Even though my owl is taking a very long time to deliver my Pottermore acceptance letter, I've been thinking a lot about Harry Potter the past few weeks and this idea came to mind the other day. Short, but I like it.
In case you missed it, this is Lupin's first full moon back at Hogwarts in PoA, before he realizes that Sirius was innocent.
Disclaimer: I am not J.K. Rowling and any names/places/things that you recognize from her masterpieces unfortunately do not belong to me. However, they do like to inhabit my mind...
Hope you enjoy!
The worst part used to be the pain, with the lack of rational thinking at a close second. The pain was overwhelming to say the least. It felt like someone was ripping me to shreds and then burning the pieces, again and again.
But despite how horrible that was, it wasn't the worst part. Not this time.
This time, the worst part was being back and being alone. It was sneaking down through the castle and then remembering that I was a teacher and didn't have sneak anymore. It was that Sirius wasn't there to stub his toe on something in the dark and start cursing profusely and that James wasn't there to remind him to shut it. It was that Peter wasn't there to ask James to double-check the Marauder's Map every ten seconds, always convinced that this would be the time that we finally got caught.
It was slipping through the front door and not holding it open for them. It was looking at the forest and expecting to see a stag or a dog or a rat come running out from behind the trees. It was remembering all of the times we had roamed around just a few feet from here. It was reminiscing about the first time when we'd been scared and cautious, and the last time, when it had finally hit us that we wouldn't be returning to Hogwarts after summer holidays and we'd enjoyed our last night of freedom and togetherness because in a few weeks, we'd have graduated and we'd be expected to find jobs, to separate, to move on with our lives.
The worst part was ignoring the forest and marching straight over to the Shrieking Shack as fast as I could, because I knew the moon would be rising soon. It was admitting that those animals that looked like my friends were actually just hallucinations.
It was picking up a branch from the ground to freeze the Whomping Willow because Peter wasn't there to dart beneath the swinging branches and press the trunk in exactly the right place.
It was sliding down the tunnel and not hearing barks of laughter from behind me, as Sirius always did when he was forced to enter the shack.
It was not hearing James' snarky comments about how the Shack could use some remodeling.
It was admitting that I would never see James or Peter again. It was facing the fact that they were dead, and even worse, the fact that they were dead by the hand of our best friend. It was knowing that, even if I ever met Sirius again, it wouldn't be the same. He wouldn't be the same. I wouldn't be the same.
It was thinking of Harry, somewhere in Gryffindor Tower, always wondering what it would be like to feel his mother and father hug him. It was wondering how much different his life would have been if they hadn't died.
It was not seeing Prongs prancing around the place, basking in the awe that we couldn't help but feel every time we saw how beautiful he was.
It was not having Padfoot lick my face and beg me for a belly rub.
It was not having Wormtail scamper around the floor and not having to be careful to avoid stepping on him.
It was sitting alone on the couch. Then it was lying alone on the bed. Then it was crouching in the corner – alone – with nothing to distract me from the horrible pain that had started to overcome my body.
No. All of those things were horrible, but the very worst part was transforming and then forgetting that Prongs, Wormtail, and Padfoot had ever existed.
So, did you like it? Please review. Reviews literally make my day!
~writergal24