Diamonds & Rust
Chapter One
Almost a year had passed and every second of the day was still a struggle. The nights passed slowly and painfully and with each new moon, the blood which once was a clear indicator of my emotions hardened within my veins, leaving me as nothing more than a solid outer shell. My life had stopped dead on the day that he left me.
"Bella, breakfast time!" Charlie called from downstairs. He sounded abnormally cheerful today. Although Charlie always was weary of...him, he hadn't sounded this happy all year. I dragged myself to the top of the stairs and looked out the window. The sky was black. Midnight breakfast? I could hear Charlie's snoring coming from the other room. Utterly confused, I figured that I must be dreaming. I glanced down the stairs quickly and caught him out of the corner of my eye. Standing at the bottom of the stairs was an angel. A devil. An angel that shattered my heart into pieces and left my life in desolation. A devil who I'd gladly give my life up for if I could only steal one touch in return. I tumbled down the stairs after him and fell into a heap at the foot of the bottom step – there was no Edward. As I lay there, the pain seemed to soar straight from my crooked ankle and up my battered leg to saturate every atom of my existence and escape in the form of a single teardrop from my tightly shut eyes. I would not cry. I held myself tight as if trying to keep the pain inside – it was all I had left.
"Bella?!" Charlie was always there to rescue me after these episodes which were becoming more frequent as time progressed. "Oh god, Bella! Are you ok? Can you hear me?" The terror was apparent in his voice. I nodded but refused to loosen the grip I had on myself. "Do you think you broke anything?" No answer. "Please Bella, help me out this time."
"I'm fine, Charlie" I spat out in a regretful tone as I sprang upward on my twisted ankle and ran back up to my room, slamming the door behind me. None of this was his fault, but I kept taking my embarrassment and anger about these delusions out on Charlie. I could hear his strained breathing emanating from behind my bedroom door. He wouldn't knock, but he'd probably end up setting up camp and falling asleep in the hallway – just in case I would decide to chase after Edward again tonight.
It will be as if I never existed. I wish it could have been that easy. As precious as I held each memory of every second that had passed between us, this insanity was becoming too much to bear. I needed the madness because it was my only remaining connection to the most meaningful influence in my life…but he wasn't coming back. He wasn't ever coming back and a part of me knew that unless my hallucinations would end up taking me into oncoming traffic or jumping off a rocky cliff end ending my "life," I was too weak to give in and consciously end it myself. The part of me that yearned for survival wished that the dominant part of my mind could just forget that he had ever happened.
Nauseated. Weak. Pathetic. My arms held no comparison to the stone arms of a vampire as I tried desperately to hug myself back into my anesthetized state and rid myself of this consuming panic. The hinges of my window creaked as I swung them open and a shudder coursed through my body as I recalled how Edward had always made sure to oil them nightly before stalking in to watch me sleep. He didn't love me anymore – this was just another reminder.
It was a ten foot drop to the wet ground below my window. I edged out and shortened that length by hanging before I let go. Sore ankles. Cold and muddy in my shorts and ragged t-shirt, I started running. Running from these memories? Running in search of their source? Running in circles? I couldn't be sure. For now, I just had to run.