Because people didn't think America could get any crazier…
Please review!
x-x-x-x-x
"ENGLAND!"
Even though England still sat in his chair with the doors and windows closed, he could still hear America's pathetic cry from outdoors. Growling into his teacup, he decided to ignore it, hoping for him to just give up and leave. It was his first time by himself for quite a while, and he very much desired to enjoy it alone. However, the American's loud, obnoxious cries were then joined by loud knocks on his door. Knowing that America wasn't going to be leaving any time soon, he begrudgingly stood up and walked to his door. "What the bloody hell does he want now?" he groaned to himself.
He opened the door, and he only saw the blur of America as he rushed in and slammed the door behind him. "What the hell is—"
His question was cut off by America slapping his hand over his mouth. "Shhh," the yank said, his blue eyes shooting from side to side. "Don't let them hear you!"
"Dunleooeer?" England asked through his hand, only getting more frustrated with the stupid American and his antics. Why was it when he had to have a mental breakdown, he'd always come to him?
Somehow, the American was able to understand his garbled speech. He once again looked from side to side as if someone would overhear them. Then he leaned in and whispered in England's ear:
"The zombies!"
England deadpanned. "Eroofginseerss?"
America looked at him as he cocked his head curiously. "Huh? What did you say?"
Giving a low growl, England slapped away his hand. "Bloody idiot," he hissed. "You can't be serious. Did you watch another horror film?"
"Nuh-uh!" America answered, vigorously shaking his head back and forth. "I haven't had to watch a scary movie! Not with what's been going on!"
England was about to make a snide comment when he actually looked at what America was wearing. All of his clothing was dark, and he had a holster on each hip along with an ammo sash filled to the brim with weapons. Handguns, grenades, a shotgun strapped to his back—a toy light saber? Really? England cocked an eyebrow at the sight. So, he really was serious. "America, how many times do I have to tell you, zombies do not exist!"
"Then explain this!" America exclaimed as he pulled his iPhone out of his pocket and thrust it into his hands. England glared at the phone for a moment and thought of shoving it back, but then decided to humor him. He turned the screen on and slid it open to view just what the American wanted him to see.
A man in Miami happens upon a homeless man on the sidewalk and chews off 75% of his face… England stopped right there and reread the passage. He felt his eyes widen as he read it, not able to believe what the screen was telling him. He scrolled up the page, half expecting it to be a crappy little parody site that couldn't be trusted. However, he felt his stomach clench when he saw that it was from CNN. "Okay," England said while handing the phone back, still slightly shocked about such news. "So, one person eats another man's face. That doesn't—"
"Keep on reading!" America demanded, shoving the phone back towards him. "That's only one story!"
England looked at him disbelievingly, but then went back to reading. Authorities in Canada... "Canada?" England said, shocked by the location. How could something like this happen in plain, vanilla Canada?
"I know, right?" America blathered, his fists waving back and forth. "It shows even more how freakin' crazy it is!"
England nodded in agreement as he continued to read. …a suspect after a severed hand was sent to Canada's Liberal Party, a foot to the Conservatives and a torso was stuffed in a suitcase and tossed in the trash of the Montreal apartment building where he lived.
"Bloody hell," England said. "I mean… okay, so two occurrences. But really, America, there—"
"Keep. Reading."
Giving another glare, England did as he was told. A Maryland man admits to killing his housemate, cutting him up, then eating his heart and part of his brain.
"Ah… th-three cases. Okay, but…"
"England, just shut up and read the whole thing."
A New Jersey man rips his torso open and throws bits of his intestines at police…
England shuddered, but continued to read on. Fact is, horrible crimes happen all the time. "This is all nothing new."
England turned the phone's screen to America and pointed at the passage. "Your people are saying it's not as horrible a problem as you think," he reasoned, able to put his usual skeptical look back on his face. "You don't have to worry about a zombie invasion."
"But you don't understand, Iggy!" America cried, grabbing the smaller nation by the shoulders, receiving a very unfriendly glare in return. "In every horror and disaster movie I've ever seen, people always say not to worry! They say that everything's okay and to just live normal everyday life! But then—BOOM!—freakin' apocalypse happens! And then everyone dies, and the people who were worrying are all like, 'Hey dude, we did tell you, but you were like, noo, it's not a big deal!' The people who don't panic ARE ALWAYS THE FIRST TO DIE!"
"Yes, in every horror film," England said, not sounding very impressed with America's explanation. "But last time I checked, we were not part of a horror film. So I don't think you have anything to worry about."
"Didn't you just hear me?" America yelped, shaking him by the shoulders and narrowly dodging a punch to the face. "The ones who are calm always die first! So panic for God's sake! I mean, seriously, the zombies even went after Canada! Canada! If they go after Canada, everyone else is a target! So get freakin' scared already!"
"I see no reason to do so!" England yelled back at him, trying to shrug the American's grip off of his shoulders. "One, there is no such thing as zombies! And two, if there is somehow a zombie apocalypse, well, that's your own damn problem, now isn't it?"
America suddenly looked very disappointed. "B-but…" he mumbled, sticking out his bottom lip. "I… thought maybe we could share a zombie-proof underground bunker together. Go out in the streets and shoot zombies in the head. Survive on rations together. Fight for our lives together. Y'know… awesome stuff like that."
A slight blush came up to England's face, staring at the American as if he was insane. Even though he found his zombie fear quite unreasonable, his suggestions had been quite endearing. "Well, there are other ways we can spend time together, you know," he said, looking off to the side embarrassedly. "Go out and eat a nice dinner together. Sit down and talk while drinking tea. Maybe… maybe even just watch a horror film together."
America raised his eyebrows for a moment, looking a little surprised by England's offers. However, he continued to pout slightly. "We can't do any of that stuff if zombies come out and eat our brains."
England smirked. "Well then, I think you're safe if that's the case."
America stared at him, looking quite confused. "Huh? What do you—hey! I totally have a brain, dude! Not cool!"
Giving a light punch to his shoulder, England offered a smile. "So, if I humor your zombie apocalypse theory, could we do something more sensible afterwards?"
America looked like he was about to pass out from shock. "W-what?" he said. "Wait… you'd seriously… you really want to go out zombie killing with me?"
England shrugged. "I have nothing better to do with my time. And I suppose I could use some practice with firearms. It's been a while since I last used one."
"YAYI'MSOHAPPY!" America cried, trapping England in a huge hug. "Thank you, Iggy!"
More blood shot up to England's face from the hug, but he just went with it as he awkwardly patted America's side. He would have patted his back, but with his arms pinned to his sides, it was all he could manage. "You're welcome, stupid wanker."
x-x-x-x-x
I know, pretty short, but whatever! :D Here's the article that Iggy read: news . blogs . cnn 2012/06/01/zombie-apocalypse-trending-as-bad-news-spreads-quickly/
I hope you liked it! Please review! :D