the unfamiliar emotions crowding in that he had never been faced with having to deal with before.
Jane was in pain… and he couldn't do anything about it. Tonight had been so confusing on many different levels. On one hand, he had had no regrets about defending himself against Michael. He had never sought Michael out. He had never issued a challenge in regards to Jane, despite the fact that there had been many times that he had wanted to do just that. Michael had attacked him, and despite his attempts to evade him, he had been determined to fight. So he had given it to him out of the lack of any other options presented. Just like he had always done back in the jungle. You either fight or you die. But he never would have killed him. He had had plenty of chances to have done just that, but he never did. But regardless of that, Michael had seemed determined to take him down any way he could.
So why was he feeling so tormented about his death, when it had been Michael's fault that they both had nearly fallen to their deaths together?
Because he couldn't get the look that he had seen in Michael's eyes right before his grip had unwillingly slipped free, out of his head. He couldn't get past the knowledge of Jane's pain over his loss, and the fact that he couldn't have saved the man whose whole reason for reacting the way he had, had apparently been because he hadn't wanted to lose Jane.
He couldn't have saved Jane from experiencing the loss of someone that she had obviously cared about. And her grief had triggered memories in him that he would have preferred remain dormant. He may have only been a young child when he had been lost to the dangerous world that would become his home for nearly twenty years, but he still remembered bits and pieces of his parents. They came faster and faster, rising up from his sub-conscious with every passing day that he was exposed to certain stimuli, which would, in turn trigger them to re-awaken.
He remembered what it had been like to be so completely terrified. Remembered the pain he had experienced, when, at only six years old, he had been faced with the knowledge that the broken and mangled bodies of the two people who had been the center of his entire universe from the moment of his birth, would never again awaken.
And just like with Michael, there had been no way for him to save them.
//…I've fallen…I have sunk so low…//
//…I have messed up… better I should know…//
//…So don't come round here, and tell me I told you so…//
He sat there, huddled on the carpet in an yet another unfamiliar room he was now expected to remain in, indefinitely, resting his back against a bed that he would probably never willingly sleep in, and he stared at his faint refection in the rain-streaked glass of the large window directly in front of him. His emotional turmoil apparent on the surface of his features.
He listened to the sounds of the storm playing out its energy in the night sky over the sleepless city, and his soul once again cried out for a place free from the so-called laws and confusing restrictions that he was constantly being pressed by everyone around him to follow, but would never understand. He longed for a place where no walls could hold him, and no other's actions could restrain him. Where he wasn't surrounded by such conflictions and he wouldn't have to face the traumas of his lost child-hood. He longed for a place free of the smells and sights of a city that was beautiful and exciting on the surface, but yet filled with so much corruption and cruelty.
It was times like this that the instinct to run was the hardest to ignore. He was not comfortable indoors. He preferred to be out in the night air. Entitled to the scents and sights and sounds of what was happening around him.
But tonight he wasn't feeling that typical desire. Tonight, he was perfectly content to remain where he was, just trying to deal with the events of that night, and sort through the resulting emotions bombarding him, but unable to get past the unwelcoming pain and guilt he felt chewing away at his resolve, and burning in his eyes… and the haunting memory of the stunned pain he had seen in Jane's shock-glazed eyes. Pain that he couldn't erase. Hurt that he couldn't ignore. She had had looked back at him on that rooftop in accusation… but it was an accusation that he felt he deserved.
She was only reason for remaining here, in this city… She was his world entire world, and yet hers had just been horribly shattered. He would give anything to have kept that from happening. Would have given anything to heal her…
And he would have given anything to stop feeling the result of her agony echoing with agonizing intent inside of him…
//…Heaven bent to take my hand… Nowhere left to turn…//
//…I'm lost to those I thought were friends… To everyone I know…//
//…Oh, they turned their heads embarrassed… Pretend that they don't see…//
//…But it's one missed step… You'll slip before you know it…//
//…And there doesn't seem a way to be redeemed…//
//…Though I tried, I've fallen…//
//…I have sunk so low…//
//…I have messed up… better I should know…//
//…So don't come round here, and tell me I told you so…//
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Please let me know what you thought…! The fourth part entitled "Forever" should be out soon!