The Hardest Thing

I was watching clips from the FBI stuff early this year and my brain kind of went all AU on me and came up with this out of nowhere. So, Spinelli and Jason and anyone else mentioned do not belong to me. Enjoy!

It's better this way.

He must tell himself that twenty times in the five minutes after Spinelli walks out. He'll be safe if he's not involved with the mob. Safe from Sonny, and Zacchara, and the FBI, and fucking everyone. Especially now. If the rest of the mob underworld discovers how far he is willing to go to save one little cyber geek – as far as to betray Sonny Corinthos, the man who trained him – then Spinelli will endlessly be a target. All anyone will have to do is grab Spinelli if they want to get at Jason. And it will work.

So, he pushes Spinelli away. No more hacking, no more Jackaling, no more questions. Because Jason broke Mob Rule # 2. Don't Get Caught – the first being 'Don't Betray Your Partner', which he is also going to break, but suddenly that one doesn't seem so important in the scheme of things. And Jason got sloppy, comfortable in having Spinelli so close.

He hadn't been quite prepared for Spinelli's reaction, though.

Spinelli comes home late, later than ever, but Jason is surprised he came home at all. Wherever he's been, he looks like he's been crying; beating himself up over whatever Jason gave up to save him – whether he knows the truth or just has theories. And Jason doesn't even have the heart to question him when he goes straight for the cabinet where he hides all the alcohol.

"Stone Cold." The younger says, in a rather hasty greeting before he takes a swig of vodka straight from the bottle. He cringes as it burns his throat, and Jason crosses the room to remove it from his hands.

"What… what are you doing?" He asks, as he dodges Spinelli's attempt to grab for it again.

"The Jackal is merely doing as Stone Cold so brusquely requested. Not asking questions."

Jason closes his eyes. He should have known Spinelli wouldn't let it go. "I don't remember telling you to get drunk." He counters, and steers Spinelli toward the couch. "I meant what I said before. I don't want you involved in anything illegal anymore."

Spinelli stares up at him as if he's lost his mind. "I am here of my own free will! I am your friend of my own free will! You never made me stay here, or work for you, and of all of the people who have taken advantage of the Jackal's cyber skills, I certainly don't count you as one of them."

He's not quite sure why Spinelli is utterly oblivious to how much damage Jason has done, but he's not letting go, either. He's not letting Spinelli back in.

It's better this way.

It's for his own good.

It's better this way.

"It doesn't matter. We're still not talking about this."

Spinelli looks rather like an insulted child cut off in the midst of his own defense. "Fine." He finally says. "The Jackal will talk, you can listen."

Jason huffs. "Fine."

"I know the FBI wanted something from you in exchange for my freedom. I don't know what, and I am obeying your request not to jackal any answers out of cyberspace. But I do know that you should not have sold you soul for the likes of your humble Jackal. I was unequivocally guilty of my crimes."

"Crimes you committed for me." Jason reiterates, but Spinelli isn't listening to him.

"And I should have to pay for them, not you, Stone Cold."

Jason shakes his head. "Well, you won't be doing that."

"It is you who is the Heroic commander in chief of Port Charles. Without your involvement in the various nefarious activities here, it would undoubtedly be overrun with all sorts of unsavory subject matter, moreso than your controlled grasp would see fit to allow." Spinelli continues on, as if Jason shouldn't be giving up everything for him. "It is not the Jackal that needs to be free and clear of police involvement, but you, Stone Cold."

That's it. That is it. This is… insane. Spinelli thinks he's some sort of fucking hero or something in all of this. Spinelli knows everything about him and still… he thinks this.

How is he supposed to keep someone so naïve and innocent safe when they refuse to allow it?

"I only have two choices here, Spinelli." Jason sighs, dragging a hand down his face as his resolve to not tell Spinelli anything crumbles around him. "I can turn Sonny in and you'd be safe from them, but everyone would know how to manipulate me into doing whatever they wanted." It sounds good in theory – because he can tell himself that he can protect Spinelli all he wants, but that doesn't make it true. "Or I can do nothing, and hope that the FBI loses interest in you and Sonny both, or something happens to put Sonny away without risking your safety." There is no option where Spinelli is the one to go to jail, it's just… not happening.

"That… those are the terms of the deal that the Federal Ones offered you? A choice? Mr. Sir or the Jackal?"

He nods, but it's so, so much more complicated than that. The FBI fails to factor in the fallout from his decision. The effects whatever he chooses to do will have once they're gone and out of the picture. "I'm not letting you go to jail for what I dragged you into. And I'm not letting you get hurt or killed because I wanted you to stay. So I'm asking you to go."

That gets Spinelli undivided attention. "Go?" He repeats, and he looks as if Jason has just stomped on his dreams. "As in…"

"As in get away from Port Charles. I'll… I'll send you wherever you want to go. So long as you're away from here and safe." Jason says, and it's probably one of the hardest things he's ever had to say. Because, as much as he denies it and tries to pretend like it's not true, he needs Spinelli, relies on him. Spinelli is, in effect, his conscience. His moral compass in some aspects of the business world, but more importantly, Spinelli is his best friend. His partner. Sonny no longer reigns over him.

"But the Jackal…" Spinelli starts in on what is undoubtedly a strongly objectionable reply.

Jason cuts him off. "I'm sorry it has to come to this, Spinelli."

It's better this way. It's better this way. It's better this way.

Maybe if he keeps telling himself that, he'll actually believe it.