Kakuzu's revenge
ok so i got my insperation for this, my third story, because well... it happened to me, all cause i would not make my sister a damned coffee so she decided to take my dearly loved hamster Honey for ransom and sent me on a load of missions! luckily they wernt as bad as Hidan's! anywho enjoy and please review! ^_^
Kakuzu was nearly finished with his plan, all he had left to do now was go through with it. A wide grin spread across his face from behind his mask. His victim was about to have his sins forgiven whether he liked it or not. It was no one less than Jashin's own Hidan!
Hidan had just got back from a month long mission and collapsed on his bed happy to be back in his own Jashin damned space, without Kakuzu. It wasn't until 10 minutes later when a note slid through his door. There was large, bold writing saying 'ransom' on the top of it, Hidan looked confused and was reluctant to read on. All the message said after that was "if you ever want to see you beloved scythe again then look on the fridge."
"what the f*% !" Hidan glanced around his room and couldn't see his scythe so he did he was told and fled to the kitchen where he would ask the fridge for answers. On the fridge was a postcard with a picture of his scythe on it. Beside it, the writing said: Take 3 steps backwards, turn around and duck down. Hidan raised an eyebrow but followed his instructions; looking like a complete idiot in the meantime! He then found himself under the table staring at a posit note on the wooden leg. The note contained the two words 'look up' so he did which just made him smash his head off the table corner so he cursed loudly. After his pointless fight with the table which he thought was completely necessary he found what he was looking for; the next clue. A picture of a toilet was taped to the ceiling.
"No f*cking way! There are four f*%ing toilets in the base!" He screamed to himself but he was desperate, the Jashinist craved his scythe like Kakuzu craved money so Hidan sighed deeply and headed to the first toilet.
"What am I even f*%ing looking for!" Hidan yelled and headed to the next bathroom. He had now covered 3 of the toilets and only had one more to check… Pein's en suite! The silver haired man slowly approached the toilet and looked into it. Below the yellow murky water was a plastic bag pinned down by a rock at the bottom of the bowl.
"No way in Jashin's hell! Hidan spat but realizing there was no other solution he rolled up his sleeve and dunked his arm in the soiled toilet grabbing the bag and shoving it into the sink. He scrubbed it and his arm mercilessly with soap. Once he was he was satisfied with the cleanliness of his arm and bag he untied the plastic. Inside was another note but this time held a riddle.
" I swim around and round, up and down, find the next clue on a scaly clown. How the hell should I know what that means!" He whined. When Kisame walked passed the door and Hidan screamed "fish!" and shoved past the blue man. Kisame didn't really reply to this as it was pretty much Hidans usual behaviour, he simply just grunted and answered " I'm not a fish. I'm a shark".
Hidan stared at the clown fish swimming rhythmically in circles but then something caught his eye ; strapped to the back of the fish was another note.
"sh*t. On the fish! Really!" The albino gasped as he was trying his hardest to catch the fleeing fish. After failing miserably for the past 15 minutes the zealot finally grabbed the scaly creature and yanked the note of f his back. On it was a picture of frilly underwear.
"This could only mean two things. The note is either in Konan's or Deidara's underwear drawer!" Hidan said to himself , pleased for working out the riddle so quickly.
He sneaked into konan's room whilst she was in the shower and slyly rooted through the top drawer trying (but failing) to not leave any evidence, in her perfectly folded underwear, that he had been in there. Hidan finally found the scented pink note at the very back and bottom of the drawer which he took and ran. Konan finished her shower and opened her top drawer, she examined it tilting her head sideways but by this time Hidan had fled from the crime scene. When the silver haired man finally reached safety from Konan's sight he unfolded the note and read: 'I grow tall and look like the sun. you need to dig deep to find the next clue.' Hidan shook his head in disbelief as he knew exactly what the riddle implied and knew it was the most dangerous yet!
The zealot checked Zetsu's position before doing something this risky. All was clear so Hidan coolly walked over to the well taken care of greenhouse belonging to the man/Hidan eating plant (Hidan does not count as a man, he counts as an idiot.) The silver haired man took in a deep breath, gripped his hands around the most beautiful and tallest plant in the room and pulled. Amongst all the soil and roots was a small green slice of paper cut into the shape of a jigsaw piece saying: 'The last piece of the puzzle lies in Sarutobi's mind.' This last riddle had the Jashinist's head spinning as her read the words over and over.
"It lies in Sarutobi's mind? Orochimaru killed him off years ago how the hell can some dead bloke tell me where my f*%ing scythe is!" But then the idea struck Hidan's simple brain.
"On top of the Hokage's monument!" He screamed with pride but laziness.
"What I just got off a mission that lasted a f*%ing month and now I have to scale the whole 300 ft of some, old dead guys face… Why!" Not even Jashin sama himself could answer this question. So after moaning for about half an hour Hidan went off and completed his task, he had reached the top of the third Hokage's head and retrieved the final note, a plain piece of paper lay there saying: 'It was under your bed where you left it the whole time idiot!' The Jashinist's face flushed as the anger flooded through him.
"So your telling me I seeked advice from a fridge, smashed my head off the table, put my arm in a toilet full of piss, almost killed Kisame's bloody fish, risked getting murdered by Konan and Zetsu, then climbed the whole of the f*%ing Hokage's face to find something that wasn't even missing!" Hidan screeched with each word getting higher and higher.
" Yup" came a familiar voice from behind his back. The Albino swirled on the spot to find Kakuzu sitting there with a smirk on his face counting a load of £20 notes.
"Oh you have got to be kidding me!" Hidan shouted at his partner.
" No, no I'm not. Well at least now we have all learnt a valuable lesson." Kakuzu replied.
"And what was that exactly!" Hidan spat viciously.
" That you are a complete idiot." Kakuzu winked and ran before the angry Jashinist sacrificed him to the Gods.