A Mainframe Christmas

A Mainframe Christmas

By: Aeris

Picture it: Mainframe, Christmastime. All the binomes' houses had many decorations, and Dot's diner was no different. Except for the many weird sprites inside. Here it is, word for word, what happened.

(Little Enzo, Little AndrAIa, and Little Mouse [don't ask] are sitting at a booth, obviously bored. Each one is eyeing a present.)

Little Enzo: Is it time to open the presents yet Dot???

Dot: Not yet, not for another microsecond.

Bob: Just be patient.

Little AndrAIa and Little Mouse (at Little Enzo, in unison) told ya, bits-for-brains!

Little Enzo: I AM NOT A BITS-FOR-BRAINS! (points to Matrix) HE IS!

Matrix: (eye forms a (V) ) what did you say?

Little Enzo: (eyeing Matrix's gun) n n nothing!

Little AndrAIa: (makes a face @ Matrix) nana nana nanner!

Little Mouse: (giggles)

AndrAIa: (putting hand on Matrix's shoulder) they're just kids Sparky, set a good example.

Matrix: (sigh) fine.

Hex: (walking in) hello everyone! I brought biscuits!

Bob: (gulp) um thanks Hex maybe after dinner, ok?

Hex: (looks to the little sprites) oh how cute! Where'd the mini-Mouse come from?

Mouse: Matrix, AndrAIa, and I left our icons in game sprite mode, sugah. Resulted in the little darlins

Hex: (looking to the presents) ooh goody when can we open them?

Dot: after dinner.

Little Enzo: (pouting) I wanna open a present!

Little Mouse: (rolls eyes) crybaby.

Little AndrAIa: let's go play something.

Bob: why don't you go pester Cecil?

Cecil: (overhears and hovers over) pester whom sir? (angry tone)

Dot: nothing Cecil.

Cecil: (sigh) vatever miz Matrix.

(the little sprites whisper to each other for a nano, then run downstairs giggling)

Dot: hmm wonder what they're up to

Mouse: its prolly nuthin sugah, I wouldn't worry.

Matrix: they'd better not make a mess cause Dot always makes me clean them up

Bob: heh at least I never do.

Dot: you say that now Bob, but just see who's up after mid-cycle cleaning up.

Bob: DO'H!

(meanwhile, the little sprites are each sitting on their own box, playing truth-or-dare)

Little Mouse: ok, Enzo, truth or dare?

Enzo: uhh truth!

Mouse: heh ok, do you love AndrAIa?

Enzo: DARE!

Mouse: hehehe even better! I dare you to kiss AndrAIa!

Enzo and AndrAIa: EEW!

Mouse: hehe, and ya can't back down either!

Enzo: DO'H!

AndrAIa: Mouse you're gonna be sooooo sorry when it's your turn!

Enzo: guess who's asking who what?

Mouse: just kiss already!

(Enzo and AndrAIa reluctantly peck each other on the lips, then back off, wiping their faces off with their sleeves)

Mouse: teehee

(meanwhile, upstairs)

Dot: I WILL NOT!

Mouse: aw common sugah

Matrix: is big sis backing down?

Dot: NO I AM NOT BACKING DOWN!

Bob: maybe we should just do it.

Dot: ugh, fine

(Dot and Bob kiss under the mistletoe)

Mouse: that wassant so bad now was it?

(Dot and Bob blush)

Bob: well, um yeah it actually good

Dot: yeah, I guess it did

Hex: (from the diner kitchen) dinner's done!

Bob: she made dinner?

Dot: yeah I guess so, I wonder what happened to the chefs

Hex: and I made biscuits too!

Mouse: I think that answers your question, sugah

Dot: (sigh) hey at least I don't have to pay them

Bob: I'll go get the little ones

(so Bob goes to get the little sprites, while the others set the tables)

(Bob walks downstairs, to see Mouse with an (V) written on her face in pink marker, Enzo with purple lipstick on, and AndrAIa standing on a box singing "Firewall.")

(the sprites see Bob, and each has a surprised look on their face. AndrAIa drops the screwdriver she was using as a microphone)

Bob: uhh. dinnertime

Enzo, Mouse, and AndrAIa: whew

(the group heads upstairs)

(the sprites all sit at the bar)

Dot: lets say grace.

(they all bow their heads, the three younger sprites making faces at each other)

Dot: User bless us, and for our newly restored system, and may the future be—

(Dot is abruptly cut off when she and Matrix are hit in the head by an energy shake)

Dot and Matrix: what the? (look to the three sprites)

(Matrix's eyes narrow, and he waves his hand by his gun [to scare them])

Little Sprites: (each point at one another) [he/she]did it!

Dot: (sigh) where was I? Oh yeah, and may the future be filled with prosperity.

Everyone: AMEN

Hex: who wants a biscuit?

Enzo: I wanna open a present!

AndrAIa and Mouse: compile up and stop whining!

Older AndrAIa: hehe Matrix, just think, you were once exactly like him (tauntingly)

Matrix: unfortunately.

Enzo: am I gonna compile up just like him?

Dot: hopefully not.

Matrix: gee thanks a whole lot sis nice way to treat family this time of the hour.

Dot: sorry. You do have a short temper though

Bob: there's your New Hour's Resolution!

(the little sprites take some food and sit in a booth, and soon are having a food fight)

(meanwhile the older sprites are somehow on the subject of the Y2K bug)

Matrix: so lemme get this straight- at 1200h on 12/31/99, every system will crash and it will be the end of the Net as we know it?

Dot: pretty stupid, huh?

(little sprites walk up to Dot)

(in unison) can we open some presents now??? Please???

Dot: (sigh) I guess so. Wipe the energy shake off your face first.

(not acknowledging the last part of Dot's answer, the sprites run over to the Christmas tree, each taking a present.)

Enzo: (ripping his present open) WOW! ALPHANUMERIC!

Mouse: what is it?

AndrAIa: yeah, what?

Enzo: Ihave no clue.

Dot: you don't know?

Enzo: nope.

Dot: (looks closer) neither do I, Bob?

Bob: (looks) wow I haven't seen one of these in a while!

Dot: what is it?

Bob: an MP3 file. It's a song pretty much.

Enzo: cool! What'd u get AndrAIa?

AndrAIa: (opening hers) I got a (struggling to pronounce it) HTML file.

Bob: do you know what that is?

AndrAIa: no.

Bob: it's a downloaded web page. This one happens to be a ReadMe page.

AndrAIa: pixelacious!

Mouse: (opens her present) I got an AVI file! Cool! It's a clip from James Sprite's movie!

Enzo: lucky!

Dot: ok you go downstairs and play

(the sprites run downstairs)

Bob: ok um, ill give you your present now Dot

(Bob hands her an envelope)

(She opens it and a hologram of Mike the TV pops up)

Mike: this thought is brought to you by Holomark! When you care to send the very best. Forget about the rest! Holomark!

(a hologram of Bob in a Santa suit pops up)

"Dot, I just wanted to let you know that when I came back from the web, seeing you there leading the other Mainframers made it seem all worthwhile. Our first kiss was pure happiness compressed into a few nanoseconds, and I just wanted to say "Merry Christmas and a Happy New Hour."

Dot: oh Bob how sweet!

Bob: (blush)

(everyone else claps)

(downstairs)

Enzo: c'mon Mouse, you can't back down!

Mouse: I WILL NOT!

AndrAIa: you scared?

Mouse: NO!

Enzo: (snickering) suuuure

Mouse: (sighing) fine, I have a crush on Surfr.

AndrAIa: ha! Wait until big Mouse hears this!

Mouse: (shows fangs) tell who???

AndrAIa: (gulp) heh nevermind

Mouse: much better.

(upstairs. Bob for some reason is dancing on the bar table, playing a guitar)

Dot: (trying to raise her voice over the guitar) Bob! You've had too much ROM! Get down!

Bob: (also trying to raise his voice) But I'm playing for the pink nulls!

Mouse: Get down sugah!

(Matrix pulls Bob off the counter)

Bob: but I wanna pet the Nullzilla!

Dot: (slaps Bob) snap out of it!

Bob: (stares blankly, then falls over)

(after a long, confused silence)

Mouse: yuh always did pack quite the wallop, sugah

(downstairs)

AndrAIa: ok I get to ask it now! Oh great deleted ones from beyond the recycle bin, um, will I end up lost in the games like big AndrAIa?

(The sprites are playing a Ouijia board. The hand-piece floats to Yes.')

AndrAIa's face: O.o

AndrAIa: umm. uh. YOU MOVED IT!

Enzo: did not!

Mouse: ah swear, we didn't move it sugah!

Enzo: my turn. Will I be lost in the games too?

Ouijia board-thingy: (floats to Yes.')

Enzo: DO'H!

Mouse: will I?

(Ouijia board-thingy floats to Yes.')

Mouse: AHHHHH!

Enzo, AndrAIa, and Mouse in unison: WE'RE GONNA END UP LIKE MATRIX!!! AHHHH!!!

(Upstairs)

Matrix: I think I heard something

AndrAIa: what Sparky?

Matrix: (hand on gun) it came from downstairs

Dot: oh my user, the kids!

(The group runs downstairs, except for an intoxicated and Dot-slapped Bob.)

Matrix: (gun aimed, and eye glowing red) WHO'S DOWN HERE!?!??!

(Little sprites fall off their boxes, accidentally falling into a large box of Hex masks)

Enzo: (angry Hex mask on) WHATS WITH YOU, GUN BOY?

Matrix: (aims at Enzo)

Dot: ENZO!

(the two look to her) yes?

Dot: see Matrix, it was Enzo. AndrAIa and Mouse are over there, now put the gun away.

(They take the masks off)

Hexadecimal: oh, I always wondered where I had put those!

Big AndrAIa: hehe, that was funny.

Matrix: what was that noise?!

(Little sprites exchange glances) we were playing

Matrix: PLAYING WHAT!?!?

Little sprites: with a Ouijia board

Dot: and?

Little sprites: we all asked if we would get trapped in the games

Matrix: and then?

Little sprites: it said yes, and we all screamed

Matrix: those aren't real, I asked if I was going to never see Bob again, and that was proven false.

Enzo: ohh

AndrAIa: we see

(the adults head back upstairs, to see Bob with a Metallica shirt over his head)

Bob: I AM CORNHOLIO!!!!!

Dot: he's been in the Beavis&Butthead game too many times. Bad time to get drunk.

Bob: WAHHHCHACHACHAWHOOOOOO!!
(Bob walks over to a poster of Megabyte with his arms up over his head)

Bob: ARE YOU THREATENING ME? I AM THE GREAT CORNHOLIO!

Bob: (shakes head)

Bob: what in the ?

Dot: he's back to normal.

Bob: ohhh my head

Mouse: it's called a hangover sugah.

Dot: lay down in one of the booths.

Bob: (does what Dot says)

(downstairs)

(Enzo has fallen asleep)

(Mouse and AndrAIa are whispering to each other)

Mouse: hey AndrAIa, are yuh thinkin' what ahm thinkin'?

AndrAIa: hehe, I've got the shaving cream

Mouse: I've got the Hex mask

AndrAIa: ok, you put the mask on, I'll put the shaving cream on.

(AndrAIa puts shaving cream on Enzo's hands, then tickles his nose)

Enzo: (splats himself in the face with the shaving cream) AHH!

(Mouse looks face to face with Enzo, with the mask on)

Enzo: AHH!

(the girls giggle)

FOOLED YA!